Chapter 14
Chapter Notes: Wow, so, this hasn’t been updated in eleven thousand years. I totally had this finished months ago AND FORGOT TO POST IT. Yeah, I’m totally under control here. Anyway, those of you that kept up with this silly story, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope it made you laugh. Thank you for the fun times! 🙂
Buffy and William sat beside one another in the campus dining hall, eating lunch with their suddenly mutual friends. Only a day had passed since they slept with one another. Today marked the very first time that they left William’s dorm room for more than a few minutes, and once the lust haze lifted and Buffy could clear her head, she began to realize something.
William munched away on his hamburger, wrapped up in an exciting conversation with Wesley. Cordelia sat beside Wes, actually paying attention to what they said. Buffy didn’t know what had happened between those two, but she knew she’d find out once they had some much needed girl time. Andrew had some new guy at the table, too, and they were silently whispering over an open sketchbook filled with mysterious drawings of something she couldn’t decipher.
What bothered her was that she couldn’t get over the feeling that at any minute, William was going to brush her off. She’d told him that she loved him, and he didn’t say it back. True, he was very sweet about it and they didn’t know one another that well. But he’d either be scared off because she’d fallen so quickly or he’d bolt now that he got what he wanted. She was terrified, so she remained absolutely quiet, let him talk with his friends, and smiled at him on the few occasions he turned to look at her.
“You’re supposed to eat those, not stare at them,” he whispered in her ear, startling her out of her thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Your fries.” He smiled at her warmly, without any indication that he was about to bail on her. Oh, he was smooth. “They’re nasty when they get cold.”
“Oh…yeah.” She forced a laugh and picked up a fry.
She knew he was looking at her. She could feel his eyes boring into the side of her head as she shoved French fries into her mouth, but she wouldn’t look, afraid to see his disappointment in her. Then she felt his hand wiggle beneath her hair at the nape of her neck, and he squeezed gently, starting to massage her a bit. She hated herself for moaning.
“You all right?” He’d turned to face her completely, blocking her from the view of his friends.
“I’m fine!” Cheerleading really helped this act out. She could paint a smile on like no one’s business. But he really looked concerned, so her shoulders relaxed. “I’m not fine.”
“I’ll catch you guys later,” William said to the table as he rose from his seat, linking one hand around Buffy’s arm to pull her up as well.
Before anyone could protest their leave, he’d already half-tugged her out of the dining hall and into the courtyard. Her stomach was in knots, her eyes stung, and she knew without him having to say a word that this was it. The big talk. The, “You’re really great, but I’m just not ready for a commitment,” talk that she’d been dreading since early this morning. She gulped, bracing herself for it when he suddenly stopped and turned to face her.
“Just say it and let’s get it over with,” she said, folding her arms beneath her breasts.
He laughed softly, out of confusion and not amusement. “What are you talking about? What’s wrong?”
“I…” She sighed pathetically, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’m me, that’s what’s wrong.”
He smiled at her, lacing his pointer fingers into her belt loops and tugging her towards him. “You’re cute when you’re upset.”
He nuzzled her neck with a soft kiss and for a moment, she forgot what had been bothering her.
“If you want to hang out with your friends, it’s cool,” she said out of nowhere. It was as if a light bulb turned on inside her. She’d been too clingy with guys in the past. Maybe she’d give him space and then he’d stick around a little longer. That’s what guys always complained about, right? That they never got to hang out with their friends alone?
“I want to hang out with you,” he said softly, gently touching her cheek with one hand.
He was smiling again, and she knew he was probably thinking about sex. She’d rushed into this. She was such an idiot! Well, she wasn’t going to be the one looking sad and rejected.
“I’m not in the mood, so…” She shrugged him off and folded her arms again, trying to appear bored.
His eyebrows crinkled upwards, a flicker of hurt flashed in his eyes, and her heart clenched with guilt. She wanted to stuff the words back into her mouth like a handful of fries and erase the past five minutes. She never wanted to see that look in his eyes again, especially knowing that she’d been the cause. Before she could apologize for being an insecure nutcase, he was speaking. And he looked pissed, something she’d never expect from the shy William she’d grown to love.
“Oh, I get it. Had your fun and now it’s over, right?” Was he sneering?
“Will—”
“Knew you were too good to be true.” He snorted a humorless laugh. “What was that rot about you loving me? Was that just to mess with my head?”
“No! William, please listen—”
“Well I’m glad I didn’t say it back!”
He was posturing now, trying to cover up, but she could see how hurt he really was. If he’d just shut up for five seconds…
“You know, I was going to do something nice for you today so I’m glad we could get all this crap out of the way before I completely fell on my ass in love with you. It just figures! I’m very emotional right now!” He sighed abruptly and put his hands on his hips, his ire returning full force when Buffy started snickering. “Oh, now it’s funny, is it?”
“William,” she said, smiling and reaching for him. He dodged her hand though, scowling at her with pain swimming in his eyes. She huffed and grabbed his face with two impatient hands and pressed her lips against his. He tried to push her off, but that lasted about two seconds before he exhaled in relief and wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely, running her hands through his hair in an effort to soothe him. He still looked skeptical and she felt like an asshole. “I keep forgetting you’re one of the good ones.”
“I’m really, really confused right now,” he said with a weak expression, his trepidation and anxiety as plain as day in the tenseness of his shoulders.
