Chapter 26: Frustrations
The sun was just rising on London, a subdued frame of light bordering the heavy drapes over the east-oriented window. Giles very progressively regained conscience, memories of the evening and night flashing through his mind. Very pleasant memories. It certainly wasn’t in his nature, not anymore at least, to be rash and act so impulsively. He doubted it was in Andrea’s either. But the events had flown so smoothly, so perfectly, that he couldn’t see where either of them could have done something different without breaking the magic between them irremediably.
As much as he would have liked to remain in bed a while longer, it was time for him to get up. As cautiously as he could, he tried to slide his shoulder from under Andrea’s head, but despite his care she half opened an eye to look at him sleepily.
“Hey there,” she murmured.
“Good morning,” he replied just as quietly, leaning in to brush his lips to her forehead.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, still in a whisper, but this time with the slightest worry in her tone.
“Just going home to get a change of clothes,” he reassured her, tracing the line of her eyebrows with a light finger.
It wouldn’t have taken much, really, for her to convince him not to go. Who cared if his fellow Watchers noticed he was wearing the same clothes as the day before? Tweed was tweed, and sometimes even he couldn’t tell the difference between some of his own clothes. And what if they didn’t go to the Council at all today? It wasn’t like their work was essential anyway; they barely were even allowed to speak anymore. Andrea must have been more disciplined than he was yet, because she added, somewhat less sleepily:
“’Will see you at work, then. Do you want to have lunch with me?”
“I’d love to.”
He briefly pressed his lips to hers and forced himself to get out of bed. If he didn’t go now, he wouldn’t go at all. Unhurried, he gathered the various pieces of his clothing and got dressed, smiling slightly when he noticed Andrea was watching him, very much awake now.
“Rupert?”
“Yes dear?”
As he kept buttoning his shirt, he looked at her, and noticed the slight worry in her brow.
“I wouldn’t want you to think,” she started, and a faint blush colored her cheeks as she paused.
He had a suspicion where this was going, and sat down on the bed next to her. He captured her hand that had been lying on a pillow, and brought it to his lips.
“I mean, I have dated men before,” she continued, avoiding his eyes, “but I usually don’t…”
“I know,” he interrupted softly her with a warm smile. “Neither do I. Maybe we went a bit fast, but I don’t regret it. If I’ve learned one thing by being a Watcher, it’s that you never know when and from where the next threat is going to come. And sometimes by waiting you just lose the chance of your life, never to see it again.”
A slight, shy smile tugged at her lips. “Do you think I may be the chance of your life?”
For a brief instant, the faces of the few women he had loved flashed through his mind. With all of them, it had been very special, and a couple of times he had even started thinking about taking the next step. He had never arrived to the point of talking about it however, and he definitely wasn’t ready to do that with Andrea now. But he could already easily imagine, at some point in the maybe not so distant future, parting from his late grandmother’s engagement ring.
“Yes,” he said with a smile that mirrored hers. “I think you just may be.”
*****
“No. I said no and that’s the end of it, Childe.”
Slowly but surely, a headache was worming its way in Spike’s skull, and he rubbed his temples as he considered the vampire in front of him, who watched him back with her arms crossed and a deep frown. Ever since they had left the store, she had been pestering him about Manon, first demanding to know why he hadn’t killed the girl, then pleading for him to let her do it. At the beginning, she had tried to cajole him, then she had sulked, and now it was just plain irritation she directed at him. He was all too aware that he was the only thing standing between her and her next fresh meal, be it the young Slayer, one of the Scoobies, or anyone else. All she would need was just to get rid of him, stake him or just beat him until he passed out, and she would be free. And as it was, Spike had only two things in his favor. If he was quick enough, he could stop her with a simple word. And she loved him. Which was why, it appeared, she was so intent in making him a proper vampire again instead of simply liberating herself from him.
“But she is the Slayer,” she repeated once more, her exasperation very clear now. “She hunts our kind, and we kill hers. That’s just the way things are. And you have…”
“Don’t finish that sentence!”
Her mouth closed without another sound, but she gave him an outraged look that told him exactly what she thought of his manners. He hated, truly loathed, doing this to her, controlling her with a few words as if she was his slave. But the last thing he needed right now was another reminder of how many Slayers he had killed and how powerful Slayer blood tasted.
Closing the short distance that separated them, he took her in his arms, holding her as tight as he dared to, and was a little relieved when she relaxed and hugged him back.
“I’m sorry luv,” he whispered against the silk of her hair. “I hate doing this to you, you have to believe me, I really do. But you make things so difficult sometimes…”
Closing his eyes, he tried to find some comfort in her scent. The Witches had to find a solution, and soon, because he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to carry on like this.
“I don’t want to upset you,” she said right against his neck, the words tickling his skin. “But I don’t understand why you protect her. The girl is a threat to us.”
“Not to us, pet. We’re on the same side.”
She pulled away from his embrace, and he sighed at the loss.
