Chapter 4: The Reason Why
“We are vampires again.”
Buffy’s voice was almost a whisper, but Spike had no doubts that everybody had heard her. For a few seconds, blank looks were the only response to the quiet announcement. Then Dawn broke the silence.
“It’s a joke, right?” she asked with a hesitant smile. “It’s a really bad joke, but it’s just a joke.”
Both he and Buffy shook their heads, and the Bit’s smile faded. By her side, Steven frowned, though not at the blonde couple. His eyes were on his father as he asked:
“You too?”
“No, I’m still human,” Angel replied in a carefully neutral voice.
Still, the Scoobies were processing the information, and apparently it was a really nasty shock. Spike held Buffy a little tighter; he had the feeling things were going to turn ugly as soon as they all woke up from the surprise.
“Cordelia, I thought they were to remain humans,” Giles said suddenly. “This is certainly a cruel trick you are…”
“Hey, no trick,” the girl interrupted him, crossing her arms in front of her in a defensive posture. “It was their choice.”
That did it. All eyes were back to Buffy and him, the surprise even greater than before, but this time not as silent.
“Choice?” Dawn mumbled.
At the same time, Xander asked: “Why in hell would you want to be vamps?”
“But you were so happy”, Willow stated softly, half questioning.
All of them looked incredulous that someone, let alone a Slayer, their Buffy, would decide to give up humanity and be a vampire. Or maybe not all of them. Tara seemed surprised, but not reproachfully so. Anya, a hand cradled on her belly and a soft smile on her lips, obviously wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on. Angel’s expression was completely blank, and Spike wondered whether he knew about Buffy before she announced it. As for Steven, he looked puzzled, nothing more. Giles and Dawn however were not only incredulous; they shared the same pained look.
“We are still happy,” Buffy said in a painfully quiet tone. “And yes it was our choice.”
“But why?” Dawn asked, the tears clear in her voice. “You weren’t dying this time. It wasn’t the only solution. So why…”
She broke into sobs and Steven pulled her against him, running a soothing hand on her back. Buffy slid off the counter, and Spike thought she was going to comfort her sister, but instead she walked out of the store, turning briefly tear filled eyes toward him and shaking her head as she closed the door behind her. He got the message loud and clear. She wanted a little time by herself. That was just fine with him actually; he had a few things to tell the assembled crowd.
“Why do I have this feeling it was your idea, dead boy?” Xander accused suddenly, glaring at Spike.
The vampire shook his head lightly, as much at the words as for having believed that the human had become his friend. Apparently, that friendship was paper thin, and it hadn’t taken much to destroy it.
“I made my choice”, Spike answered coldly. “She made her own. Didn’t ask for my opinion. She didn’t need to, just as she didn’t need to ask yours.”
“Why?” the Nibblet repeated again, still crying noiselessly.
He saw Cordelia shift slightly, saw her get ready to speak, and threw her a glance that silenced her. He also wordlessly warned Angel not to say a word. The brunette was staying strangely out of the way, apart from the rest of the Scoobies, as if he didn’t quite belong in here.
“Our reasons are our own,” Spike said grimly, “and no one else’s business.”
Again, his eyes traveled over the people in front of him. His friends, or so he had thought. Her friends, or so they pretended to be. People with whom they had survived more than anyone should ever have to fight, their last battle only a few hours before. But all he could see now was the utter incomprehension, tinted with disapproval. And it made him angry, angrier than he had been with any of them in a long time. He didn’t care about their approval; he was who he was, had been so before they were born, would still be when they were long gone. But for his Slayer, they were more than friends, they were family, she still needed their support. And they were denying it to her.
“Such a nice gang of mates”, he spat. “You’d think after all the girl has gone through, you’d grow a bit tolerant and accept her choices if they bring her happiness. But no. Why show the smallest bit of support when you can make her feel bad and guilty. The only time you lot ever supported her was when she dated Captain Cardboard. And he was such a good choice, wasn’t he? Made her so happy, too. It’s a wonder she doesn’t run away from that smothering love of yours. Oh wait, she did.”
