Chapter 23
” Come with me , I said, and no one knew/where, or how my pain throbbed,/no carnations or bacaroles for me,/only a wound that love had opened…That is why, when I heard your voice repeat/ Come with me , it was as if you had let loose/the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine/that geysers flooding from deep in its vault:/in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,/of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.” ~Pablo Neruda, Sonnet VII
The Slayer had never been so uncomfortable in her entire life. She still wasn’t sure what she’d been thinking. Buffy had managed to stutter out an apology right before Spike turned and practically ran out of the room.
She’d kissed him. She had kissed Spike . And she’d enjoyed it.
The vampire’s reaction was less than encouraging, however, and Buffy got the vibe that Spike didn’t really like her. That left her waiting for him in his living room, having made a complete and utter fool out of herself.
Buffy had never wanted the floor to open up and swallow her more than at that moment.
“Maybe I’ll get lucky,” she muttered. “Maybe this apocalypse will actually end the world.”
“What’s that, pet?”
Spike’s voice came from right behind her, causing Buffy to jump and emit a muffled shriek. “Don’t do that!”
Her scare broke the ice like nothing else would have. “Do what?”
“Sneak up on me!” Buffy glared on him, suddenly back on solid ground. “Warn a person next time.”
“I thought you were the Slayer,” Spike teased. The banter was as comfortable to slip into as his old boots. “You should know when a vampire’s behind you.”
“I think we’ve had this conversation,” Buffy shot back. “I knew you were close, I just didn’t…” She trailed off, staring at him. “Look, I—”
“Forget it.”
Hurt flashed across her face. “If that’s what you want.”
“Isn’t that what you were going to say?” Spike asked.
Buffy glared at him, angry again. “How would you know? You didn’t let me finish!”
“Then finish.”
“Fine. Forget it.” Buffy stomped out of the house. She’d been up and down so many times during the last half hour her head was spinning. Obviously, there was no dealing with Spike right now. Or ever.
In fact, never sounded like a really good option.
“Buffy!”
She picked up the pace, knowing that Spike would have to follow her back to the library, but she thought if she walked fast enough, they wouldn’t be able to have a conversation. “Summers!” Spike grabbed her arm and physically pulled her to a stop. “We could drive over there, you know, since you’re in such a hurry.”
Buffy narrowed her eyes. Apparently, Spike had no clue why she was practically running. “Whatever.”
They turned to go back to his house to get the car, but Spike stopped, standing perfectly still in the middle of the sidewalk. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“You know what.”
“Pretend I’m stupid and spell it out for me.” Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited.
“The kiss,” Spike finally said. “Tell me what that was about.” When she was silent, he added, “Tell me it wasn’t nothing .”
Buffy went still. “What are you saying?”
“No, I told you,” Spike shot back. “I went out on a limb. It’s your turn, Slayer.”
“It wasn’t nothing .”
The whole world could have stopped spinning right then and neither would have noticed. They were at a standstill, since no one was ready to take the first step. “Then what was it?” Spike asked.
It cost him something to utter those words. It felt like he had re-opened a wound that had closed up but had never healed.
This whole exercise in futility was costing Spike more than he’d ever thought to pay again. Spike had sworn that he was done with this sort of thing, done with love and the way it messed with his head. Done being Love’s Bitch.
Well, he was done with that part, but it seemed that he was born to love.
Spike was just scared to death that he’d been born to love the wrong woman.
“I don’t know,” Buffy confessed, and then she watched as Spike’s face hardened and he slipped behind his mask once more. “It was good.”
A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “It was that.”
There was another long pause. “I think I like you.”
Spike felt like a boy again, only this was better. At least this time he could be fairly sure that the girl didn’t think he was beneath her. “Same goes for me.”
“Okay,” Buffy said, breathing a sigh of relief. Spike apparently didn’t find her completely repulsive. “So…okay. What now?”
Spike swallowed. “Apocalypse?”
“Yeah, that.” Buffy started to smile, but it just as quickly faded. “That’s all you have to stay for, isn’t it?”
Spike shrugged. “Dunno. How many apocalypses have you had around here?”
Buffy paused to think about it. “Three, I guess. Why?”
“Then maybe this isn’t the big one,” Spike offered. “Whistler told me I was supposed to keep you alive for the big ending of the world, but maybe this isn’t the one he meant. There could be another one coming.”
Buffy winced slightly. “There could be.”
“So maybe it’s a good idea that I stick around for a while after, just to make sure this is it.”
“And if this is it?”
Spike hesitated before answering, wondering what he was getting himself into. “You can never be too sure about that sort of thing, can you?”
