Chapter 20: What she wants
“OK, so this is what we think: Buffy and Spike are NOT really married.”
“What do you mean? I walked her down the aisle. I was there when they signed all the papers. How can you say they aren’t married?” Xander was thoroughly confused.
“They aren’t gettin it on.” A small smile fluttered across Oz’s face at the disgusted look on Xander’s.
“OK two things. One, how do you even know that? Two, what business is it of ours?” Xander grabbed his coke as if to wash out the bad taste in his mouth from talking about his sister’s sex life.
Willow smirked at her best friend’s discomfort. “I can just tell. Buffy never talks about it and she has always told me everything.
“Ever think she just doesn’t want to talk about it? Some people don’t want everyone to know what goes on in their bedroom.”
“Xander I asked her a point blank question yesterday. You know what a bad liar she is. All blushy and trying to change the subject. Also every time she lies she won’t look in my eyes. I do know the signs of a blatant Buffy lie.” Willow smirked at the squirming man across from her and Oz. “And Oz asked Spike about it.”
“Did he tell you they weren’t …ah.. doing it?”
“Opposite.”
“See Wills, they are perfectly normal as normal couples are.” Triumphant, Xander took a big bite out his burger.
“He lied.”
Xander spit the burger out. A few moments past while he turned over the information over in his head. “So they aren’t screwing like hippy hoppity bunnies. Why is it our business?” A serious tone passed through his voice reminding Willow of his protective streak.
Speaking softy Willow asked, “Don’t you want them to be happy?” She caught Xander’s eyes. “Don’t you think Buffy could really be happy with Spike? Do you think he could be the one for her? The one to hold her hand as they grow old?” Xander turned his attention back to the soda sitting on the table. “I know you want the best for her. I know Buffy deserves the best. And I just know Spike is the best one for her. Sometimes when she isn’t looking, Spike sees her and his eyes seem to glaze over in… love and….well hell Xander, not just love but lust. And I can’t think of a better combination for a marriage.” Xander watched as his oldest friend got a dreamy eyes expression while describing Spike and Buffy. “Xander, you knew Buffy would have never married Spike if you hadn’t approved. So why did you?”
Wishing he were anywhere else, discussing anything else, Xander took a moment to form his words. “I love her very much. I hoped that she would never cry again..never be hurt again.” Xander moved to grab his coat. While pulling money out of his pocket, he continued. “I hoped that Spike could keep her from any sadness.” He stood up and pulled his jacket around his body. “I know what you’re doing Wills, you want to come up with some scheme to get them in bed together. Well, let me tell you something. My parents have a pretty healthy sex life. I should know, my room was right next door. Sex is not going to make them fall in love.” Xander started for the door.
“Xander wait!” Willow jumped up and rushed after him. “I am sorry, but I think that getting them sleeping in the same bed is a good way for them to start falling in love. Spike is already there; he may not realize it, but he is. Buffy just needs a chance to find that love. If we can help her, why wouldn’t we?”
“Yea, and maybe we make the situation worse. Tell me this Willow, did she ask for your help? Maybe she doesn’t love him? What if she never loves him? Do you think Spike would be fine with that? Yea, I know he loves her. It has been evident on his face since the night they got married.” Xander pushed the door open and started for his car.
“What are you going to do?”
“Find my sister, find out what’s going on. If they aren’t really living together as a happily married couple with all the perks that go with it, then I am going to get her out of there.” With that Xander was in his car and gone.
‘Shit’, Willow thought.
A few knocks on the door later, and Xander was in the apartment. He walked past Spike without a word. Not seeing Buffy, he walked to the master bedroom. Opening up the closet, he found only Buffy’s clothes. Vaguely he heard Spike ask him what he was looking for. Ignoring the blond man, Xander began his search in the bathroom. Nothing. Not even a toothbrush. The front bathroom was next, where he found all of Spikes toiletries. A barely-heard curse was whispered from Xander’s mouth. Next to the sink he saw a bottle of men’s cologne. Xander grabbed the bottle and stalked to the front bedroom. After uncapping the lid, he smelled the cologne, then he quickly grabbed the pillow from the neatly made bed and repeated the action with the pillow. The pillow smelled like the cologne. Without a glance to Spike he asked. “Is this how you planned on living your life? Or just until you’re bored with her?”
Knowing another lie would make everything worse Spike sat down on the floor just inside the door. “A year and a month month after the baby is born we are going to file for divorce.” His voice was flat, devoid of the emotions that were battling to be released. “It was for the best. I needed to be here for her. I needed her to understand I will do anything for her and our baby.”
“Do you love her?”
“Fair question.” Spike closed his eyes and leaded his head back against the wall. Behind closed blue eyes, Spike tried to picture love. Buffy holding their child was the image that greeted him. Spike tried to see this picture of love without the baby. He saw Buffy the night outside his parents’ house, the moon full, him on his knees. “Yes, I love her.” The words which had seemed like such a betrayal, suddenly were so simple. “I love her.”
“Does she know?”
“No.”
“Does she love you?”
“I don’t know”
“You’re not my slave. You’re my match. You’re my mate. You’re my love.” She whispers as they peaked.