Chapter 7: Collide
“The dawn is breaking/A light shining through/You’re barely waking/And I’m tangled up in you/I’m open, you’re closed/Where I follow, you’ll go/I worry I won’t see your face/Light up again/Even the best fall down sometimes/Even the wrong words seem to rhyme/Out of the doubt that fills my mind/I somehow find/You and I collide…” Howie Day, “Collide”
Clem popped another Bugle into his mouth and watched the cave’s entrance. He’d done exactly as Spike had asked—come alone, keep watch, and make sure no one followed him. Of course, Clem had no idea who would want to follow him , but he figured Spike had his reasons for giving those precise instructions.
He didn’t mind doing Spike a favor. The vampire had done plenty for him, up to and including saving his hide from the loan shark. Clem wasn’t quite sure what his friend saw in the Slayer, of all people, but he supposed you loved who you loved.
At least things seemed to be going better. Spike appeared to be happier these days.
Clem’s ears perked up as he heard a scuffling sound from inside the cave, and he grew very still, waiting to see what was going to emerge.
Spike’s dusty head poked out, looking around cautiously. “Clem? You there, mate?”
“Right here,” he replied, in a rather loud whisper. “How did things go?”
Spike smiled. “Good. I owe you one for keeping a lookout.”
Clem shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. You’d do the same for me.”
“Too right,” Spike returned, emerging from the cavern completely. He was covered in dirt from head to toe, and his inner clock told him that it was just after midnight. Spike needed to get his loot somewhere safe. There was no reason to hang onto it for any longer than necessary. “You mind taking a trip to L.A. with me? There’s a fence I know of who can handle this sort of thing, but I wouldn’t mind the company.”
Clem hesitated. There was a Love Boat marathon on TV that he really didn’t want to miss, but he couldn’t let Spike down either. “I’ll buy you a TiVo box,” Spike added, knowing exactly what to say to get Clem to agree.
The demon brightened. “Really?”
“Sure thing. Soon as we get back into town.”
“Okay,” Clem agreed, following Spike into the cavern and picking up one of the heavy bags. “Do you trust this guy?”
Spike snorted. “Not hardly, but the last time he tried to cheat me I had him tortured for a few days. That’s not a lesson you soon forget.”
“Before the chip?” Clem asked.
“Well, yeah, but this guy isn’t exactly human, so I don’t think we need to worry.” Spike smirked. “Last I heard, he was still shaking in his boots every time someone mentioned my name.”
~~~~~
“Hey, Tara,” Buffy said. She had missed the deadline for spring registration, but the lady in admissions had been very understanding, and had suggested that Buffy apply for the following year. Even if Spike didn’t come through with the money, Buffy would at least be able to get some financial aid. Since she was on campus, Buffy had decided to meet up with Tara and hopefully pump her for information about Spike’s whereabouts, as well as ask her about Christmas Eve.
“Buffy.” The other girl gave her a quick hug. “How are you?”
The Slayer shrugged. “I’m okay. Not great, but okay.”
Actually, the truth was that she missed Spike. He’d been gone for three days now. She had faith that he would come back—he always did—but Buffy hadn’t realized what an integral part of her world he’d become. It hadn’t taken 24 hours before she’d started thinking about all the things she wanted to say to him when he got back. Or do to him.
When the heck had that happened?
“How are you?” Buffy asked.
Tara shifted uncomfortably. “I’ve seen Willow a few times. It hasn’t really gone well.”
Buffy frowned. “She hasn’t—”
“No!” Tara quickly denied the thought of Willow doing something untoward. “It’s just hard.”
“I get that,” Buffy replied. There was a shared pause, and then she said hesitantly, “Tara, do you know where Spike is?”
Tara frowned. “I thought he told you that he was leaving town for a few days.”
“He did.” Buffy gave a little self-conscious laugh. “I was just wondering if you know when he’ll be back.”
Tara shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll be back soon, though. I know Spike doesn’t like to spend more time away from you and Dawn than he has to.”
“I know.” Buffy sighed. “It’s just that, well, I miss him.”
Tara gave her a sympathetic smile. “Is that so bad?”
“I guess not, but it’s definitely not something I’d ever thought I’d be able to say.” Buffy took a sip of her drink. “I did want to talk to you about coming over for Christmas Eve, though. It would be nice if you joined us. I know Dawn really wants you there.”
Tara winced. “I don’t know, Buffy. Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t there.”
“Willow’s already told me that she’s not going to be coming,” Buffy replied. “If that’s what’s stopping you.”
