Chapter 45
Spike had been moody lately, and he realized it. A part of him chided himself for moping about when his life was finally looking up again. He had the woman he loved back in his arms, and he had no doubt that if he invited her back into his bed, she would eagerly and enthusiastically share in their lovemaking.
Only he had no desire to. Well, plenty of physical desire, but something was still holding him back.
“You wanna go out this evening?” he asked abruptly, looking up from his textbook over the wire rims of his glasses.
She looked up at him in surprise. “It’s a Wednesday,” she pointed out. “Homework and classes and such. Plus, I’m subbing in for Candice at work.”
“Oh, right,” he agreed with a shrug. “Probably not the best time.”
“I’m free all weekend except Sunday morning,” she offered before returning to the calculus problems before her.
Spike sighed inwardly and returned to Faulkner. He was finding it exceedingly difficult to concentrate, though. He knew he really shouldn’t have expected what was practically the impossible from her, but some small part of him had hoped…
“Blah,” she stuck out her tongue at the page before her.
“Havin’ problems?” he inquired.
“Stupid problem sixteen won’t turn out right, dammit!” she agreed vehemently.
“What is it?”
“An easy problem that requires us to use the Shell Method,” she sighed. “Have I mentioned lately that I hate the Shell Method? It’s got to be the most contorted way to find volume ever.”
He chuckled. “Recall that bein’ my least favorite, too,” he agreed. “Have you tried askin’ Jonathan?”
She nibbled at the end of her pencil. “I’ll feel silly,” she insisted. “It’s such an easy problem otherwise.”
He shrugged. “Maybe your prof wrote a formula down wrong or something. Never hurts to check.”
She nodded slowly. “Hmm, what if I…?” Some frantic scribbling. “No, that’s worse.” With a resigned sigh, she got up. “It’s Jonathan time,” she informed him, dropping a small peck on his forehead before she left the room.
When she was gone, he groaned and flopped back on the bed. Honestly, what was wrong with him? Hadn’t this been what he’d wanted all along? So, then why wasn’t he happy?
Because there’s one more thing you still want, mate, still need…
Before he’d been able to remain content just waiting for her to take her time and develop her feelings for him. Hell, it was to be expected since he’d been the one doing all the pursuing in the beginning. He’d understood her need for time, even if he’d suspected at some times that she was just using it as an excuse. But now…
He’d never been too afraid of rejection. Which, actually, was a damn good thing since he’d needed a thick hide to chase after Elizabeth in the first place, especially in those early days. That wasn’t the part that frightened him. In fact, he had rather enjoyed the challenge of trying to lure her in. The sweet payoff had just been an extra bonus.
But now he was completely, mind-numbingly terrified of her. Because, at the beginning, the rejection really wasn’t all that personal. But then he had opened up to her, given her every part of him – heart, mind, body, and soul – and she had still dumped him. That wasn’t a game. She had seen who he really was, known him, and had still refused him, and…
He was terrified.
Elizabeth flounced back into the room then, and he quickly wiped at his eyes just to make sure. Luckily, he’d gotten good at holding things in during the time when they had been apart.
“Our resident math whiz point you in the right direction?” he inquired with a casual tone that surprised him.
She frowned. “He informed me that the problem doesn’t even make sense the way it’s written.”
“Prob’ly why you couldn’t solve it, then,” Spike agreed.
“Yeah…” She sighed. “Look, the TA has office hours right now, and I wanna get some verification on this.”
He nodded. “Better safe’n sorry.”
“I should probably go right to work after that,” she began planning out loud, “which means I should change and then…”
He drowned her out, forcing his eyes onto the pages in front of him. Admittedly, it would probably have been a lot easier if Faulkner’s sentences weren’t all so long. Bloody Americans.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, all right, baby?” Her words and the peck on his cheek brought his attention back to her once more.
“Uh, yeah…” he agreed with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
She bit her lip. “Have I mentioned lately that I adore the way you look with glasses on?” she commented softly, running her fingers through his hair.
His eyes lit up a bit at that. “Can never say it too much, luv,” he grumbled in a low baritone, pulling her down into his lap.
Their lips still met instinctively, but all too soon Elizabeth was pulling away again.
“Sorry,” she apologized, fingers straightening her hair, “but I’ve really gotta catch my TA.”
“Later, then,” he agreed with a slight sinking feeling in his chest. Now he wasn’t going to see her again all day.
She smiled at him and headed out the door before stopping right on the threshold. “Spike?”
He looked up at her hopefully. “Yeah, luv?”
