Chapter 18: Trust
“I had no choice but to hear you/You stated your case time and again/I thought about it… Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole/You’re so much braver than I gave you credit for/That’s not lip service…You are the bearer of unconditional things/You held your breath and the door for me/Thanks for your patience/You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met/You’re my best friend/Best friend with benefits/What took me so long?…You’ve already won me over in spite of me/And don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet/Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are/I couldn’t help it/It’s all your fault.” ~ Alanis Morrissette , “Head Over Feet”
“I’ve got it,” Buffy said, hurrying to grab her robe.
Dawn’s cries had woken both her and Spike, but the Slayer was the first out of bed. Spike paused in reaching for his jeans. “You sure?”
Buffy gave him an apologetic look. “She wouldn’t be able to hear you anyway, Spike.” She heard him curse as she left the room, wincing. Hopefully, Giles had managed to translate the spell, and they would be able to lift the curse soon. It was becoming more than just a nuisance.
Dawn was awake by the time Buffy reached her sister’s room, sitting up in bed and taking deep breaths. “Dawnie?”
“I’m okay.” She looked up at Buffy, trying to smile. “It was just a bad dream.”
Buffy sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you sure? Do you want to tell me about it?”
Dawn shook her head. “Not really. It was—just bad.” She gave her sister a hopeful look. “Did you—”
“He’s not going to hurt you again, Dawn.” Buffy pulled her into a hug. “He can’t touch you now.”
“I’m glad.”
“Can you tell me what happened?” Buffy asked, feeling Dawn give an involuntary shudder at the question. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
Dawn shook her head, pulling back slightly. “No, it’s okay. I can tell you. It was—these two guys just came out of nowhere and grabbed me. They—they took me to Rack, and he did something. Something to make me feel all floaty , like I wasn’t really there, and then he—” Dawn stopped. “I can’t explain it. It hurt, though. It felt like he took something.”
Buffy could see that Dawn was trying not to cry. ” It’s okay, Dawn.”
Dawn shook her head. “I just feel so stupid. People keep coming after me, and then you have to rescue me, and you’ve got enough to worry about. And Spike, with the curse and all the demons after him…”
“This isn’t your fault, Dawnie,” Buffy said quietly. “I know I haven’t been very good recently about hanging out with you. Since I’ve been back, things have been hard, but that’s not your fault. Any time you get into trouble, I’m going to be there to get you out of it.” Buffy gave her a wry grin. “Even when it is your fault.”
Dawn laughed a little tearfully, hugging Buffy tightly and burying her face in her shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
~~~~~
Giles was jet-lagged, irritable, and not at all happy to see Xander waiting for him. “Where’s Buffy?”
“At home,” Xander replied, shrugging uncomfortably. “She said she wasn’t going to leave Dawn, and Dawn wasn’t ready to go out. I guess I’m driving you straight over.”
“What on earth is going on between her and Spike?” Giles asked. “This ritual—can’t Willow just lift the spell herself?”
Xander looked even more unhappy . ” Tara asked her to, but Willow said it couldn’t be removed.”
Giles frowned. He left and everything had almost immediately gone to hell. Buffy had apparently become quite close to Spike—if the ritual was any indication— Willow was using magic irresponsibly, and Xander had called off his wedding. “Where is Anya?”
“At the Magic Box.” Xander looked over at Giles. “Did she tell you what happened?”
“She told me.” Giles gave him a sharp look. “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that I’m not ready to get married.” They’d reached his car. Giles had brought a carry-on, but no other luggage, and so they hadn’t needed to wait by the baggage carousel. “All I wanted was to put it off.”
Giles snorted. “I’m sure Anya took that well.”
“No, that’s when we broke up. I still want to be with her.”
“Why?” Giles asked bluntly. “To what end?”
“I love her,” Xander replied. “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”
“Then you’d best figure it out,” Giles said. “Anya isn’t the sort to be satisfied with half-gestures.”
“How would you know?” Xander asked suspiciously.
Giles shot him a dirty look. “Because we worked together for the last year, Xander. I happen to like Anya. I find her annoying at times, but she’s a hard worker, and she has a good heart.”
“Oh.” Xander shook his head. “But how do you know if it’s forever?”
“Maybe when you wouldn’t want it any other way,” Giles suggested. “Now, could we go, please? There is quite a bit to do, and not much time to do it in.”
~~~~~
Tara smiled at Buffy. “How’s Dawn today?”
“Better,” Buffy replied. “She’s beginning to play on my sympathy, which is probably a good sign.”
Tara laughed. “Probably.”
