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Chapter 4: Strength in Numbers

“…When they say you’re/not that strong/Well you’re not that weak…There’s nothing left to prove/Nothing I won’t do/Nothing like the pain/I feel for you/Nothing left to hide/ Nothing left to fear/I am always here./What you want/What you lost/What you had/What is gone is over./What you’ve got/What you love/What you need is real./If it’s not enough/It’s not enough/It’s not enough/I’m sorry…” Our Lady Peace, “Not Enough”

Dawn didn’t know if Spike had talked to Buffy about spending more time with her or not, but she was betting on not. It wasn’t like she blamed him for being obsessed. Dawn thought that if she’d loved a guy as much as Spike had loved Buffy, and he’d died, and then got brought back to life—well, she could understand his focus.

That didn’t mean she didn’t miss him. It also didn’t mean that she wasn’t just a little bit angry at Spike for forgetting all about her.

In any event, it seemed prudent to take matters into her own hands.

“Spike?” Dawn peered around the upper level of they crypt hesitantly. She was feeling a little anxious at this point. Thinking about dropping in on Spike had seemed like a good idea while she was daydreaming her way through a lecture on the Industrial Revolution. Now that Dawn was here, knowing how angry he’d be at her intrusion, it was more difficult to hold onto her bravery. “Are you here?”

“Where else would I be?”

His voice, coming straight out of the floor, caused Dawn to scream, dropping her backpack on the floor. “Spike!”

He smirked as he emerged from the trapdoor. “What are you doin’ here?”

“You scared me!” she accused.

Spike raised his eyebrows. “Evil vampire, Niblet. What the hell did you expect?”

“For you to be around after my sister got back,” Dawn said, sounding sulky.

He sighed. “We talked about this, Dawn. Told you I’d speak to Buffy ‘bout things.” The mulish expression on her face suggested that she wasn’t mollified in the least. “What brought this on?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“What? No!” Spike exclaimed. “Why would you—”

“That’s how Willow was treating me when I saw her this morning,” Dawn said. “Like I was too stupid to know that Rack wanted to—I don’t know. Do something. She was being all perky and nice like nothing had happened, but I’m not stupid. I know how bad it was.”

“’Course you do, luv,” Spike replied. “You’re not stupid.”

“And then I found out that there’s this big party Kirsty is having, and she invited everybody except for me,” Dawn continued. There was no one around to talk about her day with anymore. After the way Willow had behaved, Dawn couldn’t talk to her. Tara was gone, Buffy was usually in her own world, and Xander and Anya were caught up in their wedding plans.

That left Spike, now that he seemed willing to hang out with her again, at least when she dropped in on him unannounced.

“I’m sorry, Bit,” Spike said awkwardly. He didn’t mind listening, but he wasn’t quite sure what to say. Was he supposed to fix it?

Dawn shrugged. “It’s okay. Well, it’s not, but there isn’t anything you can do about it.”

“Wish I could,” he said. Spike moved a little closer, reaching out to tentatively touch her cheek. They had become a little more comfortable touching one another over the summer. Once the first contact was made, Dawn moved closer, feeling his arms close around her hesitantly.

Tara still gave hugs, but Buffy never really did. Come to think of it, Buffy hadn’t really hugged her a lot before she’d died either. Their mom had been the demonstrative one. She and Buffy were more likely to get into a fight and yell at each other.

Giles had hugged her sometimes, before he went away too.

Spike could hear her sniffles, and he pulled back abruptly. “Hey, now. What’s this?”

“Sorry,” Dawn gulped, trying to wipe away the moisture as best she could with the back of her hand.

“Don’t be sorry,” Spike replied , his voice as gentle as it ever was. “What’s botherin’ you, Bit?”

Dawn shook her head. How immature would it sound to say she missed her mom?

“ You missin’ Joyce?”

Dawn let out a shaky laugh. “Are you some kind of mind reader?”

“Wish I was,” Spike replied. “I’d love to know what was goin’ on in your sister’s head.”

“Buffy’s weird.” Dawn dismissed Buffy’s eccentricities as only a younger sibling could. “She likes you.”

“You really think so?” Spike asked hopefully. “What makes you say that?”

Dawn shrugged. “Well, she made Xander leave last night, and she asked you to stay. She looks at you differently, too.”

“She does?” Spike had thought he was imagining it.

She settled down on his sarcophagus. “She was last night. Buffy definitely doesn’t hate you any more.” At his slightly glum expression, she encouraged, “That’s an improvement!”

“S’pose so.”

Dawn frowned. There was definitely more going on between her sister and Spike than she knew about. “How do you know if you’re in love with someone?”

