Chapter 50
Chapter Notes: thank you evildeadgirl for your help…blame her if it blows. And Tammy too 🙂
“God, why don’t you two just get a room!”
“Suck face!”
The taunts from those around them made Buffy pull back, though Spike seemed oblivious and then quite uncaring of them when he finally did take notice. Leading her from the dance floor, leaving a bewildered Willow and Xander, he led her to a dark and empty hallway. “Care to leave, pet?”
She gulped. “What?”
He tossed her one of his patented puppy dog looks. “Care to leave and have some alone time?”
“Now?”
He nodded, pressing his forehead against hers and trailing a finger down her bare arm, causing goose bumps to form in its wake.
“I-I don’t know…”
“Maybe I could give you some incentive,” he whispered huskily and captured her lips in a searing kiss. Pulling her to him so that she was pressed to the length of his body, Buffy could feel every single part of him, so close were they. He was hard.
“For me?” she whispered, “That for me?” she asked, rubbing herself against him.
“Always for you.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” he nearly growled in his lusty haze.
“Tell me you want only me.”
“I only want you. Forever and ever and ever…In point of fact…” And his hand brushed across the smooth expanse of her exposed belly, her shirt having ridden up slightly in the kafuffle of their passionate kisses. Then, it dipped into the waistband of her jeans.
“Spike,” she gasped her admonishment, knowing full well what his devious mind had come up with.
“Trust me,” he whispered against her lips. “Do you trust me?”
She nodded adamantly, feeling turned on by the chance maybe; just maybe they’d be caught doing something in the dingy, dark hallway.
“Talk to me,” she begged on a murmur.
“You are my sun,” he said huskily and unbuttoned the front of her jeans. “You are my North Star…”
“Mmmm…so poetic,” she mumbled, smiling dreamily and letting her head fall back on the wall behind her.
“You are my beacon, my savior, my angel,” he muttered against her lips, nipping them lightly and easing his hand inside her panties. With one long finger he traced her nether lips, making her moan and quiver in his arms. “Look at me,” he demanded.
Her eyes fluttered open and she lifted her head to look at him. His blue eyes burned indigo into hers.
“Focus on me,” he told her. “Just me, Buffy.”
She nodded in her haze and then promptly disobeyed he order when he stroked his finger inside her, caressing her nubbin.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
Her eyes flew open once more and she forced herself to focus on him.
“You are everything to me,” he told her and sunk a finger inside her causing her cry out. “You are my world, Princess.”
“Yes, yes,” she gasped as he pumped her with his finger, making contact with her clit on every push and pull.
“You’re in my gut, my throat…” he shut his eyes briefly. “I’m drowning in you, Buffy,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. “I want everything with you…I want to live inside you, be your breath, your heart, your bloody reason for living because you’re mine, and no one,no one has ever been that for me…”
“Oh, God,” she muttered and kissed him hungrily, feeling she could swallow him whole with her need of him. He was drugging her, making her mind bend and break, air was leaving her lungs, her heart was expanding, her nerves were alive and haywire…
“You are my heart,” he whispered raggedly, pumping her harder, “my reason for living…You undo me, Buffy, you undo me…all I can see is you, all I can feel is you… all I want is you…”
“Spike!” she screamed softly and bit down on his shoulder to quiet herself, bursts of light exploding behind her eyes like a prism of colors. Her wall hugged his fingers as she came, squeezing him inside her, spasming around him, trying to indeed allow him to live inside her.
Taking her teeth off him, she breathed his name and her head lolled on his shoulder, too heavy to hold up suddenly.
Easing his hand out of her panties and jeans, he brought his finger to his lips and licked them clean.
“Interesting,” she murmured watching him in a haze.
He grinned at her. “Want a taste?”
She shrugged, “Sure,” and she brought his head down to hers, kissing him softly, tasting her muskiness.
“God, I love you,” he panted when they broke apart, drawing her up and closer so that he could wind his arms around her, and in essence, hold her up.
Buffy sighed, her breath coming out in a gust of air. “Wow.”
“I’ll say,” he chuckled lightly.
“Do you…I mean are you…?”
“That was all about you, Buffy.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why? Hasn’t anyone ever made it all about you?”
“No,” she answered bluntly, snorting slightly at the suggestion.
“Then it’s like I’m your first, innit?”
“In a perfect world,” she muttered.
“No, Buffy,” he said imploringly, making her look at him. He gazed at her searchingly, pleading with her with his eyes. “This is a first. For both of us. This is new for me too, nothing before this has ever meant this much to me. Nothing…no one…no one has stirred in me the things you stir in me, no one has made me feel the things you make me feel. With you, I’m a man, a child, a boy…I’m all those things and you’re still here. I’m not a boy playing at being a man, I’m not lost; I’m found.” Winding her hair around his hand, he pressed her forehead to his. “You can’t ever leave me, you understand me? I’d be bloody lost; I wouldn’t know what to do.”
Tears seeped into her eyes and she nodded, “I won’t. I won’t leave you.”
“Why are you crying?” he asked, concerned.
“You – you make me tremble inside,” she answered, shivering.
“Am I scaring you?”
She shook her head, “No, not really, just—just the whole intensity of it. It moves me, it shakes me and…and it makes me cry.”