“I’ll miss you, baby,” she said with a tender smile. “Always thinking about you, y’know.”
“Me, too,” he agreed.
“Bye, then.”
“Ta.”
He swore inwardly when she had gone. He really did realize that she couldn’t really be expected to remember, but he was just a foolish optimist about these sorts of things.
“Happy birthday to me,” he grumbled under his breath before throwing the book across the room in a fit of frustration. And immediately regretted it. After all, he really was rather fond of Faulkner…
* * *
By the time Spike arrived at his mother’s house that night, he was downright depressed. If his separation from Elizabeth had taught him anything, it was how to achieve his social needs without her. He’d spent an insane amount of time in Cordy and Anya’s rooms during the break-up depression – the latter often to the unspoken annoyance of Xander – and he’d come to count on them the same way he had after he’d lost Drusilla.
No such luck tonight, though. Xander and Anya had some sort of ‘special evening’ planned. Since it was a Wednesday and the both had class tomorrow, Spike figured that translated roughly to sex. Cordy was off with her play thing. Something about dresses and fabric swatches that had sent him fleeing in terror. Willow, of course, was at the lab. Devon was rushing to finish his latest article for the college paper. Even Jonathan and Andrew had run off on some role-playing gig.
In the end, he’d had nothing left to do but take up his mother’s offer to come home for his birthday. At least she had bothered to learn when it was…
The scent of familiar kitchen scents brightened his spirits a bit as he came in the back door. It had always been a complete mystery to him how his mum managed to cook so well what with all the lesson plans and assignment grading she had to do.
The kitchen was empty aside from the two place settings, the small cake – German chocolate, his favorite, and the two silver pans that remained atop the stove, not cooking but just being kept warm in anticipation of his arrival.
He peeked under the lids cautiously. His mother had an uncanny knack for catching him at this, and he’d earned many a playful stirring spoon swat for it as a child. Just because he was twenty now – as of this day, in fact – didn’t mean she was above her old teasing, though.
Mmm, alfredo…
He could, of course, make it himself any time he wanted – mum had made sure of that – but it was nice to come back to a safe, comfortable place, food provided for him, a sanctuary from the rest of the troubles of his life. Plus, no matter how hard he tried, his cooking just never was as good as mum’s anyway.
“Hey!”
The wooden spoon seemed to come out of nowhere, brushing the backs of his knuckles lightly as he reached for the lid to the pasta. He winced in jest, even though the blow hadn’t hurt the slightest. And then froze.
“If the lid’s off, then all the moisture with get out,” Elizabeth explained patiently, plopping the lid back down on the pan. “Or, at least, that was what your mom told me…”
For a second, he was stunned speechless. And then, paradoxically, the absolutely most idiotic thing that was flitting through his head came out. “You’re late for work!” he exclaimed in horror.
Elizabeth gave him a patient smile. “I asked Jenny if she could sub for me instead. As soon as I explained that it was my boyfriend’s birthday and all, she let me off the hook. I believe her exact words were: ‘That sexy devil? That’s way more important than this job!’” She laughed. “You know, she’s actually a pretty cool boss.”
Spike still hadn’t quite absorbed the ‘Elizabeth here’ concept. In fact, he was doing the cutest little gaping thing…
She caught his jaw with one index finger and pushed it closed, her finger moving on to stroke a line up his smooth chin to trail across that succulent lower lip of his. “Surprise,” she said with a small smile before leaning in and tasting that oh-too-tempting mouth.
She could almost feel his body melt into their kiss, and she was confident that his knees were as weak as hers were at that moment. However, they clung together and somehow found strength and balance.
“I thought you’d forgotten,” he murmured against her hair when they pulled apart for breath. He was somewhat horrified to realize that there were tears in his eyes.
“My man turning twenty?” she asked incredulously. “How could I forget something important like that?”
“Th-The others…” he began.
“Had strict instructions from me to be as unavailable as possible,” she informed him. “Wanted to get you out here all alone without arousing your suspicions.” Her fingers stroked the hair at the back of his neck gently, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight, breathing in the heady scent of him. “My love.”
His heartbeat quickened, but he shook the epithet off. After all, he had called her ‘luv’ long before he’d actually felt…
“We’re having the official dorm party this weekend,” she babbled on nervously in the background, “but I figured tonight was a special night, and it would nice to just be alone and get away from it all…” She waited with baited breath for his reaction.
“You all pulled one over on me,” he grumped good-naturedly. “Bloody devious lot.” He flashed her a shy smile and gave her a quick kiss.
