Chapter 10: Détente
“I didn’t hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here/I don’t want to move a thing, it might change my memory/Oh, I am what I am, I’ll do what I want, but I can’t hide/I won’t go, I won’t sleep, I can’t breathe, until you’re resting here with me…I don’t want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream/and I can’t leave this bed, risk forgetting all that’s been…I cannot be until you’re resting here with me.” ~Dido, “Here With Me”
The honking horn in the driveway alerted Dawn to the fact that Xander was waiting for her. “I have to go,” she said, quickly swallowing the last bite of her waffles. “Is Spike coming over tonight?”
“That’s what he said,” Buffy replied. “Clean up your —” She sighed as she realized Dawn was already out of range. “—plate.” She rolled her eyes. “Why can’t she ever pick up after herself?”
She grabbed the plate and finished cleaning up the kitchen, realizing that she had the rest of the day free and nothing to do. Xander still wasn’t speaking to her, as evidenced by the honking horn, rather than his coming to the door. Willow was acting coldly towards her as well. Buffy was starting to wonder if she should even bother going through with her plans for a birthday party this year. There might not be anyone to attend.
Maybe she should just give up on birthdays altogether.
Buffy frowned when she heard the doorbell ring. She hadn’t been expecting anyone, and it was a little early for anyone to be coming over. If Tara stopped by, it was usually in the afternoon, after her class.
The woman at the door wasn’t anybody Buffy recognized. “May I help you?”
“Buffy Summers?” the lady asked.
Buffy frowned. “That’s right. I’m sorry, but do I know you?”
“We had a meeting for this morning,” the woman said. “I’m Doris Kroeger , from social services. I’m here to do a home visit regarding Dawn Summers, your sister.”
“Oh!” Buffy exclaimed, frantically trying to remember whether she’d set the appointment up. She didn’t remember doing anything of the sort. “I’m sorry, it must have slipped my mind. Please, come in. Do you want some coffee?”
“That would be fine,” Mrs. Kroeger replied, glancing around the interior. The house was reasonably clean, although she could tell that it had probably been a few days since anyone had dusted. Still, the house appeared to be well kept, as did the kitchen when she followed Buffy back. “Were you busy this morning?”
“No, not really,” Buffy said, trying to keep a cheerful, open expression on her face while she tried to figure out if she’d already screwed this up. What if she got a bad grade for not remembering? She had coffee, though, so that had to count for something, right? And she’d managed to clean the other day, so that was good.
Mrs. Kroeger nodded. “You don’t work?”
“I’m going to start back at school soon,” Buffy replied. “Dawn and I inherited some money from a relative recently, and it’s enough to take care of us.”
The older woman made a humming sound. “I see.”
Buffy didn’t think she did. “I’ve been thinking about looking for a job,” she offered. “It’s just that I want to be sure that I’m here for Dawn, and I had thought I was going to be able to go back to school this semester, but everything has been so crazy since—since Mom died that—”
“You can relax, Miss Summers,” Mrs. Kroeger said. “Dawn’s attendance at school has greatly improved lately, and her teachers were very positive about her performance. We’re not in the habit of removing children from their homes for no reason.”
Buffy let out a relieved breath. “Thank you so much. I mean, I know there have been problems in the past, but Dawn and I are trying to work on them, and I—”
“Do you have any help?” Mrs. Kroeger asked. “Taking care of your younger sister, going back to school, that’s quite a bit of pressure to put on a young woman.”
“Oh, I’m used to pressure,” Buffy replied. “I—Well, there’s Sp-William. My boyfriend. He’s really good with Dawn.”
“You have a boyfriend?”
Buffy straightened her shoulders, hoping that she wasn’t giving the wrong answer. “Yes.”
“He and Dawn get along?”
“Really well,” Buffy said. “He knew Mom, and he’s known Dawn for a long time. William was friends with Mom a long time before we started dating.” It wasn’t a total lie. Spike had definitely had a better relationship with Joyce than with her for a very long time.
Mrs. Kroeger nodded, as though making a mental note. “And your friends?”
Buffy tried to hide a wince, resisting the urge to say, “What friends?” Instead, what she did say, was, “I have some good friends who have been very helpful.”
Mrs. Kroeger nodded, standing. “Well, it seems that everything is in order. I did want you to know that we have been trying to contact your father, but he seems to be out of the country.”
