Chapter 15
Buffy climbed out of the cab and headed for the front door grumbling as each step made a sloppy sloshing sound.
“Supernatural grace my ass” She muttered as Giles paid and tipped the driver handsomely.
He tried not to laugh at his swamp-covered chosen one, but he couldn’t quite hide a small grin. He followed her into the townhouse and watched as Willow and Spike took in the muddy and dripping slayer.
Willow stood up. “Was there a demon?”
“Are you hurt?” Spike’s eyes quickly slid up and down her body searching for signs of injury.
Buffy brushed off their concerns with a brisk “I’m fine” and headed towards the stairs.
“Is it still out there?”
Buffy grumbled.
“What? Buffy?” Willow looked at her with a confused expression.
Buffy sighed and gave her a long suffering glare. “It wasn’t a demon. Everything’s fine and I would like a shower ok?” She headed up the stairs.
“Then how…what was it?” Willow turned to Giles.
“I believe the villain was a …squirrel.” He took in the expressions on Willow and Spike’s faces and laughed. “Buffy was up on the roof of a crypt when she heard something watching her. Naturally she attempted to investigate by climbing onto a nearby tree. The branch gave out and Buffy unfortunately fell into the swamp.”
Spike nodded. “That would explain the smell.”
Willow giggled. “I am so telling Buffy you said that.”
He paled. “You wouldn’t.”
She did her best impression of an evil glare.
He smirked. “Do it and you’re translatin’ that relocation spell on you own. Hope you’re good with tenses; it’d be a shame to screw that up and relocate in pieces.”
Willow frowned. “You already said that you’d help with that. You can’t just take it back.” She’d been thrilled to discover that Spike knew Ancient Greek, as hers was even worse than her Latin. It turned out that Spike had been seriously holding out on her over the years; he spoke at least seven languages.
“Guess I’m still a bit evil then.” He waggled an eyebrow at her.
Willow shook her head and laughed.
Spike glanced up the stairs and then back at her. “I’d better make sure she isn’t more hurt then she’s lettin’ on.” Ignoring Willow’s laugh he bounded up the stairs.
Giles rolled his eyes. It would seem, he thought, that Spike has now charmed himself into Willow’s good graces. He watched as the still grinning woman settled back onto the couch with her book and sighed. He knew defeat when he saw it.
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Spike opened the bathroom door a crack and listened to the sound of the shower. “Are you sure that you’re not hurt?”
“I’m fine, or I will be once I scrub everywhere. Gross slimy cemetery.”
He laughed. “Need some help?”
Buffy smiled for a second before remembering her rule. She frowned. Stupid rule, stupid Buffy, she thought, but she was determined not to screw up this chance with him. “No, I’m good. Almost done actually.”
“Right. I’ll just leave you to it then.” Spike closed the door and walked over to the bedroom.
He was sitting on the bed when she came in a few moments later.
She tightened the arm holding up her towel. “Spike. I umm…I need to get dressed.”
He nodded. “I really think I should just check and make sure you’re not hurt.”
She looked at him as though he’d lost his mind. “I’m fine. I fell out of a tree. I’m not even scraped up.”
“Still…” he stood up “you can never be too careful.” He moved towards her, smooth as a jungle cat, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I think I should give you a good look over, just in case.”
Buffy trembled as his warm breath brushed against her neck. She swallowed and stepped back. “Spike, we said that we wouldn’t…we can’t…” She trailed off when he closed the space between them again.
“Never really been one for rules.”
“I just don’t want you to think that I’m using you for…I don’t want to hurt you again.”
Spike gave a low chuckle.
“What?”
“I’m trying to avoid the obvious response Buffy.”
“Which is?”
“Not touching you does hurt me.” He looked down and shook his head in frustration. “Whenever you leave the house, hell whenever you leave the room, I feel like I’m missing a part of my soul. It’s like I’m not real. The only time any of this…” he gestured towards himself and then around the room “feels right is when I’m with you.”
“Because of the claim, Willow said that distance might…”
“No, Buffy, because I love you.”
“Spike…” Her eyes welled.
“Don’t you see? I don’t even know who I am, what kind of man…but I know that I love you. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? To love like that.”
Buffy nodded and let the tears fall. “I think it’s always scary Spike. Love. I’m always scared, but you, you’re the brave one. That’s who you are. You say you don’t know what kind of man you are, but I do. You’re brave and no matter how scary it is you love, you love with everything you have, I don’t know anyone else who loves like that…I want to…for you, you deserve that kind of love. And…and you’re kind; you always worry about everyone else more than yourself. You took care of Dawnie and Mom, and you took care of me, again and again. And you’re strong, Spike, you’re so strong.”
He was crying now and he didn’t bother to try and hide it. “I’m not. That was the demon, Buffy, I’ve never been strong. If I was I wouldn’t have hurt you. I never wanted to but I did, I was weak and …bad. I’m not…”
“No Spike. No.” She shook her head vehemently. “You knew it was wrong and you made sure that the demon would never be stronger than you again. You are a good man.”
“What if I don’t know how to be a man anymore?” The question came out quietly but clearly.
Buffy looked at him surprised. She’d realized that the whole newly human thing was odd for him but she hadn’t realized how much it was bothering him until that moment. Of course it would, the voice in her head sighed with frustration, how would you handle it if you suddenly weren’t a slayer? She’d only been a slayer for a decade, she thought, but she wasn’t so sure she could handle being anything else; he hadn’t been human for a century and she had just assumed that once he got over the shock he’d be thrilled. Why, the voice asked, because it’s better for you? He liked being a vampire. He told you as much. “You want to be a vampire.”
“I’m not saying…”
“No. You do. It’s ok. I get it.” She nodded like the whole thing was finally becoming clear.
“I’m not…”
“I don’t think you can lose the soul. I’ll talk with Willow, maybe she knows how you can get turned back.”
“Buffy?” He looked at her with a baffled expression.
“I want you to be happy. If you want to be a vampire…” She shrugged.
“I want you.”
“I’m not asking you to choose.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “You’re saying you’d still want me.”
“I love you.”