Chapter 16
“Never on this side of the grave again,/On this side of the river,/On this side of the garner of the grain,/Never,—/Ever while time flows on and on and on,/That narrow noiseless river,/Ever while corn bows heavy-headed, wan,/Ever,—/Never despairing, often faiting, rueing,/But looking back, ah never!/Faint yet pursuing, faint yet still pursuing/Ever.” ~Christina Rossetti, “A Life’s Parallels”
Spike honestly didn’t know who else to talk to. Nearly everyone else he knew in Sunnydale was intimately connected with the situation in some way. Joyce, on the other hand, while Buffy’s mother, would be able to give him some good advice while remaining removed.
She answered his knock as she always did, with a warm smile and welcoming words. “Spike, it’s been a while.”
“Figured you’d been busy with the Watcher,” Spike replied with a sly grin.
Joyce fixed him with a stern eye. “There’s nothing going on between me and Rupert.”
Spike lifted an eyebrow. “Joyce, I might look young, but I wasn’t born yesterday. Ever since that thing with the candy—”
“You aren’t going to say anything, are you?” she asked, cutting him off.
Spike shrugged. “None of my business, quite frankly. You and Rupert both are unattached adults. There’s no reason you shouldn’t pass the time together.” He smiled at her. “Take some of the edge off a lonely life, yeah?”
Joyce breathed a sigh of relief. She and Rupert had managed to keep their relationship fairly quiet so far. The only one she’d suspected of having some inkling was Spike, and she’d thought they would be able to trust him. It was, however, something of a relief to have her suspicions borne out. “Thank you, Spike. I don’t think Buffy would understand.”
Spike snorted. “She’s your daughter, and she’s young. I imagine she’d come around eventually, but it might be nicer to avoid the fanfare for a while.”
“Exactly.” She’d led him into the kitchen and was automatically beginning to prepare hot chocolate. Joyce knew that Spike liked it, especially with the little marshmallows. She wondered what it was exactly about the drink that he enjoyed so much, since he didn’t really seem like the type.
Once again, Joyce couldn’t help but wonder what exactly made Spike tick. And once again, she couldn’t help but want to mother him a little. He looked like he was in sore need of it.
“What can I do for you?” she finally asked, after he had been fidgeting restlessly for a few minutes.
Spike hesitated. “I need some advice.”
Her eyes widened. That wasn’t exactly what she’d expected to come out of his mouth. “Okay.”
“I—what if you saw two people doing something they probably shouldn’t be doing?” he asked. “Especially if you knew that if anyone else knew, it could hurt your friends?”
Joyce blinked, trying to decipher his twisted grammar. “Can you be a little more specific?”
“Would you swear not to say anything to anybody?”
Joyce didn’t want to make a promise she couldn’t keep, but she somehow doubted that Spike would knowingly allow Buffy or any of her friends to be hurt if he could help it. “I promise.”
“When I went to the library last night to see the Watcher, I saw Xander and Willow kissing,” Spike said frankly.
She frowned, trying to figure out what had Spike so upset, and then the words truly registered. “I thought Willow was going out with Oz,” she said slowly.
Spike nodded. “And Xander’s partnered up with Cordelia. I don’t care so much about them, but both Red and Oz are f—” Spike broke off, suddenly remembering that he didn’t have friends.
Joyce caught his hesitation, and correctly guessed the reasoning behind it. “You don’t want either Willow or Oz to get hurt,” she rephrased gently.
“Yeah,” he replied, relieved. “What should I do?”
Joyce considered his problem for a moment. Spike was right. The situation could get sticky quite easily, and if he didn’t play his cards right, he could easily be blamed for any fallout. “I don’t know,” she finally said. At his crestfallen expression, Joyce said quietly, “Spike, this would be a difficult situation for anyone to deal with. Any way you look at it, you’ve been placed in a bad position.”
He sighed. “So what? Should I just keep my mouth shut?”
“No,” Joyce said. “Since you’re closer to Willow, however, I think you ought to talk to her. Explain that you’re worried and that you don’t want to hurt her or Oz. Maybe she’ll come clean on her own.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“I don’t know,” Joyce admitted. “But I think Willow will do the right thing.”
“She’s a good one,” Spike agreed. “Thanks.”
Joyce placed his cup of hot chocolate on the counter, and then laid her hand over his. “Spike, it’s okay to have friends, you know.”
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Never had them before,” he muttered. “I didn’t need them.”
She somehow doubted that, wondering once again at what must have been the unbearable loneliness of his existence. “Things change. I’m sure you know that.”
“What if—” he broke off, not wanting to complete the question.
Joyce thought she knew what he wanted to ask. “You can always come to me, Spike.”
It was a promise that meant something; Spike thought he might actually be able to believe her.
~~~~~
Spike didn’t get a chance to corner Willow the next day. When he met up with the Slayers and the rest of the gang at the Bronze, they were full of news about how they had stopped Gwendolyn Post from taking over the world. The witch was surrounded, and it didn’t appear that she was going to go off by herself any time soon.
