Chapter 19: Moving On
He’d resisted a bit, but let her pull him towards the hallway with a side door onto the deck. Buffy tugged him along until they were outside in the fresh night air, a welcome change after the overcrowded room.
It was a beautiful night, everything silvered by the full moon which shone brightly in the cloudless sky. He smiled indulgently as he watched Buffy waltz in front of him, leading him down the pier that led to a small enclosed gazebo suspended on stilts above the water. It appeared to be empty at the moment, though he’d noticed couples heading out the door to what must be the place for a little privacy all night.
Buffy turned and winked at him as they neared the entrance to the gazebo. “Why look, I do believe we’re all alone out here.”
Spike grinned as she ducked inside and motioned him to one of the small benches that lined the sides. “Why, so we are pet, whatever will we do with ourselves?”
She settled into his lap and captured his lips at his arms slid around her. He growled softly in appreciation as she initiated a long, slow, seductive kiss, sucking on his luscious lower lip, stroking his tongue with hers until he was avidly responding to her. She gave him one last nibble and began working her way to his ear. He groaned as she teased the sensitive spot on his neck right below his jaw, hadn’t taken her very long to suss out his weak spots he realized through the haze of warm, willing Buffy lovin’.
He blinked suddenly as he realized she was working at the fastenings on his pants. “Buffy . . . sweetheart, not that I don’t appreciate it, but what are you doing?”
She paused and looked up. A wicked grin crossed her face as she leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Well, I was planning on seeing if my skills had improved any since yesterday.”
He gulped as he realized what she had in mind. “Sweetheart, you do realize that just anyone could come out here any time?”
“Of course.” Her tongue traced the curve of his ear as her hand slid him free of the confines of his trousers and began to caress him. He was more than halfway hard already and she stroked him slowly, savoring the feeling of his length unfurling in her hand as their tongues mated and danced. He growled softly as she gently dragged her nails in a feather light caress against him and then pulled away.
“That’s half the fun. Now, your job is to just enjoy yourself. But there’s one rule. Can’t make any noises, ‘kay? Cause we wouldn’t want the others to come out here and disturb our fun.”
He watched with something akin to awe as she settled between his legs and began to caress him with her tongue and hands, gradually engulfing more and more of his now rampant member in between her wet lips. He threw his head back, grabbing the railing of the gazebo as he bit his lip to keep the moans building deep inside from ripping free. Her movements were experimental as she toyed with him, learning more about what made his breath pick up or caused him to shudder or twist against her.
He tossed his head from side to side as he felt the tension mounting, that incredible building of pressure that told him he was near, when suddenly she stopped as the door from the main ballroom opened and some chits strolled onto the deck which surrounded the casino, their voices carrying across the still water, as they nattered about something that seemed remarkably inconsequential to him at the moment. He felt her mouth curve into a grin as she started to move again, picking up the pace and sucking just the way he liked on the upstroke as her fingers caressed his tightening sac. He made the mistake of looking down, trying to block out the annoying twits who were bemoaning Melody’s faux pas in wearing a dress nearly identical to Susy’s or some such nonsense and realized his mistake as he became entranced at the sight of Buffy’s carmine lips sliding over him again and again, while her eyes locked on his.
He was lost at that sight and felt the first shudders race through him as he bit his hand to keep from shouting as she swallowed his emissions. As he finally began to lose the high she’d given him and slowly floated back down to earth, he watched as she delicately wiped the corners of her mouth and reached between her breasts, retrieving a small tube of lipstick and a tiny mirror. He was fascinated, and momentarily distracted by the thought of what else she might keep in there, as he watched in awe as she slowly repainted her lips to that same ripe red shade that had been his undoing. The door suddenly slammed and the night was quiet again. He sank to his knees, pants still unfastened and flopping and encircled her with his arms, holding her for a moment, unable to speak.
She tilted his head up and he met her eyes. “I love you, Buffy. You are an amazing woman, you know that?”
