Chapter 54
Sitting in the waiting room of the therapy center, Life Wellness, Spike’s leg bounced up and down with nervous energy. He was going through with it; he was going to see Dr. McClay. He wasn’t entirely convinced that since a sort of enlightenment had hit last night that this wasn’t something he couldn’t work through on his own, however, enlightenment had hit when he’d pummeled Angel and he’d still carried on as if nothing had happened. Rather, as he’d found out last night when Fred called to see how he was (and he was sure Buffy had something to do with that), Buffy had picked up that mess for him. She’d taken him in, away from the situation, and gave him a reprieve from reality. That was a mistake. He’d used that opportunity to try and worm his way in and then gotten angry and hurt when she’d told him he had to go home.
Okay, so maybe she needed to be better at making boundaries, but he shouldn’t have to rely on her to do that. He should have known. Boundaries between them were so skewed though; Spike had to agree with her: he didn’t know where she began and he ended. While half of him didn’t see the bad, the other half knew that wasn’t right and not necessarily conducive to a healthy relationship.
If they even had a relationship at this point.
When Fred had called last night, she hadn’t said that Buffy had put her up to calling, but Spike liked to think that he was so in tune with his girl that he was correct in his assumption that she had. Especially when Fred had disclosed how Buffy had asked her to talk to Angel about not pressing charges. He’d asked how that had gone over, and Fred just said that she knew a few things about him that she could use as leverage and Angel knew it, and feared it. Spike didn’t question further, but merely thanked her and made a mental note to thank Buffy.
“William?”
Spike’s head shot up and he found a dirty blond with kind blue eyes and small smile looking directly at him. She was dressed in corduroy pants and some kind of ruffled maroon blouse and black flats. She was short, and didn’t look scary at all.
He stood. “Here.”
Her smile grew and she waved him toward her and through the door she was holding open. “Come on.”
Holding his breath, he followed her down a narrow hallway to another door that she opened and gestured for him to enter. Coming inside, he found two loveseats, a coffee table, a desk and a swivel chair.
“Wherever you want,” she told him.
He sat down one the loveseats on the far end of the room, exhaling finally, and she took the across from him. Crossing her legs, she grabbed a notebook. “How are you today, William?”
“Can you call me Spike?” he asked.
“Nickname?”
“Yes.”
“I see. Sure, I can call you that. As long as you call me Tara. So, how are you today, Spike?”
He nodded. “I’m a little worried.”
“Why?”
“Well, I’m worried because I think I just lost my girlfriend last night and I’m nervous about being here. I’ve never done this before.”
“Well, I commend you for coming. Life is hard at times, and sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to and get things out with someone that you don’t know and know isn’t going to judge you. People often have the misconception that it’s a sign of weakness to come and seek help, but that’s not the case at all. It takes great strength to come and want to tackle the issues at hand head on.”
Spike nodded slowly. “My girlfriend comes here. She sees Lorne.”
Tara smiled, “Ah, yes, he’s a wonderful doctor. She’s in good hands.”
“Is she?”
“You doubt it?”
“Sometimes I think he fills her head with things that makes her stray from me rather than work with me.”
Tara cocked her head to the side. “Oh?”
“She doesn’t agree, of course.”
“Hmmm…Why don’t we start with you right now? Tell me a little bit about yourself.”
“Where shall I begin?”
“How about you start with your family.”
“Well, I don’t have any family. Buffy, my girlfriend, she’s my family.”
“You had to have family at one time.”
“Yes, that’s true, I did,” he said, nodding.
“Let’s start there then.”
Taking a deep breath, Spike launched into his story.
*********
“Buffy, just come out with me tonight,” Willow urged. “Just for dinner and then you can go see Spike or you can go home if you want.”
Straightening the new note cards she’d just gotten in, Buffy chewed her bottom lip. “I hate the way things were left with us.”
“I know, but Buffy, maybe it’s not so bad that you got that break you wanted. You did want it, didn’t you?”
“Well, I mean…yeah.”
“That sounded convincing.”
“Well…” Buffy shrugged. “I wanted it because I thought maybe it’d be good for us. For him.”
“And for you, right?”
“Yeah,” Buffy sighed, “For me too.”
“Then give yourself and him the breathing room.”
“I hope he went to therapy today,” Buffy murmured and grabbed a pink “Get Well” note card. She stared at it and then sighed and reached for a “Thinking of you” note card. “Maybe I’ll just put a note in his mailbox, let him know I’m, you know, thinking of him.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
Buffy nearly growled. “Yes! It’s just a note, that’s it. I’m not going to personally hand it to him. You’re going to drive me by and I’m going to give it to him. That’s it. The end of the story. Whatever problems Spike and I have, I still love him. I’m not going to ignore his existence.”
“And if he sees this as a way to insinuate himself back to the way things were?”
“Look, Wills, I understand what you’re trying to say, and I understand what you’re trying to do and all, but I’m not going to blow him off completely.” She smirked in good humor, “That’s not the way I roll.”
Willow giggled. “So, what’s the note going to say?”
“Not sure yet. I’m sure inspiration will hit though,” she said confidently and set about filling the note cards once more.
********
Heading to the mailbox after having arrived home from his session, Spike felt drained. Exhausted really. Buffy had mentioned the exhaustion she’d felt after she’d started seeing Giles, but he hadn’t realized just how draining it could be. And all they’d done was talk about his history—his parents, Joyce, and then Buffy. He hadn’t gotten to the nitty-gritty much, though Tara had advised him that perhaps letting a day or two pass before contacting Buffy would be a good idea. He didn’t necessarily want to do that, but there was something about the magic of seeing a therapist – he felt he should do as advised, and would.
Opening the mailbox, he found a small baby blue envelope sitting on the top of the other mail with Buffy’s scrawl that simply said: Spike.
With trembling hands, he pulled it out and opened the card. A note card was inside that said “Thinking of You” across the top.
I hope everything is all right. I hope therapy went well. I will be out tonight with Willow, but you can call if you need to talk.
Love you,
Buffy
Spike smiled, feeling some weight lift off his shoulders. Tucking the note in his pocket, Spike grabbed the rest of his mail and headed for the house. He was going to make some dinner, maybe watch a movie, and head off to bed early. And, he was going to work on not calling Buffy. Perhaps though, he’d write her a note back.