Chapter 18: Choices
The restaurant had more than one table filled by couples making their way to the KET dance later that evening. Sunnydale was not overrun with fine dining establishments, so the few options were always packed before formals. Buffy looked around, remembering her date here with Angel. Was that really just a few weeks ago? In some ways it felt like an eternity. Her whole life had flipped around since then. Spike held the chair for her in a gentlemanly fashion, then flashed her that wicked grin as he clearly attempted to ogle the cleavage displayed by her strapless gown. She smirked back at him and batted her eyes as she thrust out her chest just a little more under his appreciative gaze.
Faith looked over at the couple beside her and Jonathan and suppressed a chuckle. Yep, she wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with Spike, that was for sure. The little flashes and grins between that pair were hot enough to light a fire and they seemed almost oblivious to the rest of the world around them.
“So B, you and Blondie joining the after party at that old B&B? Johnny here was just telling me about it.”
Buffy looked at Faith, processing her words as she shook herself out of the haze created by Spike’s intense gaze. “Um, I’m not sure, I think we had a room, do we still?”
She directed that question to Spike, who’d clued in on the conversation. “We had a reservation, but I gave it to Jonathan here, thought you might want a place to crash after the party. Buffy and I have..other plans.” He smiled at her and she blushed slightly.
“That’s cool, it’s right down the road from the old Casino, right? So we can party it up, no worries.”
Jonathan piped up, still slightly in awe of his date, who had been really sweet to him so far. “We have a shuttle bus that’s gonna take people back and forth, so we can leave and come back if we want.”
Willow and Xander joined in the conversation and the group quickly drew Jonathan and Faith into some funny tales of growing up on Revello Drive. The absence of Angel and Cordy, the other members of their core group, was felt, but went unmentioned as everyone worked to keep the dinner conversation light.
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Angel scowled slightly as he entered the restaurant. He’d known the others would be here, but somehow, seeing those two blonde heads across the way just made his spine crawl. Buffy was practically cooing at Spike as he fed her something off his fork. Next thing you knew, she’d be crawling over the table sucking his tongue down her throat. She’d had him fooled alright. Little Miss Prim and Proper. Oh no Angel. Oh, don’t touch me there Angel. Oh Angel, I don’t feel so well tonight. Whatever. He turned his attention to his own blonde sitting across the table and switched on the charm. Let Buffy and Spike have their little fling. He didn’t need either of them.
“Now Darla, you just look good enough to eat tonight.”
She shrugged her slim shoulders and winked at him. She’d caught his furtive looks at Buffy, but that wasn’t going to spoil her mood tonight. She was on top of the world. “Well, that could be arranged later.”
He laughed and focused on his date. Darla was everything Buffy hadn’t been – open, honest about what she wanted, and into him. The getting dumped hadn’t been much fun, but who really cared? He was Angel O’Connor and no little sophomore bitch was going to ruin his senior formal.
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Buffy stifled a giggle at some goofy comment Jonathan had made and glanced across the table to see Spike suppressing his own laughter. There weren’t many moments when she saw him so completely carefree. He’d dealt with a lot in his life, just as she had and they both had shadows from the losses early on that would always remain. But just now he looked young and happy. Suddenly he turned to her and she almost gasped at the glow of love reflected in his eyes. It was just a moment, a quick smile, then he turned back to reply to the conversation with Jonathan, but it left her reeling. She had a boyfriend. Buffy Summers was a part of a real couple, finally.
And what a boyfriend. Something in the way he looked at her told her he would do anything she asked, walk over hot coals, climb the highest mountain, go out in the middle of the night to get her ice cream. It was both exhilarating and infinitely frightening at the same time to know that she was the object of that kind of affection. She didn’t feel worthy and she wasn’t sure sometimes it was in her to love like that. But she’d made the leap and was going to give a try. She just prayed they both didn’t crash and burn.
She tuned back in to the discussion and picked up on Jonathan’s question.
“So Faith, you still in the med school track?”
“Nah, I decided I’d go for the money,” she grinned, “I’m in the business school now. Did you stick with it?”