“I’m trying to be.” She met his gaze and felt a little flutter as she basked in the adoration she saw reflected there. “Spike, I love you. Tonight has been incredible and perfect and I really want a happy ending with my Prince Charming. I know Angel’s here, I know he’s with Darla and I don’t care. Here’s what I want. I want us to go back out there and no matter what he says or does, I want you to look right past him and remember that nothing he says matters, cause I’m your girl and I’m going home to your bed tonight.”
“You’re my girl.” It was more of a statement than a question, an affirmation of what she’d just said. She smiled at the goofy look on his face as he continued, “Darling, Angel can insult me, you, anyone in the room and I’ll just walk on by.”
“Excellent. Now, what do you say me and you go have a few more dances, and then slip away to somewhere more private. Cause Spike,” she leaned in closer as he finished fastening his trousers and rose to his feet, “I’m wearing that little black number you peeked at this morning, only, for some reason I couldn’t find the underwear. And honey, I am so wet right now, you could just slide right in.” With that, she strolled to the entrance of the gazebo and stared down the dock.
“Coming?”
Spike stared at her almost speechless as his eyes dropped as though he could somehow confirm the lack of undies with heretofore unknown x-ray vision. His stupefaction passed and he lunged after her. “Oh, you naughty, naughty girl, you are in for it tonight, luv. Sod this dance, I’m taking you home.”
She had almost made it back to the entrance to the ballroom, giggling as she tried to flee in her high heels, when he grabbed her for a kiss and attempted to explore the truth of her earlier statement with a quick grope through the slit of her skirt when the door suddenly swung open to reveal Angel and Darla.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the cute couple,” Angel sneered.
“Angel, Darla, how are you?” Spike nodded, his voice remarkably carefree as he pulled Buffy closer to him.
“So, Spike, you enjoy having someone else’s leftovers? Course, seems like I remember you getting some practice with that before. Dru, wasn’t that her name? Yep, she was quite a ride too. And Buffster. That frigid act still working for you? Guess Spike here’s a mighty patient man, willing to wait for you to warm up and all. You can give me a call if you ever decide you’re ready to have your cherry popped, you know, if Spike can’t quite get the job done. I might can work you into my schedule.”
Spike opened his mouth, ready to respond, when Darla suddenly spoke, her gaze traveling down to Spike’s crotch. “Um, Spike, you might want to . . .” She trailed off as Spike looked down and realized part of his shirttail was now caught in his zipper as a result of his hasty settling of his clothing. Her gaze shifted to Buffy. “And Buff, your lipstick’s a little smudged there, you’ll want to touch that up before you go back in.”
Buffy glanced at Spike and the two simultaneously burst into laughter. “Thank you Darla, we’ll do that. Have a good night, enjoy the party,” was Spike’s only comment before he led Buffy through the door.
“Luv, let’s you and me freshen up, then meet back and make the last call for us – one more dance and we’re going home.” Buffy nodded and hurried into the restroom, her body humming with anticipation of the night to come.
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Angel stared after them with disbelief. How dare they just walk off and leave him? Even worse, what had that little exchange with Darla been about? He glanced over at Darla who was smirking at him. “What the hell was that, Darla?” he snarled.
She laughed. “Oh please Angel. Like you can’t figure out what the two of them were doing out there. Looks like Buffy’s not quite the cold fish you thought she was. Guess tall, dark and handsome doesn’t rev her motor, unlike some of us.” She shrugged. “They make a cute couple.”
He stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
Darla rolled her eyes. “Angel, hello? Clearly Buffy just gave Spike a happy out there.” She slid closer and ran her blood red nails up his shirt front. “Looks like a nice private spot, you maybe want to go for an encore of earlier, kinda romantic with the moonlight and the water.”
He turned on his heel with out a word and stalked away. She watched him go for a minute, before calling out, “Angel. Let it go. Don’t make an ass of yourself. From what I hear, you did a pretty good job of that the other night.”
