Part 2
“Have the first five chapters read by the next class,” the professor finished his lecture.
Buffy snapped out of her thoughts as the students began gathering their things, and shuffling out of class. Buffy collected her stuff in silence, and stood up.
“This class sounds okay, don’t you think Buffy?” Willow asked.
“Yeah,” Buffy responded as she glanced at her syllabus again. “A lot of reading.”
“I know, but it’s some great stuff. Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Kerouac, and look we get to read Catch 22. I’ve always wanted to read that.”
“It’s good,” Buffy replied not really paying attention.
“You’ve read it?” Willow asked surprised.
“Uh yeah,” Buffy answered hurriedly.
Buffy headed out of the classroom with Willow at her heels. They turned into the hallway, and Willow fell into step beside Buffy.
“When did you read Catch 22?” Willow asked curiously.
“This summer. I have to meet Riley in the cafeteria,” Buffy rushed on trying to change the subject. “See ya Will.”
Buffy hurried away trying to get away from Willow. She knew she had tripped up again, and lying to Willow was starting to hurt, and Buffy wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep it up.
“Buffy wait,” Willow shouted after her.
Buffy stopped, and turned around. Willow ran to catch up to her. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine Will, really,” Buffy reassured her.
“Then why are you running from me? What did I say?”
“Nothing. It’s not you. I’m just late is all,” Buffy lied.
“Late?” Willow said obviously not believing her.
“Will,” Buffy started.
“Forget it Buffy. Have your secrets. Shut me out. Why should I expect my best friend to tell me the truth?”
Buffy flinched at Willow’s words. They came out so full of anger, and hurt. “Willow, I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything. I promise, but right now.”
Willow cut her off. “You’re late.”
Tears sprang to Buffy’s eyes. She never meant to hurt Willow like this. She never meant to have to lie to Willow. She thought things would just go back to normal. She never expected to love Spike, and not be able to forget him. She never thought her memories of him would haunt her every second, of every minute, of every day. She never thought that keeping the secret would be so hard, and hurt so many people. She never thought that not being with Spike would destroy her life.
“This summer I was with another guy,” Buffy blurted out.
Willow froze at Buffy confession. Both shock, and relief washed over her face. Shock at Buffy’s secret, but relieved that Buffy had finally told her.
“Buffy, I don’t really know what to say.”
“I know. I don’t either.”
“Why? Why did you keep it from me? You should know I’d never judge you,” Willow asked.
“I know. It wasn’t about that. I just wanted to forget. To move on. Talking about it is hard, and it’s over.”
“Riley?”
“He knows, and we worked it out. We’re going to start over again. You know try to get to know each other,” Buffy explained.
“Did you love him?”
“Riley?” Buffy asked.
“No, the guy this summer.”
Buffy looked away from Willow as she thought about Spike. The answer to the question was simple, but admitting it out loud for the first time was hard. She couldn’t take it back then, and if anyone ever discovered that it was Spike, Buffy didn’t know what would happen, but she had to be honest with Willow.
“Yes,” Buffy whispered.
“Oh Buffy,” Willow sighed, and pulled her best friend into a hug. “I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you told me.”
“So am I. I wanted to tell you the whole time, but it’s just so confusing, and complicated. I just wanted to forget, and move on.”
Buffy pulled away from Willow, and smiled. “I’m so sorry I lied.”
“You’re forgiven.”
Buffy looked at her watch. “I should get going. Riley’s waiting,” Buffy said reluctantly.
“Buffy, is Riley who you want to be with?”
Buffy sighed. “Under the circumstances, yes.”
“If you love this other guy, why not be with him?”
“It just can’t be.”
Willow knew Buffy didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and she respected that though she wanted to know more. She just hoped that in time Buffy would open up, but Willow could see it hurt too much right now.
“Okay. Tell Riley I said hi.”
“I will, and thank you Will.”
“What are friends for?”