Chapter 22: Confrontations
“Alright you two, it’s the final fitting, you don’t have to act like I’m asking you to cut out your hearts. We just want to make sure everything’s right for the ceremony. and things will be too hectic after Thanksgiving. So just suck it up and come with me. Buffy and I will be right next door if there are problems and I’m going to talk to Clement afterwards to make sure everything’s fine, so behave yourselves.”
Giles and Spike nodded, identical expressions of dread on their face as they climbed out of Jenny’s Jeep Cherokee. It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving and Jenny had mandated that everyone reserve the day for completing the last details for the wedding. The ceremony was scheduled for a few days before Christmas, but Giles had to complete his course grades, Buffy and Spike had to endure finals and Jenny knew there would be a rush on the gallery in anticipation of the holidays in the next month.
Buffy rolled her eyes at their antics and followed Jenny into the women’s portion of Clem’s Wedding Shop, where their gowns were being altered. She had to thank Jenny for letting her pick out a cool dress, not bridesmaid-like at all. One-shouldered, it had a classic tunic look to it and was a deep emerald shade that fit with the warm tones Jenny had picked for her wedding colors.
She waited patiently as the seamstress double checked the length in the heels she’d be wearing and made a few corrections here and there with pins. Then she stepped down and removed the dress as she watched Jenny turn and twist to get the changes made in her gown. It was beautiful, simple, with little ornamentation, yet it was perfect. Buffy tried not to get teary-eyed, feeling oddly overwhelmed.
“Jenny, you look gorgeous, Giles won’t know what to do when he sees you.”
Jenny turned and smiled radiantly. “You think so? I just want this to be perfect. And I think it’s all coming together. Thanks for all you’ve done Buffy. If you hadn’t been pitching in at the gallery the past few months, I don’t think I could have pulled this off. And if you and Spike hadn’t volunteered to oversee the gallery the few days before Christmas after we leave, there’s no way Giles and I could have gone on the honeymoon we planned.”
She dismounted from the platform and hugged her maid of honor before they both redressed and got ready to leave to check on the guys. Jenny made the last few arrangements with the shop and they stepped through into the men’s section. Buffy peered around the corner and caught a glimpse of Giles and Spike ardently arguing some point of fashion with the proprietor.
“Looks like they’re not done yet, want to go grab a drink while we’re waiting?”
Jenny nodded and the two strolled the few steps down the sidewalk to the Expresso Pump. After grabbing their orders, they settled in at one of the tables closest to the street so they could watch for Giles and Spike.
“So, Buffy, I don’t want to pry, but being in on the neighborhood gossip, I had heard that something was up with Cordelia. You want to talk about it? I assume you know.”
Buffy nodded gratefully. “Yeah. She won’t mind me talking to about it, in fact she’ll probably want to talk with you herself. She’s really worried about her parents and how they’re taking this. Have you talked with her mom?”
Jenny nodded. “In passing. I was sitting out on the porch when Cordelia came by to talk with her mom and saw her leave in tears. The rumors are that she’s pregnant. Is that true?”
“Yeah. It’s Angel’s.”
Jenny sat her coffee cup firmly down. “Angel O’Conner? The Angel O’Conner recently dating you?”
“Yep. You can do the math. It’s done and over though, Jenny. Cordy knew she screwed up, though I guess she didn’t know how badly, no pun intended, and she tried to help me with him when he was being a jerk.”
Jenny picked up her cup and took a slow sip of her coffee. “I don’t think Mrs. Chase knows that part yet. Well. The neighborhood should be getting more interesting I think.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Does she know what she’s going to do?”
Buffy shook her head slowly. “Not yet. Except she’s pretty convinced she wants the baby. She just doesn’t know how she’ll manage. And Angel’s still a big question mark. He’s freaked, but Spike convinced him the other night that he’s got to sit down and talk with her.”
She stirred her drink absently for a minute. “Jenny, Willow and I were talking last night, about Cordy and next semester. We like living in Stevenson, and we like being roomies, but we were wondering if we might should move next semester.”
“Move? Where?”