He pushed that issue aside for what seemed a more pressing one, however. Faith was even warier than she’d been in the past, and it worried him. Spike knew that the dark-haired Slayer was a great deal more fragile than she let on, and the rogue Watcher’s betrayal was enough to put her on edge.
Of course, that meant that it would be all that much easier to send her over.
The half-formed plan he’d had suddenly seemed important, and Spike knew that he needed to speak with Faith and soon.
The Slayers went off together, but Spike knew their routine well at this point. He wasn’t precisely following them, but he was making certain that his path intersected theirs at certain key points.
It was late when Buffy finally called it a night and headed home, leaving Faith to go back to her dingy motel room. Spike stepped out of the shadows to walk next to her. “Want some company, Slayer?”
She raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you were going to take me up on my offer of a ride, Blondie.”
“Not interested in a ride,” he replied easily, making sure to keep his tone light, knowing that he could give offense if the brush off was done too carelessly. “I had a proposition for you, actually.”
Faith’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What sort of proposition?”
“I’ve got an extra bedroom,” Spike replied, letting the words hang between them.
“I’m not interested in that kind of arrangement,” Faith spat, picking up the pace.
Spike kept up. “That’s not the kind of proposition I had in mind.” He reached out and grabbed her arm, ready for the punch she threw at him, catching her fist. “Easy, Slayer.”
“Let go!” Faith said furiously. “What do you want from me, vampire ? You said you didn’t want a ride, but you—”
“You pay me what you’re paying your current landlord,” Spike interrupted. “This isn’t a charity deal, and it’s not what you’re thinking either. I’m not interested in using you, pet.”
Faith stared at him. “Then what do you want from me?”
“I’ve stayed in places like that,” Spike replied. “They’re shit-holes.”
She shifted uneasily. “I’ve been in worse.”
“Yeah, so have I,” Spike responded. “Which is why I’m offering you a different place.”
Faith wasn’t convinced. “You’re saying you don’t want sex?”
“Not from you,” Spike replied candidly. “In fact, I’m going to pretty much insist on it if you decide to take me up on my offer. Watcher would probably stake me otherwise.”
“I’ll think about it,” she finally allowed. “Maybe. I need my freedom.”
“You’ll have as much of it as you want,” Spike said. “I’m not your parent, and I’m not your Watcher. Don’t really care where you are or how late you’re out. Just thought you might like a halfway decent place to sleep. Plus, we keep the same hours.”
Faith nodded grudgingly. “I guess.”
“You think about it,” Spike said, turning away. “Door’s open.”
She didn’t respond, but she was definitely thinking about it.
~~~~~
Willow’s sense of guilt, which had been fairly well-honed to begin with, was growing daily. At first, her dalliances with Xander had been fueled by years of unfulfilled longing. She had wanted him for so long that even her love for Oz wasn’t strong enough to have her backing off completely.
After the initial shock, however, it had been the thrill of the forbidden. Willow had always done the right thing. She’d always been the good girl, the one who followed all the rules, and turned her homework in on time, and listened to authority figures. This thing with Xander was wrong and bad, and Willow knew that she needed to end it.
It was just that she didn’t know how.
How do you cut things off with your best friend without abandoning the friendship? It seemed an impossible choice.
When Oz had given her the Pez witch earlier that day, Willow had been galvanized, however. She loved Oz, for precisely the reasons that had led him to give her the small gift in the first place. In some ways, Willow loved Oz because he wasn’t Xander.
She wanted Oz. Willow just had to find a way to make her attraction to and for Xander go away.
The de-lusting spell would do the trick, she thought.
“What’s going on, Red?”
Spike’s words had her squeaking and dropping the book, which he caught just inches from the floor. Willow breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t even supposed to know about that book. If she damaged it, Giles would kill her.
“Spike! What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to sound as if she wasn’t bothered by his presence in the least.
He raised an eyebrow. “Came to talk to you, actually.” Spike paused. “I think you know why.”
“I’m going to fix it,” Willow said firmly, deciding that since he obviously knew, there was no point in trying to hide the truth.
“With this?” he asked, holding up the book. Willow snatched it back from him. “Magic isn’t the way to go. A love spell—”
“It’s not a love spell,” she insisted. “It’s a de-lusting spell.”
Spike frowned. He had thought that Red was a smart bird, so he was a little surprised to have her acting like an idiot. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“It’s a great idea,” Willow insisted. “What else would you suggest?”
Spike stared at her. “Uh, try not to kiss Harris?”
Willow bristled at his tone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she shot back. “Xander and I have been best friends since forever. We can’t just turn our feelings off, or—”
“That’s not what I’m suggesting,” Spike replied. “But you don’t have to keep getting together. Mark my words, Red, it’s going to come out one way or another. You’ll do better to come clean to your boyfriend and then figure out which bloke you want.”
“I want Oz,” Willow said firmly. “Which is why I’m going to do this spell.” She brushed past him impatiently. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there are a few ingredients that I’m missing.”