“We are vampires,” she said stubbornly, not for the first time. “We’re supposed to kill people. Not other vampires.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to take that fledgling?”
Her eyes narrowed and she turned quickly, her eyes easily catching the shadow that was a hundred yards from them, just now coming out of a little crypt. Within the time it took him to pull out his cigarettes and light one, she had run silently to the unsuspecting vamp. Without hurry, he started walking toward them, catching her every movement as she danced around the poor thing. He half thought of joining her fight when two more vamps came out of the crypt and launched themselves at her, but decided to just watch. They had been patrolling, and arguing, for a couple of hours already, and despite the scarcity of vamps around, Buffy had taken single handedly all of those they had crossed paths with. And she didn’t even have a stake.
The last of the three weak opponents collapsed into ashes as Buffy pulled his heart out, and Spike came closer, hiding his pride as he watched her, hair tousled, eyes gleaming. Gorgeous.
“Killing vamps is what you were born to do, luv. And you do it beautifully.”
She flashed him a bitter grin. “No, killing is what I was born for. But since you won’t let me have the Slayer, I’ll just take whatever else I can get.”
He nodded slowly, repressing one more sigh. He could understand her too well. He, too, had once been desperate for a kill. Any kill. And since demons were the only creatures he could hurt, demons it had been. Exactly what she was doing now, as he played the role of a soul for her. Or was he her chip? If it hadn’t all been so depressing, he might have found it almost humorous.
As he was taking a drag on his fag, Buffy pulled it from his lips, in a gesture so usual that he forgot for a second that she wasn’t quite herself. But before throwing the cigarette away, she brought it to her lips, taking an experimental pull. Looping her arm into his, she started walking again, and he followed.
“So,” she asked bluntly, “can we go grab someone to eat, now?”
*****
It was almost one a.m. when Willow angrily closed the heavy volume she had been reading from. The noise woke Anya and Manon, who had both dozed off, and startled Xander and Tara.
“It’s useless,” she stated tiredly. “We’ve gone through every single book that even mentions the word soul and everything we have on vampires and we’re getting nowhere.”
“Don’t forget to mention,” Tara added with a yawn, “that we checked the spell Manon did as well as the spell that gave Buffy her soul and the initial gypsy curse too.”
Willow threw a quick glance at Manon, and the girl was still blushing. She had been awfully embarrassed ever since she had admitted to them whom it was she had tried to fall out of love with. She had also protested that they had believed she had tried anything to hurt Buffy, until they explained that spells had sometimes the most unexpected results. She had shown to them exactly what she had done, what words and herbs she had used, and Willow, Tara and Anya all agreed that there was no way it could have had any effect on Buffy, or even on Manon herself. It would have taken a truly powerful Witch to make that spell work, for it pulled its power from the person who cast it. More power than Manon would probably ever develop, especially now that they had made sure she understood that magic could be dangerous.
“So, does that mean you’ll agree with me now?” Anya asked.
Ever since hearing Buffy’s comments about pregnant women, Anya’s suggestion had been to just stake her, since it was obvious she was after their blood. The ex-demon seemed to have had no trouble understanding that she was responsible for her child’s safety, and if it meant getting rid of an old friend that had become dangerous, she saw nothing wrong with that.
“An”, Xander tried once more, patiently. “I know you’re upset, but we’ll find a way to make Buffy right again, and she will be very sorry for what she said and will apologize to you.”
Remembering the brief visit of her now soulless friend earlier, Willow couldn’t suppress the shiver that ran through her. Immediately, Tara’s hand was on her back, rubbing softly, trying to soothe her. They just had to do something to help Buffy, just like she had helped them many times. And Willow had this nagging feeling that maybe it was her fault, maybe her spell had been flawed and that was why Buffy had lost her soul. They had reviewed that spell too, but had found no clue either.
“I think we’ll have to call Giles,” she suggested at last, “and see if the Council can help.”
That had been the third thing Spike had told her in the morning. Buffy has lost her soul. Do your mojo as soon as you can. Don’t tell the Watcher.
“What if Spike is right?” Xander asked, and he too sounded exhausted. “What if the Council hears about it and decides to dust her, soul or no soul?”
“What if we never find the answer and Buffy decides to eat all of us?” Anya shot back coldly.
“Spike wouldn’t let her.”
It was the first comment Manon had made in hours, and she hesitated just a little when she said his name. A ring of purplish bruises was slowly appearing around her neck, no doubt inflicted by Spike, but she seemed to hold no bad feelings for either vampire.
“Spike can control her,” Willow agreed, “but for how long? How long until it gets too hard for him? Or until she convinces him he doesn’t have to be good anymore?”
There was a short silence. A soulless Buffy was bad enough, but if Spike joined her…
“Remember what she told us,” Xander said with a sigh, “when Spike decided to get the chip out? She said he didn’t need to be cursed with a soul, because he had hers. As much as I am willing to admit he changed, he did it for one reason and one only. Buffy. And I have this very nasty feeling that if she wants him to change back, he will.”