Spike took a breath, sitting down next to her. It looked like it was going to be one of those conversations. He and Dawn didn’t often get serious, but it happened on occasion. “Dunno. I guess you just know. Why?”

“There’s a guy at school that I like, and I think he might like me, but I don’t know.”

Spike felt a jolt of alarm. “Why are you asking me about love?”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Please, Spike. It’s just for future reference. It’s not a big deal.”

Spike decided not to push it. “Maybe you ought to be headin’ home, Niblet. It’s gonna be dark soon.”

Dawn shook her head. “I don’t want to be in the house with Willow right now. I’m still mad at her for making me miss the movie, and I don’t want to pretend that everything is okay.”

“Where’s your sister?” Spike asked.

Dawn shrugged. “She went to meet up with Tara . I think they’re hanging out again.” Dawn brightened visibly. “Maybe if Willow moves out, Tara will come around more often.”

“That would be good for both of you,” Spike commented. There really wasn’t a way he could make her leave, and truth be told Spike enjoyed her company. It had been so long since they’d been able to see one another, and his dealings with Dawn were refreshingly straight-forward.

“Maybe we could play gin?” Dawn suggested.

Spike knew how badly she cheated, but he couldn’t say no. It wasn’t like he hadn’t taught her every trick he knew.

Of course, what he hadn’t realized at the time was that Joyce had taught her daughter a few tricks as well.

“Right, but we’re playing for points, not money,” Spike said. “Your sister finds out I taught you to gamble, she’d kill me.”

“Okay.” Dawn was already trying to figure out a way around that. Last time she’d played gin with Spike, she’d made enough money to buy a new pair of jeans. “Person with the least points buys dinner.”

Spike sighed, unable to say no, and yet knowing that he was probably going to throw the game just to make sure Dawn got something decent to eat. Of course, if he fed Dawn, he’d have an excuse to feed Buffy, and the Slayer needed more meat on her bones. “Fine. I’ll deal first.”

~~~~~

Buffy sat down across from Tara , her hands gripping the warm mug. Tea wasn’t her favorite, but it was less expensive than a mocha , and money was still tight. She had no idea how she was going to make Christmas merry this year.

She also had no idea what she was going to do about the frost-monster-thing, or what she was going to say to Xander, or how to deal with Willow. Buffy thought it might be a bad sign that she couldn’t work up the energy to care.

“How are you?” Buffy asked. She thought she was doing pretty good to ask.

Tara gave her a smile. “I’m okay. Hanging in there. You?”

“About the same,” Buffy admitted. “Did you find anything?”

Tara hesitated, and then nodded. “It’s nothing bad, Buffy. It’s not a fundamental change, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Then I guess I can tell Spike that I’m not sleeping with him because I came back ‘wrong.’” Buffy stared down into the rapidly cooling liquid in her mug. She wasn’t certain whether she ought to be relieved or disappointed.

Tara winced. “Did he really say that?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “You know Spike. He tends to let his mouth run without engaging his brain.” She gave a short laugh. “Of course, so do I . It’s amazing that we haven’t killed each other yet.”

“So you guys are still…”

“Whatever you want to call it,” Buffy admitted. “I guess I should probably let you know that Willow ‘s moving out.”

Tara ‘s face reflected her surprise. “What?”

“I didn’t know what else to do.” Buffy was quiet. “You know, she’s made mistakes with the magic before. The ‘my will be done’ spell almost got us all killed, and then with Olaf, not to mention the memory spell. I guess we always figured that since it was Willow , it wasn’t a big deal, but what she did with Dawn—”

“What did she do, Buffy?” Tara asked.

Buffy looked abashed. “I’m sorry, Tara . I’m unloading this on you, and—”

Tara put her hand over Buffy’s. “It’s okay. If you need to, I don’t mind. It hurts, but I don’t have any regrets on my end.”

Buffy nodded, and then continued. “She went to this guy’s—Rack’s—and she took Dawn with her. When we got there, the look on his face when he saw Dawn…” She trailed off.

Tara could just imagine. If Willow was visiting Rack, she’d fallen further than Tara had ever dreamed she would. “I don’t think he’d come after her,” Tara said quietly. “I’ve heard rumors, and he’s, well, he’s kind of lazy.”

Buffy smiled. “Lazy bad guys, huh? I could get used to that.” She gave Tara a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry.”

The witch shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Buffy.”

“Where are you staying?” Buffy asked. “I mean, you could come back to the house if you want once Willow leaves. If you need a place.”

“I don’t,” Tara replied gently. “I’ve got a little apartment not too far from campus. It’s not much, but I’ve got all my things there already.”

“I understand,” Buffy said. “You won’t be a stranger, though? I know how much Dawn enjoys seeing you. I mean, I know she’s missed you since—”

“I’ve missed her, too.” Tara made a face. “Things change so quickly.”

“Yeah, they do.” Buffy sighed as she stood. “I should be getting home.”

Tara rose as well. “I need to do some studying.” She hesitated. “Let me know a good time, and I’ll come by.” Her smile held a hint of teasing. “I could cook.”

Buffy smiled, and then laughed. “I take it someone told you about my cooking skills.”

“Or lack thereof.”

They looked at each other for a moment, two women who suddenly found themselves friends by default, rather than by choice. It was an odd position for both, and Tara impulsively gave Buffy a hug. “Hang in there.”

“You too.”

Buffy left the Espresso Pump feeling better than she had in a while.

