Chapter 10: Passions and the Green Eyed Monster
“Willow, what ya got there?”
Willow displayed the bunch of daises Xander had brought her before walking her to the sorority house for the Monday night meeting.
“Aren’t they pretty? I think daises are just the friendliest flower. He promised to surprise me with a little gift after class every day this week – to lead up to my birthday party Friday night!” Willow beamed, obviously pleased with Xander’s thoughtfulness. Buffy chuckled to herself, Xander owed her big time, she had suggested the little gift a day scheme to him, knowing Willow would love it.
“Oh, Willow, that is so sweet. So, are you cool with us doing a movie night for your birthday? I know how much you used to love them and we thought it’d be a neat way to celebrate.”
“It’s perfect Buffy. It’ll be like old times. You know it’s funny, we never hang out in a group anymore, this’ll be the first time we’re all together since that party after we first came back.”
“I know, it’s like we see each other all the time, but never altogether. Anyway, it should be fun You are going to pick at least one movie to torture the guys I hope?” Buffy’s eyes twinkled, knowing the guys always dreaded the chick flicks they somehow managed to come up with when they had control of the movies.
“Never fear my friend, a sappy romance that will have the boys groaning will definitely be one of my selections,” Willow responded.
“Cool.” The girls settled in as the meeting began.
<><><><>
As the meeting drew to a close, Buffy saw Cordelia across the room with some of the other upperclassman and swiftly made her way to chat with her.
“Hey Cordy, you all set to come to the little get together on Friday for Will’s birthday?”
“Sure am, wouldn’t miss it for the world. How are you guys tonight?” Cordelia looked around, knowing Willow was probably somewhere close by and saw her coming across the room.
“Good. I’m so glad you’re going to be able to come. I know Will is really excited about it.” Buffy paused for a minute, hoping she wasn’t being too nosy, then decided to continue. “Cordy, I was going to ask you, Angel mentioned you were seeing a new guy? Who is he?”
Cordelia froze for a moment as she looked at Buffy, trying to gauge whether she knew something about her and Angel’s little assignation or really wanted to know about Wesley.
“Wesley? He’s so sweet. Thank Angel again for setting us up Buffy, that’s a very thoughtful guy you’ve snagged.”
Cordelia managed to maintain her composure, told her a little more about Wes, then mentioned needing to talk to one of the sisters and hurried away. She felt immensely guilty for the past few weeks. She knew she shouldn’t have made that deal with Angel. It had been one thing when neither of them were seeing anyone seriously to screw around together. But for all his clever words, she knew there little trysts weren’t fair to either of the people they were with. And she really was starting to have feelings for Wesley. She hated the thought of having to admit what she’d been doing to Buffy, but she needed to find some way to break them up before Angel’s little scheme went much further.
Willow came up as Buffy stared at Cordelia’s retreating back.
“That was weird, did Cordy seem kinda jumpy to you? I wonder is all is not well with this new man?”
“I don’t know, Buffy, maybe she just had stuff to do. You know Cordy, she can be pretty abrupt when she wants to be”
“That’s true.” Buffy shrugged and glanced at her watch. “I think I’m just going to head over to the library to study for a little while.”
“Buffy, it’s almost nine. I mean, Xander said he’d walk us home, but he won’t stick around, you know you can study in the room. You don’t have to go to the library.”
“Oh, I know Will, it’s not that. I just have some stuff I need to read and I have my little quiet carrel in the library, no distractions. I won’t be home late.”
“Do you want Xander to walk you? It’s kind of late.”
“No, I’m good, it’s all main paths from here, well-lighted. You have a nice stroll home with the Xan-man and I’ll see you later.”
Buffy headed out the door, leaving Willow to wait for Xander, who showed up a few minutes later.
“Hey sweetie! Thank you again for the flowers. They’re a little droopy, but I’m going to put them in water as soon as we get back to the dorm.”
Xander beamed. “I’m glad the birthday girl likes.” He gave her a quick kiss, then looked around. “Where’s Buffy?”
“She’s gone to the library again to study. I swear, she like lives in that place this semester. I mean, she never spent that much time in the library before. Buffy’s never been that into books. I’m the book-worm,” she pouted.
“Maybe she likes the quiet.”
“I guess. I never can find her there though, when I’ve gone in the evenings. She won’t tell me where her little study area is, it’s always, oh you know, just one of those little carrels.”
Xander snorted at her peeved expression. “Willow it’s a huge library, it’s not like you go through every floor. She probably goes to one of the higher floors where she won’t be disturbed. I mean come on, you think Buff’s having clandestine rendezvous with someone or something?”