“Actually, that’s pretty much what I was wondering,” she admitted. “What about Xander and Anya?”
“Taking a trip.” She stared down into her cup. She’d splurged on a mocha today. Spike had insisted on filling up her fridge before he left town, so she wasn’t skimping to get groceries this week. And, she trusted him. If Spike said he was going to figure out a way to solve her money troubles, Buffy was willing to believe him.
There was still a part of her that wondered if she was doing the right thing by accepting Spike’s help. It seemed like a huge step, like she was becoming too dependent upon him. You accepted this kind of help from a long-term boyfriend, or a husband, or at least someone you had a more permanent relationship with. Not from the guy you were sleeping with and were thinking that you might possibly be in like with.
Buffy knew she needed help, though, and there wasn’t anyone else. Giles had left, her dad was still incommunicado, and none of her friends were in a position to be of real assistance. She’d thought about selling the house, but Buffy couldn’t fathom not living there. It was the last place she had lived with her mother. It was home. Maybe it would be the smart thing to do, but she was just as glad to not have to worry about it.
“At Christmas?” Tara asked, when she realized that Buffy wasn’t going to continue. She’d noticed that the Slayer seemed to drift off a lot lately. Instead of really engaging in a conversation, she seemed to fade in and out.
Buffy shrugged. “Apparently Anya wanted to get away, and Xander thought it was a good idea. That means it’ll be just you and Spike and Dawn and me.”
“That’s quite a change from last year,” Tara said softly.
Buffy blinked back tears. “Yeah, but it’ll be nice.” She didn’t sound very certain of that, even to her own ears. “At least I don’t have to worry about everyone getting along.”
Tara reached over to squeeze Buffy’s hand. “Do you want me to cook?”
“You don’t have to,” Buffy said quickly. “You’re supposed to be a guest, and—”
“I don’t mind,” Tara said. “It’s not like I’ll be cooking for a crowd if it’s just us. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Buffy smiled gratefully. “I would appreciate it, and I’m sure Dawn would, too. I’m not known for my cooking. Demon to slay? No problem. But dinner is beyond me.”
“We all have different skills.” Tara’s eyes were gently teasing.
Buffy giggled. Not that it was much of one, but it was something. “We’ll just have to have a division of labor. You cook, I’ll slay.”
“And we’ll leave the clean up to Spike and Dawn.” Tara’s smile broadened into a grin.
They were both thinking the same thing: it was good to have a friend again.
~~~~~
“I really appreciate all your help, Clem,” Spike said. Not that courtesy came naturally to him these days, but Clem had been a huge help. It had been good to get out of Sunnyhell, to remind himself that there was more to the world than the Hellmouth.
Even if Buffy and Dawn were the sum of his world.
“Hey, it wasn’t a problem,” Clem replied. The trip had been pretty easy on him. He’d just tagged along and helped Spike haul his loot to the demon who converted gold and jewels into ready cash. They’d had to wait a full day in L.A. while the demon worked up a reasonable estimate and got their payment together. Then Spike had gone to a lawyer to get the trusts worked out.
Then, there had been the stop to get Clem’s TiVo. He couldn’t wait to try it out.
Clem watched as Spike fiddled around with the wiring. He would have hooked the box up himself, but he couldn’t make heads or tails of the directions. Of course, he didn’t know that Spike was doing much better, but Clem appreciated the vampire’s efforts. He really was an okay guy. “So are you going to see Buffy tonight?”
“I’m going to try,” Spike grunted as he reached for the cable that had fallen behind the TV. “Dunno if she’ll still be awake.”
“So you guys are good?”
“Dunno.” Spike plugged the last cable into its corresponding slot, trying not to think about the double entendre that popped into his head. He had really missed Buffy.
He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d missed him.
“I get the impression that the Slayer doesn’t know what she wants, but she’s not runnin’ from me anymore, and that’s definitely an improvement.” Spike sat back on his heels. “Check it out, mate. Let’s see if it works.”
Clem didn’t turn on the box right away, instead fiddling with his new remote. “People are starting to talk, Spike.”
“About what?” he asked in an even voice.
“About you and the Slayer.” Clem’s eyes were concerned. “Most aren’t going to mess with you, but there are a few…” He left the rest unsaid, knowing that Spike would understand. The vampire still frequented the demon hangouts often enough to put himself in some danger. Angel had avoided putting himself in harm’s way, but Spike wasn’t quite so careful.
“Thanks for the heads up,” Spike finally replied. “But I can take care of myself.”
