Part 4
Dressed in a pair of cargo pants, and a light blue tank top, Buffy stood in her room watching Spike lace up his boots. When he finished, Spike stood up, and faced her. After a moment of silence, Spike rolled his eyes, and said, “Slayer, come here, give me a kiss, and be on your way.”
Buffy nodded, and walked over to him. She stood on the tips of her toes to place a gentle kiss on Spike’s lips. Spike grabbed her to him to possessively, and crushed his lips to hers.
Spike ended the kiss almost as quickly as it started, so as not to let things get out of hand as they always did. He rested his head on top of hers, and held her tightly to him. He inhaled the smell of her hair. She always smelled like vanilla, and it was a smell Spike would never forget.
Buffy pressed her head into his chest trying to get as close to him as possible. She could smell that distinct smell that was just Spike. He always smelled like a combination of leather, soap, tobacco, and her. It was a smell that comforted her, and she would never forget it.
Spike kissed the top of her head, and whispered, “Always remember what I said, slayer, that first night.”
Buffy nodded into his chest, and before she could protest he was gone. Buffy let out a strangled sob, and called out his name. She wanted to tell him they were wrong. She wanted to tell him that things didn’t have to end, so she could have a normal life. She wanted to tell him that he had become what was normal in her life. She wanted to tell him he was what she wanted, but he was gone.
~~~
Spike collapsed on top of Buffy forcing them both onto the ground. As Buffy came down from her intense high, reality started to sink in, and she panicked. Buffy struggled to get up, but Spike’s weight, and strength held her down, pinned underneath him, with him still inside of her.
Spike lowered his head to her ear, and whispered, “Don’t ever regret doing what you wanted to do.”
“I didn’t want to do this,” Buffy argued while she squirmed to free herself.
“Don’t say that. Don’t lie. You wanted this. You wanted me, and I have more respect for you now than ever before.”
Buffy started to cry. “Why? Cause I let you fuck me?”
Spike slammed her head into the carpet, and growled, “No, because for once you were honest. For once you let yourself be who you really are. Don’t go back now, Buffy. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about who you are. You’re amazing when you don’t lie to yourself.”
“What?” Buffy asked in shock as his words sunk in.
Buffy couldn’t believe he was actually giving her a backward compliment. Spike released her head, and stood up. Buffy sat up, and pulled her knees to her chin subconsciously trying to cover her nakedness.
“You’re amazing when you’re not that uptight prude who doesn’t know how to have any fun, and who uses slaying as an excuse for not being able to have what you want. In reality, your problem is fear. Fear of who you are, and fear of what you want, but you know this. You said it yourself at the Bronze.”
Buffy was ripped from her blissful amazement at Spike’s words by his final comment. “I never said that,” Buffy whispered in confusion.
Spike blew up at her denial. He threw his arms above his head, and shouted, “Dammit slayer, don’t do this. That night, in February, when you were all dolled up, and horny. You pranced around like a bitch in heat, and came on to me only to leave me with a fucking hard on, and only my bloody hand to fix it.”
“February,” Buffy muttered as the realization of what Spike was talking about dawned on her.
“Yeah, I know you fucking remember. It was the first time in over a year I had seen you act on your impulses, on your desires, on your instincts. You acted with passion, and confidence.”
“This is all about that night?” Buffy asked as anger started to boil inside of her.
Buffy was angry at Faith for everything she did in her body. Buffy was angry at Spike for liking Faith, and saying all those things about Faith, and not her. Mostly, Buffy was angry with herself for allowing herself to be in this position, for allowing Spike to get to her in this way. It was humiliating, and devastating because in the back of Buffy’s mind, she knew she felt the connection she had always looked for. She felt the passion that had been missing in her life since she had released Angelus over two years ago.
Spike faced her, and replied, “Yeah, you were honest, and not being your usual whiny, and pathetic self. Sure you were being an incredible bitch, and I wanted to shag you like mad, and then rip your throat out, but you were also strong, and sure of yourself, and so bloody sexy. I always knew that if you just admitted to yourself who you are, you’d be like that again, like you were tonight, like you were before.” Buffy abruptly stood up, and hastily began getting dressed.