~~~~~
Willow knew something was going on. First Buffy and Spike were getting really friendly, then they were fighting, and now they were acting like—
Well, like a couple of teenagers who liked each other and knew they liked each other and were trying not to let on to it. Of course, as Buffy’s best friend, Willow had the ability to read minds occasionally, and Buffy wasn’t that hard to read.
Now that she’d gotten to know him, neither was Spike, for that matter.
Giles was going over how they were going to stop the apocalypse, but Willow had both heard and understood the first time. She was feeling a little forlorn since Oz had band practice and wouldn’t be able to make it to the apocalypse anyway. The night before the full moon was the next day, and so there was no way he’d be able to help.
While Giles explained to Spike how the Sisterhood of Jhe planned on opening up the Hellmouth, Willow leaned over to Buffy and whispered, “So what’s up with you and Spike?”
Buffy’s eyes widened for a split second before she donned her innocent face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, well, I’m talking about the end of the world, and unless you pay attention…” Giles trailed off, glaring at the two of them and looking back over at Spike. “So you will help?”
“No, I’m planning on letting you lot die horribly,” Spike replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Giles glanced at Faith. “You’ll be around?”
“It’s part of the calling,” she replied airily.
Willow noticed that if Buffy and Spike had been acting like teenagers in love—or at least in like, Faith and Spike had been studiously ignoring one another. “Very well,” Giles said, breaking into Willow ‘s thoughts. “I think it’s best to get started.”
Faith stood abruptly. “You know I’m not good at that kind of thing. Give me a call when you need me.”
She walked out of the library, and Giles frowned, glancing at Spike. “Do you—”
“No idea what gets into that girl,” Spike replied, not allowing Giles to finish his question. “Let’s keep going, yeah?”
Giles seemed to take his disclaimer at face value, and they kept going, researching until the wee hours of the morning. Willow tried to corner Buffy before she left, but Spike offered to give them both a ride home, and he ended up dropping Willow off first.
Then, of course, they had to hunt down members of the Sisterhood of Jhe, and keep the Hellmouth from opening, and there really wasn’t time to talk about anything. What Willow did notice was Buffy’s reaction when the monster coming out of the Hellmouth nearly took Spike with it when they forced it back down.
Willow didn’t think she’d ever seen Buffy move that fast.
So it was the day after they managed to close the Hellmouth before Willow got a chance to talk to her. She basically invited herself over to Buffy’s house and cornered the Slayer in her bedroom. “What is going on, Buffy?”
Buffy tried to give Willow her innocent face again, but her innocent look was no match for Willow ‘s resolve face. “You absolutely have to swear not to tell anyone.”
Willow held up a hand in a mock-Girl Scout salute. “I swear.”
“I kissed Spike.”
If Buffy was expecting Willow to be shocked, she was sorely disappointed. Willow broke out into a broad grin. “It’s about time! How was it?”
Buffy frowned. “You’re not mad?”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Buffy, you and Spike have been fighting for months now. There was all this UST floating around. It was obvious.”
“Obvious to you, maybe,” Buffy muttered. “What am I going to do, Willow?”
The witch frowned. “What do you mean? Aren’t you going to kiss him again?”
“No!” Buffy said immediately, then stopped. “I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it.”
Willow pursed her lips. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Do you want to kiss him again?”
“Yes.” There was a definite whine in the Slayer’s voice. “But he’s a vampire!”
Willow shrugged. “But Spike’s not Angel, Buffy. You know he’s not going to lose his soul. He told you he got it anchored. So it’s no worse than you dating Angel before we knew he was going to lose his soul, and everybody pretty much dealt with that.”
It was a completely logical argument, but Buffy wasn’t quite ready for logic. She was still wallowing in doubt. “What if something happens and he does lose his soul?” Buffy asked. “And I don’t even know if he really likes me all that much. What if he doesn’t like me?”
Willow gave her a look that was designed to let her know just how stupid Buffy was being. “Uh, Buffy? I have eyes. Spike likes you.”
“What’s Giles going to say?” Buffy asked. “Or Xander? Or my mom?”
Her brow furrowing, Willow gave Buffy a hard look. “Buffy, are you really worried about what they’re going to think, or are you trying to find an excuse about why this thing between you and Spike won’t work?”
She knew she’d hit the nail on the head when Buffy winced. “I swore I was never going to fall for another vampire, Wills,” Buffy said softly. “I can’t—I can’t do this again. I mean, Spike and I are friends, and if something happened, it would be bad. If we take this to the next level, and the worst happened, I don’t think I could bear it.”