OK, no reaction to the admission. Better spell it out more clearly. Maybe I should try clubbing him over the head… “Mmm,” she agreed softly, shaking away the somewhat silly – but oddly appealing – thought, “you hungry?”
“Famished,” he agreed, still nuzzled into her throat. “You make all this for me?”
“Well, actually, your mom did the cooking,” she admitted. “Consider it part of my present to you that you don’t have to pretend to like my cooking.”
“The blackened macaroni was…interesting,” he failed spectacularly at trying to reassure her.
She chuckled at that. “It’s all right, baby. I’m quite aware that kitchen appliances run screaming from me in horror.”
He grinned. “Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he whispered softly against her hair. He pulled away then, his voice returning to its usual casual tones. “So, where is Mum then?” he asked curiously, turning off the burner and carry the sauce over to the table. “She’s not eatin’ with us?”
“Actually,” Elizabeth snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her lips whispering right in his ear, “she’s not here. Some prof’s gig at the motel. I managed to convince her to spend the night there, so it’s just you and me, alone together All. Night. Long.” These last three words were punctuated with sensual nibbles to the ring in his ear.
He shivered at her lips’ caresses. His ears had always been a bit of an erogenous zone, the merest brush turning his limbs to warm molasses. “Gettin’ better at the whole seduction thing,” he breathed out huskily.
“I had a good teacher,” she agreed. The fingers of one hand began toying playfully with the button to his jeans.
“Oh?” A lazy smirk lit up his face.
“Yeah,” she agreed with a wicked grin of her own, “you wouldn’t believe some of the things Riley taught me…”
“Humph.” Grumpily, he pushed her away and returned to the task of getting their food on the table.
“Just kidding, baby,” she assured him.
He glared at her, feathers still ruffled. “I know,” he agreed, holding out one of the chairs for her and gesturing for her to sit down.
She pouted. “If I knew you couldn’t take a joke…” she muttered.
A hint of humor lit up his eyes, but he just shook his head and scooped a heaping of pasta onto her plate.
“If you want,” she twirled the noodles around on her fork with an impish smile, “I can stroke your ego… All. Night.”
He gulped audibly, and his eyes widened. He could tell she was mild amused as he shifted uncomfortably on his chair. Inwardly, he was baffled where all his resistance was vanishing off to. There was something about this woman…made him all soft inside, made him want to risk everything all over again because he knew that it would be worth it. And, hell, when had she ever done anything sweet and romantic for him before? That alone made it hard enough for a bloke to remain aloof…
“Or whatever,” she shrugged. “After all, it’s your night. We can do whatever you want.” She rose. “Wine?”
“Please,” he agreed, watching her pop out the cork in the bottle with practiced ease. An eyebrow rose in response.
“It’s not exactly a skill you forget,” she answered his unspoken question, “no matter how long it’s been…”
“And you’re not worried ‘bout me turnin’ back into a drunkard?” he countered, watching her fill up two glasses with the burgundy liquid. Something was making his mouth water, and he doubted it was the food or the wine.
“Now that I’m here to keep you on the straight and narrow?” she shot back, taking a sip of her own wine before handing his glass to him.
The trust in the gesture was implicit. Bad memories and old fears that his presence washed away. The feeling of complete safety she had when she was with him. It was all he could do to keep from stuttering like the shy schoolboy he had once been.
“Why do your parents always have the best wine?” Elizabeth wondered in full pasta twirling mode once more.
“Taste?” he suggested with a quirky smile.
She grinned at that. “You know,” she pointed out, “we’ve had a ridiculous number of dates with fettuccini. I’m almost thinking it’s becoming a bit of a thing.”
“It is my favorite,” he pointed out.
“Guess you’ve got taste, too, then,” she said with a smile.
“Don’t think ‘ve ever heard a more obvious fish for a compliment, pet,” he teased, falling back easily into the comfortable banter between them. This felt good. There was something fundamentally right about being with her like this. It was almost as though some part of him knew something that just flitted across the edges of his consciousness…but something good, something that made him feel all warm inside again, like he was ready to love her once more…
She mock-pouted. “Does that mean I’m not getting one?” She batted her eyelashes at him.
He chuckled. “Plus, your taste is so much better,” he teased. “Just look at the handsome catch you caught yourself.”
She grinned evilly. “Someone’s feeling confident tonight,” she commented.
He gulped. “Think ‘ll just quit while ‘m ahead, luv, if it’s all the same to you,” he conceded her victory before whatever nasty little barb she had came out. After all, his hide was still a little soft, not quite ready to take her at her snarkiest.