Buffy shrugged. “Well, that’s what we’re not sure about yet. But there’s a little house that Willow thinks is coming open in January. Some guy in one of her labs has been renting it. He’s graduating in December and Willow said he’s moving to New York. It’s cute, we went by on Thursday because she was dropping off some notes. Not very big – but it does have three bedrooms.”
Jenny nodded but said nothing and Buffy continued.
“So what we’re thinking was that maybe we could rent it – Willow and Cordy and I. Course we haven’t talked to Cordy yet, but Jenny, I don’t think she’s going to be able to stay at the sorority house after she starts showing. People are already being catty to her and saying things behind her back. And we can help her, you know?”
“Buffy, I think that’s very kind, but have you asked Cordelia if she wants that yet?”
“No, not really. It was just a thought.” She met Jenny’s eyes. “I guess I just would want them to support me like that if it happened to me.”
“I know sweetie, and I bet if you talk it out with her, Cordy will be grateful for your support. But don’t try to force it okay? She’s got to make the call.” Jenny leaned forward. “And to segue in to the momish segment here, speaking of pregnancy, you and William are being careful, aren’t you?”
Buffy flushed. “Jenny! Of course we are. I’m on the pill.”
Jenny leaned back. “Just checking. You do know he’ll be there for you if something happens?”
Buffy flushed even deeper. “I know.” She stared into her cup. Jenny often seemed more like an older sister or favorite aunt, but even so, this was awkward. She met Jenny’s dark eyes again and waited.
“Buffy, William’s my baby. Probably the only one I’m going to have. I’m proud of him, of what he’s become and of who he’s chosen to be with.” Jenny looked at her calmly. “He loves you. I know you know that. But I don’t think that you know how much. William would walk through fire for you. You’re the one for him. I think you understand what that means and I hope you feel the same. But Buffy, please keep that in mind, just how much he cares. There’s going to be some hard choices coming up for you and him. Don’t hurt him. If you have to let him go, do it gently.”
Buffy nodded, shaken by the intensity of the expression and words. Jenny turned her head, distracted by the exit of Giles and Spike out of the wedding shop. “Oh, looks like they’re done. Shall we?”
As Buffy nodded again, still dazed, Jenny reached over and squeezed her hand. “Buffy, I didn’t mean to lecture you. I trust you. I do. I know you won’t hurt him. But I just wanted you to understand how serious this is for him, okay?”
“I know, Jenny. It’s . . . serious for me too.”
“That’s what I thought.”
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Spike quickened his step as he saw Jenny and Buffy emerge from the coffee shop. The wedding planning stuff was done earlier than expected he thought, glancing at his watch, and Buffy had the rest of the afternoon off. Jenny had gotten one of her other employees to cover the shop for the day, so they had the luxury of a free Saturday together now. For once, everything seemed right with the world.
He slid up behind her and hoisted Buffy into his arms, whirling her around as she squealed from the mock attack.
“Spike, put me down!”
“Nope, not until I get a kiss. I think Rupes and I have earned a reward for what we just endured.” He shuddered. “Tuxes should be illegal.”
Buffy laughed. “Well, you look so good in one, it should be a crime.”
“You think so luv?”
“Uh-huh. You remember what happened the last time you wore one, don’t you?”
Spike smirked at her as she gave him the requested toll, then lowered her to the sidewalk in the bright autumn sun, keeping her pulled tight against him.
“All right Jenny, are we done?”
“You are dear. Rupert is not so lucky.”
Giles rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but followed along willingly as she pulled him back towards their appointment with Clem.
“You two have fun this afternoon.”
Spike turned back to Buffy, a huge smile gracing his face. Her breath caught a little as she watched the unconcealed display of happiness. Spike showed more than he realized on his face, but there was nearly always a guarded expression that tried to hide his emotions. But today, today everything seemed naked and exposed. Despite Jenny’s sobering comments about the future, she couldn’t help but smile back and catch his infectious mood for the moment.
“Well Goldy, where to? You want to catch a movie? Go shopping? Anything you want.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“You?”
His grin grew even broader and she shivered as he did that tongue thing that always got her hot. “Absolutely.”