~~~~~~

“You know I’d never let Dawn get hurt!” Willow insisted.

Xander had his doubts. He wanted to believe Willow , he really did. She was his oldest friend, and he really didn’t like the thought of Buffy hanging out with Spike so much. He was also thinking about the spells that Willow had done lately that had gone wrong. “I know you wouldn’t hurt Dawn intentionally,” he began. “But, Will, you put her in danger.”

“She was with me,” Willow replied.

“Look, if you want me to talk to Buffy, I will,” he finally said. “I think maybe she needs some space, though. What we did—”

“We did for her own good.” Willow had her resolve face on, but instead of being convincing, Xander found himself even more uncomfortable. He believed that Willow believed that, but he didn’t. Not when Buffy drifted around, not when there wasn’t any life in her eyes.

Not when she would choose Spike over her friends. The friends who had pulled her out of heaven.

Spike had warned them. Xander hated that he was even thinking it, but Spike had told them that there were always consequences to magic, and it looked like they were facing them now.

Not that Xander would ever admit that Spike was right.

“ Willow , Buffy’s not happy.” He said the words, and he knew they were nothing but the truth. They hurt to say, though.

“She would be if I could just fix it,” Willow said persuasively. “I could make it better.”

“No!” Xander said, standing and backing away from her. “You can’t just go messing around with people, not after what happened.”

“It went wrong. This time—”

“No.” Xander shook his head. “Leave it alone, Willow . Buffy will figure things out. Sometimes it takes her awhile, but she always comes back to us.”

He strode out of her campus dorm room, finally sparing a moment to wonder how she’d managed to find a piece of prime real estate like this so late in the semester. Willow ‘s room was just as nice as the one Buffy had given up when Joyce got sick. Xander had a feeling that he didn’t want to know how Willow had done it.

Xander took a deep breath. He had come immediately after work. Willow had told him how awkward things were, she’d sounded sorry for what had happened over the phone. She was anything but sorry, though. Willow was just so sure she was right, so sure she could fix things with a wave of her hand.

Thinking about what Willow had said , Xander knew that he needed to talk to Buffy. Pulling out his cell phone, he called the Magic Box. “Anya? Hey, I’m going to be late for dinner tonight. I’ve got to see Buffy.”

“Why?” Anya asked, sounding deeply suspicious. “What’s going on, Xander?”

“I think Willow might be planning to do another spell,” Xander replied. “I thought it might be a good idea to give Buffy a heads up.”

“It’s always the quiet ones you’ve got to watch out for,” Anya said. “Didn’t I tell you that?”

Xander bit back a sigh. “Yeah, you did, An. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Maybe you should just pick something up on the way home,” she suggested. “I’m getting hungry, and I’ve still got some errands to run after I close the shop.”

Xander knew Anya hated it when he put Buffy or Willow ‘s needs before hers. He didn’t quite understand it, since he was obviously attached to her. All she had to do was look at her hand to see it, but he also knew that he’d have some groveling to do later.

There would probably have to be props.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.

“Really?”

“Whatever you want,” he said, knowing how dangerous those words could be.

Anya was silent for a moment, and then said, “Okay, but Xander, we still have lots of wedding details to go over. I know it seems like the wedding is far away, but it’s really not.”

“I know it isn’t,” Xander replied. “I’ll be home in a little while.”

