Chapter 26
“Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast/In a field I looked into going past,/And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,/But a few weeds and stubble showing last…I am too absent-spirited to count;/The loneliness includes me unawares./And lonely as it is that loneliness/Will be more lonely ere it will be less—/A blanker whiteness of benighted snow/With no expression, nothing to express./They cannot scare me with their empty spaces/Between stars—on stars where no human race is./I have it in me so much nearer home/To scare myself with my own desert places.” ~Robert Frost, “Desert Places”
After much discussion, Spike and Buffy decided that reporting the incident to Giles could wait until the next day. Everyone was tired, and it was unlikely that any of them were up to dealing with an accidental killing.
Once Buffy had left, Spike showered and collapsed on the bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this exhausted, and yet sleep still wouldn’t come.
He couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he hadn’t pushed Faith a little closer to the edge with his refusal. Maybe he could have done something if he hadn’t gone to talk to Giles and had instead gone straight to the warehouse. If only he’d kept his eye on the job, and not the girl.
If only Spike had never come to Sunnydale in the first place.
It was too late to go back now. Spike knew that. He was too connected to these people, to their lives. His heart was involved.
With a growl of frustration, he rose, realizing that sleep was not going to come this day. Daytime TV was mind-numbing, however, and Spike let the words and images wash over him without taking any of it in.
The house was silent around him except for the noise of the television, but it was not a comfort, not like it used to be.
The knock on the door came as a welcome distraction. “Come in, Rupert,” Spike said, moving out of the doorway, carefully avoiding the sunlight.
“Forgive me for disturbing you,” Giles said. “I hope I didn’t get you out of bed.”
Spike shook his head. “Couldn’t sleep. Something to drink? Tea?”
“Scotch, if you’ve got it,” Giles responded, smiling thinly at Spike’s raised eyebrow. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you that your home is quite nice.”
“Don’t sound so surprised.” Spike poured a drink for both of them. “I like a soft bed as much as the next bloke.”
Giles took a seat. “Rumor had it you never sleep.”
“That’s not as far from the truth as I’d like it to be,” Spike admitted. “Much as I enjoy your company, you didn’t come for the small talk. What is it, Rupes?”
Giles sighed. “I came to talk to you about Buffy.”
“This where you tell me to get the hell out of town?”
“Hardly.” Giles fiddled with the glass. “I don’t think I told you what Angelus did to me.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“He killed the woman I loved and left her in my bed for me to find.” Giles was proud of how even his tone was, and he could see Spike’s wince before the vampire regained his mask of composure.
“Bloody hell, mate,” Spike murmured. “I’m sorry.”
Giles just smiled—a small, sad smile with a hint of wistfulness about it. “I think you would have liked Jenny.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Spike replied carefully, wondering where the Watcher was going with this.
Giles took a deep breath. “So you can see why I’m hesitant to endorse Buffy’s relationship with a vampire,” he finally continued. “It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s not even that I don’t trust you, Spike. It’s simply that we have no guarantee of the soul’s security, except your word.”
Spike nodded. “That’s true enough. I’m not sure what else I can give you, though. Didn’t keep any records.”
“I want you to tell me exactly what happened, exactly what the gypsies did,” Giles said, his tone fierce.
Spike started to object, but then he stopped. He was beginning to think that Sunnydale might end up being more than just a job, more than just another brief stop on his long road. If he was going to stay, perhaps he did owe Giles an explanation.
“This doesn’t leave the room.” Spike stared at the other man, waiting for a sign of acquiescence. “What I’m telling you, it’s only because I know you’re not with the Council anymore.”
“I understand.”
Spike stood. He didn’t think he could sit still for this story. “You’re asking a question no one knows the answer to,” he began. “Told you that the gypsies made a mistake, that I went after them later, got them to close the loophole. That’s not the beginning of the story, though. You know what Angel was before he got turned?”
Giles frowned, his memory fuzzy. “I think I remember something about him being a merchant’s son.”
“He was a whoring lay-about,” Spike said bluntly. “Didn’t care about anyone but himself. I’m not saying he was evil, mind, but he wasn’t worth much either.”
The Watcher was beginning to see where Spike was going with this line of thought. “And you?”
“I was the only son of a good woman, and she made certain that she raised a good man.” Spike was quiet for a moment. “I’m not saying I was worth much, either, you understand. I was a— well, William wasn’t a hero, that’s for certain. But I was a good man.”