They strolled back the blocks to Revello where Spike had left his car, enjoying the crisp fall afternoon, the hint of chill in the air, and the knowledge of what was to come. As they drove to the apartment, exchanging smoldering looks and touches, Buffy slid closer across the seat to him, ignoring the need to buckle up in her desire to be closer, placing kisses and nibbles along his neck and causing him to drive a little faster.
But the urgency fueled by the anticipation seemed to dissipate as he closed and locked the door behind them when they reached the top of the stairs. Spike leaned against the door and just watched as Buffy turned back to see why he had stopped in her headlong rush for the bed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not a thing.” He pushed away from the door and caught her in his arms as he twirled her across the room until she was laughing and a little dizzy. He settled her on the edge of the bed as he knelt in front of her. And then, the mood shifted, just like that as he held her eyes. The carefree laughter of a moment before disappeared into a wave of tenderness for him.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me, Buffy?” He slowly traced the side of her face with his fingertip, tilting her chin as his lips brushed against hers softly. “You make my insides twist, I want you so much.” His lips caressed her cheek as he slid to her ear and whispered softly. “You own me, sweetheart, body and soul.”
Buffy trembled as she turned to capture his lips. She didn’t know how to tell him, wasn’t sure if she could say what he wanted to hear. There were things in her heart that wanted to come out, but they had chains of fear wrapped around them that she was still trying to unlock. Everyday with him made it a little easier to be open about her feelings, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to bare her soul like he did.
But the time for words had passed as the kiss between them deepened. As her eyes fluttered shut and her senses narrowed to the taste of his lips, the feel of his hair as she buried her fingers to pull him closer, the sparks of contact that arced between them with each caress, the kiss somehow became greater than the sum of its parts and she felt the power of his love enveloping her, wrapping around them like a tangible thing.
As they broke apart, drawing in needed air, Buffy rested her forehead against his, her eyes still closed, absorbing the energy that still seemed to crackle around them. The kisses spiraled again, and after what seemed like hours, when she was sure her lips must be swollen, Spike slid her sweater over her head and reverently unfastened her bra,. sliding it down her arms. She thought she saw him mouth “beautiful,” but the golden silence remained unbroken as she slid his shirt off as well and pulled him onto the bed with her.
But he was unwilling to be rushed, treating her to more of the mind-numbing kisses as she relished the slide of skin against skin. She felt like every nerve ending was sensitized and attuned to him and thought she might explode by the time their jeans found their way to the floor.
Spike moved over her, his blue eyes shining as he intertwined his hands with her and slowly slid home. She couldn’t stifle the involuntary moan that broke the quiet of the room as her eyes fluttered closed at the utter rightness of the moment, the feeling of completion he brought her. But she needed to see him and she opened her eyes to meet his as they began to move slowly together. Somehow the lack of words, the absence of murmurings and comments he usually made in the heat of the moment seemed to only make this more powerful as she lost herself in the pools of his eyes.
She wasn’t sure how long they moved together, their bodies seeming to be in perfect synchronization as he pushed her higher and higher. She could feel him so deep within her that it seemed they had almost become one body, two parts to a whole that were merging perfectly with one another. His eyes burned her, caressed her, told her how much he loved her and she hoped he could see the same in her depths. She thought maybe he could, for when she finally fell over the edge, falling apart completely as the tremors rippled through her body, he held her even closer, burying his face in her neck as he reached completion.
Buffy faintly heard the first patters of rain on the skylight above her head as she drifted back to reality. She felt Spike shift a little and held him tighter, not yet willing to break the connection or to face his naked gaze in the aftermath of the wordless thing that had just passed between them. He seemed to acquiesce to her unspoken demand, rolling slightly and tucking her against him as they curled back together. As they settled once again, she felt him drop a soft kiss on her forehead and murmur, “Love you,” before they both drifted off.
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Spike opened his eyes, watching the rain pelt the clear window above his head. The sunny day was gone for good now. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. Later than he’d expected, they’d been asleep for nearly two hours.
Buffy snuffled and snuggled closer, so he pulled her in, tucking the blanket over them both carefully before returning to his contemplation of the sky. What had happened between them was beyond anything he’d ever experienced with a woman before.