“She woke with nightmares last night, though,” Buffy said, more seriously. “I sat with her until she went back to sleep, and I don’t think she woke up again. It’s just—I’m not sure if what Rack did is going to have any lasting effects, or what this means…” Buffy trailed off. “I hadn’t even thought about Dawn still being the Key.”
Tara frowned. “I don’t know, Buffy. It’s hard to say what being the Key will mean for Dawn in the long run. I believe that she’s a perfectly normal teenage girl, but that doesn’t rule out the possibility that her blood may continue to have certain properties.”
“Something to have Giles research, I guess,” Buffy said. “Did you bring what we need for the ritual?”
Tara shook her head. “Giles called last night while I was still at the Magic Box. He’s flying in today, and he’s bringing the translation with him.”
Buffy made a face. “Why do I think this is going to get very uncomfortable?”
“Probably because it will,” Tara replied sympathetically. “You and Spike have my support, for whatever it’s worth, though. And Anya’s.”
“I appreciate that,” Buffy replied. “I guess we should go see if Dawn’s willing to part with that necklace.”
Tara smiled as she realized what Dawn’s sympathy ploy had been. She wondered how Spike was feeling about being in such high demand between the two Summers .
~~~~~
Spike was beginning to fidget, thinking that he should go elsewhere. Buffy had convinced Dawn to let her have the necklace back, so Spike could hear what Buffy was actually saying. Any time Dawn or Tara mentioned his name, however, it was a different story, and even though he knew he wasn’t hearing them correctly, their words still hurt.
Especially since he was still stinging from his failure to protect Dawn.
When the doorbell rang, Buffy rose from her seat. “I’ll get that.”
Spike stayed silent, knowing that Tara and Dawn wouldn’t hear anything he said anyway. Dawn’s hand came to rest on his arm, and he looked up. She didn’t say anything, squeezing tightly. He gave her a smile in reply.
“I can’t believe you haven’t staked him yet,” Xander said, his voice traveling clearly from the front hall. “Spike is more trouble than he’s worth, Buffy.”
“Thanks for picking Giles up, Xander,” Buffy replied. “I didn’t want to leave Dawn. We’ve got it from here. Too many more people would be a crowd.”
“You can’t seriously be thinking of lifting the curse on Spike,” Giles said. “I would think silencing him was a favor more than anything else. You ought to be thanking Willow .”
” Willow refused to lift the spell,” Buffy said. “She told Tara that she couldn’t, but that might just mean that she wouldn’t.”
Giles followed Buffy into the kitchen. “What are you doing here, Spike?” Giles asked.
Spike looked at Buffy, not knowing how to reply, or even what had been said. Dealing with the curse was bad enough when there were only one or two others besides the necklace wearer. With a crowd like this, Spike’s discomfort was acute, and he wanted nothing more than to escape. “Buffy—”
“This isn’t going to work,” Buffy said, reading the emotion on his face. “Look, Spike, why don’t you go upstairs? I’ll speak with Giles, and we’ll figure out how we’re going to lift the curse.” When he hesitated, she asked, “Do you trust me?”
“Do I have a choice?” Spike asked. He saw her hurt expression and immediately regretted his hasty words. “‘m sorry, luv. This is—”
“This sucks,” she said. “I know, Spike, but you have to trust me to do the right thing.”
He nodded shortly. “Right.”
When he rose to leave, Giles opened his mouth to say something. “Don’t, Giles,” Buffy ordered. “Spike doesn’t need to hear another insult.” Buffy was quiet, waiting until she knew Spike was upstairs. “Okay, now what were you going to say?”
Giles sighed. “You know, I do realize the dangers of leaving the curse in place, Buffy, but—”
“Do not even say it,” Buffy said angrily.
Giles stopped, deciding that it wasn’t worth making Buffy any angrier. He looked over at Dawn. “How are you, Dawn?”
She shrugged. “Pretty good for somebody who was in the clutches of an evil warlock. ”
If Giles hadn’t just spent the last summer watching Dawn try to put a brave face on things, he might have missed the signs. “I’m glad you’re safe.”
Dawn shot him a look. “Spike was the one who rescued me.”
Giles winced. “Yes, well, I can see when I’m outnumbered.” He pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his breast pocket, handing it to Buffy. “I don’t think that this is going to work, Buffy,” he warned. “The ritual must be performed by someone who loves the victim, and I don’t know of anyone who fits that description.”
“I do!” Dawn said indignantly. “I can do the ritual!”
“You’re not doing any spells,” Buffy replied, quickly reading through the words of the spell. She handed the papers to Tara . “What do you think?”
