Chapter 11: Choices
Buffy finished buttoning her shirt as she hurried through the wooded pathway back to her dorm, struggling to balance her flashlight in one hand. Her head was spinning and her heart was racing as she tried to calm herself. She hoped that Willow would be out with Xander or something, because she needed to be alone right now, to calm dawn and to sort out what had just happened.
She made it back to Stevenson, looking not too disheveled she hoped, and slid her card in the lock. She opened the door to her room and breathed a sigh of relief, it was quiet, dark and Will’s bed was empty. Buffy collapsed on her bed as her cell phone started to ring.
She ignored it.
It rang again.
She picked it up and saw Spike’s number on the caller ID.
She put the phone back down. She didn’t know what to say to him right now. She knew running out of his apartment like all the demons from hell were chasing her had not been good post, . . . post, . . . well, post very-heavy–foreplay etiquette. She was still on a high from the incredible sensations Spike had coaxed from her and she wished suddenly she was back over there snuggled in his bed, moving beyond the heavy foreplay.
The phone rang again.
She checked. Spike again.
What would she say to him, “Sorry I ran, I really enjoyed that, but I feel like scum because I technically have a boyfriend?”
The phone rang.
She breathed deeply. She couldn’t ignore him; they should talk about what happened, right? Communication made things better.
The phone rang.
She took a deep breath, and picked it up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Well apology accepted, babe, did you do something wrong?”
“Angel,” Buffy squeaked, realizing suddenly that she hadn’t checked the caller ID before she answered this time. “Wrong, oh, no, I though you were, um, maybe Willow, and we had a, a fight, a really bad fight about a shirt I borrowed and I was just going to apologize.” Jeez, Buffy, stammer much? Can you be more obvious?
“Well, you don’t want to be fighting with Willow. Got to keep things peaceful with the roommate. Is she out with Xander or something?”
Buffy cringed, realizing that one’s roommate was probably not the best choice of excuse for expecting a phone call late at night, given Willow was generally in the room with her at this time of night. Fortunately, Angel moved on without pause.
“I just wanted to call to make sure we’re still on for Friday. I made reservations at the new place downtown, you know, the little French restaurant you said you really wanted to try? Quite the waitlist, but turns out the owner’s a fan of the team and he agreed to get us in, no waiting. So you just look pretty and I’ll pick you up at 7:00, okay?”
Buffy sat for a long moment. He’d gotten them reservations at considerable trouble; he already had the evening planned. Tell him you can’t go, tell him it’s over. She couldn’t seem to make the words come out. She wasn’t totally sure that was what she should do anyway. And breaking up over the phone just didn’t seem right. She needed to do this in person, no matter what conclusion she came to.
“That sounds great, Angel. I’ll see you then.”
She hung up the phone and checked her voice mails. There were now ten from Spike. She listened to them swiftly, the first few were angry demands for her to pick up, a few insisting he knew she was there, a few more pleading for her to just answer the phone so he knew she was all right, and a final one, asking her to please call him or he was coming over. She composed herself and dialed his number.
“Hello, Spike.”
“Buffy.” Spike bolted off the bed and began to pace, relieved to finally hear her voice. “Pet, are you okay?”
“I’m fine Spike. I’m at home.”
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or scare you. You didn’t have to run away. Buffy, I would have stopped at any time. I-” he paused, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted what we were doing.”
“Spike, it’s okay.” She started blushing as she remembered the way he’d felt against her, that look in his eyes as he’d stared into her soul. “I did want that, I really did. But I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bolt, but I just couldn’t be there anymore. It’s not you, you were,” she knew if she looked in the mirror, she’d probably be flushed right now, “you were amazing. But I can’t do that, Spike. I’m dating Angel and you reminded me of that and I realized how wrong it was. I’m so sorry, I should have stopped you, it isn’t your fault. I just need a little time to sort this out, ‘kay? Look. I need to go, I’m okay, you don’t need to worry and,” she paused, “it was good. Thank you Spike, for everything.”
He realized she’d hung up and Spike banged his head against the wall. Why the hell had he mentioned Angel? He decided having an armful of Buffy must turn his brain to mush. He vaguely remembered the comment, but he’d had no idea she’d react that way.