Scowling, he jumped off the counter and strode out, banging the door shut behind him. Inhaling sharply, he picked up his Slayer’s lingering scent and followed the trail, unsurprised that it led him toward the closest cemetery. She probably needed to relieve some tension, and to tell the truth, so did he. Nothing like a few kills to forget the poor reaction of that sad bunch of humans. As much as he liked them, after this cold reception he and Buffy would be out of town before morning if it only were up to him. Of course, she’d never agree to that, he had no illusions about it.
*****
The loud noise of the door closing behind Spike seemed to echo in the silent store. Absently cleaning his glasses, Giles reflected on the blonde’s words. Of course, Buffy’s choices were her own and he had admitted long ago that being her Watcher didn’t entitle him to judge them or her. But with the shock of the news, he might have not shown this to her tonight, when she obviously needed reassurance. None of them had, all she had received were questions that closely resembled accusations.
“As much as it pains me to admit it,” he said loud enough for all to hear, “I think Spike is right. Our reaction to the… announcement… lacked on the support part.”
“Just trying to understand, G-man,” Xander said, calmer now than when he had confronted Spike. “One day, our friends are vamps, next they become humans, then poof, they’re back to being undead. And they say they chose it. Confused here.”
“You weren’t exactly friendly two minutes ago when you accused him without knowing half of it,” Angel said harshly.
Curious eyes settled on the ex-vampire. He seemed rather angry, just as Spike had been.
“What do you know that we don’t?” Dawn asked him suspiciously, her eyes narrowing as she gauged him.
The brunette ran a hand through his hair, throwing a quick glance at Cordelia, who returned the gaze impassively.
“I don’t think I can tell you,” he replied, almost apologetically.
“Oh, for God’s sake!” Cordelia exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “Enough with the secrets already. Spike traded his life for Manon’s, that’s his reason. Anyone have a problem with that?”
A chill ran down Giles’ spine. He remembered thinking, the night before, that Manon’s sudden recovery was truly too miraculous to be attributed to Slayer healing. Apparently, he had been right. But he would never have imagined this.
“What about Buffy?” Dawn asked weakly. “She didn’t have to be a vamp again.”
“Didn’t she?” Tara said softly. “She loves him. Could she have remained human and live a normal life while he was stuck indoors during the day? Knowing that Slayers die young and that sooner rather than later she would leave him to be alone forever? I know I wouldn’t have hesitated.”
As she said so, she reached for Willow’s hand on the table, and the two women shared a tender smile.
“So, maybe we overreacted,” Xander admitted, grimacing. “How do we fix it?”
“By showing her we’re still here for her, for them, as before, and nothing’s changed.”
Nods answered Giles words, even though Dawn seemed a little unenthusiastic still.
There was a moment of quiet, the good mood and relaxed atmosphere from the beginning of the meeting completely gone. They had hurt Buffy, and Spike, unintentionally, but the result was just the same as if they had tried on purpose. Angel clearing his throat broke the uncomfortable silence.
“Not that the Hellmouth isn’t a lot of fun,” he said with the faintest trace of sarcasm in his voice, “but I need to get back to LA. Steven?”
A quick and silent exchange passed between father and son, until the latter nodded and shifted his gaze to Dawn. She, in turn, looked at Angel.
“Can I come?” she asked, almost pleading.
“Dawn,” Giles felt compelled to intervene, “fleeing from Buffy isn’t going to help anything”.
“I’m not fleeing”, she defended herself. “I just want to be with Steven. School starts soon, I’ll be back by then.”
Shaking his head, the ex-Watcher gave up. It wasn’t like he had any authority on the girl anyway. Ignoring the talk between Angel and Dawn, he looked at Andrea beside him. She hadn’t said a word since Buffy told them about being a vamp.
“You’re awfully quiet,” he said softly.
She seemed startled by his words, as if she had been lost in her thoughts.
“It’s just… strange,” she commented. “A Slayer who decides to be a vampire. A vampire who gives up his second chance at life to save a Slayer. Remember the time when all you knew about vampires was what you had read in the Council’s books?”
She gave him a halfhearted smile, and he understood exactly how she felt. Yes, he remembered a time, long gone, when he thought the matter of vampires was simple. That was before he became Buffy’s Watcher. Black and white had disappeared, replaced by nuances of gray. And this was only one of the many things they would need to have the Council understand.