Now he just needed to go talk to the Slayer about his best friend. Sometimes Xander hated his life.

~~~~~

Buffy had come back to an empty house. She couldn’t say that she minded Willow not being around, but Dawn’s absence concerned her. Her little sister hadn’t said anything about any after-school activities.

She decided to put the panic on hold until the sun went down, which it soon did with no sign of Dawn. Buffy was ready to go find Spike and have him help her hunt Dawn down when the two of them came waltzing through the front door.

“Where have you been?” Buffy demanded.

Dawn’s smile faded. “Buffy, I—”

“Couldn’t you have left a note?”

“I went to Spike’s after school,” Dawn replied. “And then I made him walk me home.”

Buffy took a deep breath. “What about calling?”

“Spike doesn’t have a phone.”

Buffy rounded on the vampire. “You. You’re getting a phone.”

Spike blinked. “Huh?”

“What if something like this happens again?” she asked. “Or what if I need to get ahold of you? You’re getting a phone.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “That’s a little difficult to do in a crypt, luv.”

“Then get a cell phone, I don’t care.” Buffy narrowed her eyes. “But I want to know where my sister’s at when she’s gone after dark. If she’s with you, fine, but I want to know about it.”

Spike and Dawn exchanged a look. “So it’s okay if I hang out with Spike?” Dawn asked hopefully.

“Not all the time,” Buffy stipulated. “I don’t want you in the cemetery all the time, and I think it would definitely be better if you had some friends your own age. But I suppose on occasion it might be okay.”

Buffy was doing it for herself as much as for either Dawn or Spike. She’d seen Spike’s ability to get Dawn to do something as simple as go to bed the previous night. If Spike could take some of the parenting detail off her hands, so much the better.

“Well, it’s not like Niblet could be there all the time anyway,” Spike asserted, following Buffy as she started to head towards the kitchen. “’s not like I don’t have a life.”

“Like what? Watching Passions ?” Dawn asked snidely.

“Spike’s allowed to find you irritating,” Buffy said. “And you shouldn’t bug him all the time.”

“I won’t,” Dawn replied, sounding a little sulky. “It’s not like I don’t have friends.”

“Good.” Buffy smiled. “What do you want for dinner?”

“Spike’s buying,” Dawn announced. “We played gin, and he lost.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow, amused when Spike got shamefaced. “She cheats.”

“And I wonder who taught her.” The idea of not having to think about cooking or feeding anyone was refreshing. “What are we eating?”

Spike shrugged. “Up to you, pet.”

“I was the one who won!” Dawn protested.

“Where do you want to eat, Dawn?” Buffy asked.

“Italian,” Dawn said firmly.

“Italian it is,” Spike agreed affably.

Dawn grinned. “I’ll go get changed.”

Buffy waited until she’d dashed up the stairs. “You really don’t have to take the two of us out.”

“And how long’s it been since you’ve had a decent meal, luv?” Spike asked. “You’re not eatin’ nearly enough to my liking.”

“You’re saying I’m too skinny?” Buffy asked with the hint of a pout.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Like I think you’re anything but perfect.”

The moment hung between them, turning warm. Buffy was about to reply when she heard Xander’s voice in the front hall. “Buffy? Are you home?”

“Knew I should have locked that door,” Spike muttered.

“Be nice,” Buffy whispered. “We’re in the kitchen!”

Xander came through, grimacing when he saw Spike, but he didn’t say anything. “I think we might have a problem with Willow .”

“What kind of a problem?” Buffy asked.

“I helped her move today—”

“She moved already?” Buffy was surprised. She had expected Willow to try to stretch things out for as long as possible. “Where?”

“On campus,” Xander said. “And you wouldn’t believe the dorm room she got. She— Willow was talking about ‘fixing’ you.”

“Fixing me?” Buffy asked, her eyebrows going up. “Why would I need to be fixed?”

Xander hesitated. “You kicked Willow out, Buf. And, you know, the whole heaven thing… I think Willow wants to make it better.”

“You know how she can make it better?” Buffy asked. “She can leave it alone. I’m dealing, Xander. About the only thing that would help at this point is sending me back.”

Xander flinched. “Buffy…”

“I know you’re sorry, Xander,” she said, softening her tone. “ Willow isn’t. She isn’t sorry for putting Dawn in danger. She thinks she can do no wrong, and that just isn’t true.”

Her friend hesitated, glancing over at Spike. He wanted to know what Buffy was doing with the vampire, but he didn’t want to ask the question with Spike standing there.

Xander also got the feeling that he didn’t want to know the answer.

“I just wanted to let you know what she said.” Xander shrugged. “I don’t know if she’ll do anything, but at least you know.”

“Might want to get Glinda over here to do her mojo,” Spike suggested. “She might be able to put up a protection spell or something.”

Xander stared at him. “I thought you didn’t like magic.”

“Depends on what it’s for. Somethin’ like this, I think I can live with it, so to speak.”

“Are we going?” Dawn asked impatiently from the doorway. “If we don’t hurry, the restaurant is going to get really busy.”

“Grab our coats, Dawn,” Buffy ordered, then turned back to Xander. “Thanks for the warning, Xander. I doubt she’ll do anything, though.”

Xander watched as Buffy shrugged into the coat Dawn handed her. “We’ll see you later, Xan. Lock up behind you, okay?”

And they were gone. With Spike. Out to eat.

Xander shook his head. “Not again,” he muttered. “Wasn’t Angel enough?”