Willow laughed. “I don’t guess so. Unless she and Angel think sneaking around adds some spice into their relationship. I’m kinda surprised she doesn’t hang with him more, you know? I always figured when Buffy got serious, she’d be a cocooner.”
“A cocooner? Is she going to become a butterfly?”
“No silly, cocooners are those couples who bond and do everything together and just hang at home and veg. They get all wrapped up together, like a cocoon.”
Xander laughed. “Well, Angel’s pretty busy and so is Buffy. I guess they haven’t had time to cocoon yet. I mean they still go out every weekend, right?”
Willow nodded.
“I’ll be honest, I think Buffy’s set a record with Angel. I don’t think he’s dated a girl for longer than a month at most since we’ve been in college and they are headed on what, two months now?”
“Yeah, that’s right, cause their first date was with us remember?”
“I sure do.” Xander pulled her in for another kiss. “Well, I’m glad it’s working out for them as well as it has for us.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Willow’s tone expressed doubt, but they had reached Stevenson Hall, and thoughts of Buffy and Angel were forgotten as Willow persuaded Xander to come in for a little while.
<><><><>
Buffy headed off from the Gamma Gamma Phi house, making sure she was out of Willow’s sight before she headed over towards Spike’s. It was nearly nine, his telly time in his daily schedule, and she wanted to watch the day’s episode with him. Tell yourself another one Buffy, you just want to see him, especially since you haven’t talked since he took you home on Saturday.
She hurried down the path and through the woods, using the flashlight she had in her backpack to make her way along the uneven path. Spike would probably yap at her for coming so late by herself. Maybe she could tell him Xander and Willow dropped her off, so he wouldn’t be so fussy. Of course, then that opened a can of worms if Spike mentioned their dropping her off to one of them.
She didn’t know why she felt compelled to always tell Willow she was at the library, but she thought her hanging with Spike all the time could cause confusion and misunderstandings. She felt a little guilty, like maybe she shouldn’t be doing this so often, because of Angel. She’d tried to rationalize that she and Spike were just friends and had never done anything inappropriate, but she knew that if Angel was spending as much time with another girl as she did with Spike, she’d be very upset. She reached the steps to his apartment, telling herself for the millionth time that Spike was different than just any old guy, because of their past history, and knocked on his door, before using her key to enter.
“Hey pet, I wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight, How did the meeting of the sisters go?” He looked up as she came through the door.
“The usual. Blah, blah, sisterhood, blah blah, fundraiser, blah blah, party. I was on autopilot, I figured Will or Cordy will let me know if I’m supposed to do something. You got the tape?”
“Yeah luv, I’ve got it. You’ve become quite the little addict as well.” He laughed as she tossed her jacket to the side and curled up next to him on the couch.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re just as bad. You know you want to see what happens with Chad and Whitney.”
They settled in to watch, as the main characters they were rooting for to be together came to the brink of a passionate kiss, but were pulled apart by the arrival of Simone, Whitney’s sister.
“Wow. Good episode. But I’m starting to think they are never going to be together.” Buffy turned to grab her bag, missing his expression as he looked at her and responded, “Me too, pet, me too.”
She picked up her coat and turned back to him. “I hate to watch and run, but it’s getting late. Are you still going to have dinner with Jenny and Giles tomorrow night?”
“Plan to. I thought I’d drive over about sixish, if that works for you?”
“Sure. Thanks for letting me ride with you.”
Buffy lingered at the doorway as he hunted for his flashlight to walk her back.
“Spike?”
“Yes, luv.”
“About Friday night. Thank you for letting me stay.”
He didn’t turn around and look at her, knowing what his face might reveal. He responded casually as he continued to root in the cabinet, “No problem Goldy, anytime.”
“Really?”
He looked up from his search briefly, still slightly distracted by the AWOL light. *Where did the sodding flashlight go to?* He knew he put it in that drawer.
“Would you mind if I stay tomorrow night then?”
He stared at her, startled, the flashlight totally forgotten. Friday night had been a bit of an emergency, her going to Giles’ or her room would have been awkward. But she wanted to plan to stay with him? Was she trying to tell him something?
Buffy continued on as he failed to reply.
“It’s just that you know this is Willow’s birthday week and I thought I’d give her and Xander as much alone time as possible if he wanted to stay with her. And Giles gets to campus late on Wednesdays and I hate for him to have to bring me early, and I can walk home in the morning from here. I won’t bother you. I’ll be quiet and mouse like.”