Jonathan nodded. “Uh-huh. Just finished getting all my applications out. Now it’s just cross my fingers and pray someone lets me in.” He laughed, “Unlike some of us here, huh Spike?”
Spike muttered something about the service and tried to hail a passing waiter. Jonathan tried again.
“So, did you get all you applications out Spike?”
Spike shot a furtive look across the table before answering quietly, “Yeah, mate, got’em all off.”
Jonathan persisted. “So where all did you end up applying? I did five, sort of the long shot, my fall back and three middle of the road ones. But with your grades, I bet you went for some of the big ones, huh?”
Spike shrugged. “Just gave it a try, don’t know if I’ll get accepted.”
“So did you apply to Harvard like Professor Gibbons suggested?”
Spike nodded reluctantly. “Yeah, but you know, long shot.” He looked at Faith, trying to think of a another topic of conversation, but the table was now focusing on him he realized.
“What about Duke? Isn’t that where that brain surgeon Friedman is, the one you wanted to study with?”
“Yeah.”
“And Black at UCLA?”
“Mhmm. And UC-Sunnydale. Course, I’m sure that’s where I’ll end up.” Inspiration struck. He looked down the table. “Hey Xan, did you hear anything from your company yet?”
Xander broke out into a huge grin. “Oh yeah! Willow knows, but I’ll share with the group. As of graduation, Alexander Harris becomes a manager at Sunnydale Construction, and the best part is that they’re going to pay for me to keep going to get a master’s in architecture.”
Congratulations were offered round and the table began to chatter about Xander’s new job, the applications forgotten for the time. But Buffy continued to eye Spike speculatively, wondering why talking about his applications made him so nervous. She thought he’d been doing really well, was he nervous he wouldn’t be accepted?
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“Wow, that was an amazing meal. Guess we’re about ready to move on to the party, huh?” Willow pushed back with a little groan. not sure how she was going to shake and shimmy. The chocolate cake had been divine, but maybe a bit more than she should have indulged in. She turned to the others, “Ladies, shall we go participate in that famous female bonding ritual?”
Buffy giggled and tugged Faith up, “We shall, back in a minute guys.” And the three strolled off to the restroom.
Once inside, they gathered round the mirror, touching up makeup and settling hair in the proper manner.
“So B, sounds like Spike’s a hottie and damn smart. You’re a lucky, lucky girl.”
“I know.” Buffy smiled at her reflection as she carefully applied lipstick. “I just hope he won’t get into it tonight with Angel. Did you see those looks they were giving each other in the restaurant? Spike’s been known to not turn down the chance to fight and I know Angel’s just dying to start something.”
She blotted carefully as she leaned back. “I just want it to be a special night for us, no interference. Just Spike focused on me, on us, on this dance and our first real date.”
Faith laughed. “So do something to keep his eyes on you. Be all sex kittenish and I bet he’ll totally forget Angel.”
“Ya think?”
Willow nodded. “Works with Xander. Like if he’s all off in a project or something and not paying attention, I just tell him I’m not wearing underwear and suddenly he’s right there with me until he knows. I did that on our date last week, waited until we were in the middle of the theater, totally surrounded by people and I leaned over at the end of the previews and told him I wasn’t wearing any panties.” She giggled. “I don’t think he had a clue about the movie, but it definitely got his motor revved for afterward.”
Buffy filed away the thought for further contemplation. “So Faith, you and Jonathan seem to be hitting it off. How’s that going?”
The chat continued as the three finished primping and returned to their dates.
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As the group left the restaurant after the girls had returned to the table, Spike and Buffy hung back a little for a quiet moment for the first time since the guys had arrived to pick them up that night, while the rest of the group made their way to the rented limo the boys had picked out to chauffeur them to their destination for the evening.
“You look utterly gorgeous sweetheart. That dress is beyond words, though I have this impulse to wrap you up in my jacket before we get there and all my bleeding brothers try to ogle you.”
“Like you were at dinner?”
“Exactly, but I have special ogling privileges.”