“Long version or short version?”
“How about telling me the truth and we’ll see how far that gets us.”
She inhaled bravely, grateful that he was so encouraging in spite of her just freaking out on him. “I’m clingy. And emotional. And sometimes irrational.”
“I know all of these things,” he said, smiling cockily. “I like all of these things.”
“Yeah, well…I’m also really, really scared that you’re going to dump me now that we’ve…you know. And especially now that I admitted that I…well, you know!” She was flailing her hands and probably looking like she had ants crawling in her shoes, but she was so nervous, and she really liked this guy. Loved him, even.
“So you were just…trying to get it over with?”
“Yes.”
“Because you thought I was going to break up with you.”
“Yes!” She smiled in relief that he was getting it.
He stared at her for a long moment. “I’m sorry…did you forget that I’m a nerd who just kissed his first girl, who happens to be you, and is currently on cloud fucking nine that she’s still here?”
She blushed in embarrassment, looking at her shoes. “I swear I’m not always this crazy.”
“Can I be perfectly honest with you?”
She jerked her head up quickly, panic setting in. She nodded, her worry increasing when he backed away from her.
“I liked you so much in the beginning because you seemed so confident. You pulled me out of my shell. Dared me to take you out, if you remember,” he said with a sweet smile. “But ever since we started this, you’ve been retreating from me. Where did you go?”
She couldn’t look at him, not when he was pointing out things she didn’t like about herself. “I don’t know.”
“Have I made you feel inferior or…that I’m not completely crazy about you?”
She laughed softly, biting her lip. “No. Trust me…it’s all in my head. This is the pattern for me. Things are great, then I have sex, and then they bail.”
“I don’t plan on going anywhere,” he said, the sincerity in his voice impossible to miss. “But this idea you have in your head that I’m going to bolt doesn’t help anyone. I don’t know how much of that I can take, because it just means that you don’t trust me. Why would anyone want to be with someone who didn’t trust them?”
He really got her there, and she was too dumbfounded to give him a reply. She hadn’t even thought about his reaction, how her insecurity would affect him. And also, she couldn’t get over how awesome he was for talking to her about this instead of shrugging it off like she was just some crazy girl. She must have been smiling at him for too long, because he looked at her curiously.
“You all right, Buffy?”
“Yeah,” she said, her smile never waning. “You’re just amazing and I need to keep reminding myself of that and then we’ll be totally cool.”
He laughed proudly at that. “Not perfect, love. I have my insecurities, too. And…costumes.” When she snickered and smiled prettily at him, he felt a bit surer of himself. “Still can’t believe this is happening between us, that I have to convince you that I’m not going to leave you. It’s bloody insane is what it is.” He laced his fingers with hers and started to walk with her back to the Dining Hall, shaking his head in disbelief.
Buffy needed to get it together. If she didn’t, she’d lose him. She knew that now, knew that he was worth putting her negative expectations behind her. It was kind of a scary thought to throw caution to the wind and just be with him… But rather than continuing to feel frightened at the prospect, she was starting to feel determined to prove herself wrong. William was not a bastard. William cared about her. Maybe not love, maybe not yet…but something. Something big, he’d said to her yesterday. They’d only known one another a short while, so she could rationalize that his delay in emotional equality was totally normal and she was a freak who needed to learn how to put the skids on her heart sometimes. Showing him the complete catalog of her craziness so early in the game could end this before it ever really started. Besides, she was better than that.
And he was still here.
“I’m sorry I got all Shannon on you with the melodrama.”
He stared at her for a long moment, his face expressionless. Then, “Did you just reference Lost without batting an eye?”
“Maybe.”
He gave her an absolutely melt-worthy smile, and then he kissed her tenderly, trailing one finger up the side of her face and into her hair, making her shiver. He pulled away all too quickly, that smile still working its magic on his perfect lips. “I’ve ruined you, you nerd.”
“Disappointed?”
“Not in the slightest. Come on, let’s see how cold your fries are.”
Buffy slipped her arm around his waist and pulled him closer as they walked, leaning her head against his shoulder, smiling. Then she remembered something he’d said earlier. Something important.
“You said you were going to do something nice for me today?”
He rolled his eyes, and he had to raise his voice to be heard once they entered the crowded Dining Hall to say, “Rented us a cabin for a couple of nights.”
“A cabin?”
“Yeah. Thought we could go spelunking.”
She could kiss him. Oh, she could kiss him for days for making her dreams come true. He was really going to take her cave diving. He wasn’t going anywhere!
“But as soon as you’re done with those fries,” William said, “we’re going back to my room so I can make you scream my name. How’s that sound?” He smiled, the panty-melting kind. God, he could make her shiver.
“That sounds like exactly what I want to do.”
“Damn right.”
They sat at the cafeteria table, and her friends mingled with his so naturally you’d never know they used to be on opposite playing fields. William touched her knee beneath the table, Cordelia laughed loudly about something Wesley said, Andrew and the new guy were making flirty eyes, and Buffy couldn’t be happier.
As she looked around the Dining Hall, she saw tables filled with all walks of life. There were tattooed chicks sitting with jocks, ex-cheerleaders sitting with nerdy girls and laughing, and the prim and proper sorority girls were passing out party fliers to a group of rough looking guys with smiles on their faces. It was sort of beautiful.
In a burst of joy, Buffy exclaimed, “College is awesome!”
The End