Spike was more than a little disappointed that he was a place to crash rather than someone she wanted to spend the night with. But nonetheless, Buffy voluntarily wanted to share his bed? He wasn’t passing that up, even if it was platonic. And he sensed there was more underlying her words than she let on. He knew Giles would have no problem bringing Buffy to campus in time for her class, if she really wanted to stay at home.
“You’re welcome to stay. I have swim practice early, so I’ll probably be gone before you wake up, but you can lock up when you leave.”
Buffy smiled at him and he felt his heart leap. She was softening toward him, he knew it. Little by little he felt he was making progress with her and sooner or later she’d realize Angel was not the man for her. Until then, he could wait and be content for small favors.
<><><><>
“Happy birthday, Willow!” Buffy, Cordy and Spike chorused as Xander opened the door for her to Spike’s apartment filled with balloons and streamers on Friday evening.
“Oh, thank you guys! You didn’t have to, but this is so sweet.”
“And look, we even have party hats!” Buffy sat a paper crown on her head, which tilted slightly and proclaimed Birthday Queen..
Willow surveyed the room. Surprisingly, this was the first time she had been to Spike’s place. Quite snug. She asked for the tour and Spike showed her around as Buffy and Xander organized the presents.
“Where’s Angel? I though he was coming?”
“He is, pet. He had a team meeting this afternoon and he said he might run a few minutes late. Don’t you worry, we’re all going to enjoy your birthday party. It’ll be just like old times, all the gang. Course I guess we won’t fight over movies tonight, eh? Birthday girl got her picks?”
Willow laughed and reached into her bag. “Yeah, but you guys are going to hate at least one of them.”
“Monty Python. Now that was thoughtful, Will. Did you pick that one so I wouldn’t be miserable?”
She laughed and nodded.
“All right, you softened me up. What am I going to have to endure? There are chick flicks in there, aren’t there?
Willow grinned devilishly. “Well, Xander said I could pick anything. It is my birthday.”
She pulled When Harry Met Sally out next. Spike groaned.
“Fabulous, Red. Oh well, I suppose I can deal. What’s the third?”
“Well, I thought we had comedy and romance, so I’d go for a drama.”
“Memento. That’s one I haven’t had a chance to see yet.”
“It’s really good, I think you’ll like it.” Willow started describing the memory problems of the main character as they moved back to join the others.
Just as they reached the living room, another knock signaled the arrival of Angel.
“Okay the gang’s all here, let’s get this party started.” He announced as walked through the door and immediately found Buffy for a quick kiss. She tried to conceal her unease, but she felt awkward in front of Spike, in his home no less. She sneaked a quick glance at Spike to see if he had noticed, but he seemed deep in conversation with Willow about something, so she breathed a sigh of relief.
Everybody grabbed pizza and drinks, then settled in to watch The Search for the Holy Grail, quoting the familiar lines of the movie they’d seem together a million times. Spike realized that somehow he’d ended up on the couch beside Buffy, with Angel on the other side of her. Cordelia had grabbed the floor, refusing to take the couch, insisting she was more conformable propping herself up with a big pillow she snagged from Spike’s bed. Willow was comfortably nestled in Xander’s lap in the only armchair, looking very content in her party hat.
As the movie drew to a close, Willow jumped up to change to the next disk and everyone rearranged a little as they settled in for the next film.
“Guys, thank you so much. This has got to be one of the best birthdays I ever had. It’s almost like old times.”
She popped in the next disk and reseated herself on Xander’s lap.
“Almost, but not quite.” She bussed Xander on the cheek and glanced over at Angel and Buffy, giving them a grin, surprised they weren’t more cuddlesome.
Angel draped his arm over the back of the sofa as the movie started and slowly pulled Buffy closer to him. She was being standoffish from him tonight. Maybe she had PMS. He’d tried to pull her into his lap when they’d first sat down and she’d declined, saying something about balancing her food while she ate. He’d let it slide then. But he’d got up to get a new round of drinks for her and him as Willow switched to Memento and when he returned, he tugged on her again. She sighed a little, glanced at Willow and Xander snuggled together and then crawled into his lap.
“There, Cordy, there’s room for you on the couch now. I’m sorry you had to sit on the floor.”
“No biggie, Spike offered his seat, but I was fine. If there’s space, I’ll join you guys, we’ll be all snug.”
Cordelia settled herself on the couch between Angel and Spike, taking Buffy’s spot. Angel noticed the smirk on her face as she watched him try to cuddle Buffy and grimaced. She was going to give him hell later tonight, probably do her Buffy imitation, which he had to admit he found pretty amusing. What was up with Buffy tonight? She usually was pretty pliable to him hugging and kissing her, he’d always kept things light so as not to spook her. But tonight she sat stiffly against him, her eyes glued to the screen, refusing to relax against him.