“The ingredients are easy enough to find,” Tara replied. “That’s not going to be the problem, Buffy.”
The Slayer nodded. “Good.” She looked at Giles. “You look tired. Do you want to get some rest?”
Giles decided that Buffy wasn’t going to discuss matters with him further. “That would be nice.”
“I’ll get the bed ready,” she said, heading upstairs.
Giles turned to Tara and Dawn. “How long has this thing been going on?”
Tara and Dawn looked at each other. “Between Spike and Buffy?” Tara hedged.
Giles pulled off his glasses and started cleaning them. “Yes.”
“For a while,” Dawn said, a note of defiance in her voice. “And it’s a really good thing, so don’t mess it up.”
Tara shot Dawn a look. “It’s been good for Buffy, Giles,” she said gently. “She’s been a lot happier. A lot more…engaged.”
Giles sighed. “I suppose it isn’t any of my business.” He gave Tara a gentle look. “And Willow?”
“From bad to worse,” Tara admitted. “I understand that not everyone agrees that Spike is the best choice of boyfriends, but it’s Buffy’s choice. Willow —she could have gotten someone killed.”
Giles sat down at the table. “I don’t think she’ll listen to me,” he admitted. “When I confronted her about the resurrection spell, she didn’t take it well.”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” Tara said quietly. “I think I might have an idea, but it’s going to take both of us.”
“Both of us?”
“It’s a spell,” Tara said quietly. “It’ll force Willow to see herself as we see her. I think it might help.”
“I want to help,” Dawn stated.
Tara looked alarmed. “Dawnie, I don’t think—”
“She was the one who took me to Rack’s,” Dawn said. “She didn’t even apologize for that. I want her to understand that she hurt me.”
Giles winced and then nodded. “If Buffy agrees, it might not be a bad idea. Dawn’s favor is not something Willow would want to lose.”
“Okay, if Buffy agrees,” Tara said. “But that’s going to have to take place after we lift the curse on Spike.”
“What is lifting the curse going to do to Willow?” Giles asked. “Won’t it go back on her?”
“It could,” Tara admitted. ” Which is why I think we should try to do both spells at the same time, or nearly so. Willow ‘s powerful enough that we’ll want to try to catch her as unaware as possible.” Tara didn’t look at all happy about the idea of ambushing her ex-girlfriend, and Giles knew how she felt. He had a great deal of fondness for Willow .
“There’s a coven in England that might be willing to train her,” he said. “If we can get her to see that she needs help.”
“That’s a pretty big if,” Dawn remarked bitterly. ” Willow doesn’t think she needs anybody.”
~~~~~
“Are you okay?”
“Sure, just fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Spike—”
” It’s fine, Buffy.”
“Giles translated the ritual,” Buffy said. ” Tara said she could get the ingredients pretty easily.”
Spike nodded, turning away from the window to look at her. Buffy had found him standing in her room, at the edge of the patch of light that was streaming through the crack between the window and the blinds. She wondered if Spike had something of a death wish. It would make sense, the way he was always chasing Slayers, braving the sunlight, picking fights with the demon-world.
“What else is involved?”
“Just me and you, from what I understand,” Buffy replied. “It doesn’t look all that hard.”
Spike eyed her suspiciously. “What aren’t you tellin ‘ me?”
“Don’t you trust me?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah, ‘course I do,” Spike replied. “But you’re not tellin ‘ me something.”
Buffy sighed. “The spell requires a gesture of trust.”
“What kind of a gesture?” Spike asked.
She shrugged. “I have no idea. Apparently that’s for the individual doing the spell to decide.”
Spike sat down on Buffy’s bed. “Do you want to do it? You don’t have to, luv. I’ll figure it out. I can—”
“Leave the room anytime two or more people are talking?” Buffy suggested softly. “Feel like you’re invisible every time a human who isn’t wearing a charmed necklace is around? No, Spike. That’s not fair.”
Spike looked down at his hands. “Yeah, it’s no picnic.”
She sat down next to him. “I’m going to ask Tara to get what we need. We’ll do the ritual tonight, and then we’ll figure out what we’re going to do about Willow . She can’t get away with this. I’ve let too many things slide lately.”
Spike nodded. “Ta, luv.”
Buffy had some idea of how much those words still choked him. It was as difficult for Spike to accept any kind of help as it was for her.
She had a feeling that he was going to have a large problem with the ritual, too. Buffy already had some idea of what the gesture of trust was going to be, and she wondered if Spike would go through with it.