She giggled as he dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “Yeah, I kinda guess you do.”
They started off again so as to not keep the others waiting.
“So you having fun?”
“Oh yeah, like Cinderella going to the ball. This is the coolest first date ever. Never got to do the prom thing exactly – I mean there were occasional dances with a neighboring boys school, but they didn’t really have the junior/senior prom at my boarding school.”
“Cinderella, eh? Maybe we should make sure we have you home by midnight, then, wouldn’t want a pumpkin on my hands.”
“Are you suggesting we leave a bit early?”
“Wouldn’t be opposed, luv. Have to make an appearance and all, we can dance and mingle a bit, but frankly, I’d rather have you all to myself.”
She caught an odd tone to his voice. “Are you worried about Angel?”
“Not worried, I can handle him if it comes to that. Just don’t want him to ruin things. Boy’s got a big mouth and he’s likely to run it. He was in there, just now, giving us the evil eye with his little tramp.”
“Darla? That didn’t take long. Well, maybe he’ll be happily distracted with her and decide to leave us be. Spike, don’t do anything tonight. If he wants to say stuff, let’s just ignore him, ‘kay? I want us to have a perfect evening and I’d rather have you all spiffy and edible than beaten up and bruised. I have plans for you later, mister and I want all your parts in good working order.”
He gave her a devilish grin. “All my parts, or are there some you’re more interested in than others?”
She smirked. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
Xander poked his head out of the car. “Hey, slow pokes, get your asses in gear and come on. You can stroll in the moonlight when we get there.”
The pair hurried to the car and settled in for the rest of the ride to the old casino.
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“Wow, this is gorgeous, I’d forgotten how pretty this place was,” Willow breathed as she exited the car with Xander right behind her.
“Yeah, we were looking for a new location for the formal and remembered this place was being rented for parties now. Pretty swanky, huh?”
The others exited the car and took in the moonlit bathed building built out over the glistening waters of the lake. The noise of the party that had already started drifted down the long trestle that led across the water to the octagon-shaped building, which was flanked all around by a wide deck, with another, shorter pier that led to a small gazebo further out over the lake. Large windows beamed light and gave glimpses of the dancing couples inside.
The three couples hurried down the bridge to join the others.
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Cordelia lay curled up on her bed, silent at last. Her mother had called out of the blue earlier and had wanted to chat about some country club event coming up that they wanted her to bring Wesley to. Her social-climbing mother had been so delighted to find out her daughter was dating a Wyndam-Price, one of the San Francisco Wyndam-Prices, and had pestered Cordelia to bring him by ever since. She’d resisted, somehow not wanting to taint what was growing between them with her mother’s aspirations and insinuations.
The invitation had brought her back to the point of tears and she’d barely managed to choke them back so she could gracefully put her mother off and get off the phone before she totally lost it. The torrent of her pain had torn loose again and she’d cried until her eyes felt like sandpaper and her stomach hurt from gasping. She was truly an idiot of the highest order. Why had she ever listened to Angel’s stupid plan? That boy had been bad news since she lost her virginity to him when she was a junior in high school, a casual deflowering that had educated her in what guys were looking for from her type. He hadn’t promised hearts and flowers and she hadn’t expected it, but she’d developed a pretty cavalier attitude towards men after that, learning from Angel’s love ’em and leave’m style. And where had it gotten her? Nowhere at all. She was left with an empty, broken heart and the knowledge that the man she genuinely loved never wanted to see her again.
She stared at the wall, listening to the slow tick of the clock. Wesley’s gone, Wesley’s gone, Wesley’s gone. Her reverie was suddenly broken by a pounding at her door.
“Hey Cordy, you in there? Some guy here to see you.”
She was silent for a minute. Angel? No, she’d heard him earlier, picking up Darla for the dance. Glad to see he rebounded so fast. Could it be?
“Who is it Julie?”
“I think he said his name was Wes.”
