Part 2
Buffy pushed open the crypt door, and slowly walked inside. It was pitch black, but Buffy could feel Spike’s presence.
“Spike?” she called out into the darkness.
“Slayer, what do you want?” His voice came from the far corner, and Buffy made her way carefully through the blackness toward him.
“I just want to know why?” Buffy answered.
“Why what?”
Buffy stopped a few feet from him, but in the complete darkness she could barely make out his form. “Why were you fighting those demons?” Buffy asked.
Buffy heard the click of Spike’s lighter, and his face lit up from the flame. He lit his cigarette, and then shut off his lighter. Buffy could now see the faint profile of his face from the slight glow cast off by the burning cigarette.
“We had a little disagreement. I’m fine.”
“Spike,” Buffy started.
“I’m fine, slayer. It was no big deal,” Spike cut her off angrily.
“Spike I know,” Buffy almost whispered the words.
Spike snapped his head to look at Buffy. He could see her clearly in the pitch blackness of the crypt. She was looking straight at him, and Spike was thankful that she couldn’t see the pain in his eyes. The pain that was still there from seeing her with Riley. The pain of not being able to touch her. The pain of loving her.
The pain was quickly replaced with anger. Anger at her for coming here. Anger at her for being with another man. Anger at her for making him love her.
Buffy continued, “I know you’ve been killing demons, and vampires for months now.”
“Who told you?” Spike asked in shocked rage.
Anger boiled inside of Buffy as well, as he all but admitted that it was true. “It’s not important,” Buffy answered as her mind flashed back to strong arming Willy earlier that night. “At least now I know why there were no demons all summer. Why would you do that? I don’t need you to protect me. I can take care of myself.”
“I know,” Spike replied taking a drag of his cigarette trying to calm himself down.
“Why then? Just tell me why?” Buffy shouted.
“It’s fun,” Spike sarcastically shot back quickly losing the battle to control his anger.
“Don’t lie to me, please.” Buffy begged.
“Who says I’m lying?”
Buffy moved so she was standing directly in front of him now. “Damn you, you can’t do this to me,” Buffy shouted.
“Do what?” Spike shouted back.
“Invade my life like that, and not tell me why.”
“You want the truth. Fine, I’m a man,” he shouted.
“What?” Buffy asked completely confused, and taken aback.
She took a few steps away from him, but Spike was beyond angry now. He closed the distance she tried to give herself, and grabbed her shoulders. Spike continued his angry tirade. “I’m a man. Maybe not a living breathing one, but one all the same. I have this natural urge to be manly, and protect the women I’m.”
Spike stopped as he realized he came dangerously close to telling Buffy how he really felt. All the anger instantly evaporated from his body as he realized what he almost said. He let go of her shoulders, and backed away from her.
“You’re what?” Buffy asked as she trembled at the thought of what Spike might have said.
“That I’m shagging. It’s all about being macho, and manly,” Spike answered without a hint of emotion in his voice.
His words hit her hard. She retreated backwards from him as what he said sunk in. At first she felt sick, but slowly rage grew inside of her. It was quickly joined by hatred. Hatred for him, and for herself.
“I don’t need you to protect me. I can take care of myself, and we’re not together anymore. Stay the hell out of my life,” Buffy shouted.
Spike instantly regretted what he said. He didn’t mean it. He just wanted her to go away before he didn’t have the strength to let her go, but he couldn’t let her leave thinking it was all about sex.
“Slayer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Just how did you mean it then?” she questioned him.
“It was always more then just shagging. You know that.”
“How much more?” Buffy asked, as hope swelled inside of her.
“We’re friends.”
“Friends?” Buffy repeated disappointment evident in her voice.
“Slayer, go back to soldier boy. That’s where you belong.”
Buffy gathered all her courage, and asked, “Is that what you want?”
Buffy held her breath as she waited for Spike to answer. It seemed like hours to her as she stared at him straining her eyes to see him in the blackness. If only she could see his eyes she would know the answer without having to hear it.
“Yes,” Spike lied using the last of his strength.
“Okay,” Buffy choked out.
Buffy turned around, and ran away fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Spike fought the urge to stop her. He knew this was how things had to be. At the door Buffy stopped, and turned to the darkness. She couldn’t see him, but knew he was there watching her.
“Thank you,” Buffy whispered.
~~~
“What do you want, slayer?”
Buffy paused as she contemplated Spike’s question. She was leaning back against the arm of the sofa with her legs stretched out on the couch. Spike was sitting between her legs leaning back against her chest while she painted his nails black.
“What do you mean?” Buffy asks as she lowers the brush back to his fingernail, and coats it with polish.
“I mean what do you want out of life?” Spike repeats deliberately slow.
“Wow, that’s a loaded question.”
“I’m just curious.”
“Curiosity killed the cat,” Buffy joked avoiding the question.
“I have more than nine lives, so don’t worry. So what do you want?”
“To live. I’ve lived longer than I was suppose to, and I want to keep living,” Buffy answered seriously.
“Why? Why do you want to keep living for?” Spike pushed.
“That’s a stupid question.”
Buffy finished Spike’s last nail, and screwed the top back on the bottle. She set it on the table, and pushed on Spike’s back. Spike sat up, and faced her.
“Not really. I mean it’s bloody great that you want to live, but what do you want your life to be?”
Buffy thought about the question before she replied, “I want to experience the normal things in life, you know. Love, happiness, a house in the ‘burbs with a white picket fence, a station wagon in the garage, and 2.5 kids. That last part was a joke, but I just want to be happy, and normal. Is that too much to ask for?”
Spike smiled as the reality of what she said sunk in, and he replied, “No.”
“What do you want Spike?” Buffy asked.
Spike flopped back onto the couch, and answered, “I don’t even know anymore. My life was going along just like I wanted it, and then everything just kept falling apart, so I don’t know anymore. I guess I just want things to go back to the way they were.”
They fell into a silence as they digested what the other had said. Both wondered if that was really what they wanted anymore, or was it just what they were supposed to want.