“Yeah, with, um—”
“His secretary,” Mrs. Kroeger supplied, her eyes warming slightly. “I’ll be honest, Miss Summers. Placing children with older siblings isn’t always successful. There are often problems since younger siblings have a difficult time respecting their older siblings’ authority. However, I would rather Dawn be with family if at all possible. If your father was available, it might be a different story, but for right now I think she’s better off in your care.”
“Thank you,” Buffy replied, managing a smile. “I—I promised my mom I’d take care of her.”
Mrs. Kroeger nodded. “I understand. I can let myself out. You have a nice day, Miss Summers.”
Buffy heard the front door close and then slumped in her seat. It was one more worry that she could release. It was a relief not to be thinking that social services would find her unfit to take care of Dawn. That was something she’d been concerned about since before her death.
An idea suddenly occurred to her. It had been months since she’d been able to get her hair done. With money as tight as it had been, haircuts and coloring had been way out of her budget. Now, however, it might be time to do something nice for herself . She wouldn’t have to get too much cut off, just a trim, but—
It seemed like the perfect way to spend an afternoon.
~~~~~
Spike was sleeping deeply when the brush of a hand against his bare chest woke him. “ Wha —”
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
Buffy was smiling down at him, a bemused expression on her face. Spike smiled back, relaxing back onto the bed. “What are you doin ‘ here, luv? Not that it isn’t a pleasant surprise,” he hastened to assure her.
“I had a little trouble earlier,” she replied. “I just thought you might want to know.”
“Trouble?” Spike was instantly alert, propping himself up on his elbows. He frowned. “Did you do somethin ‘ different with your hair?”
Buffy reached up self-consciously. “Yeah, do you like it?”
It was a little shorter, but not by much. Truth be told, if Spike didn’t notice everything about Buffy, he probably wouldn’t have found anything to comment on. “It’s lovely.” He straightened up, reaching for the pair of jeans lying on the floor. “Trouble?”
“Remember that revolving day I had not too long ago?” she asked. “I told you about it.”
“And then we went and got drunk,” Spike recalled, a nostalgic smile lighting his face. “Yeah. That was fun.”
“Fun for the guy who did not puke his guts up afterwards,” Buffy replied. “Anyway, I think I know who’s doing it now. Or at least I think I know how I can find them.”
Spike yanked his jeans on. “Okay. So what happened?”
“I nearly got hit by this beam thingie ,” Buffy explained. “I was coming out of the stylist’s shop, and I heard this commotion, so I turned and saw these three guys standing in an alley.”
“What were they doing in an alley?”
“How should I know?” Buffy took a seat on the bed. “They were fighting over something, and then this red beam thing shot out of it—”
“It was a gun?”
“A ray gun,” Buffy explained, trying to be patient. “I might actually get to tell you the story if you’d stop interrupting.”
“Well, excuse me for wanting a bit of clarification,” Spike muttered.
Buffy gave him a pert look. “You’re excused. This time.” She grinned as Spike rolled his eyes. “Anyway, the beam missed me by a hair, hit a dumpster, a fire hydrant, and a tree, and they all disappeared.”
Spike looked at her in disbelief. “Come on, Slayer. Pull the other one.”
“I’m serious!” she shot back. “You don’t believe me.”
Spike leaned forward to nibble on her lip. “Never said that.”
Buffy pulled back to glare at him. “You implied it.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” He searched her face for a long moment. “You mean it.”
“Yes! It disappeared.” Buffy’s eyes gleamed. “They’re probably responsible for the frozen security guard, too. We never did figure out what caused that.”
Spike nodded, acknowledging that it was a valid theory. “So what are we going to do about it?”
Buffy’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know, Spike. This is where I’d call the gang in, ask them to help me research or…” She trailed off. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Then call your friends, Buffy.”
The Slayer stared at him. “We’re fighting.”
“And now you’ve got something else to fight.” Spike shook his head. “Luv, you’ve fought before, and every time you’ve come back together when you’ve had to face something bigger.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s that easy this time. I need them to see me, Spike. I need them to realize that I’m not this person they seem to think I am.”
Spike was silent for a moment. “What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what’s next.”
He ran a gentle hand down her hair. “Then we’ll just have to figure it out.”
~~~~~
The silence in the Magic Box was very nearly overwhelming. Buffy couldn’t decide if Spike being there was more moral support or a lightning rod for her friends’ disapproval. The vampire had been right about one thing, though. She had called, and they had come.
“Look, I know we’ve had our differences recently,” Buffy began.
“What is he doing here?” Xander demanded, jerking his head at Spike.
Dawn beat her sister to the punch. “He’s here because we want him here, Xander. Even if Buffy didn’t want him here, I would.”