He threw himself back on the bed. Okay, William, think, think, think. You just had an incredible encounter with Buffy, which she seemed to really enjoy, clearly a breakthrough. She’s upset about Angel, but she’s not totally dismissing you. Time. She said she needed time. Maybe she just wanted a few days to sort things out, break it off with that ponce and then she’d be back… He knew he must be grinning like an idiot as he suddenly realized that he might be very close to having the woman of his dreams. She’d said he was amazing.
He was going to have to thank Cordelia Chase. Seizing the day seemed to have definitely made some progress. Maybe he’d send her a nice bouquet of flowers tomorrow. And Buffy.should he send her roses? Were roses to overly romantic? Sod that, he was feeling romantic, red roses and a card.
He stopped for a minute. He realized he hadn’t told her he loved her, hadn’t said the words yet. He didn’t want her to think this was just some little fling. She needed to know how he really felt. Should he find her tomorrow, maybe see if she wanted to have breakfast first thing? Or was that too pushy? No. She wanted time. He needed to give her time to talk with Angel, to let him down easy, so she wouldn’t feel guilty anymore. Just the flowers then… He finally drifted off, happier than he’d been in a long time, sure that Buffy was coming around.
<><><><>
Buffy sat on her bed staring at the wall, arms wrapped around her knees. How could she have done the thing she most despised, cheated on her significant other? Regardless of the fact that she and Angel didn’t have the perfect relationship, they had been going out for a while now. She buried her head and felt the tears start to fall. She didn’t know what had come over her tonight, but Angel hadn’t even entered her head once. From the moments Spike’s lips had touched hers, he’d been the only thing she could think of in the world.
She grabbed a tissue, trying to control her tears. She didn’t need to still be crying if Willow ever came home, but they just wouldn’t stop. She thought that she might be in love with him; in fact she knew she was. And it scared her so badly she could hardly breathe. Spike. The handsome, blond headed, blue eyed man, whom she’d watched grow up beside her. He’d always been a little different, always had to do things his way, even if it was the hard way. But underneath, he’d always been good. Good to her, good for her. She wanted to believe she could trust him with her heart and have the fairy tale romance.
But what if she was wrong? Men were so unpredictable. With Angel, she felt comfortable, a friendly affection that she knew would maybe smart a little if he walked away, but no more. With Spike, if he left her, if things didn’t work out, she knew her world would collapse. And she had no guarantee. Her dad hadn’t left, not physically, but the whole time she’d been growing up, she had heard the war between her folks, the extremes of emotion. Some days, they were so wrapped up in each other they almost didn’t know she was there. The next, they hated each other; throwing objects, cursing and fighting. There’d rarely been an in-between, a peace, in their relationship.
Buffy thought back to one of her most poignant childhood memories. She must have been seven or eight at the time. She remembered coming into her parents’ bedroom and seeing her mom sobbing her eyes out. She’d gone to hug her and Joyce had clutched her tightly.
As she’d hugged her mother, she’d whispered, frightened, “Mommy, what’s wrong.”
“Oh sweetie, it’s nothing.” Her mom had straightened, dabbed at her eyes and struggled for composure. “I’m okay.”
She’d pulled Buffy into her arms and as she curled against her, Buffy asked, “Mommy, where is daddy?”
Her mom had half-sobbed as she struggled to respond to the question. “He’s out baby, he’s just not here right now, but he’ll be back soon.”
“I miss daddy when he’s gone. Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?”
Buffy could still remember the look on her mom’s face as she’d told her about meeting her father at a dance in college and their whirlwind romance. Her mom had looked so happy for a few minutes, remembering those times, when everything was good and they were so happy. From that moment, she’d never doubted that her mother loved her father. And strangely, despite her father’s numerous infidelities, she’d seem him watch her mom with eyes that adored her, his Joycie. He’d always made sure they had everything they needed. Everything but his fidelity.
Buffy had watched that love destroy her mother through the next few years of her young life, as the constant back and forth of hate and passion between them had escalated. Her mom had never been able to let go and walk away, she’d just crawled deeper into a bottle, until their twisted parody of love had killed them both. Her parents had passion, fire, desire. When times were good and everything was right, she’d watched them together, entranced. She knew it was the reason her father never walked away, the reason her mother wouldn’t leave.