Spike sat on the other end of the sofa, also seemingly absorbed in the movie, which admittedly took a lot of concentration to follow. He refused to look over at the couple at the other end of the couch. It had been torture sitting on the couch beside Buffy, in the same spot they curled up nightly to watch Passions. Lately, she’d started leaning against him and putting her head on his shoulder as they watched. He’d put his arm around her, and they’d laugh and make snarky remarks and root for their favorite characters. And tonight, he’d had to sit beside her, afraid to look over, or brush against her with Angel just on the other side.
He’d sensed her nervousness as well. He’d seen her reject Angel’s offer to sit in his lap and had silently cheered, You go Buffy, put the big lug in his place. He doesn’t deserve you. His heart had sank when she’d finally given in. He realized that he really hadn’t seem them together as a couple since they’d started dating. He saw Buffy all the time, but never with Angel, and he realized that viewing the reality was a lot harder to take than just knowing they were dating.
Cordelia shifted as she glanced first from the pair to the right to the man on her left. Angel was such a big lummox. There was so something going on between Buffy and Spike. She’d come over with Buffy at 5:00 to help decorate and she’d watched the two of them together. She knew Spike was her tutor, so they clearly spent some time together, but Cordelia was willing to bet her best Prada bag that there was more to it than that.
Buffy knew where everything was, had found the scissors in the kitchen without having to ask their location, knew Spike kept some tape in the lower right hand drawer of his desk. And they’d seemed very comfortable with each other, little bumps and brushes that seemed casual but she suspected were not. This was going to be very interesting and she thought she saw an answer to her problem, without revealing her own less than angelic role in the affair. If she was reading the vibes right, Buffy was into Spike, not Angel, she just didn’t seem to know it yet. She needed a little push in that direction, and very few things would work more effectively than the green-eyed monster. Buffy probably thought Spike wasn’t going anywhere, since he wasn’t actively dating anyone. But. what if he suddenly became a little less available? She bet Buffy’s claws would come out then.
Cordelia smiled to herself. While she was immensely grateful to Angel for setting her up with Wesley, who had turned out to be quite a nice guy with a heart of gold (and purse as well, thought that was just a bonus), she felt a little gleeful at the thought that the overly cocky Angel might just get his comeuppance at the hands of Buffy and Spike.
She knew she had to stop sleeping with Angel. She was friends with Buffy, and Angel and she were clearly dating, even if they weren’t sleeping together. Buffy would be hurt if she ever found out. She also thought a lot of Spike. He’d always been kind to her, especially when she’d gone through some rough breakups, and she knew if she ever needed a favor, he’d be the first to offer help. That was just the kind of guy he was. It would be nice to see him get the girl.
She stole a few more quick glances at either side. Yep, there were some jealous vibes going on here. It would be so deliciously funny if Buffy was already messing around behind Angel’s back. But she was a pretty good judge of body language, and she didn’t think Buffy and Spike were quite there yet. Clearly some heavy flirting and a lot of unresolved sexual tension. She just needed to see if she could stir up some jealousy and help move things along.
“Willow, can you pause the movie? I need another drink and I think I’ll get confused if I miss a scene.”
Willow obligingly paused the film and Cordelia moved into the kitchen, asking for orders as she went. She grabbed beers and wine coolers as requested , flipped the lights back off so the room was dark again, and settled back on the couch beside Spike.
“There we go.” She looked around as Willow got ready to restart the movie. “Isn’t this nice, boy-girl, boy-girl, boy-,” she looked coyly at Spike, “girl. Hey Spike, will you be my date tonight? I’m feeling all left out between these cute couples.”
Spike glanced at her suspiciously. What was up with Cordy? He knew Wes, knew she was seeing him. But he read the humorous twinkle in her eye for the light hearted joke it was and he smiled at her.
“Sure, pet. You can be my snuggle-bunny tonight.”
He threw an arm casually over her shoulders and Cordy leaned against him as the movie started. After a few minutes, Spike dared to dart a glance over at the other couple they shared the couch with and caught Buffy staring at him with a peculiar look on her face. She quickly looked back at the screen when she saw him looking and he wondered if that had actually been jealousy he’d seen on her face. He thought if just might have been. He tightened his arm around Cordy and pulled her a little closer. He was tired of seeing Buffy all plastered on top of Angel, two could play this game and Cordelia seemed quite willing to help out.
Buffy stared at the film. Stupid movie. Why was is backwards? At this point she was so lost she had no clue what was going on. The main guy was pretty hot, in fact he was a little Spikeish, nice cheekbones, pretty eyes. Wait. Whoa, Buffy, no thinking about Spike over there. You are dating Angel. See, Angel, the man whose lap you are perched in. He is right here and you are lusting after another guy.