“Dawn’s right, Xander,” Buffy said. “Spike’s helped in the past. You’ve been okay with that.”
“That was an emergency situation!” Xander protested.
Buffy narrowed her eyes. “This is the Hellmouth, Xan . We’re always going to be in an emergency situation, which means Spike’s pretty much always going to be around, if that’s going to be your reasoning. Deal with it.” She looked around the room. “Does anyone else have any objections?”
Willow had remained silent through all of this. When she did speak, Buffy found it impossible to read her. “You’ve always dated who you wanted, Buffy.”
The Slayer wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. “You’re right, Will,” she said slowly. “This is my choice. I want to make it clear that wherever Spike and I might stand, he’s part of the team. He’s earned that right.”
“I don’t care,” Anya announced. “And you look much happier now that Spike is giving you orgasms.”
Buffy could hear Spike choking on his laughter. “Thank you for your support, Anya,” she said carefully. “So are you guys willing to help me out on this?”
Xander grimaced. “Yeah. You know I’m there for you, Buf .”
“ Willow ?”
“I’ll always be here for you, Buffy.”
Buffy could hear the guilt trip Willow had laid for her in those words. There was the insinuation that Buffy had not been there for her, and that she had rejected Willow ‘s support. Buffy might have let that cause her some discomfort in the past, but not anymore. She knew what she wanted right now. She wanted Spike, and she wanted to be done with these pests, whomever they might be.
And Buffy wasn’t going to let anything stand in her way.
“Thank you.” She looked around at the group. “Okay, I’m thinking first we need to trace this black van. I know it’s been following me, and I saw those guys with the van yesterday.”
Willow nodded. “I can check on that, Buffy. My hacker skills are still good.”
“Great. I think that’s the best place to start.”
Xander raised his hand. “What do you want me to do, Buffy?”
“Nothing, right now,” she replied. “When we find out where they’re hiding, though, I’ll definitely need you, especially if they’re human.”
Xander smiled. It wasn’t a very nice one. “That’s right. Willy- Wanna -Bite isn’t much good when it comes to humans, is he?”
“I guess that makes us even since you’re not much good when it comes to demons,” Spike shot back.
“That’s enough, both of you,” Buffy said, shooting both of them a quelling look. “There’ll be enough ass-kicking to go around.” She looked at Willow . “So, you ready?”
Willow smiled. “As always.”
~~~~~
It was almost like old times. Almost. Buffy couldn’t ignore the tension in the room, however. Nor could she completely avoid the snide comments that both Willow and Xander were tossing Spike’s way. There was a part of her that wanted to disregard it, and just let Spike deal with it himself. The other part of her wanted to tell them, in no uncertain terms, to shut up and deal with it.
For now, she was keeping her mouth shut because no one seemed to be getting out of hand, and Spike was controlling his temper. Xander eventually went to join Anya at the counter, where she had begun counting down her drawer, and Dawn was lazily flipping through a book on herbs.
Spike sat next to her on the stairs, and Buffy could feel the tension radiating off of him. She knew how much he liked sitting still.
They were really two of a kind.
“I’ve got it,” Willow announced. She took out a pad of paper and began to jot down names and addresses. “These are all the owners of black vans here in Sunnydale.”
“Good,” Buffy announced. “So I’m going to find the responsible parties and kick some ass.”
“I’m going with you,” Spike stated.
Buffy glanced at him, hesitating for just a second. If they were human, there wouldn’t be much Spike could do against them. If she took Xander with her, she might actually have a shot at salvaging their friendship. No matter how angry she was at them—at the people who had brought her back—she didn’t want to lose their friendship. Her eyes flicked to Dawn, and Spike rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” he said, even though she hadn’t spoken. “Dawn, let’s get out of here. You hungry?”
Dawn looked up, looking between Spike and her sister, surprised that Spike wasn’t accompanying Buffy. What hadn’t been said, but what both Spike and Buffy knew, was that the Slayer didn’t trust her little sister’s welfare to just anyone.
Buffy wasn’t ready to trust Willow with Dawn again. Not yet.
“Starving,” Dawn finally replied. “What are we having?”
“I’ll figure something out.”
The door over the shop’s door jingled as they left. Buffy felt strangely bereft without Spike’s presence. She realized they’d spent more time together over the last few weeks than she had with her friends.
Buffy turned to look at Xander. “Ready to go?”
“Do I need a weapon?”