“News flash Spike. That wasn’t me. That was Faith in my body.”
It was Spike’s turn to be shocked. He put his hand on Buffy’s shoulder, and forced her to look at him. “What?”
“Faith, evil slayer, switched our bodies to escape from the cops in February. It was obviously her at the Bronze who gave you the happy. It wasn’t me, so this was all a horrible mistake,” Buffy informed him in an almost mocking manner. “So you can leave now.”
Spike turned away from her, but instead of leaving he spun back around to face her. “Tonight wasn’t a mistake. What I saw tonight was the real you. You were like you were before, strong, sexy, confident, passionate, and fearless. That’s who you are, slayer, and I liked it. It was like you were when I first saw you.”
“What did you like? That I’m a whore?” Buffy shouted angrily in his face.
Spike grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her roughly. “No, you idiot. You were a woman who wasn’t afraid to lose herself in her desires. Someone who doesn’t lie to herself, and deny herself what she wants. And you had this fire in your eyes when I kissed you. A fire I had only seen when you fought, like that was the only time you were alive, but I saw it in your eyes tonight, and you weren’t fighting me. You were alive. You’ve been a walking corpse for two years slayer more than even me. You breathe, but you don’t live. Tonight you were living.”
“Ego much,” Buffy asked in annoyance at his arrogance for what he was implying.
The truth was he was right. Buffy went through her life in a content daze. The only time she felt like she was alive was when she fought. It was like an electrical current coursed through her body during the fight, and she knew she felt that same electrical current when she kissed Spike. She had never felt it with Riley. She hadn’t felt it since the first, and only time with Angel.
Spike rolled his eyes. He could see that this was going nowhere. Buffy had obviously decided to retreat back to annoying, and pathetic Buffy. Spike turned towards the door again, but stopped. He didn’t turn around, but asked her, “What do you want?”
“I don’t want you that’s for sure,” Buffy yelled at him trying to convince herself more than him.
Within seconds, Spike had grabbed her by the back of her head, and smashed his lips to hers. He savagely kissed her, and Buffy didn’t even protest as every cell in her body felt like it was on fire, and exploding. Spike pulled away from the kiss, and stared at her. His eyes reflected sheer anger as they bored into Buffy’s making her actually afraid of him.
“Don’t lie to me,” Spike growled.
“What do you want from me?” Buffy asked begging to be released from his intense stare, to be released from what he was making her feel.
“I just want you to do what you want to do. I want you to be honest with yourself. I want to see the girl I hated so much two years ago, but admired even more.”
“You admired me?” Buffy asked in shock.
“It wasn’t like you were my bloody hero or anything, but yeah I thought you were one hell of a gutsy, tough broad, and beautiful to boot. You fought with your heart, and lived by your impulses. You and me are a lot alike, slayer. Well, we were back then, but I hardly recognize you anymore. Earlier I saw it, now I don’t. It’s a bloody shame too.”
Buffy didn’t respond. His words turned over in her mind as she tried to digest it all. Not surprised by her silence Spike continued, “What do you want, Buffy? Don’t think about it. Just take it.”
Buffy didn’t hesitate in pulling Spike into a desperate kiss. Buffy unleashed all her pent up rage, pain, desire, fear, and lust in this kiss, and she nearly knocked Spike over with the intensity of it.
Spike had her few clothes discarded within seconds. Buffy shoved Spike onto the ground. He fell onto his back on the soft carpet with a thud. Buffy sank down on top of him straddling his waist. Spike tried to maneuver himself inside of her, needing desperately to feel himself surrounded by her, but Buffy wasn’t allowing him to.
Finally overcome with frustration, and need, Spike moaned, “Please.”
“Please what?” Buffy teased.
Spike smiled at her game. This was the slayer he wanted. Buffy repeated herself in a more demanding tone. “Please what?”
“Please fuck me,” Spike begged.
Buffy smiled in satisfaction, and slowly lowered herself on to him. A low rumbling growl escaped from Spike’s throat as he felt Buffy slide down onto him. They both knew it was going to be one hell of a summer.