Chapter 6: Fumbling in the Dark
“She looks over her shoulder with a half specific glare/As if it were the past/An interception of intentions from a once familiar path/A promise broken in half/So she let go…And it was like she said/A chance to learn instead/Of staying in the lines and never knowing why/She stumbles through the door/Were the angels fighting demons in the corner of her room/Or was it happenstance/That she would catch a glimpse of loving safety more than life/A faithless circumstance/So she let go…” Sarah Masen, “She Stumbles Through the Door”
“Hello, Buffy.”
Willow ‘s voice was cool. The Slayer wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. Willow had never been cold. Angry, frustrated, excited, you name it, but not cold.
Buffy was beginning to think that this really wasn’t Willow anymore.
“Hey. Xander said I could find you here.” Buffy looked past Willow ‘s shoulder into the dorm room. It looked nice, nicer than Buffy thought she’d be able to manage in just a couple of days. What had Willow been using magic for now? “This is nice.”
“It’s okay,” Willow said dismissively, ignoring the fact that it was probably one of the nicest dorm rooms on campus. “Did you want something?”
Buffy grimaced, realizing that this was how they were going to play it. Willow was going to be cool and aloof until she apologized for what she said.
Well, too bad. Buffy wasn’t feeling sorry.
“I just wanted to know if you were still coming for Christmas Eve,” Buffy said. “You’re still welcome, and that’s when we’re doing dinner or whatever.”
Willow ‘s face softened slightly, but she shook her head. “I’ve already made other plans. With friends.”
“Oh, right,” Buffy said, feeling the rebuff. She didn’t like being on the outs with Willow . She wanted to make things better, but she didn’t want to do it at the expense of what she felt was right.
Willow had needed to move out. She needed to do something about her magic use, which seemed out of control. And Buffy wouldn’t mind if Willow apologized for pulling her out of heaven and actually meant it rather than offering rationalizations.
“Maybe we could do something for New Years?” Willow suggested.
Buffy nodded. “Yeah, that would be good. I, uh, I guess I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, I’ve got some studying to do,” Willow replied. “I’ll see you, Buffy.”
Buffy watched the door close, realizing that Willow hadn’t even invited her in.
~~~~~
“ Willow ‘s still a little angry about you asking her to move out, Buffy,” Xander consoled her later. He wasn’t used to being in the middle of Buffy and Willow . He’d been caught between Anya and Willow plenty, but this was new. Buffy had asked him to come over after he got off work, telling him that she’d seen Willow and that she wanted to talk to him.
He wasn’t sure what to think about Willow ‘s response to Buffy. He knew that Willow was still angry with the Slayer, angrier than he’d ever seen her, actually.
It made him wonder what happened to the girl who so rarely became upset that her anger was enough to stop Angel and Giles in their tracks.
Buffy frowned. “Surely she sees that taking Dawn to Rack’s wasn’t smart, Xander. I couldn’t let her stay in the house after she put Dawn in danger. Not to mention that memory spell! She could have gotten all of us killed.”
Xander shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s Willow , Buffy. You know she wouldn’t hurt Dawn, or you.”
“But she did,” Buffy replied. “I just don’t understand why she can’t see that.”
Xander was beginning to get twitchy. He didn’t like being in the middle, and now they were talking about something he had been involved in, too. Maybe resurrecting Buffy had been Willow ‘s idea, but he’d been behind it. He still wasn’t all that sorry she was back.
“I’m sure she does, Buf.” Xander managed a crooked smile. “Give her a little time. With Tara breaking up with her, and you kicking her out, she’s not a happy witch.”
That worried Buffy, honestly. When Willow felt like people weren’t feeling the way she wanted them to feel, she had a tendency to see if magic wouldn’t speed up the process. She didn’t feel as though she could explain her concerns to Xander, however. Not when he seemed pretty intent on excusing Willow ‘s actions.
“Yeah, I know. She just needs some time,” Buffy echoed, wishing that her friends had done her the same courtesy when she’d first crawled out of her grave. “I wanted to talk to you about Christmas Eve.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that, too,” Xander said. “Anya wants to take a trip, and I think it would be a good idea.”
Buffy blinked. “A trip?”
“She wants us to have some time alone together,” Xander explained hastily. “With the wedding coming up, we’ve both been pretty busy. It’s probably an idea she got out of one of her bridal magazines, but I think it might be a good one.”
“Sure, you should do that,” Buffy said, trying to swallow her disappointment. It wasn’t like she’d been all that excited about having the gang over for Christmas, but it still felt as though they were abandoning her.
Was that stupid? And didn’t they remember that this was the first holiday season without her mom?
Xander gave her another crooked grin and a one-armed hug. “We’ll have to do something for New Years, though. Anya and I will be back by then.”
“Of course,” Buffy replied. “ Willow said she might want to do something for New Years, too.”
Xander glanced at his watch. “Oh, hey, I have to go. I’m meeting Anya. We’re supposed to talk about the flower arrangements or invitations or something. I’ll see you later.”