Willow put a gentle hand on her friend’s arm. “Buffy, I think maybe you’re already at the next level.”
~~~~~
“Are you sure about this?” Giles asked in between kisses.
Joyce gasped as his thumb brushed over a particularly sensitive spot. “Buffy’s out. We’ve got some time.”
“This may take more than ‘some time,'” he replied.
Joyce was sitting on the kitchen counter, her legs wrapped around Giles’ waist. She had been making tea for the two of them, and then Giles decided he didn’t want tea.
Joyce didn’t mind a bit.
Still, their trysts at her house were just a trifle dangerous. She remembered all too well how Buffy had discovered her relationship with Ted. Even if Giles wasn’t an evil robot, this definitely wasn’t how Buffy needed to find out.
Actually, Joyce was still kind of hoping that she could put it off until after Buffy went off to college.
“We can make it quick,” she said hopefully. “Quick is fine.” A sultry smile tilted up her lips. “I could come over to your place after I get off work tomorrow night.”
“Not a bad plan,” Giles agreed, beginning to unbutton her blouse.
Joyce’s next gasp sounded more surprised than happy, and he glanced up to see shock and embarrassment on her face. Giles spun around to see Spike standing in the doorway, looking completely mortified. “Oh, bloody hell,” both men said at the same time.
“Sorry,” Spike said, quickly beginning to back out the kitchen door. “I saw the lights, and—sorry.”
“No, wait, Spike,” Joyce said, quickly buttoning her blouse. “Don’t feel like you have to run off.”
Spike lifted an eyebrow, his expression sardonic. “Rather feel like I’m interrupting something a bit more important than a chat.”
“I thought you were out with Buffy,” Giles said, straightening his own clothing. He wasn’t happy about the interruption, but the mood had been effectively killed. From the look on Joyce’s face, Giles had thought that it was Buffy coming in for a moment. The idea of her walking in on the two of them—not exactly conducive to romance.
Spike gave a quick shake of his head. “No, she’s with Faith tonight.”
The truth was that ever since that kiss, he and Buffy hadn’t been particularly comfortable in one another’s company. Spike would have loved to revisit the conversation, but there was never a good time.
Besides, he was a bit worried about what was going to happen when Joyce and Giles found out. Spike hated to think that they’d end up disliking him.
Giles frowned. “You didn’t go with them?”
Spike shifted uncomfortably. “They didn’t need me.”
Joyce got down off the counter. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Spike shook his head. “No, I should go. I interrupted you, and—”
She stopped him by putting a hand on his arm, giving Giles a pointed look. “Rupert was just leaving.”
It was a blatant lie, but Giles decided to take the hint. Besides, he really had planned on taking a lot longer, and it was too risky to engage in those sorts of activities where Buffy could walk in at any moment. “I’ll see you soon, Spike.”
“Yeah, sure,” Spike replied, obviously distracted.
Once the front door had shut behind Giles, Joyce showed Spike into the living room. “Now, what’s wrong?”
“I think I might have made a mistake,” Spike admitted in a low voice.
Joyce grew still at his somber tone. “What kind of a mistake?”
Slowly, Spike told her about what had transpired between him and Faith, and then, with a lot of false starts admitted, “Didn’t shove her off just because it didn’t seem right.”
“Is this about Buffy?” Joyce asked.
Spike gave her look that was half-grateful, half-nervous. “Look, Joyce, I haven’t done this in over a century. Never got a chance to properly court a girl, and I know Buffy’s young. Probably too young, but—”
“Oh, William,” Joyce sighed. “You’re in love with her.” He didn’t seem old to her; Spike never really had. He might be slightly more mature than her daughter, but in some ways Spike had always seemed very boyish.
Perhaps it was the vulnerability in his eyes.
Spike fiddled with a button on his jacket, his hand twitching towards his jacket pocket where his cigarettes were. “Dunno.”
“William.” This time it was just a little sharper, in the tone that she used to get Buffy to tell the truth. Not that it always worked.
“Yeah.” It was nearly a whisper. “Guess I am.”
Joyce nodded. She wasn’t going to kid herself. A vampire did not make for a good boyfriend, even if that vampire was Spike. She was also very well aware that Buffy was only eighteen, and the guy she liked this week wasn’t necessarily going to be the guy she liked the next.
On the other hand, Joyce was knew that Spike’s feelings were probably of the more permanent variety.
She took a deep breath. “Well, if you’re waiting for me to be angry about it, you’ll be waiting for a long time.”