Cordelia sprang off the bed. “Tell him I’ll be there in just a minute.” Her heart felt like it was beating a thousand patters a minute as she dragged a brush through her hair and raced to the bathroom to splash her face with cold water and hide the puffiness of her eyes. She threw on a bit of lipstick and debated on changing from the ratty T-shirt and jeans she’d put on earlier. Nope, no time, didn’t want to keep him waiting. Maybe he’s changed his mind, maybe he’s forgiven you, maybe he’s decided he understands. Her mind raced at the possibilities, almost too good to be true, but why else would he be here? She darted down the steps two at a time, pausing at the landing to compose herself and walking a little slower the rest of the way to the common area where he was waiting.
“Wesley, hey, I’m so glad to see you.” She smiled in what she hoped was a charming rather than pathetic manner, so glad to see him again she had to force herself not to launch herself at him and hold on tight and never let go.
“Cordelia.” Something about his tone and the look on his face stopped her in her tracks. There was a coldness, a deadness that she couldn’t ever remember seeing before. She involuntarily took a step back.
“Is there something wrong?”
His eyebrow lifted at the utter stupidity of her question. “Cordelia, I was wondering if you’d come take a ride with me. I think we have some things to discuss and it’s probably best we do it in private.”
She nodded, not encouraged by the way he proposed the outing. Probably he wanted to scream at her or tell her off or call her names. Maybe she’d feel better if he’d did. The way he’d walked away today, without a word, it had almost seemed like he didn’t care at all. At least now, behind the icy demeanor, she could sense some emotion, some feeling motivating his actions.
“I’ll just grab a jacket and we can go.”
She walked up the stairs, her feet dragging where they had just flown, and snagged a light jacket and her purse. She looked in the mirror for a moment, staring at the reflection of a bedraggled woman who had no hope left in her eyes. She sighed and began the long walk downstairs to where he waited.
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“So you having a good time?”
Buffy nodded as Spike pulled her closer and swayed against her to a slow number that had just begun. “Um-huh, it’s nice. Course it’d be nicer if you’d dance more with me.”
She could feel his chest rumble against her as he chuckled. “Buffy, luv, I just got you and I’m not about to run you off with my horrendous dancing. Now I’ll be right here for every slow number, and they start a mosh pit, I’m in. But you just ask Xander over there about seeing me dance freshman year. I think I scarred him for life.”
She giggled, making a mental note to drag that story out of Xander. “Spike, come on. You’re an athlete. very graceful. And you were in a band, so I know you aren’t completely rhythmically challenged. How bad could you be?”
He groaned, “Very, very bad. Sweetheart, I swim. You want to try water ballet, I’ll give it a go with you. But dry land, not so much. And this music’s hardly the kind I played.”
She let it drop then, just happy to be snuggled against him. So far things had gone smoothly. Angel and Darla must be having a long dinner, cause they still hadn’t shown up yet. Which was fine with her. Spike had been keeping an eye on the door as well she’d noticed, ready for a confrontation she sincerely hoped wouldn’t come. But as time had passed, they’d both begun to relax. The news must have already spread about her and Spike as well, because aside from a few nudges and winks, no one had looked surprised to see them together.
The song came to an end and Spike drew her off the floor as the music’s tempo picked up. He went to grab a few more drinks as she wound her way back to join the others hanging out at the table that had been staked out by their group.
“Hey guys, where are Faith and Jonathan?”
“Cutting a rug, Buff. You should have seen them a minute ago slow dancing. Jonathan probably is recovering from a heart attack, he was all pillowed on Faith’s bosoms as they swayed around.”
Buffy giggled. “Cute. I’m glad they’re having fun. Faith’s a lot nicer than I thought she’d be.”
Willow nodded. “Yeah, kind of a tough girl veneer, but pretty sweet underneath. I think she’s having a good time.”
Willow leaned back against Xander, whose lap she had claimed after the last dance.
“How are you guys doing? How much longer you gonna stick around?”
“We’re peachy. We’ll probably stay another hour or so. Spike’s hasn’t really drunk anything tonight, he’s driving us home later. Xander helped him drop his car off earlier so we could leave whenever, since we aren’t going on with you guys later.”