He kept going, walking away rapidly, blocking out Darla’s voice as he brooded over what had just happened. Buffy and Spike were a real couple? It wasn’t just some stupid attempt to make him jealous? He’d figured Buffy had just been pissed about that whole Darla thing and was trying to get some revenge with Spike. But they’d actually looked happy together, smiling, laughing, Buffy had been practically glowing. She’d never looked at him like that. He knew he was better looking than Spike, certainly more of an athlete, close to as smart. So why had she somehow fallen into that peroxide pest’s arms? He smashed his fist against the railing. He hated this. He hated the realization that there was something out there he couldn’t have.
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Darla’s temper rose as Angel kept going and left her standing alone. That son of a bitch. She agreed to come with him, saving him from the embarrassment of not having a date after Buffy very obviously dumped him, then he abandoned her? Where did he get off? She was about to start after him when she felt a tap of her shoulder and turned to see Lorne.
“Darla, hi. I’ve been looking for you for a while. There’s something important I need to tell you.”
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Buffy exited the restroom and made her way back to the table where her friends sat.
“Hey Buffy, how was your walk?”
Buffy smiled. “Um, nice. The moon’s very pretty tonight. We went and checked out that little gazebo.”
“Told you they were probably off finding a quiet spot to do the nasty.” Faith laughed as Buffy turned red.
“Faith! We weren’t doing that, exactly.”
Willow giggled as Buffy turned redder. “Um, Buffy, room, want to look into that?”
Suddenly Spike was behind her and pulled her back against him, turning her so that her face was hidden against his chest. “Now, now ladies, don’t be harassing my Goldilocks.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Never again give me that look when you think Xander and I are being too sickeningly sweet, Buff, cause I think you and Spike have moved into first place in the schmoopy Olympics.”
Buffy turned back to her friends. “Whatever, muffin.”
“What? Xander finds me tasty! Oh, wait, that didn’t come out quite right,” Willow laughed.
The strains of the next song drifted across the floor. “TMI, Red. Buffy and I have a date for one last dance, then we’re off. If we don’t see Xander and Johnny again, give our regards and we’ll see you later.”
“Bye guys,” Buffy called as Spike pulled her into his arms and onto the dance floor.
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Darla stared at Lorne, her eyes huge. “You’re lying. You vicious, vindictive bastard. You’re just mad I didn’t stick around after your pathetic performance.”
“Look sweet cakes, you can insult me all you want, but facts are facts. Little Fred made a mistake. She said she left a message for you but I’m guessing you didn’t get it. Why don’t you check your messages?”
Darla turned away and whipped her cell phone from her hand bag, dialing her number, then the remote code. She listened to the message in horror, then replayed it a second time, before feeling her legs start to buckle. She started to slide as Lorne reached out and caught her, bracing her against the railing.
“I’m guessing you got the message then. Darla, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. It’s treatable you know, just not the most fun treatments from what I’ve heard.”
Darla scowled at his attempt to cheer her and looked around wildly. She had to get out of here. Where was Angel? Wait, Angel. She flashed back to their recent romp. He was going to kill her.
“Lorne, if you see Angel, just tell him I had to go. Don’t mention the rest, okay?”
He nodded. “You sure you’re alright? Can I get you something?”
She shook her head. “No, I just really need to go home.” She turned and walked down the bridge which led to the parking area where some taxis waited. He watched her climb into one and then turned and walked back into the dance, pausing to snag another Seabreeze as he entered. Somehow, that hadn’t been as fun as he’d expected.
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Angel reentered the main hall, his eyes narrowed. Things were not working out like he had planned. This was his senior year, his frat’s formal and he’d expected to be the center of attention, Buffy on his arms, hanging out with all his friends. Instead he was alone and miserable. He scanned the room, searching for Darla in her bright red dress. She shouldn’t be that hard to spot. He sighed heavily, slightly dreading the encounter. He knew he probably shouldn’t have left her like that, and he had no doubt if she was upset she’d let him know. He’d learned pretty fast that Darla went after what she wanted and told you how she felt, not a lot of game-playing there.