The expression on Spike’s face was almost nostalgic. “I think that’s what made the difference, you know? It was the soul that made Angelus bearable at best. Me? I was evil, but it was all about the fight and the hunt. Didn’t much care for torture, even though I did my fair share. Maybe if I’d run after I got my soul back, things would have been different, but instead I got three years of torture.”
Spike looked over at Giles. “You ever been tortured by an expert?” When the Watcher shook his head, he sighed. “Hard to explain then. It might not have been so bad if the bastard had wanted something, but he didn’t. There wasn’t anything I could say, anything I could do, to get him to quit. Angelus would get tired of hurting me after a while and move on to a different victim, but sooner or later he’d come back to me.”
Spike was completely lost in his memories at this point. “I would have eventually found a way to escape, I think. Either that or I would have managed to dust myself. He got his soul, though, so I didn’t have to.”
The vampire faced Giles. “I had three years to stare into the face of evil, Rupert. Three years to watch a master at work, to see him for what he truly was. It was like looking into a mirror, and I decided that the first thing I was going to do was to make sure I would never unleash that beast inside of me again. I figured that if I could be given a soul, it might get snatched again too, and I would have rather died permanently first.” Spike shrugged. “So I found a gypsy who would sit still long enough to talk to a vampire, and I told him what I wanted. He was a reasonable bloke, and as soon as I explained that I didn’t want to get rid of the soul, he was willing to help me out.”
“What did he do?” Giles asked.
“Binding ritual of some kind,” Spike replied. “Something to make sure that the soul stayed with me just like a human soul stays with its body. There’s nothing that’s going to shake it loose at this point, short of death.”
“And why didn’t Angel do the same?”
Spike shrugged. “Beats the hell out of me, Rupert. Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe he was a lazy bastard. Don’t know that the gypsies would have helped him anyway, since he was the one they were originally going after.”
Giles nodded slowly. “I see. That correlates well with much of the research I’ve done on the subject.”
Spike decided it was time to change the subject. “Buffy talk to you about last night’s incident?”
“What incident?”
Spike quickly repeated what Buffy had said, and Giles took in a slow, deep breath. “I see. Neither Faith nor Buffy said anything.”
“I think Buffy was trying to protect her,” Spike said quietly. “It’s Faith’s reaction I’m most concerned about. Buffy’s sick over it.”
“And Faith has shown no remorse?” Giles asked.
Spike shook his head. “That’s what I don’t know, since I haven’t spoken with her.”
Giles nodded. “I think we ought to leave it that way. I’ll speak to Faith, and I think we’ll leave the Council out of it for now. I’m not sure that Wesley is equipped to handle a situation like this.”
Spike snorted. “No kidding.”
~~~~~
Buffy knocked on the door, not looking forward to seeing Faith’s reaction when she told the other Slayer that Spike knew about the incident. While she hadn’t exactly promised to keep their secret, she suspected that Faith would regard her telling Spike about the death as a betrayal.
“Hey,” Faith said, after the door swung open. “What’s up?”
“We need to talk,” Buffy replied.
Faith backed away from the door, going back over to the sink where she was scrubbing at a shirt. “About what?”
“You know about what.” Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest. “We killed a man, Faith.”
Faith tossed her head impatiently. “That’s right. We did. You and me, B. We’re in this together.”
“I told Spike.”
You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Faith stared at her, dark eyes flashing. “You did what?”
“I told Spike,” Buffy repeated. “He knew something was wrong. He could smell the blood on me, and—”
“Shut up!” Faith said furiously. “You little snitch!”
Buffy frowned. “Spike said he’d help, Faith. He said—”
“Do you think I care what that undead do-gooder said?” Faith demanded. “I took care of it, Buffy. You don’t need to worry about it.”
“A man is dead, Faith.” Buffy took a deep breath. “Look, I know how you’re feeling. I feel it too. Scared, sick—like something twisted your insides, but—”
Faith smirked. “Yeah, that’s how you feel. Not me.”
“Don’t you get it?” Buffy demanded. “You killed a man!”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t care!”
Buffy stared at her. “Faith, you don’t mean that.”
“Who says?” Faith asked. “Buffy, we’re Slayers. We have the power. It’s want, take, have. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that’s his problem, not mine.”
Buffy didn’t know how to respond to that. “Faith…”
“I took care of the body,” Faith told her. “It’s done, and it’s not going to be found. So don’t worry about it, B. Go back to your boytoy.”
Buffy’s face hardened. “You’re out of line, Faith.”
“Am I?” she asked. “You got him, didn’t you? He’s following you around like a lovesick puppy. It’s really pathetic.”