He kissed her sweetly and then just held her to him while she cried softly in his arms, cooing to her, loving her with his words and gentle strokes of hand, trying to anchor her back to the Earth.
On a trembling sigh, she was back, her eyes dry, and her feet planted firmly on the ground. “Can we go home now, Spike?”
“Yes, sweetheart, we can go home now.”
*********
Xander and Willow had turned twenty shades of red by the time they’d gotten back to them and while Spike didn’t seem to care much, Buffy found it hard to look at them in the face. So, she too, turned twenty shades of red.
Giving Willow and Xander a quick wave, her eyes not meeting theirs, Buffy followed Spike out of the club. Once outside, she had to giggle.
“What’s so funny, kitten?” he asked as they made their way to the car.
“Oh, just that I think Xander and Willow knew something went on.”
Tucking his tongue behind his teeth, Spike grinned and Buffy swooned at the sight. She stared at him, feeling her panties having gone wet once more.
“Pet?”
“I like that look,” she drawled, smiling dreamily.
“Then I’ll make sure to do it more often.”
“I think I’ll write you a poem,” she declared once they were on their way to her apartment.
“Oh?”
She nodded, “I’ll write an ode to your inherent sexiness.”
“You’re great for my ego.”
“Only fair. You’re fantastic for mine!”
********
I’m talking, I’m talking
I believe in the power of love
I’m singing, I’m singing
I believe that you can rescue me
Slipping into bed where she was all soft and warm, Spike tucked her into his side as he lay on his back, her stereo humming softly in the corner.
“What are we listening to? Madonna?”
She nodded and pressed a kiss to his bare chest. “Our new song.”
With you I’m not a little girl, with you I’m not a man
When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand
You see that I’m ferocious, you see that I am weak
You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak
But I don’t feel too strange for you
Don’t know exactly what you do
I think when love is pure you try
To understand the reasons why
And I prefer this mystery
It cancels out my misery
And gives me hope that there could be
A person that loves me
“Slowly, but surely, we are getting to the perfect song for us,” Spike murmured, thinking this was definitely better than Nine inch Nails.
“I wasn’t thinking of her,” Buffy whispered.
Rescue me
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope
Spike tensed slightly. “You weren’t?”
“No,” she shook her head, her hair brushing his skin and causing goose bumps to form.
“Good.”
“But that was your plan wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but I meant what I said.”
With you I’m not a fascist, can’t play you like a toy
And when I need to dominate, you’re not my little boy
You see that I am hungry for a life of understanding
And you forgive my angry little heart when she’s demanding
You bring me to my knees while I’m scratching out the eyes
Of a world I want to conquer, and deliver, and despise
And right while I am kneeling there
I suddenly begin to care
And understand that there could be
A person that loves me
Rescue me
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope
“You really want to live inside me?”
“If I could.”
“That’s the kind of love you read about in romance novels, the real intense ones, not the bodice ripper ones.”
Spike chuckled, “Well, what they write about has to come from somewhere doesn’t it?”
“Spike?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think there’s one person for everyone that drives them completely nuts? Like…desperate and crazy and that have to have feeling?”
“What do you think?” he drawled.
Love is understanding
It’s hard to believe life can be so demanding
I’m sending out an S.O.S.
Stop me from drowning baby I’ll do the rest
Rescue me
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope
Love is understanding
It’s hard to believe life can be so demanding
I’m sending out an S.O.S.
Rescue me, rescue me
Turning in his embrace, Buffy bent her knee and draped it over his legs, resting her head on his chest. “It’s the same for me. You know I’ve never been in love before, right?”
“I think I knew that.”
“You’re the first.”
“Told you…and the last.”
“And the last,” she echoed in agreement and yawned.
“Rest, kitten,” Spike murmured, stroking her back.
“Tomorrow I’ll talk to Lorne about your setting up an appointment with someone okay?”
Spike sighed. “Think I still need it? We’ve been good.”
“And when its time for you to go back to the house and I stay here?”
Silence.
“I know you’re pouting,” she scolded him.
“All right, all right. Talk to him then.”
“Spike, I just want you to feel better. You feel good now, but it’s because you’re with me in my bed…as conceited as that sounds, but you’re not living here–”
“I get it, Buffy,” he snapped.
Sitting up slightly, she looked up at him. “Don’t be mad.”
He softened immediately. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared is all.”
“Don’t be,” she whispered and kissed him quickly before laying back down. “I’m right here and I won’t let anything happen to you. Maybe you could call Giles and talk with him? You guys seemed to get on well.”
“He can’t be my therapist from all the way in Boston, Buffy.”
“Well, no, but you feel comfortable talking with him about that sort of thing. He can let you know what to expect. I spoke with him before I saw Lorne and he was a great help.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Ok, but you’re still going.”
Gathering her closer, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Go to sleep, brat.”
“Love you,” she said on a yawn.
“Love you too, kitten.”
It’s not my business to decide
How good you are for me
How valuable you are
And what the world can see
Only that you try to understand me
And have the courage to love me for me
I believe
I believe that you can rescue me
Rescue me,
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope
**Song “Rescue Me” by Madonna**