He paused by a table as he scanned the dance floor, trying to see if she’d joined the writhing crowd, idly tuning into the conversation that was occurring on the other side of one of the dividers that sectioned the dance floor off.
“Penn, who’s that girl with Spike?”
“The blonde? Oh, that’s Buffy Summers.”
“Huh, I didn’t know he was dating anyone.”
“Yeah, apparently they just started going out. You should have seen it at the house the other night. See, Buffy was dating Angel, and . . .”
“Wait, Angel O’Conner? He was dating her, or just sleeping with her?”
“No, that’s the thing, he was actually dating her. Hey wait, there’s Lorne, he’ll give you the low down.” Penn stood up and waved as Lorne entered the room. Angel pulled back further behind the divider.
“Lorne, what’s the deal with the Buffy Summers chick? How’d she manage to snag Angel and Spike? They are such hotties,” the unknown female voice asked.
“Well, sugar, Miss Summers is apparently quite the catch. In addition to being cuter than a button, she’s got a sweet little trust fund that’s gonna make her a wealthy woman one day. Course you look at those two out there now, I don’t think that has much to do with it. That is what they call true love. The way I hear, our Spike has had a yen for his Goldilocks for a long time now, and they finally got together just this week. Quite dramatic too. Buffy gave Angel the boot over at the KET house, then Spike carried her out all Gone With the Wind.”
“Wow, that’s so romantic.”
Angel clenched his fists and moved away, having heard enough. Buffy, Spike, Buffy, Spike, could people please find another topic? Darla’d find some way over to the hotel he figured, he needed to go get very, very drunk right now.
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Spike pulled into the driveway and parked his car in the usual spot. As he turned off the ignition, the couple just sat for a minute, snuggled together.
Buffy turned her head slightly so it rested even closer in the curve of his neck as she idly played with the loose ends of the tie he’d unfastened as soon as they left the casino.
“This is nice,” she whispered softly, almost loathe to break the silence that had surrounded them as they drove home.
“Yeah, it is,” he confirmed as he tightened his arm around her.
“I’m finally seeing the advantage to this old car you like so much, I can get all snuggly with you.”
He brushed the top of her head in a soft kiss. “Um-hum.”
They sat for a few minutes more, basking in the moonlight and stillness of the quiet neighborhood. The urgency and lust that had been pounding through him earlier had somehow dissipated on the drive home, as he contemplated the mystery that was Buffy. She was an enigma to him, probably always would be, part pouting little girl, part seductive as hell temptress, but always determined and loyal to those she loved.
And she had promised that he was one of those lucky ones, maybe the luckiest, because he’d somehow managed to move from just being her friend to being something more, something unique in her life. He brushed his hand against the shell of her ear and down the length of her neck, marveling at the feel of the softness of her skin under his fingertips.
“Luv, thank you for that, tonight, and not just the little surprise you pulled in the gazebo. Thanks for stopping me from getting into with him. I know Angel’s just a big wanker and that sometimes walking away’s the bigger thing to do, but I’d have probably punched him anyway if you hadn’t given me a good talking to.”
She turned her face up to his, trying to catch his shadowed eyes. “You’re welcome. And thank you for giving me a spectacular evening. I had a lot of fun tonight, Spike. Getting dressed up, hanging with our friends, but most of all, just being with you. So I’d say we’re even.”
He stared down at her for a moment, then quirked his lips into a seductive grin. “You know Cinderella, it’s not all that late. I think we might could find some other things to do before you turn into a pumpkin.”
He started for her lips and when he was the merest fraction from them, so close she could feel his warm breath, he pulled back and followed the line of her face until he slowly traced the curve of her ear with his tongue. “I’m gonna make you beg and scream until you can’t come anymore tonight, luv.”
Her breathing increased at his promise and she realized that little noise was her half-moan as she felt the heat that had been simmering all night between them start to swell again. He slowly pushed her back and trailed a line of kisses down her throat as he explored his way closer to the swell of her breasts that had been tormenting him since he first saw her dress. Distracted, she failed to notice what his other hand was occupied with until a waft of cool air drifted across her thigh and she felt him slowly tracing the tops of her stockings.