Spike watched her go and let out a frustrated sigh. That conversation hadn’t gone how he’d planned at all. He had no idea what his next move should be.
He exited the stacks and looked up at the clock on the wall. It didn’t look like he had time to worry about it at the moment, however. The two Slayers would be arriving shortly for training with him. Any other action he decided to take would have to wait for later in the evening.
~~~~~
Buffy knew her training was rather erratic. She was feeling pretty erratic. The high test scores she’d gotten had pretty much turned her whole world upside down.
She was not intelli-girl. That was Willow. Buffy was action-girl. Now she was finding that she needed to redefine her entire life, especially with her mom going on and on about how she could finally get away from Sunnydale. She would have thought that Giles would be on her side, but no. He was all for her leaving town, too.
“Enough.” Spike glared at her. “You’re not paying attention.”
Buffy leaned on the table, her shoulders slumping wearily. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he shot back. “Just try to focus.” Spike looked over at the other Slayer who had been waiting rather impatiently for her turn. “Faith, you’re up.”
“Can I go now?” Buffy asked. “Look, I know Giles asked you to train us while he was on that retreat, but Mom wanted to spend some quality time with me.”
Spike sighed and shook his head. “Get out of here. Go home. But we’re on tomorrow, got it?”
“Got it.” She grabbed her stuff and left.
Faith grinned. “Looks like I’ve got you all to myself.”
Spike readied himself for Faith’s attack. “You thought any more about my offer?”
“I’ve given it some thought,” she admitted, throwing a punch to test his defenses.
“And?” Spike blocked her punch and tried to sweep her feet out from under her.
Faith stepped back, giving him a serious look. Spike could tell that she’d let some of her defenses down. “This is just business, right? Because I don’t need anybody taking care of me.”
Spike shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t bloody well care what you’re up to. It’s just a nicer place to stay for the same kind of money you’re already paying.”
“Then you’re on.”
With those words, she launched herself at him in a furious attack. Faith’s style was completely different than Buffy’s—she moved like a street fighter, like a wild thing. Buffy’s movements were typically more controlled, although she could be a bit of a wild card herself with her inventive use of the environment around her.
In some ways, however, fighting with Faith brought back memories of the days after Spike was turned, when it was fists and fangs and sod all else.
Faith, unlike Buffy, embraced the fight. Spike found himself grinning as they sparred. They were both having a grand old time.
They didn’t stop until Spike called a timeout. Faith was panting hard, her own broad grin spreading out over her features. “Never thought fighting with a vampire would be like that.”
“Like what?” Spike asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “That was good. A lot more fun than training with Giles, that’s for sure.”
Spike lounged against the table. “Glad to oblige.”
“Fight like that gets me revved up,” she said. “Like I told Buffy, slaying makes me hungry and horny.”
Spike could see the hunger in her eyes, but there was a playful light there that suggested she was flirting but not serious. “Guess you’d better go find something to snack on, then,” he said smiling, pulling something out of his pocket and tossing it her way.
“What’s this?” Faith asked, catching it easily.
“Key.” Spike shrugged. “Move your stuff in whenever you want.”
Faith blinked a few times then stared at him. “Spike—”
“Forget it,” he said, sensing that she was about to thank him. “Like I said. I’ve stayed in places like that before. There’s no reason you should have to, not when I’ve got a spare room.”
She nodded. “Right. I should go patrol.” Faith had reached the doors when she called back over her shoulder, tentatively, “I’ll see you later tonight.”
Spike knew he was taking a chance on her, knew that this arrangment could have serious repercussions, but he wasn’t sure he cared. It felt like the right thing to do.
And he always went with his gut.
~~~~~
Willow had known that Xander wouldn’t be too keen on a de-lusting spell—or any kind of spell, actually. He was much warier about magic since he’d tried to cast that love spell on Cordelia last Valentine’s Day. Nearly getting torn apart by a mob of women desperately in love with you tended to make you rethink your decisions.
Still, she was sure that this would do the trick. The owner of the magic store had suggested raven’s feather, and had been really nice about giving some pointers. A wave of the metaphorical magic wand and their problem would be solved.
Anyway, what did Spike know? As long as she and Xander weren’t stealing kisses, no one needed to know about their indiscretions. Willow just hoped that Spike would keep his mouth shut.
The funny thing about magic is that it isn’t just about finding the right ingredients. It’s not even about saying the right words, although that’s important too. The key ingredient is the will of the spell-caster, and Willow was still working on her self-control.
And her focus. Willow really needed to work on her focus.
Xander went along with Willow’s plan because she insisted, and she was wearing her resolve face. He’d never been able to say no to her resolve face. Besides, after Willow told him about Spike confronting her, he was willing to do whatever it took to put this behind them. The last thing he needed was the bleached pest telling Cordelia that he was cheating.
Which he wasn’t. Not really. Not in his heart, anyway.
So it was that both Willow and Xander were thinking about Spike, of all people, while casting their de-lusting spell. And so it was that the de-lusting spell was thus transformed into a spell redirecting love.
Which is exactly what Spike walked in on.