Buffy took a step back. “Where is this coming from, Faith? Last I heard , you didn’t have any interest in the undead.”
“Yeah, well, guess I’m a vampire slayer, not a vampire layer.”
The words were calculated to hurt, and Faith hit her mark. Buffy didn’t bother to reply to that barb, instead turning and stalking out of the hotel room.
She wasn’t sure where to go. Her first inclination was to run to Giles, but she was afraid of his reaction. Spike had talked about going to Giles together, and that would be ideal, but now she wasn’t so sure she wanted to rely so much on Spike’s help.
Was Faith right? Was there something wrong with her? She was a Vampire Slayer, and here she had gone and fallen for another vampire. Scott Hope seemed to prove that she couldn’t make it with a normal guy. So what was she supposed to do?
Buffy bit her lip, undecided. She could go home. Or she could go see Spike.
Or she could do something else altogether.
~~~~~
Willow looked up, surprised to see Buffy standing at the French doors. “Buffy? What are you doing here?”
“I had to talk to someone.”
Willow sat up straight. “Okay. Is it bad?”
“Yeah. Kind of.” Tears started leaking down her cheeks. “I don’t—I don’t know who else to talk to.”
“Oh!” Willow exclaimed, quickly coming to put her arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “What’s wrong? Is it Spike? Is he being a poophead? Because if he is…” Willow trailed off. “I’ll figure out something. I’m not up to turning people into frogs yet, but I’ll bet I could manage something really nasty.”
Buffy shook her head wordlessly. “No, Spike’s great. He’s perfect. It’s just—” The whole story came pouring out, including her confrontation with Faith. “Is she right, Willow ? Is there something wrong with me?”
Willow shook her head frantically. “No, Buffy! You’re just special, that’s all.”
“But vampires , Willow,” Buffy sniffled. “Why is it always a vampire? Why can’t I be with a normal guy?”
Willow frowned. “Buffy, I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. You’re the Slayer, and you’re special. So is Spike. It just makes sense that you two would be attracted to each other.”
Buffy swiped a hand across her wet cheeks. “You really think so? You’re not just saying that, are you?”
“Would I do that to you?” Willow asked. “Buffy, this thing between you and Spike has been building for a long time.”
Buffy didn’t look convinced. ” Willow —”
“Trust me,” Willow said firmly.
“Okay.” There was a pause. “You really don’t think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Buffy, Spike’s my friend,” Willow said frankly. “I like him. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be encouraging you.”
She sighed. “What am I going to do, Willow?”
“Talk to Giles, Buffy,” Willow urged. “Spike’s right. He can help you, and maybe he can talk some sense into Faith.”
Buffy wasn’t so sure about that.
~~~~~
“Giles?” Buffy called as she entered the library. It was early evening, and she had thought to catch him here before she swung by Spike’s place to head out on patrol. “Giles?”
“Ah, Miss Summers,” Wesley said. “It’s about time you showed up.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”
“We really must talk about your training,” Wesley insisted. “You have been quite lax with Mr. Giles, but—”
Buffy glared at him. “Spike’s training me. It’s taken care of.”
“I really don’t believe that’s a good idea.” Wesley drew himself up to his full height. “As a vampire, Spike can hardly know how a Slayer ought to train. I trained for years for this position. I am well aware of the best hand to hand fighting techniques, and I—”
“You’re a git, Wesley,” Spike said from behind him. “Bugger off.”
Wesley let out a very unmanly squeak, whirling. “You—you can’t tell me what to do!”
Spike stared at him for a moment. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’m undermining your authority.”
Buffy knew Spike was planning something by his tone, which was way too agreeable for the vampire to be serious.
“I’m glad you recognize that,” Wesley replied, unbending slightly.
Spike smirked. “Which is why I’m going to do you a favor, mate.”
Wesley frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m going to make sure you survive long enough to pull that stick out of your arse,” Spike said, his smirk widening into a grin.
The Watcher stared at him, his mouth opening and closing in a perfect imitation of a fish. “Why—why you!”
Spike ignored him, turning to look at a snickering Buffy. “You ready to go, luv?”
“Where is Giles?” Buffy asked, suddenly wanting to talk to her Watcher very badly.
“I took care of it.”
“There’s more.”
“What’s that?”
“What are you two talking about?” Wesley demanded, finally regaining his speech.
Buffy smiled impishly. “Oh, didn’t we tell you?” she inquired innocently. “Spike got me pregnant.”