She’d thought about the day they’d died a lot over the years. She hadn’t been there that day, hadn’t seen what had happened at that hotel, but she could imagine the scene. She knew that spark must have flared between them again, it would have been the reason her father had gone after her mother and jumped in that car, to try to stop her from walking away, from leaving him. She knew from watching them that passion could make you ecstatic.exhilarated.intoxicated. It could also burn, destroy and consume you.
She didn’t think she wanted to love like that, so intensely that she was on a knife’s edge between ecstasy and destruction. Love didn’t have to be that way, it could be calm and quiet, comforting. She thought about the couples she knew, some just starting out, some further along, and knew it wasn’t always that deep and intense. But if she pursued this thing with Spike, they wouldn’t be calm or quiet, she knew that instinctively.
Tonight had opened her eyes. They’d been good up until now, as friends, because they both always sublimated the extremes of the emotion they had inside them. But it was acknowledged now, like a heavy current underlying the waves that could suck her in. She’d felt as though she was drowning in Spike tonight, like he could have asked for anything, done anything to her and she would have acquiesced and been delighted to make her lover happy.
He’d been right, she didn’t feel that kind of passion with Angel and she never would. But she’d never risk the kind of pain she’d seen that could come from it, either. Was it possible to love like that and not have it consume either one of them? Could she ride the knife’s edge and find the pleasure, without the pain? Did she dare take that chance? Or was something more tepid -less intoxicating but safer- a better way to go? She’d thought passion was what she’d been waiting for but she hadn’t really understood, not until she’d felt Spike’s lips on hers, their eyes locked, his revealing his heart and desire as he’d caressed her intimately, how consuming the passion could be.
She lay curled in a fetal position, staring at the clock as it edged later and later into the sleepless night. She needed to make a decision. She had to make her choice, take the chance with Spike or walk away. But either way, she couldn’t play games with either of these men. The one thing she would not do would be to follow her father’s example by torturing those she loved. She was better than that.
She finally gave up and went to shower, knowing sleep wouldn’t come that night.
<><><><>
She came back for her morning classes to find Willow smiling broadly.
“Buffy, look what you got. I bet they’re from Angel. But I didn’t want to be nosy, so I didn’t open the card. Aren’t they gorgeous?”
Buffy looked at the blood-red, perfect dozen roses artfully arranged in a beautiful vase that Willow had set on her desk. She realized she was trembling as she reached for the card and knew as soon as she slid it out that the script wasn’t Angel’s. She turned slightly as she read the card.
______________
Dearest Buffy,
Thank you for last night. I know you need time and space right now, and I intend to honor your request. But I realized I neglected to tell you the most important thing.
Buffy, I love you and I have for the longest time. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and ever will. I promise you that I will always do everything in my power to make you happy, if you’ll only give us a chance.
Forever yours,
William
______________
Buffy tightened her grip on the card. She felt woozy and she thought her heartbeat seemed erratic. Lack of sleep and stress, she was sure that was the cause. How did he know the perfect thing to do, how to say the things she wanted to hear? He really loved her. He wanted to make her happy. He was her William. She folded the card and sat down on her bed, staring at the flowers as if entranced.
“So, what does it say? Are they from Angel?”
Buffy blinked and looked at Willow, then back at the card. “No,” she replied softly, “they’re not from Angel.”
Willow looked at her harder, noticing for the first time how rough Buffy looked today. “Buffy, you okay?”
“I’m fine, just couldn’t sleep last night.” She straightened up, trying to inject some normality into her tone. “The flowers are from Spike. I had a test I did well on and he wanted to congratulate me.”
“Woo.that’s a heck of a good job, those sure are gorgeous. That was really sweet of him Buffy.”
“Yeah, he’s a sweet guy.” Buffy curled up on her bed, her back to Willow, still clutching the card. “I’m going to try to catch a few winks. I really need a nap.”
“Sure Buffy, I need to study, but I’ll be quiet.”
“Thanks Willow, I appreciate it.”
Willow turned off the overhead light and turned on her small study lamp, glancing over at Buffy. She hoped she was going to be okay, she really didn’t look well at all. She settled in to study.
More than an hour later, Willow glanced over and saw that Buffy had turned to face her in her sleep. The card she’d been clutching had fallen from her fingers and now lay on the floor below her head.