“Cool. Maybe we should have done that baby, had that big old frat house all empty and to ourselves?” Willow rubbed her nose against Xander’s, slurring her words just a bit. Buffy rolled her eyes. A tipsy Willow was a very amorous Willow she had quickly learned in England.
Xander was responding, kissing down the side of her throat as he muttered something about the four-poster bed in their room and some silk scarves he’d brought and Buffy cleared her throat before she got any more information. “You guys want to go ahead and get a room over there?”
“Oh, sorry Buffy, caught in the moment and all that.”
Buffy laughed at their slight flushes, just as Spike showed up with the drink and pulled her into his lap. She took a sip then turned to Xander. “Alright Xan, what’s this about Spike and dancing?”
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“Oh Darla, baby, you are so hot tonight.”
“Angel, be careful, you’re going to rip my dress. I don’t want to have to go in there looking like I just got fucked on the hood of a car. I said we could do a quickie, as long as you don’t mess me up.”
He grinned as he watched her slide off the brief red underwear that matched her red dress. He carefully slid the soft fabric up, revealing her to him as he took in her garter and hose, with nothing else obscuring her from his view. He stroked his hand up her thigh and began to caress her, loving the way she responded to his touch. Yep, he should have been with Darla all along, not wasting his time with Buffy. Somehow he couldn’t imagine in a million years that he could get Buffy to let him strip her half-naked on the hood of his car and fuck her not 500 yards from the casino in a small parking overlook.
He decided he could afford to be generous and brought her off quickly, knowing this was just the beginning of the evening and wanting to keep her in a good mood before turning her to lean over the hood as he loosened his trousers. He started to fumble for a condom when Darla twisted around.
“Oh, you don’t have to bother with that tonight, babe. I just got my test results back – I’m clean.”
He was salivating at the thought of encasing himself in her hot passage with no impediments. “You sure? I mean you’re on the pill, right?” Couldn’t afford some little brats running around, not with the potential of a big career ahead.
“Uh-huh. You’re good right?”
He nodded, caressing the smooth globes as he pondered for a moment. He’d always been a stickler about the safe sex thing, but hell, if they were both clean and she was on the pill, he wasn’t turning this down. He teased her opening and felt her gasp slightly as he dipped inside.
“Yeah, I’m good. Hold on Darla, you’re in for a ride, babe.”
She tightened her hold on the car hood as he slowly levered himself in and out before beginning to pound in earnest. Damn, he might be a conceited bastard, but he sure did have the moves. She moaned as he tightened his grip on her hips and hit just the right spot to send her over the edge.
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The silence seemed unbearable as he drove without speaking. He’d failed to open the door for her, a first for the usually polite Wesley, just clicked the remote and headed for his side as they left the house. She scrambled to get in and buckle up as he pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive. At first she’d though he was simply wandering aimlessly, then she realized he was headed for his house.
“Are we going to your place Wes?”
He didn’t speak for a minute, then nodded his head. “Jeremy and Devon are out for the night. I hope you won’t mind if we’re alone. I though it would be easier to . . . talk . . . there.”
Something in his inflection sent a slight shiver of fear down her spine, but when she glanced at him, his face was still impassive. This was Wesley, right? Sweet, wonderful, caring, loving Wesley, who had never pushed her, who’d let her sleep all night in his arms and kissed her awake the next morning and never expected anything from her. Anything but her faithfulness. She’d known that was a big deal, known how the girl his parents had wanted him to marry had run around with dozens of guys, nipping any feelings he might have had for her in the bud. And she’d still done the same thing to him.
She didn’t know why she’d put off physical intimacy with him for so long. That hadn’t really been her style. She could do the whan, bam, see you later with the best of them, screw the guy, then laugh it off when he didn’t call. But somehow, with Wes, she’d wanted it to be special, not just some romp in the sack, but a real connection that she’d never had before. So even when Angel was still convincing her to release a little tension with him, she’d resisted the urge to go to Wes, wanting their first time to be more than that.