“Sure you can,” Clem hastened to assure him. He knew how good Spike was in a fight. “I just wanted you to know.”
“I’ll keep an eye out.” Spike stood. He was still stiff and sore from his trip through the caves and tunnels. He’d been lucky to make it out with his unlife. Even a vampire didn’t quickly recover from getting nailed in the chest with a fifty-pound rock. At least, it had felt like a fifty-pound rock when it hit him. “I should go if I’m goin’ to catch the Slayer.”
“Thanks for the TiVo,” Clem said.
Spike just shrugged. “Not a problem. Let me know if you have any trouble. Don’t know that I’ll be much help, but the Niblet knows her way around that sort of thing.”
Clem watched the vampire leave and then turned back to the TV. He was still concerned. There had been a lot of really nasty comments made the last time he played poker.
He just hoped that Buffy was as interested in protecting Spike as Spike was in protecting her, because Clem had a feeling that the Slayer was the only person who was going to be able to keep him in one piece.
~~~~~
The doors were locked. Spike stood outside the front door uncertainly, wondering if he should just head back to his crypt. He stepped off the porch, walking backwards until he could see Buffy’s window.
There was no sign of movement, and Spike leaned back against the tree with a sigh. He dug through his pockets for his cigarettes, lighting one up and taking a long drag. Spike wished that he were more certain of his welcome, that he knew Buffy hadn’t changed her mind while he’d been gone.
A part of Spike wished he was strong enough to walk away. He knew that he was probably letting himself in for a world of pain. If Buffy let herself feel, though—Spike knew that there was something there.
There was no way he could walk away from her, of course. He wasn’t built that way, for one thing, and for another Buffy needed him. That much he was certain of.
Spike tossed his cigarette butt on the ground under the tree, grinding it under his boot. He’d have to catch up with the Slayer another time, he supposed. He could give her the paperwork then, too.
He was just about to walk away when he heard a faint sound that he was very familiar with. Spike had loitered under Dawn’s window all summer, waiting for that sound. Moving just as quickly as he had for Dawn, Spike scaled the tree, moving quickly down one limb to drop lightly onto the roof.
The window was closed, but not latched, and Spike slipped into the room easily enough. Buffy was tossing restlessly, whimpering as she slept. He was at her side in an instant, running his hands up and down her upper arms to comfort her, hoping that she wouldn’t think he was an enemy and pull a stake out of some place.
As far as Spike knew, Buffy slept with a stake under her pillow every night.
“Luv?” he whispered, not wanting to wake Dawn.
Buffy whimpered again, and Spike tightened his grip, trying to bring her out of her nightmare. “Come on, Buffy. Wake up, Slayer.”
She woke with a gasp, her eyes wide, staring at him without really focusing for a long moment.
“Buffy?”
“You’re back.”
Buffy’s arms went around his neck in as spontaneous a reaction as Spike could have hoped for from her. Spike held her in return, smoothing down her hair in a comforting gesture. “Yeah, I’m back. Not goin’ anywhere.”
She didn’t release him, nor did she say anything. “Want to tell me what that was all about?” he asked.
“The usual,” she whispered. “It’s always the same.”
He just held her, allowing Buffy to hang on for dear life, much as she’d done when he’d kept her from burning alive during Sweet’s visit. Spike was perversely grateful that she was clinging to him. Not that he wanted her weak; he didn’t. Buffy’s strength was what had drawn him in. But if she needed this now, then Spike was just happy she was taking it from him.
When she started to pull away, Spike released her, albeit reluctantly. “I should be going,” he said, hoping she would ask him to stay.
“Yeah, I’m sure you’ve got better things to be doing.”
“Can’t think of any, but I thought you’d want to sleep.”
“After that?” Buffy shook her head. “Not likely.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“Only if you want to.”
“Luv, I always want to.”
She hesitated. “I don’t know, Spike. Dawn—”
“I can stay with you without shaggin’ you silly,” Spike interrupted. “It would be nice, but I think I’ll survive.”
Buffy lay back down, watching Spike with wary eyes as he settled in next to her. “Did you get your errands run?”
“Yeah. I’ll tell you more about it after you’ve slept.”
“And you’ll stay?”
“Sure, kitten. Just close your eyes.”
He watched as she closed her eyes, knowing that most of Buffy’s easy acquiescence had to do with the fact that it was the middle of the night, and she was still disoriented from her dream.
Spike smiled slowly. She’d missed him, though. He was sure of it.