Willow stared at the card. She really should pick that up; Buffy wouldn’t want it to get messed up. She softly tiptoed across the room, so as not to wake Buffy, and picked up the small scrap of paper. She didn’t mean to read it, not really, but a few words caught her eye and before she knew it, she was reading the entire message in shock.
Spike and Buffy? Well that certainly explained a lot. Buffy’s weird behavior at her birthday party for one. And she bet the “library” Buffy kept disappearing to, but was never actually at, was really Spike’s place. How long had this been going on? And why was she being so secretive?
She looked again at the sleeping Buffy. Something must have happened recently because Buffy was acting totally out of character and Spike was sending flowers and asking her to choose him. Where was Angel in all this? She really wanted to ask, but she hated to admit she’d been snooping and read the card. She carefully put it down and snuck back to her chair. This required some thought and maybe a little Xander help.
<><><><>
Buffy woke up late on Thursday evening, no closer to a decision, but feeling slightly better for her nap. Her eyes fell on the roses as she sat up and she couldn’t help a small smile.
“You had a couple of phone calls while you were out of it,” Willow said, noticing she was awake.
“Really, who called?”
“Well, let’s see. Angel called, just wanted to remind you to be a little dressier than usual for your date tomorrow night.” Willow watched closely for Buffy’s reaction, but couldn’t really tell what she was thinking.
“Okay, you’ll have to help me pick something out Will; he’s taking me out to that new French restaurant in town.”
“Oh really, for your two month anniversary? Cause you know we all went out for the first time two months ago Friday. Xander and I are going to have a picnic down by the lake.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “I didn’t realize it had been two months.”
“Well, you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Bet you’ll probably be getting some more flowers to go with those lovelies on Friday as well.”
Buffy looked over distractedly at the roses again. Willow watched her stare at them, then added, “And Spike called for you.”
Buffy bushed faintly and refused to look over. “What did he say?”
“He just wanted to see if you got the flowers and if you were doing okay. I told him you were sleeping, but that you liked them.”
“Thanks, Willow, I appreciate that.”
“He sure did sound happy. You know Spike’s not really the bouncy type, but he sounded pretty excited about something, you know anything about that Buffy?”
“Um, no, he seemed to be fine when he tutored me on Wednesday night.” She blushed again, suddenly flashing back to the last bout of tutoring Spike had given her at the end of the evening.
Willow decided to not push the issue. Clearly something was going on and had happened last night. But Buffy was still going out with Angel on Friday. She needed to get to the bottom of this, but Buffy was obviously not going to volunteer the information.
“Willow, will you help me pick out something to wear tomorrow, for my date?”
“Sure Buffy.”
“I think I’m going to go for a walk now, I’ll be back before it gets dark.”
Buffy walked out the door and began to wander aimlessly around the campus. Before she knew it, she found herself outside Spike’s. He wasn’t there. She knew his schedule; he had a lab right now and wouldn’t be home for another hour at the earliest. She stared at the stairs, then decided to go on up.
She knocked softly and then unlocked the door. She wandered around, randomly picking up objects, straightening the pillows on the couch. She noticed he’d dropped another shirt on the floor and she found a pair of socks halfway across the room. She smiled to herself as she picked things up. He was such a slob sometimes, letting things fall wherever he disrobed. She dumped the clothes in his laundry basket and moved over to sit on the unmade bed.
She lay down in his usual spot, burying her head in his pillow and inhaled his scent. Why was she so nervous about this? Spike was everything she had ever wanted. They didn’t have to be like her parents. They could be more like Jenny and Giles, a truly happy couple if she’d ever seem one. Spike had always reminded her a little of her uncle and she suspected that much like Giles, Spike would always treat her with love and respect. She remembered the intimate scene she’d walked in on. Jenny and Giles had that passion, but they were happy. It could be done.
She couldn’t see Spike running off to other women; he barely even looked at other girls when she was around. She rolled over and looked through the skylight at the clouds drifting across the sky, imagining what it would be like to be here with him, nothing in between them anymore, no Angel, no fears, just her and him. Utter bliss.
She glanced down at her watch. She probably should leave now, he’d be home before to long and she needed to end things with Angel before she started them with Spike. She’d made up her mind; she was going to take that chance.