Buffy gave him a half-hearted goodbye, not quite sure what to think. She knew that Xander hadn’t planned to hurt her. Far from it. He was marrying Anya; they should spend time together. Besides, it wasn’t like she had been looking forward to cooking or anything.
She gulped down a sob and put her head on her arms as the grief threatened to overwhelm her. Buffy wanted her mom.
~~~~~
Spike went around to the back of the house. Although he wanted to present his plan for coming up with some cash to Buffy, Spike still wasn’t sure that it was going to work. He figured that there was a good possibility, but he didn’t want to get her hopes up.
Maybe he could surprise her. Solving all her financial problems would be quite the Christmas gift.
He knocked softly on the glass, trying the knob when he didn’t get an answer. The door opened easily under his hand, and he frowned, wondering why the Slayer had left her door unlocked. Anyone could have walked inside.
“Buffy?”
Spike didn’t get a response. He knew that the Bit was with Tara . She had mentioned feeding the girl dinner to give Buffy a break. They had discussed taking care of Dawn more often between the two of them, thinking that the Slayer probably needed some relief from the pressure of parenting. Dawn was a good kid, but she got on Buffy’s nerves without trying too hard.
“Slayer? You here?” Spike wandered into the living room. He could see Buffy’s still figure curled up on the couch, and he felt a thrill of fear until he caught the faint sound of her heart beating. “Buffy?”
She was sleeping, he realized, and Spike could see the traces of tears on her cheeks. With a gentle hand, he brushed back her hair. “Oh, luv,” he murmured, wishing that there was something he could do to ease her pain.
It was all he really wanted these days.
“Spike?” Buffy groaned, her eyes fluttering open. “What are you doing here? What time is it?”
“Nearing ten,” he said. “Why don’t you go up to bed? I’ll stay until the Bit gets home.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I must have fallen asleep.” Buffy sat up, rubbing at her sticky eyes. She knew she probably looked terrible.
Spike’s hand smoothed her hair back. “Have you eaten?”
“Huh?” Buffy asked. “No, I—”
“Why don’t you let me get something for you?”
“You can cook?” Buffy asked, incredulous.
Spike sighed. “Buffy, I like food, and I did take care of Dawn. Didn’t have to cook very often, but I had to keep her from poisonin’ herself the nights the witches were out. Come on.”
Amazingly enough, she didn’t argue. She let Spike pull her up off the couch. It felt so good to be the one getting taken care of, for once. After the day she’d just had, Buffy felt like she deserved a little TLC.
“Want to tell me what happened?”
Buffy really didn’t, but she had promised Dawn that she would ask Spike to come over on Christmas. There certainly weren’t any obstacles preventing him from spending the night before at their house now. “I asked Willow and Xander to come over on Christmas Eve.”
“They said no, and that they had other plans,” Spike guessed, looking through Buffy’s cupboards. “Where’s your food?”
“We don’t really have any,” Buffy replied. “And, yes, that’s exactly what they said. Willow ‘s still mad, and Xander’s kind of weird around me. Ever since they found out that I wasn’t in hell.”
Spike shrugged. “Well, it would make sense. He’s partly responsible for you bein’ miserable.”
Buffy sighed. “I know , it shouldn’t even be that big of a deal. It’s not like we’ve spent every Christmas together or anything. It’s just…”
“This is the first one without your mum, and you were all together last year.” Spike didn’t have to guess this time.
Buffy frowned. “How did you know about that?”
“Was watchin’ you, wasn’t I?” Spike responded, sounding just a little sheepish.
There was still a large part of Buffy that was squicked by the idea of Spike stalking her, and yet she couldn’t fault him. Not when she’d seen the possible end result of his devotion. She decided to let the reference to his stalker-tendencies slide. Instead, she changed the subject.
“Dawn wanted me to invite you for Christmas.”
“Because your superfriends can’t come?”
Spike’s snide tone didn’t quite hide the hurt. Buffy rolled her eyes. He could be so freaking sensitive. “No, Dawn just wants you here because she can’t stand the thought of you being alone for Christmas.”
“Did you tell her that vampires don’t celebrate?” Spike shot back.
Buffy refused to be drawn into an argument. She was just too tired tonight; there was no energy to spare soothing Spike’s fragile ego. “Actually, I told her that I’d think about it.”
Spike wasn’t sure he wanted to be placated, but he hated seeing that defeated expression on his Slayer’s face. “So have you come to a decision?”
“Both you and Tara are invited,” Buffy replied. “Since Xander and Willow aren’t going to be here, I won’t have to worry about juggling people.”
Spike winced, realizing that it wasn’t only his presence that could make things uncomfortable for Buffy. “You don’t have to ask me, luv, if it makes things easier on you. I’ll tell Dawn I’ve got somethin’ else.”
Buffy shook her head. “No, Dawn wants you guys here, and she was right. It’s half her house, so she should be able to have who she wants. From what she’s said, you’re pretty much family.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, well, we looked after each other.” Spike fixed her with a dirty look. “You don’t have any food in the house.”
Buffy winced. “I haven’t really had time to go grocery shopping, and I burn anything I cook, so there doesn’t seem to be much point.”