And he knew it was something he’d only find with her. He wondered if baring himself to her so completely was wise. He didn’t fear her like he had Dru, didn’t think she’d hurt him with someone else. But he could scare her off if he was too intense, cause her to run again, afraid of what could be between them.
He thought he understood her fears, understood that they weren’t personal, but ghosts from her past she had to live with. If he’d watched what she had for years, maybe he’d be afraid too. But he had his own issues to deal with, chief among them being left by the people he loved most.
He knew, logically, that his dad’s accident and his mom’s illness had been beyond their control. They would never have left him voluntarily, he was the product of the love they’d shared and extended to him. But it didn’t make his need to hold on to those in his life even tighter, in hopes he could prevent someone else from slipping away. That he could keep her from slipping away, for always.
What his parents had together must have been something amazing, something so special they’d thrown caution to the wind and married after only a few weeks of knowing one another. He liked to imagine that was the kind of lasting passion he had with Buffy. And wondered if he had the guts to repeat history and not waste precious time.
He thought about the ring that he’d retrieved yesterday from the safe deposit box, his mother’s engagement ring, that was now locked in his lower desk drawer. He let his mind drift for a minute, playing the fantasy game where Buffy wanted to come with him, marry him right after he graduated, set up a little house somewhere, maybe start on a family.
He grimaced. He was such a wanker. She was only twenty, didn’t even have her degree yet, had her own dreams and goals, and all he could think about was her as the little missus, barefoot and pregnant. This woman sleeping so peacefully in his arms, covered in a cheap blanket, was an heiress and would have more money in a few years than he’d ever see in his lifetime. She could go anywhere, do anything, probably be with anyone she chose.
She’d been sheltered in a way, but she’d be coming into her own soon. Did he really have any right to try to tie her down, take advantage of the bloom of new love to convince her they were soulmates? What if he was wrong? What if what was between them wasn’t as mutual as he hoped? What if she was miserable and grew to hate him for limiting her potential?
He’d been raised by strong independent women, first his mom and then Jenny, and it was one of the things he admired most about Buffy, her determination and focus. He played with the strands of her hair as they lay across his chest and sighed. He wasn’t going to hold her back or tie her down. The ring wasn’t going anywhere and it had been a fit of whimsy to even get it out. He’d take it back on Monday.
He didn’t know how they would work this out, but there had to be a way. He prayed they’d just have a few hours distance between them next year, but even if it was a continent, he’d meant what he’d said earlier. He was hers, body and soul, and distance wouldn’t change that for him. He just had to be patient and give her time to see if she was well and truly his.
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Buffy stretched and yawned. The pitter-patter of raindrops continued and she was snuggled deep in Spike’s comfy blanket, curled against his warm flesh. Ummm. Spike flesh. Her fingers stroked his chest as he broke his contemplation of the gray sky and smiled down at her.
“Hey, luv, you awake?”
“Um-hum.” She stretched again, feeling very catlike as she crawled up him, kneading him as she made for her target of his lips for a wake-up kiss. Finally satisfied, she flopped down atop him as he stroked random patterns on her back and she inhaled his unique scent while she nuzzled his neck.
What had happened earlier had turned her world on its axis a little, and at some point, when she was alone and had time to think, she needed to work through what that level of passion and desire meant for them. She was slipping over the edge, over into that place where he would become the center of her world, and it seemed far less frightening than she’d thought it would be. But for now, she didn’t want to think, she wanted to play, and if what she was feeling was any indication, so did he.
She slowly sat up on his chest, shaking out her long hair as she did so, loving the way his eyes followed the golden strands as they settled across her chest. He traced a few strands downward, following their trajectory to where they hid her breasts and brushing aside the silk to reach the treasure underneath. He had her gasping within minutes as he sat up and pulled her more firmly onto his lap, his teeth and tongue working her still sensitive nipples as she reached between them to stroke his rapidly hardening erection.
Whatever he’d been thinking about so seriously before seemed to have disappeared as she guided him to her entry and sank down, shuddering as the exquisite sensation of his body joining with hers. She smiled devilishly as she managed to wring a few gasps from him as she exercised her internal muscles and increased her pace.