She’d tried to be good. She knew she needed to spend less time with Spike, it wasn’t fair to Angel. She had stayed on Tuesday, and things had gone smoothly. They’d settled in, had a bit of pillow chat, but they’d stayed on their respective sides that night. Like he’d warned, he’d been gone to practice when she’d woken up on Wednesday morning, so there was no morning after possibilities of badness. She’d come back on Wednesday and Thursday night, but she had resisted the urge to ask to stay again, though every time she looked at that bed, she’d wanted to feign tiredness and insist the 10 minute walk home would do her in, couldn’t she just stay with him?
She had to decide what to do about Angel. She was increasingly wondering if she might not be with the wrong guy. But she wasn’t going anywhere with Spike until she officially ended things with Angel. And having a talk about whether you should see other people didn’t seem good right before Willow’s birthday. So she’d put it on hold, hoping they’d have a chance to talk in the next week or so.
She glanced back over again. What was Spike doing over there? Was he cuddling Cordelia? He was, right next to her, in their spot on his sofa! That was how he cuddled her when they watched their show together!
She could feel her admittedly irrational anger rising as she watched him pull Cordy closer. Maybe she’d been wrong about having a talk with Angel. She’d really started to think that Spike was into her. He wasn’t a big flirt, most of the time, so she’d assumed his actions towards her must really mean something. But maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe he liked to have lots of girls up here in this apartment, she was nothing special to him.
Buffy’s rational side wondered when he would be doing said cuddling of multiple women, as she was here almost every night, but watching his blond head duck to whisper something in Cordelia’s ear and hearing her light laugh in response to whatever he said, made her anger rise more. She always knew Cordelia Chase was a slut. Didn’t she have a boyfriend? Her rational side reminded her that she did as well, one who she was currently curled against. She saw Spike glance over again and she evaded his gaze. Well fine. If he was going to be all over Cordy, she’d have no qualms about kissing Angel in front of him.
Buffy leaned back against Angel, relaxing for the first time that night and curled her hand around her neck to play with his hair. Angel glanced down at her, surprised by the sudden show of affection, but smiled as she tugged him down for a light kiss. He kissed her back. Buffy generally didn’t make the first move, and he was surprised at how responsive she was as he deepened the kiss, especially given the fact they were right in front of all their friends.
Spike glanced over at the pair now snogging away. He looked away, clenching his free hand into a fist as he tried to control his emotions. He hated the sight of her kissing him. Cordelia saw his clenched fist and heard his ragged breath. She glanced over at the impromptu make-out session beside her and smiled. Oh, she’d been right. Spike and Buffy had it bad for each other. Now, what else could she do to Spike to rattle Buffy’s cage?
The second movie ended and Willow pulled out her girly movie that she’d saved until the end. Everybody took a stretch break as drinks were refreshed. Cordelia settled herself back next to Spike, watching Buffy out of the corner of her eye.
“Spike, is there anyway you could maybe massage my neck? I don’t think I stretched properly before practice today and I’m so sore.” She batted her eyes at him, knowing she had Buffy’s attention. She really should get extra credit in her drama class for this little performance.
Spike agreed to try to work the kinks out and began kneading her neck and shoulders. She pulled her hair out of the way and proceeded to make quite a show of his attentions.
“Oh Spike, that feels so good, you have amazing hands.” She looked back coyly at him. “I bet you can do all kinds of incredible things with those hands, now can’t you?”
Spike stared at Cordelia. Was the crazy bint coming on to him? He’d known Cordy for a long time, and she’d never tried anything like this. Then he caught her quick wink as she looked back at him and ever so lightly inclined her head towards Buffy, who was starting to turn red as she watched them.
Spike glanced over her shoulder at the wide eyed Buffy standing at the end of the couch and glaring at them. If looks could kill, he thought that one or both of them might be dead. He realized that one, Cordy had figured out something was afoot between them, and two, she was trying to assist in making Buffy jealous. He didn’t know exactly what was going on here, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Clearly it was working.
“Well, pet, I’ve never had any complaints. You have anything else that has some kinks you need worked on?”
Cordy had laughed and cuddled back against him as the next movie started. He’d continued to rub her gently. Buffy watched the entire movie seething, as she snuggled closer to Angel and attempted to stop herself from sneaking glances over at Spike and Cordelia, who continued to whisper and giggle throughout the movie.