She moved off the bed and walked over to his desk, writing a very short note thanking him for the beautiful roses and promising to talk with him soon. She hesitated. Should she sign it with love? No better to wait, tell him in person. She decided to sign it just Goldilocks, after all she was rummaging around his house and in his bed when he wasn’t there. She left the note on his pillow and turned off the lights, relocking the door as she hummed happily on her walk back home. She debated telling all to Willow, but decided to hold off. She’d end things with Angel first. She cringed, a special anniversary dinner seemed such a bad time to do that, maybe she should call him tonight. Then she could go see Spike. She felt her heart start to race. Much better plan.
Willow was waiting for her when she entered the room. “Buffy, I think you should call Jenny. She called and sounded pretty upset.”
“Is something wrong? Is it Giles?”
“I don’t know, but she sounded like she’d been crying.”
Buffy grabbed the phone and dialed the number, wondering what could have possibly gone wrong.
“Hello, Jenny?”
“Buffy? Is that you?”
She could hear the sniffles over the phone. “It’s me, Jenny, what’s wrong? Is something wrong with Giles?”
“I don’t know. I mean he’s all right physically, I guess. Buffy, is there anyway you can come by the house tonight? Or better yet, how about I come and get you? I need to talk to someone.I’m going to pieces here.”
“Sure Jenny, I’ll wait out front.” She hung up the phone and explained to Willow she was going to go see Jenny, then grabbed a light jacket and walked back downstairs to wait. Jenny arrived a few moments later. Buffy jumped in the car, taking in Jenny’s tear-stained face. She pulled her into a quick hug.
“Jenny, are you okay? Listen, do you want me to drive? I’m not great, but I can do it.”
Jenny nodded and they changed seats, Buffy getting behind the wheel.
“How about I head over to that little ice cream stand? You look like you could use some chocolate and then we’ll talk.”
Jenny nodded again. Buffy looked at the woman who’d been both mother and friend for years and wondered what Giles could have done to upset her this badly.So much for the happy couple.
She reached their destination and went to get their order, returning with two hot fudge sundaes.
“Jenny, what’s wrong?”
“He’s seeing someone else. I saw them today. At lunch. You know that little pub downtown? Well I hadn’t planned on stopping today, but I had a headache and I decided to break for lunch. We had a big shipment come in today and I didn’t think I was going to be able to get away. Rupert had even called me and asked if I was busy, but I’d told him I wasn’t going to be able to leave the gallery. I guess that’s why he brought her there.”
“Her? Giles was with another woman?”
Jenny nodded. “I walked in and saw them at the bar, talking and laughing. I was just about to go over and introduce myself, and then I saw him,” her eyes welled up, “reach for her hand, like he does mine, you know, and start stroking it. It wasn’t a friendly gesture, Buffy. I just stood there frozen and then I ran outside before they could see me. I didn’t know what to say to him. So I waited until they came out. I just sat in the car and watched. He walked her over to her vehicle and she gave him something, it looked like her number maybe, and then he kissed her.”
Jenny lost it in another torrent of tears. Buffy pulled the weeping woman to her.
“Are you sure it wasn’t just a friendly goodbye kiss? Maybe you misinterpreted it?”
“Buffy, he kissed her for, well it must have been minutes, but it seemed like hours. She drove away and I started to go after him, but I just couldn’t do it. Why would he do this to me? We’ve been so happy the last few months. I thought we’d worked it all out, all those little bumps. I never thought he’d cheat on me. I worried for years about his lack of commitment, but I never though I’d actually see him with another woman. I guess maybe he has a streak of your grandfather in him after all,” she finished bitterly.
“Jenny, you have to talk to him. Maybe it was a mistake. Giles loves you.”
“Buffy, he didn’t come home at his usual time today. He didn’t answer his phone at the office and he’s not answering his cell. Where do you think he is?”
“Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry. Giles is the last person in the world I would have thought would hurt you. Look, why don’t you go home and rest? I’ll keep trying to track him down, okay?”
“I can’t go back there. I can’t see him, knowing he’s been off with someone else all day.”
“Well, is there someone else you could stay with?”
Jenny nodded. “I’m going to a friend’s house. She has a spare bedroom and said I could stay. I’m sorry Buffy, I know you love Giles too. I didn’t mean to unload on you, but you know him, you can understand. How could he have done this? Why would he do this to me?”