There was nothing to add to that. Spike loved Buffy, they all knew it. Spike was ready to do anything for Buffy, they knew that too with an absolute certainty. They just had to hope that Buffy would regain her soul before Spike lost whatever remained of his.
*****
Buffy could have screamed in frustration.
Her Sire didn’t want her to kill anyone that shared their blood. He didn’t want her to kill anyone that had been her friend. He didn’t want her to kill the Slayer. He didn’t want her to kill any human, period.
All he left to her raging demon were other demons to have fun with. But if pummeling a vamp before turning it to ashes felt surprisingly good, it still wasn’t the same as sinking her fangs into warm, pulsating flesh, and she was desperate to finally feel a life disappear as she drained its owner.
After a while, she thought she had understood why he was so reluctant to hunt with her among the population of Sunnydale. Not so long ago, he had promised to her other self not to hurt any human unless she agreed to it first. She tried to tell him that he had her permission now, but he only laughed, and told her he would believe that if she said it again once she had her soul back. Which, if Buffy had anything to say about it, would be never.
Couldn’t he see how much better she felt now that she was like him? How much she enjoyed her newfound freedom? Of course, it would have been incredibly better if they had been hunting instead of arguing, if he had been teaching instead of restricting her.
Trying to change the angle of attack to get better results, she suggested something she knew he very much wanted: leaving town. Maybe once they were away from these streets her human and souled selves had protected, Spike would be able to put the past behind them, and follow his instincts. He couldn’t have forgotten the thrill of the kill, could he? Even if he had, she would make him remember. There was so much love in his eyes for her, so much hurt every time he gave her a Sire’s order, that he wouldn’t be able to fight himself as well as her for very long. All she had to do was push him in the direction his demon was inclined to go, and she just knew he would eventually give in. As much as leaving Sunnydale and the Scoobies alive felt like unfinished business, visiting other towns, even other countries with her Sire was appealing. Especially if he gave up this nonsense about not killing humans.
They were slowly returning toward Revello Drive when they passed by a narrow alley where a mugging was taking place. Buffy would have continued on her way, but Spike’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. Rolling her eyes, she followed him noiselessly toward the two thieves and their lone victim. Said victim was very alluring to Buffy’s senses, her neck left bare by her tank top, her scent fascinating by the fear it contained. But it was clear that Spike intended to help the girl, so Buffy placed her attention instead on the muggers who were still oblivious to the presence of creatures much more dangerous than they were. At Spike’s signal, she jumped on the one she was closest to. But while her Sire quickly neutralized the other one, she herself finally did what had been denied to her for too long, and sank her fangs in the man’s neck. Blood flooded her mouth and mind, and she was barely aware of the alarmed shout of the woman they had helped as she fled away. All she could see was Spike, immobile in front of her, silent as he watched her feed. All she could hear was the heart of her prey beating suddenly faster, very obligingly carrying more blood to her demanding lips. She knew that soon it would start slowing down, soon…
“Let him go.”
With a growl of frustration, she obeyed, letting the man fall to his knees in front of her, paying him no attention now that the kill had once again escaped her.
“Why?” she complained, licking her lips clean of the so sweet blood.
“You scared him enough,” Spike said blankly. “He won’t ever think of stealing a penny again.”
As he talked, he had bent down, taken the man’s shaking hand and pressed it to the bleeding punctures. Then he had pressed his own fingers to the other side of his neck, checking, no doubt, the strength of the human’s pulse. His voice seemingly uncaring, he suggested to the man to get himself to the ER, and, catching Buffy’s hand, he pulled her out of the alley without another glance at the other unconscious human.
As they walked to their lair in silence, Buffy couldn’t help smiling to herself. Earlier that day, Spike had claimed he would keep her from hurting anyone. But after a few hours of questions and arguments, he had already let her feed. Only a couple of mouthfuls, but it was a beginning. She was confident that in no time at all they would be hunting together.
*****
“He bit someone?! And she let him?!”
Riley had been imagining a lot since he had met the strange couple that were the Slayer and the vampire. He had been very much trying not to imagine, but he couldn’t help it. However, this was worse than anything he had thought of. The vampire was free of the chip, and Buffy was allowing him to feed off humans.
“Well, I didn’t actually see it, sir”, the soldier said, uneasy. “I couldn’t look into the alley without being spotted. I just heard some shouts, a woman ran away, then I saw them come out, and when I checked the alley there was an unconscious man on the ground and another one with two holes in his neck. I took him to the hospital, he won’t die but he was pretty shocked.”
Buffy would certainly have many reasons to be grateful once he finally pulled her out of this thrall, Riley thought wryly. Though how she had managed to get herself in so deep, and how none of her friends could see what Spike was up to, he couldn’t understand. In any case, it was time to put an end to it.
“We’ve waited enough,” he said strongly, though he wasn’t particularly talking to the soldier in front of him. “At the first occasion now, we strike. Even if there are people around. We just can’t let this nonsense go on forever.”