When Harry onscreen pronounced that men and women could never just be friends, Cordelia had glanced seductively up at Spike and announced, loud enough for Buffy to hear, “You know, I think there’s something to that, if you’re friends, you pretty much think of them as people you’d want to sleep with.” She’d batted her eyes at Spike and Buffy had launched off the couch, excusing herself to go to the restroom, but indicating they didn’t need to pause the movie and wait for her. Angel stared at Cordelia and Spike as Buffy flounced off. Was Cordy trying to get Spike in bed? She had seemed like she thought Spike was attractive before. Oh well, he didn’t really care, as long as she didn’t cancel their little planned meeting tonight after he dropped Buffy off at Giles’ place.
Buffy closed and locked the door to the bathroom, then sat down on the edge of the tub. This was utterly ridiculous. Spike was his own man and if he wanted to screw Cordelia in that big beautiful bed after they all went home tonight, he was certainly not restrained from doing so. Had it only been a few nights ago that she’d been in that bed with him? He hadn’t been so suggestive with her. Did he like Cordy? Was he just waiting to see if she’d make him an offer?
This was nuts. She had to stop thinking about Spike and start thinking about Angel. Sweet Angel, waiting out there for her. His kisses tonight had been more exciting than usual, maybe because you were already fired up about Spike, and maybe she’d underestimated him. He wasn’t coming on to Cordy, or rubbing on her. He’d had eyes for her only, all evening, and there was a lot to be said for that. Buffy composed herself, glad the movie was nearly done. She was ready for this evening to be over. The Spike and Cordy show had gone on long enough.
When she came out of the bathroom, she resettled herself on Angel’s lap and pulled him in for several more kisses before the movie concluded. When it was over, everyone proceeded to help dispose of the trash and gathered their things to leave. Buffy knew she was being rude, but she couldn’t seem to speak to Spike or Cordelia about anything more than a short, terse, good-bye before leaving. She knew she was acting oddly and drawing glances from her friends, but she couldn’t help it. She grew more upset when she heard Spike offer to take Cordelia home and heard her accept. She knew she wasn’t going to sleep well tonight, knowing that when everyone else had left, Cordy remained behind with Spike. She urged Angel to hurry, claiming she wasn’t feeling well and pulled him to the door with a final Happy Birthday to Willow.
As the door closed behind the other couples, Spike turned to Cordelia.
“How about we have a little chat, pet? Want to tell me what the little come hither act was tonight? I don’t think you were seriously trying to seduce me. So why the routine?” Spike pinned Cordelia in his gaze, wanting to know what she was playing at.
“Spike, what’s going on with you and Buffy?”
“Don’t change the question, I asked you first.”
“Okay fine. Spike, there are some details that I can’t tell you, but I just don’t think that Angel and Buffy work together. Now, you and Buffy, that’s another story. Spike, you’ve been in love with her since at least high school, am I right?
He looked away, then nodded.
“And you’re clearly spending a lot of time together. She knows where everything is in your apartment, she must be over here all the time. I’m not judging you guys and I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but there’s clearly something between you. I just thought a little jealousy might bring you two closer together.”
He looked at her, his blue eyes serious. “Cordelia, I don’t know what to do. I think we’re getting close, but she keeps dating Angel, and I don’t want to poach on someone else’s territory, even if she’s willing. I’ve been on the receiving end of that, and it’s not fun. I don’t like to share, I want Buffy all to myself, and right now, I just get little bits and pieces. But I have no clue how she really feels about me. So I can’t push and make her choose, I don’t want to lose her friendship, if that’s all I’ll ever have.”
Cordelia stared. “Wow, I though you were into her, but Spike, you are seriously head over heels in love, aren’t you?”
He nodded miserably.
She sighed. “Well, given Buffy’s reaction tonight, I’d say she definitely feels something for you. I don’t know if it’s as strong as what you feel for her, but she was one unhappy lady over there tonight. And I don’t think she usually is all over Angel like that, I think she was putting on a show for your benefit.”
His face brightened a little. “Really, you think so?”
“Spike, again, I’m giving you limited information and you don’t get the source, but I know two things for sure. Buffy hasn’t slept with Angel yet. In fact, she’s still a virgin.”
Spike looked at Cordelia in amazement. “You’re serious, she hasn’t slept with him? Angel? He’s always so hot to trot to get them in the sack.”
“Well, I think he’s trying something different with Buffy. But, the fact that it’s taking a while seems to indicate she isn’t sure about him, you know? So if I were you, I think I’d take a chance and maybe tell her how you really feel. If she doesn’t know, she can’t make a choice. But, I’m going to shut up now, cause I need to get home, okay?”
Spike stood up and helped Cordelia off the couch, before pulling her into a hug. “Thanks Cordy, for the advice. I really appreciate it.”