~~~~~
They were both still howling with laughter when they arrived at Giles’ apartment, so much so that he insisted on being let in on the joke. Giles frowned. “Buffy—”
“Giles, you should have seen the look on his face!” Buffy protested, sensing an upcoming lecture. She had needed the moment of levity amidst all the strife, but she’d also wanted to throw Wesley off track. He’d been too stunned by her words to even attempt to follow them.
Giles sighed. “That wasn’t my point. My point was that if you’re going to do something like that, you ought to make sure I’m there as well. I wish I hadn’t missed it.”
Buffy sobered. “There’s more about the Faith thing, Giles.” She told him about the other Slayer’s lack of remorse, but didn’t get into details about what exactly Faith had said to her.
“That doesn’t bode well,” Spike muttered.
Buffy shook her head. “I can’t believe she meant it. Faith’s probably just trying to cover.”
“Or she’s got a taste for killing now,” Spike interjected. “Buffy, killing someone is a rush. Faith likes her adrenaline.”
Giles held up a hand to stall the argument he knew was coming. “We don’t know what’s going on in Faith’s head, therefore it’s impossible to know what our reaction to her statement should be.”
“What are we going to do, Giles?” Buffy asked.
He pulled off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t know. Normally, I would say that the Council ought to be contacted—”
“Giles!”
“—but not in this case,” he continued, ignoring Buffy’s exclamation. “Faith’s mental state is precarious enough. I don’t think the Council will demonstrate the necessary delicacy. If Faith is correct, and the body is not found, that gives us a little more time.”
“And if the body turns up?” Buffy asked.
Giles’ face suggested that the idea pained him. “Then we may have to call in the Council for reinforcements. I will make certain that it is taken care of. That much I can promise you, Buffy.”
~~~~~
It was unfortunate for everyone that the body did turn up. Worse, it turned out to be the deputy mayor, and Wesley was all-too-insistent that Buffy and Faith investigate. “I don’t think that’s necessary, Wesley,” Buffy said, hoping that the man would finally take a hint and go away. “I mean, this seems more like something for the police.”
“Nevertheless, he’s an important figure in this town,” Wesley replied. “There might be something more insidious behind this.”
Faith shrugged. “Sure. I don’t have a problem investigating.”
She gave Buffy a smug look, although that quickly disappeared when Giles cleared his throat. “Ah, Faith, I need to speak to you for a moment.”
Wesley opened his mouth to protest, and Buffy bit back a groan even as she said, “Wesley, you said you wanted to talk about tests or something?”
The younger Watcher was immediately distracted. “Oh, yes, Buffy. Thank you for reminding me.”
As he started to drone on about the importance of honing skills, and the necessity for establishing a baseline so as to more accurately track improvement, Buffy wondered how long she’d have to keep Wesley distracted. It was generally understood that if Wesley knew about the Slayers’ role in the death of the deputy mayor, he’d get the Council involved.
That would not be good.
Of course, Faith didn’t seem nearly as concerned about that. The other Slayer stalked out of Giles office, the door slamming into the wall with a bang that caused Wesley to jump. She turned to look at Buffy. “Stay out of my way.”
Buffy watched her leave, turning to look at Giles. “What just happened?”
“She didn’t react well to my questioning her reactions,” Giles replied. “Other than that, I’m just as much in the dark as you.”
“What is going on?” Wesley demanded. When Giles and Buffy just looked at each other, he scowled. “I really must insist! I am your Watcher, Buffy, and I—”
“The deputy mayor is dead because he jumped out in front of Faith the other night,” Buffy said.
Wesley’s expression changed from anger to befuddlement. “I don’t understand.”
Buffy mimed staking something. “Pointy wooden thing? Slayer’s aim? You do the math.”
Wesley sat. “I see. This is serious.”
” Which was what I was trying to explain to Faith. ” Giles sighed. “She doesn’t seem to understand.”
Wesley quickly stood. “Well, our duty is clear in such cases. We must let the Council know. If Faith has gone rogue, it is most important that—”
“We don’t unbalance her further,” Giles said firmly. “I must ask that you listen to me in this case, Wesley. I know a little something about those who are on edge. It is important that we give her time to cool off. Otherwise, she may become even more lost.”
Wesley appeared to consider that for a moment. “Yes, of course. If she does not come around, however—”
“Then you can call the Council,” Giles replied. He shook his head. “Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that, however.”
Wesley didn’t say anything in response, instead he watched as Giles went back into his office and Buffy left the library. He would have to wait to call the Council until later, but of one thing he was certain.
Faith could not be allowed to continue down this path.