“Let’s get you fed, then,” Spike said.
Buffy tried for a cheerful smile. “Spike, I’m really not all that hungry.”
“You need to eat,” he insisted.
“Spike—”
“What’s the real problem, Buffy?” He gave her a sharp look. “Is it money? Because I can swing a couple bags of groceries.”
Buffy shook her head. “No, I—” At the expression on his face, she sighed. “Things are tight, and with Christmas coming up…”
“I can fix it, Buffy.”
She shook her head. “Spike, no. I can’t accept that.”
“It’s not stolen,” he assured her. “Talked to Tara about it, and she thought it was a good idea. I didn’t want to say anythin’ just yet. Wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Spike—”
“Look, if I can manage it, I should have it taken care of within the week, just in time for your Christmas shoppin’.”
“How am I supposed to explain that to the social workers, Spike?” Buffy asked. “I can’t just suddenly come up with a bunch of money.”
“Tell them a rich relative died and left you a trust fund. That’s not so unusual. I can even manage the paperwork somehow.”
“I can’t take that from you,” Buffy replied. “It’s too much.”
Spike laid his hand over hers where it rested on the counter. “Buffy, I would do just about anythin’ for you, up to and includin’ taking on a Hellgod. Digging up some buried treasure isn’t much.”
“What about you?” Buffy asked stubbornly. “I’m not taking all your money.”
Spike chuckled. “If you’d seen what I’ve seen, you would know that’s just not possible. Trust me, luv, you won’t be deprivin’ me of anything.”
“So where are you getting this buried treasure?” Buffy asked, suddenly curious in spite of herself.
Spike just gave her an enigmatic smile. “Just wait an’ see.”
~~~~~~
It wasn’t that Spike hadn’t given thought to going back for the treasure that had come with the Gem of Amara, it just hadn’t been worth the trouble. One of the tunnels leading to the cave had been blocked, and getting to the treasure would have resulted in a great deal of personal risk. As long as he could keep himself in blood and smokes with an occasional game of poker or getting the Slayer to pay him for his help, Spike hadn’t seen the need to risk life and limb.
The very idea of getting stuck in one of those tunnels, with no way out, slowly starving until there was nothing left of him— well, it was enough to give him nightmares.
If it would help Buffy, though, it would be worth it.
Spike had told her not to look for him for a few days while he got things settled. He’d refused to tell her where he was going, even though it might be a good idea for somebody to have a clue where he was if he got stuck. The last thing he wanted was for Buffy to come after him and get killed by falling rocks.
At least, Spike thought it was a bad idea for the Slayer to know. She was certain to get impatient and then put herself in danger. Clem, on the other hand, could be trusted to do as he asked, and so he’d left word with the gentle demon. Clem was supposed to meet him on the other end in a day’s time, and if Spike didn’t show up, he was to get help.
Spike had no idea what kind of help Clem would be able to come up with, but he was certain to show up with enough buddies to dig Spike out anyway.
The vampire just hoped that it wouldn’t come to that. If it did, Spike would be stuck paying them all off, which would put a serious dent in the load he brought out.
The tunnels were just as bad as he’d expected them to be. Spike had to shift quite a bit of rock in at least four locations to get back to the cavern where the treasure was.
It was the third blockage that nearly trapped him under a pile of rubble. Spike had to scramble through the opening he’d made to avoid being crushed. He turned to look at the slide, spitting dust out of his mouth. “Bugger,” he muttered, along with a few other choice comments.
He could have given up at that point, but Spike was on a mission. He kept going.
The cavern itself had been perfectly preserved. Everything looked just as he remembered it, and Spike began sifting through the treasure to find the pieces that would bring the most money. Although he would probably be able to find his way back, he’d rather not have to make the trek again. The best way to deal with the Slayer’s financial needs, as well as his own, would be to take the items of highest value, invest the proceeds, and allow Buffy and Dawn to live on the interest. Spike was planning on doing the same with his own share, although he didn’t need much.
He’d always been able to get money when he needed it. Most of the time it wasn’t worth the effort, but now that Buffy seemed willing to at least consider letting him into her life, Spike figured he needed to make it worth her while.
Spike had been giving things a lot of thought. He had no plans to completely change who he was, but there were certain concessions he could make that would make things easier for Buffy.
Buffy had insisted on him getting a phone, which took money. Spike had also been giving serious thought to having some place other than the crypt, something a little more posh. Having a real place might also ease the Slayer’s mind about Dawn coming around more often.
They were such small things, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t be the Big Bad with a cell phone and an apartment. Bottom line, Tara had been right. Spike needed to do this right, because he didn’t want to risk this fragile thing that he and Buffy had wrought.
It was spun glass right now, but give it time and it could be something substantial.
Spike put the last of the loot he could feasibly carry in the second bag and looked around to make sure he hadn’t missed anything important. Almost without thinking, he picked up a necklace and stuck it in his pocket, thinking that he might be able to give it to Buffy as a gift. Maybe for her birthday, since he was carrying her Christmas present.
With a deep breath, Spike faced the entrance. He really wasn’t looking forward to the trip back.