“I don’t know, Jenny, but I’ll find out. I’ll call you as soon as I talk to him. Please don’t jump to conclusions, okay?”
“I’m trying not to, but seeing him with someone else, I felt my heart start to break. I though it was real this time, I thought we were going for the whole thing. I though he might be going to ask me to marry him. I caught him checking my ring size last week.” She stared out the window as Buffy drove back to the campus. “I thought maybe he was going to surprise me sometime soon.”
“Look, just let me talk to him and I’ll call you. Don’t think the worst until we know all the details.”
She pulled to a shaky stop in front of the dorm and got out. She gave Jenny one last hug.
As soon as she reached her room, she started trying every number she had for Giles. She could not believe he would do this. He was the one man she’d always counted on, looked up to as an example of what she’d hoped to find. After calling for nearly a half hour, he finally answered his cell.
“Giles. Where have you been?”
“Buffy?” He sounded tired and drained. “Do you need something? I’ve had something of a long day. I’d really like to get home to Jenny now.”
“I bet you would. What the hell were you doing with another woman today, Giles? Jenny saw you. She saw you sucking face with some woman outside the pub at lunch. And she’s been trying to find you all day. She was crying like I’ve never seen her cry. How could you, Giles?” Buffy felt the tears well up in her own eyes as her anger at his betrayal spilled out.
“She saw me, today?” Giles blanched as he realized the conclusion she must have jumped too. “Buffy, it’s not like that.”
“Care to explain?”
Giles sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Buffy, this is my personal life. I don’t interfere with yours anymore. However, as Jenny has pulled you into this little mess, I’m going to explain. Buffy, I love Jenny very much. I’m sure you’ve figured that out. I’ve never loved anyone more. I want to marry her.”
He paused, trying to find the right words. “I don’t know if you can understand this, but going from being a confirmed bachelor to an almost married man is a bit of an adjustment. I’ll admit I’ve been nervous the last few weeks as I contemplated doing this, making this permanent. And yesterday, out of the blue, I got a call from Sabrina. Next to Jenny, she’s the woman I loved most in my life. We were together for a while in our 20s, while we were at university, but we drifted apart and she married someone else. She called me this morning. She just completed her divorce and she wanted to see if there was something still between us.”
“Buffy, I don’t know how to explain the effect of someone’s first love once you’ve moved on. It’s someone you can’t ever forget and you always wonder about if you leave them behind. So when she called and told me she was in Sunnydale, I knew I needed to see her, to close the door once and for all and make sure I had no lingering doubts. I don’t want to marry Jenny and think it was a mistake because of what might have been.”
“So I met her today for drinks. And I did kiss her. I suppose we were trying to see if the magic was still there. She offered for me to come back to her hotel room. But I knew she wasn’t the one. What we’d had was beautiful back then, but she wasn’t Jenny. So I declined her offer. I’ve been out for most of the day, looking at rings.”
“Giles, are you serious? Nothing happened with that woman? And you’re going to pop the question to Jenny, assuming she’ll take you?”
“No Buffy, nothing happened. And yes, I am going to ask her to be my wife. I can’t believe she saw me. I never wanted to hurt her like that. Buffy, where is she?”
“She went to stay at a friend’s house. Look, why don’t you give her some space tonight? I’ll call her and reassure her. Then I recommend you spend tomorrow doing some serious sucking up. Take the day off, take her away, but make her understand that you were not ‘with’ that woman and that she’s the only one you’re ever going to want.”
Giles agreed and after they’d hung up, Buffy called Jenny. She reassured her that it had not been what she thought but refused to tell her more, promising only that Giles would be coming to get her tomorrow and that he had a lot to tell her, warning her to keep an open mind and to give him a chance to explain. Jenny still sounded hurt, but she agreed to talk with him and sounded calmer than before.
She hung up the phone, glad the crisis was averted. As she added water to her roses, she realized her earlier enthusiasm for rushing back to Spike tonight had dissipated. She felt the old insecurities creeping back. It sounded as though Giles and Jenny would be okay, but once again she was reminded of the thorns along the way. She sighed heavily. Suddenly jumping into a relationship with Spike feet first seemed like less of a good idea. Maybe they should just take things slow.
She got ready for bed and turned off the light. Tomorrow was a big day, the talk with Angel, which clearly wasn’t happening tonight, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it.