He’d been good about it. Their dates had been very platonic at first, ever so slowly working up to holding hands and kisses and light touches that made her pulse pound more than full body contact with another guy might have. Wesley left her all fluttery inside and she’d savored the gradual exploration, the tension building between them until it almost seemed unbearable and they’d move a little further.
It had felt like high school, petting in the back seat of her daddy’s car, knowing she wasn’t going to quite go all the way yet, but loving exploring the boundaries. She knew she was always going to wonder what making love with him would have been like.
They pulled into the drive of the house Wesley shared with two of the other members of the football team and she pulled herself from her musings. She followed him into the house as he led her straight into his bedroom and shut the door. He gestured to the bed and she sat on the edge, a little confused at the intimacy of the setting for the talk she expected.
“So, Cordy, Angel stopped me for a little talk.”
Her mind raced, afraid of what Angel had said to him. He didn’t leave her in suspense for long.
“He mentioned how you’d been chasing after him, really coming on hard. Course he denied anything happened. Just wanted me to know my girlfriend was a slut, I think.”
She flinched visibly at his words. She deserved it, but hearing him calling her that hurt badly.
“I still think you were probably telling me the truth, rather than Angel, cause otherwise I doubt you would have admitted to fucking him unless you’d actually done it. But it got me to thinking. If my girlfriend, Ms. Cordelia Chase, UC Sunnydale cheerleader extraordinairre, is shaking her pom-poms and doing her thing with all these guys, why am I missing out? Where’s my piece?”
Cordelia stared at him wide-eyed, unsure of what to do, but feeling trapped by his hardened gaze.
“So what do you say Cordy? How about one for the road? For old time’s sake? I’ll admit, I’ve been fantasizing about what it’d be like to screw you since you bounced out on the field as a freshman. So I think the time has come for us to act on that. Are you game, Cordy?”
Tears welled up in her eyes as she stared at him, seeing for the first time the pain behind the anger. What had she done to this man?
“Wesley, is that really what you want? Will that make it better somehow? If so, then yes, I’ll do it.”
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly, not enough to hurt but enough to grab her attention. “Oh no, no, Cordy, this is not a pity fuck. You claim you love me, claim you want me. Well, baby here’s your chance. Show me.”
She looked up and saw for a moment the passion she’d seem in Wes before, the man who she thought had started to love her. This wasn’t the way she’d wanted their first time to be, but if it somehow could break through, somehow could reach through the pain and show him her heart, she’d do anything he wanted tonight.
Cordelia reached out and slowly cupped her hand against his cheek as she leaned in for a soft kiss. She murmured against his lips as he settled to the floor on his knees, “I’m gonna show you Wes. Please, let me show you how much I want to make this right.”
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Angel and Darla made a very late fashionable entrance, strutting into the room as though it belonged to them. Buffy has been laughing at Faith’s story about her professor who’d gotten a pop-up message from Tammy at the Lovely Ladies Lounge in the middle of his PowerPoint presentation on Chaucer when she felt Spike stiffen and she noticed who had finally arrived.
Angel and Darla were beginning to circle the room, stopping to talk to people and generally make their presence known. Buffy eyeballed Darla’s dress and mentally satisfied herself that is was on the trashy side, while hers, on the other hand, was very tasteful.
She glanced as Spike’s face and watched the muscle in his clenched jaw jump. That was not good. He may have said he’d steer clear of Angel, but unfortunately, it looked like Angel didn’t plan to steer clear of them. He and Darla were now headed this way. Buffy rubbed his shoulder gently, and Spike offered her a weak smile, but the tension remained in his muscles. She swallowed, remembering Faith and Willow’s earlier advice. This called for drastic measures.
She grabbed the rest of her frou-frou girly mixed drink that Spike had gotten for her to fortify her courage for Operation Sex Kitten. She could not believe she was going to do this, but she thought, just maybe, it would work, and if she admitted it to herself, was one of those secret kinda naughty fantasies she’d been wanting to play out with him. She jumped up, pulling him with her.
“Spike and I are gonna take a walk, we’ll see you later.”