Her eyes narrowed in thought. “Grab the tranq gun,” she advised. “If nothing else, it looks scary, and it won’t hurt them.”
~~~~~
“So are you mad at her?”
“Mad at who for what?”
“Mad at Buffy for making you take me home,” Dawn replied as they walked under a streetlamp. “I mean, you got stuck with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Spike demanded. “I didn’t get ‘stuck’ with you, an’ Buffy can’t make me do anything. She can ask, and I’ll probably do it because I’m Love’s bitch, but there was no force involved. Think she’d have to force me to spend time with you?”
Dawn shrugged, trying to hide a pleased grin. “I guess not.”
“There you go. That’s your answer.” Spike nudged her arm. “’sides, I know how Buffy thinks, and you’re her priority, Bit. She’s going to put her best man on the job, yeah?”
Dawn rolled her eyes at that piece of arrogance. “Yeah, right. She just wants to keep both of us out of trouble.”
“I guess that says something, doesn’t it?” Spike asked. He wasn’t sure who the question was directed at—Dawn or himself .
Dawn caught the uncertain note in his voice, and she summoned up a grin. “I think it says a ton. My sister is totally crazy for you.”
“Is that right? She talk in her sleep then?”
“No, but I peeked in her diary.”
Spike knew he should reprimand her. He knew that a responsible adult would tell Dawn that it was bad manners to look through other people’s private journals. What’s more, he knew that if someone had done the same thing to him, he’d be angry enough to yank their eyeballs out.
He’d never claimed to be a responsible adult.
“You go through my things and you won’t live to tell the tale,” Spike warned, his harsh tone letting Dawn know that he meant business. Then his scowl softened just a bit. “So, tell me what she said.”
Dawn scoffed. “Yeah right.”
“You want Buffy to know you went into her personal diary?”
Her eyes widened, shocked. “You wouldn’t!”
“’course I would. I’m evil. So spill.”
Dawn decided that she’d pretty much dug herself a hole. “Okay.” There was a long pause. “She thinks about you all the time.”
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much,” Dawn replied. “I mean, there was more about not really knowing what she wanted and being sad a lot, but—”
“How long ago did you read that?” Spike asked.
Dawn frowned. “A few weeks. Why?”
Spike shook his head. “That’s when—” He stopped. That didn’t tell him anything new. So Buffy thought about him all the time. He wanted to know how she felt now . “What made you sneak around, Dawn?” Spike asked. “I didn’t take you for the type to go behind your sister’s back like that.”
Dawn flushed. “It was just that Buffy wasn’t talking to me, and she wasn’t really even looking at me. I wanted to know what was going on.”
“Understandable, Bit.” Spike smiled a bit and touched her cheek. “You ever need to know something from me, though, you just ask. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“Then let’s get you fed.”
~~~~~
Xander was silent for a whole five minutes after they’d left the Magic Box to check the first address. “I don’t understand, Buffy. Spike’s evil.”
“Spike isn’t evil.”
“He’s a demon.”
“And what am I, Xander?” Buffy asked, her voice hard. “I’m the Slayer. I’m certainly not human.”
“Of course you are,” Xander sputtered. “You—you’re Buffy.”
“Buffy does not equal human. Buffy equals Slayer.” She sighed. “Look, I’m not asking you to understand it, but I am asking you to treat Spike with a little courtesy.”
“Buffy—”
“If you can’t do that, then you’re not my friend.”
Xander stopped dead. “You’re saying you’d choose Spike over your friends?”
“No, I’m saying that if you make me choose Spike over you, you’re not my friend. Spike makes me happy. I don’t know why, but he makes being alive bearable. If you can’t at least accept that much, that I’m happier because he’s around, then you’re not my friend. If you would rather me live up to your expectations of what you think I ought to be or do, than have me be okay with being alive…” Buffy trailed off, leaving it there. She’d given Xander enough information to work with.
Xander grimaced. Put that way, he didn’t have a choice. “I don’t like him. I’m never going to like him.”
“I’m not asking you to like him.”
“And I still think he’s going to turn on you.”
“Fair enough. I don’t agree, but you’re entitled to your opinion.” Buffy glanced over at him. “So are we good?”
Xander nodded slowly. If he had to put up with Spike in order to keep his friend, he’d do it. He wouldn’t be happy doing it, but he would. There was just one more thing Xander felt like he needed to get off of his chest. “Buffy, I’m sorry. For bringing you back, I mean. I’m glad you’re here, but…”
Buffy’s face relaxed into a smile. “Thank you, Xander.”