He smirked and flipped her over, setting a faster pace and sending her over the edge rapidly as he caressed her in time with the deep strokes she was receiving. Their lips tangled as they playfully rolled again and she regained her position on top, slowing things down until she could tell he was approaching the end, then pushing them both into one final powerful orgasm. She collapsed against his chest, exhausted and giggled as she heard him murmur a “Bloody hell.”
“What, you didn’t like that?”
“Oh I liked it, you little wench. You’re just possibly going to give me a heart attack and then who would pleasure you for hours on end?”
Buffy mock gasped as she tickled his ribs. “Did I wear you out, baby? I though you swimmers were supposed to have stamina.”
She giggled again as he rolled her over and began to tickle her unmercifully, trying unsuccessfully to stop his attacks until she finally captured his lips and effectively distracted him. She pulled him into a fierce hug.
“I love you, Spike. You know that, don’t you?”
He rubbed his cheek against hers as he held her tightly. “I do Buffy. I do.”
She pulled back slowly, loathe to break the mood, but feeling the time was right. She was tired of turning this over and over in her head, and tired of wondering if the other shoe was going to drop and the happy bubble would burst as soon as May rolled around. If her heart was going to get this entangled, she needed to know just where he’d be taking it.
“Spike, what’s going to happen? Next year, I mean. When you graduate.”
He looked down at her as she stared up at him. He wished he could read what answer she was looking for, what she hoped to hear.
Should he take this as a sign, grab the ring and propose? Course it would be a bit ludicrous with his bits dangling and such as he dropped to his knees, but if he thought she’d actually say yes, he’d do it in a heart beat.
He licked his lips, suddenly nervous, then decided to go with something a little less extreme. There’d be time for the big romantic proposals later, if he was lucky.
“What would you like to see happen, pet?” There, that was safe as houses.
Buffy wrinkled her nose. “I asked you, Spike.”
Or maybe not so safe.
“Buffy, sweetheart, I want us to still be together. I’m, well, I’m hoping to go to UCLA, but I haven’t heard from them yet. Computer bug or some such nonsense, but I should know in a few weeks. It’s not that far and we could see each other on the weekends. I’ll come home, or you can come up and see me.”
Buffy nodded. “So you don’t want to break up?”
He shook his head vehemently. “Buffy, no. Why would you even think that?”
She turned her head for a minute. “Because, I don’t know. You’re moving on. A whole different world and big time important stuff. I didn’t know if I’d still have a place in your life.”
Her eyes seemed so open, so vulnerable. What was she trying to tell him? That she wanted a permanent place? The ring seemed to call to him even louder. He swallowed hard.
“Buffy, you will always, always have a place. I never want to lose you, to lose what we have.”
She nodded. “So what if you don’t get into UCLA?”
Spike could feel the pounding starting behind his eyes. There had been a reason he had wanted to delay this conversation until after he knew his options for sure. “Well, I’ll probably be going to Duke.”
“So it’ll be like when I went away to England?”
“No, sweetheart, no, it won’t be like that at all. We didn’t have an understanding then, we didn’t have a relationship, not like we have now. We won’t be able to see each other as often as we do now, but that doesn’t mean anything changes between us.”
He watched her face start to shut down. Alright, something in there hadn’t come out right, but he wasn’t sure what. This was starting to spiral out of his control.
“So what if you meet someone else Spike? All the way on the other side of the country, all lonely? It’s not like you don’t know you’re a very attractive man. I’m sure there will be plenty of little coeds who want to get to know you and take my place.” She slid out from under his arm and rolled to the edge of the bed. He reached for her arm, stopping her.
“Buffy, it won’t be like that, not at all. I don’t want anyone else but you. I could care less about other girls. And I don’t mind being alone if I know you’re waiting for me.”
The dark cloud that crossed her face made his heart sink. He’d royally screwed things up now, and he had no idea how. Wasn’t he saying the right things?
“So you expect me to just sit around and wait on you, Spike?”
“Buffy, no, it’s not like. . .”
And she was gone, off the bed and into the bathroom where he heard the distinctive click of the lock being turned. Spike flopped back on the bed. What the hell had just happened?