“Now, then, let’s find out if you were telling the truth.” His hand drifted northward and she let out a little squeal as he found the prize he’d been looking for. He gave a growl as his fingers dipped inside, then teased her nub as she shuddered beneath him. “Oh, luv, it’s a good thing you didn’t tell me earlier, we’d have never made it out of the apartment tonight.” She sighed against him as he kissed her again, already so lost in the moment that she could barely concentrate on his words.
Suddenly he pulled away and smoothed her skirt back down as she uttered a small eep of protest. “Spike, no, don’t stop.”
He smiled. “Not stopping, just moving us to somewhere a little more private. We are still in the car, sweet, and I don’t quite fancy giving the Professor a show, though he might knock some off my rent after a look at you in all your glory.”
She gasped as she realized they were still entangled in the front seat of his car. Spike noticed her surprise and laughed. “Becoming quite the exhibitionist there aren’t you, luv? Next thing I know you’ll be wanting to check out the library and the bell tower and all the other hot spots on campus.”
“You mean people really do it in the library?” She tried to sound slightly appalled, but it somehow came out vaguely interested.
“Yes indeed, luv, stumbled on a pair during midterms in the fourth floor cubbies – guess they thought the place had cleared out and they could have a bit of a study break. Why, you interested?”
She darted him a quick look as they mounted the stairs. “Maybe.”
He laughed. “Buffy, sweetheart, you are never gonna stop surprising me.”
He unlocked the door and moved aside for her to enter. He flicked on one lamp, then began to move around the room, lighting the candles that remained from their first night together. She watched for a moment as the room took on a slight glow and he flicked the lighter closed before cutting of the lamp, leaving the room in soft shadows and dancing light.
She started across the room slowly towards him and reached for his jacket, then his tie. He stood quietly, watching as she circled around him, running her hand caressingly down his chest in a way that seemed almost territorial, as though marking him as hers. Her nimble fingers began to remove the studs that fastened the shirt together and dropped them on the night stand as she ran her nails across his chest, teasing his nipples into hard points. He watched her, an intense look in his eyes as she gently pushed him back on to the bed and sashayed a step or two away.
She reached behind her and he found himself holding his breath as her zipper descended and the dress slid away, leaving Buffy in the lace and silk creation he’d been dreaming about all day. The corseted upper half held her breasts high and highlighted her slim waist and the brief garter belt held the sheer black stockings in place. She looked away, suddenly feeling shy under the full onslaught of his admiration and he rose from the bed to pull her towards him. He seated her and knelt at her feet, slowly parting her legs, enjoying the way she still developed a rosy little blush as she watched him caress her intimately. He gave her a soft kiss, then repeating her earlier move, gently pushed her back as he descended her body. “Gonna return the favor now luv.”
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Cordelia lay beside Wesley, biting her lip to keep from crying. She’d tried, she really had. Everything she knew, every way she’d been able to please a guy before, she tried with him. He had stamina. They’d been going at it for hours now and he finally seemed sated. But in the end, she realized she felt more used than she ever had in her life. She felt like a cheap hooker he’d picked up in the bad part of town that passed for a red light district in Sunnydale. He hadn’t hurt her but he hadn’t loved her either. It had been nothing but sex and she felt even emptier than earlier that night.
She slowly rolled away and let the hot tears spill down her face onto the pillow, trying desperately not to let the sobs escape her. She didn’t have much left, but she wasn’t going to cry in front of him, not after this. She wished she could hate him for using her, but it had felt like penance, like she owed her somehow for what she’d done.
She jumped a little when she felt his hand on her shoulder. “How do you feel Cordelia?” His tone had somehow lost the hard edge it had had earlier in the evening.
She wasn’t sure how to respond. Did he want to hear that she felt used? Did he need to know she’d been appropriately punished? Was that what he was looking for?