He looked at her closely as he released her.
“Cordelia, I’m not stupid. I’m not going to presume anything based on what you’ve told me, but I’ll offer you some advice as well. Wes is a great guy, and he really likes you. Don’t screw it up by screwing around with someone else, okay?”
She nodded, sensing that Spike knew there was something going on with her and Angel, but she was never going to confirm that for him.
<><><><>
Buffy knocked tentatively at Spike’s door. She knew she had behaved badly on Friday night. She’d tried to not be rude, but she’d been very cold to both Cordelia and Spike before she’d left. Then she’d pushed the slightly confused Angel away when he tried to get a little more touchy-feely than their usual good night kiss outside Giles’ house. She knew she was sending some mixed signals, the way she’d been macking on him at Spike’s, but her head had been aching and she just really wanted some sleep by that point.
She’d managed to avoid Spike the rest of the weekend and had left a message on his voice mail saying she couldn’t make it to his place on Monday. She’d chickened out again on Tuesday and left a message when she knew he wouldn’t be there, saying she wouldn’t be over. And now it was Wednesday. She hadn’t missed a tutoring session since the first week of school, and she knew she needed Spike’s help. She sucked up her pride and hoped he would forgive her rude behavior And also hoped that he hadn’t slept with Cordelia.
Spike opened the door and let her in with a quiet greeting, unlike his usual welcomes. Buffy made her apology for not being around much the last few days, and for her rudeness in general, and he said he understood that life got busy sometimes. The books were brought out and some of the awkwardness fell away as they lost themselves in their studies. They were already a little ahead and finished nearly an hour before their usual time.
Spike watched as she packed her books away. He knew flirting with Cordelia at the party had been juvenile and he knew the only reason he’d done it was to make her jealous. In some ways, he had been glad to see it bothered her, that she’d been steaming over there every time he looked at Cordy or whispered in her ear. It had salved his ego a little, that she at least felt enough to not want anyone else with him, but it had caused almost physical pain to watch her snogging away with Angel. He wondered if Cordelia had been right, he just needed to lay it all out for Buffy and make her choose.
He was more than a little afraid of that choice though. Sometimes he thought it was as if she wanted him on a leash, hers to play with and keep in this little apartment, but not someone she would acknowledge as anything more than a friend, while she paraded around with the BMOC. He fought down some bitterness. He’d wrestled with these feelings since Friday night and he didn’t know whether to encourage her to stay away more and end this torment, to lay it all out and force her to pick, him or Angel, or to beg her to come back and return to the way things were.
Buffy finished putting her books in her bag and looked at him across the desk..
“So, I don’t suppose you have the show taped for me do you?”
He smiled, glad for the excuse to keep her there a little longer. He was so weak. “Actually I do. And I haven’t watched either, I thought we could see it together.”
She returned his smile with a tentative one of her own and they moved to the living room, where Spike pulled out the appropriate tape and rewound it. He noticed she had seated herself at the opposite end of the couch from him, not her usual location, but he didn’t comment and they both settled in to catch up on the sagas of Harmony.
Several hours later, as the final scene drew to a conclusion, Whitney moved closer to Chad. Suddenly the two were caught up in a passionate kiss that showed immense longing and lust wrapped together. Buffy watched the fictional embrace, knowing it was just acting, but couldn’t help wondering if that level of passion and desire were possible in reality. She didn’t realize she’d spoken out loud, until Spike responded.
“Oh, I think so, very much. I dare say if you have stayed and caught the Giles and Jenny show, you might have seen that,” he nodded at the screen, “in real life.”
Buffy sighed. “You’re probably right.”
Spike paused for a moment, then continued to speak. “So you haven’t experienced that grand passion yet, pet, the one that makes the whole world drop away and leaves only the two of you in it?”
Buffy continued to stare at the screen, afraid to look into his eyes. This was getting into some dangerous territory to discuss with Spike. “No, I can’t say that I have. But I’d like to one day. How about you?” She realized she was digging her fingernails into her palms as she waited for his response. Probably he’d had that kind of fire with Drusilla or maybe even here with Cordelia the other night.
Spike was pleased that she hadn’t mentioned Angel. He decided to take Cordelia’s advice.
He slid a little closer to her on the couch and turned her face to his. “I’ve felt it, love, but I’ve never had the chance to experience yet, until now.”
Before she could respond, he crushed her lips to his and Buffy was overwhelmed at the emotions and sensations that rocketed through her as he kissed her more thoroughly than she’d ever been kissed in her life. This was so totally different than the few soft kisses they’d shared before, this was passion, heat, desire, a kiss that put the one on-screen moments before to shame in its intensity.