The relief that washed over Spike’s face was the only reassurance that Joyce really needed. Spike’s respect for her was obvious, and it was unlikely that he’d do anything to hurt Buffy, not when he wanted to stay in her good graces. “I’m not going to hurt her,” he said earnestly a moment later. “I wanted you to know that.”
Joyce noticed that Spike wasn’t offering to keep his distance, but that was only fair. Buffy was eighteen and the Slayer. She was capable of making her own decisions, no matter how badly Joyce wanted to protect her.
And if she had to choose, Joyce was just grateful that it was Spike and not Angel.
“I do know that.” Joyce leaned back into the couch. “What are you going to do about Faith?”
“Dunno,” Spike said. He shook his head. “I never—it was stupid of me. I thought I could help, but…”
“You did your best,” Joyce said. “That’s all anyone can ask for, sweetheart. Faith has to make her own choices.”
Spike was quiet for a long moment. “I’m a bit worried about those choices. Might not be very pretty.”
Joyce thought about the other Slayer, about the lostness of her, and couldn’t disagree. “Well, if she needs help, we’ll just have to be there.”
~~~~~
Faith had been acting strangely towards her all night. Buffy couldn’t figure out what the other Slayer’s problem was. Finally, she asked. “Okay, Faith. What’s the what?”
“What are you talking about?” Faith asked, shrugging the question off.
Buffy glared at the other girl. “You’ve been acting weird all night.”
“Have you slept with Spike?”
The question came out of the blue, surprising Buffy into answering immediately. “What? No!”
“So you don’t want to?” Faith asked.
It was not Buffy’s turn to be on the defensive. “No, of course not.” At Faith’s skeptical expression, she reiterated. “I don’t want to sleep with Spike.”
“Because he sure wants to jump your bones,” Faith said.
Buffy’s eyes widened. “He told you that?”
“I can tell,” Faith said, her tone secretive. “Guy doesn’t even respond when another woman looks at him.” Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Looks like you got another vampire hot for you, B. I guess you don’t really need to slay ’em anymore.”
Buffy nearly snarled. “How Spike feels isn’t my problem.”
“It’s gonna be,” Faith replied. “He’ll start panting at your heels, and then what are you gonna do when he goes bad , just like everyone else does? Want some advice? Screw him and leave him before he can do the same to you.”
Buffy took a step back, her face screwing up in distaste. “What is up with you?” Something clicked. “You—he turned you down, didn’t he ?”
“What?” Faith scoffed. “More like I turned him down when he found out you weren’t going to be receptive.”
Buffy might have said more, but a leather-clad vampire came sailing out of the darkness at her. Not a minute later, they were surrounded. Typically, she and Faith indulged in the same kind of banter that she and Spike did while fighting, but tonight they fought silently.
The anger that lay between them lent their moves a force that wasn’t usually there. The vampires were better fighters than the typical bloodsuckers, and one was using a sword and dagger instead of fists and fangs. When the last one was dust, Buffy turned around, looking for the weapons she knew one of them had dropped. “Where’s the sword and dagger?”
“How should I know?” Faith asked, walking off into the night.
Buffy let her go, taking a deep breath. She needed to tell Giles about these vampires, and she needed to talk to Spike.
And not necessarily in that order.
~~~~~
“Interesting,” Mayor Wilkins commented as he looked at the weapons. “I haven’t seen weapons like these in a good long while.”
Trick put the sword and dagger down on the Mayor’s desk. “Are you expecting company?”
“From these folks?” the Mayor asked in surprise. “Heavens, no! I run a clean town here, Mr. Trick.” He shook his head. “Do you know where the owner is now?”
“Dust in the wind,” Trick replied. “Those Slayers handled it.”
The Mayor nodded slowly. “Those girls are always sticking their noses in where they don’t belong, you know? Of course, as long as they’re kept busy with this new group, that’s quite alright with me. The dedication is coming up, and I can’t afford to have any slip-ups right now.”
“Maybe we should postpone the dedication?” Allan, the deputy Mayor, suggested timidly.
Mayor Wilkins fixed him with a look that Trick had no problem interpreting. “I think the Mayor hates that idea.”
The Mayor shrugged it off. “Keep me updated, Mr. Trick. This situation might work out to our advantage yet.” He paused in thought. “What about Spike? What is he up to these days?”
An emotion flashed across Trick’s face that might almost have been fear. “He’s sticking close to the Slayer. Mostly the blonde one.”
“Is that right?” Mayor Wilkins nodded. “Ah, the follies of youth. Well, let’s keep an eye on him as well. He’s proved to be a bit more durable than I predicted. I’ll need to start thinking about taking steps when the time comes.”
The Mayor smiled coldly. “And the time is certainly coming.”