“Wesley, can you please just take me home now?” She couldn’t stop them this time and the tears began to trickle down her cheek. She didn’t resist when he slowly rolled her over and pulled her against him, needing some kind of warmth at the moment so much that she didn’t care that he was the source of her tears.
He held her for a few minutes, his hand soothingly rubbing small circles on her back as she slowly gained control of her emotions again. A long moment passed where they both lay in the fragile silence, suspended for a moment in a place where they weren’t hurting one another.
At last he spoke and shattered the silence. “Cordy, I’m so very sorry.”
She titled her head back, startled that he was apologizing, but he continued on, eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling and avoiding her gaze.
“I didn’t want it to be like this, between us. You blew my world apart Cordelia. Ever since I first saw you cheering for us your freshman year, I’ve wanted you. But I was engaged and you were always taken, flitting from guy to guy. I was never under any misapprehensions about your virtue, you know. But when I finally convinced my parents to let me break things off and live my own life, I knew you were what I was looking for. When Angel offered to set us up, I was on cloud nine for a week.”
“Do you remember out first date?” She nodded against him. “We took that picnic out to that overlook and just talked for hours. And I realized that there was something more to Cordelia Chase than just a pretty face. I started falling in love with you that day Cordy. And I didn’t mind taking things slow.”
She huddled closer, somehow knowing what was to come next and wanting those last few seconds to be close to him.
“You ripped my world apart yesterday. I never saw that coming. I knew you weren’t a virgin, I didn’t expect you to be. You have a past, I have a past, but what mattered was us, where we were now. And I never thought you would betray that.” He voiced cracked a little and she realized he had started to cry. “I thought that you felt the same way.”
She couldn’t stand the sound of his anguish, and reached up to catch the tear as it trickled down his cheek. “I do Wesley. It was killing me, eating me away inside. But it was like I had dug this hole and every day that went by that I didn’t say something, the harder it got. And you were so wonderful, I felt like you really saw me, and I just wanted to hold on to that for as long as possible.”
She shifted, sitting up beside him and tentatively taking his hand in hers as she tucked the sheets around her. “Wesley, I don’t deserve you, and I don’t deserve a second chance. But I want you to know that you changed my life. I’m so, so sorry I hurt you. You don’t know what I’d give to go back to the beginning, to that first picnic, and start all over again. But we can’t. I know I destroyed your trust and I’m sorry for that as well. I know words can’t make up for it, I know what we did here tonight can’t make up for it, but I wish there was something that could.”
He didn’t pull away from her hand lightly grasping his, but he turned his face as though fascinated by the poster on the wall, so she was startled when he suddenly spoke.
“There is you know.”
“There is what?”
“Something you can do.”
Cordelia swallowed. “Okay Wesley, what would you like me to do?”
“Always be honest with me in the future.” He sat up and met her gaze. “We can’t start over, it would be ludicrous to pretend otherwise. But I don’t want this to end. You’re like no one I’ve ever met Cordelia. And I don’t want to let you go.”
He paused. “I thought this would do it you know. I thought maybe I was hung up on the fact I never slept with you, it was just the lure of the unknown. But the thought of letting you walk out of here, Cordy, I can’t. God help me, but I still love you and I can’t let you go.”
With a glad cry she launched herself at him, holding him as tight as she could. “Oh Wes, I will. I’ll never lie to you again. I’ve been so miserable, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Thank you.”
He held on to her, his nose buried in her hair. “Just don’t make me regret this, please Cordy. I can’t do this again.”
“You won’t have to.”
They slowly sank back down, curled around each other. Cordelia closed her eyes, savoring the feel of his skin, still a little sweaty, as he shifted against her. She knew everything wasn’t okay and it was going to be a long time before the shadows in his eyes were gone and he really trusted her again. But he was willing to try and so was she, and that was what mattered right now. She tried to focus on the good and just enjoy the chance to still be with him. But neither could help the nagging doubts that persisted in the back of both their minds as they sank into an exhausted sleep.