Without thought Buffy responded to the fireworks, encircling his neck with her arms and pulling him closer as they continued to devour each other. They broke apart briefly as they both panted for breath and then resumed the kiss. Spike shifted back and pulled Buffy onto his lap so that she straddled his legs.
She pulled back for a moment and stared into his eyes swirling with unnamed emotions. He pulled her back to him and began to nibble her neck, teasing kisses with occasional nips and sucks that soon had her writhing against him She felt him lick his way up the curve of her ear and nip her lobe, sending little shudders through her. Buffy closed her eyes again, not sure where this was going, but not caring for the moment.
She was suddenly very aware of their position, her short skirt riding high on her thighs, increasing her contact with the hardness she could feel through Spike’s jeans. She tentatively moved against him and was rewarded by his sharp gasp. Their mouths met again and she continued to undulate against him slowly, relishing the contact she received and wondering if she dared to take this further. Spike returned to doing lovely, evil things with his mouth against her collarbone and she realized he was slowly unbuttoning her shirt. As the top fell away, his lips trailed further down, kissing the tops of her breasts that rose above the cups of her bra. He paused and looked up, reaching for the clasp.
“Buffy?” It was a question, and she nodded as he flicked the closure and released her breasts into his waiting hands. She realized the breathless little moans she was hearing were her own as he suckled her nipples into tight peaks, massaging the mounds of flesh. She clutched his head to her, needing more, more contact, more touch, more Spike.
She began to pull at his shirt, trying to remove the offending garment that stood between her and his naked flesh. He pulled back and grinned at her, doing that wicked little thing with his tongue that she’d always thought was very sexy and obliged her by pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it behind the couch. She ran her nails up his chest, enjoying the feel of muscles at play beneath his skin. He let her pet and lick her way across his chest for a few moments, his head thrown back as she returned his favor by worrying his neck with her tongue and teeth.
Buffy felt intoxicated, watching the bliss that played over his face as she teased him further. He really wanted her, just her, not Cordelia, not anyone but her. She settled herself more firmly in his lap, the now drenched crotch of her panties sliding against the rock hard erection she could feel straining against his jeans, wanting more connection with him. He pulled her closer, sliding her silky breasts against his chest as he kissed her again and settled his hands on her hips, finding a rhythm as she continued to grind against him. She whimpered with frustration and suddenly, she hopped off his lap.
A surprised Spike looked up at her. She could tell by his expression that he thought she might be leaving. Instead, she slid her hands under her skirt and slowly removed her underwear, dropping them to the floor. He was on her in a second, pulling her back down for mind-numbing kisses and caresses, then shifting her under him to sit on the couch as he knelt in front of her.
She could feel the little jolts of electricity as he continued to play with her nipples, and she arched into his touch. Then one hand ventured lower, reaching between her legs and beginning to stroke her, teasingly at first. She moaned as he kissed her again, his fingers matching the rhythm of his tongue stroking her mouth. Her eyes closed as she focused on the touch of his body on hers, until she heard his soft request that she open her eyes.
Buffy slowly looked into his eyes as he increased the pace of his caresses, feeling even more naked and exposed as their gaze locked than when he’d been staring at her breasts earlier. She saw love, adoration, desire, passion, everything she’d ever wanted in a relationship, all the things she’d held back and waited for, for so many years and wondered if he saw the same in hers. He lowered his forehead to hers, one hand bracing the back of her neck as they both shivered together. She was so caught up in his gaze and those entrancing eyes, staring at her as if she was the only think that mattered in the world to him, that she was caught off guard when her orgasm ripped through her, his fingers still working inside her as his thumb brushed that sweet spot that hadn’t been explored by anyone but herself before now.
She collapsed against him, panting, languid in the intensity and aftermath of all she’d just experienced. She felt his arms tighten around her and heard him murmur, “Knew you didn’t have that kind of passion with Angel, my love.”
And suddenly the world came rushing back. What had she done? She was collapsed beneath Spike on his couch, half-dressed, his hard cock still pressed against her, recovering from an incredible orgasm. She’d just cheated on Angel. Shame filled here as she realized she was truly her father’s daughter. How could she have done this? What had she been thinking?
Spike leaned down to kiss her again and sensed something wasn’t right as she suddenly lifted her head, wide, startled doe eyes replacing the passion drugged look that had so recently occupied them. She pushed him away as she hastily refastened her bra and pulling her shirt together.
“Spike, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I have to go.”
And before he could even react, she’d jumped up, pulling down her skirt, grabbed her books and was gone, leaving him to wonder where he’d screwed up.