“Giving up so easily?” she sounded disappointed. “And here I was looking forward to a real challenge…”
He shrugged. “Should be happy, luv,” he pointed out. “Finally admitted you can beat me.”
Her hand was across the table in an instant, stroking the back of his. “Never,” she insisted vehemently.
He started in surprise at that. “Luv, I—”
“Shh,” she cut him off. “Spike, look at me.” Those blue eyes of his were hesitant at meeting hers, but eventually they did so. “You know,” she commented thoughtfully once she had his full attention, “I never really thought this could happen. I mean, I was always a great fighter in the dojo, but then when I would have to face people in real life…I just kinda always backed down, y’know?”
He looked slightly baffled by her little rant and took another sip of his wine.
“But then I met you and…I wanted nothing more than to fight with you all the time.”
He couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Thanks ever so. Nice to know I bring out the worst in you.”
“You bring out the best in me,” she contradicted. “All this strength and determination I’ve been keeping hidden – you’re the one who brings it out.”
His cheeks flushed slightly, but he kept up his teasing tone. “So, you’re thankin’ me for making you all bitchy?”
She cast a mock-scowl in his direction. “No, dumbass, I’m thanking you for challenging me, for making me strive to be better than what I usually am, for being my equal in everything.” Her eyes dropped to her lap for a second before looking back up at him shyly. “It’s part of why I love you.”
Time seemed frozen for a minute, and then the emotions shifted in his eyes, so rapidly that not even Elizabeth could read them. Surprise was a recurring theme, however.
“Huh?” was the first word to come out of Spike’s mouth. Elizabeth almost felt giddy with how sweetly innocent he looked.
“I love you, William,” she said softly, reaching out for his hand and stroking the backs of his knuckles. “I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but I love you more than anything.”
He gulped, brain still slightly disconnected, hand tingling from his love’s caresses. “Why? How?” He flinched when he finally registered her previous statement. “I mean, um…”
“Don’t tell me I’ve struck you speechless,” she teased lightly, slipping around the table to sit at his side.
“Well, no, it’s just I… Oh bugger!” Unable to come up with anything reasonable to say, he yanked her into his lap and proceeded to kiss her breathless.
With a contented sigh, Elizabeth let her lips part against his and wrapped her legs about his waist. Their tongues danced and parried, fighting a never-ending battle that just led to eternal bliss. Her fingers came up to twine through his platinum hair, curling the soft locks about her fingers as she pulled him in deeper. She could feel the hardness between her thighs now, and her lips slipped away from his, her head thrown back in a gasp.
He leaned into her, nuzzling her throat gently and placing soft kisses all along her jaw line. He felt almost dizzy, as if this were some sort of wonderful dream concocted by his subconscious to torment him with that which he could never have. A brief, irrational fear went through him for a second that this was all a dream and that he would wake up cold and alone in his bed any minute.
Her lips found his again, reassuring him with their warmth and passion. He could feel her pouring into his mouth, filling him, consuming him. “God, I love you!” he pulled back for an instant to gasp out.
“Love you, too, baby,” she whispered against his ear, playing with the sensitive ring once more. “Finally figured out what that means, and I love you.”
“What does it mean?” he asked curiously, shifting slightly in his seat. The kitchen chairs hadn’t been ergonomically designed for making out, and he was debating whether to move this little birthday celebration somewhere more comfortable.
She bit her lip at that and looked at him. “You were right, it’s impossible to really explain… I just…I know I can live without you, but the thought of being apart… It would be like half of me was missing. You make me feel so good, and not just in the, y’know, obvious ways but also deep down inside and I… God, I can’t even begin to describe it!” She exclaimed in exasperation and kissed him again. “I love you,” she murmured against his lips, those words being the only ones available to express her feelings.
“Mmm,” he whispered incoherently, pushing her back and…
The plates on the table rattled with the collision, snapping them both out of the spell.
“Uh, yeah, food,” Spike blinked blearily, still half in that wonderful happy place.
Elizabeth caught her breath and managed to nod very slowly. “Were you done?” she inquired hopefully.
“Well, I…” he began guiltily. “’S really good,” he pointed out helplessly, “and there’s cake.”
“Cake will keep ‘til later,” she commented.
“True,” he agreed.
“And this is an emergency. I’m sure the tasty fettuccini will forgive us.” She was teasing him lightly now, her lips quirked into a smile.
“God, I love you!” he exclaimed fervently, rising to his feet and carrying her from the kitchen.
Elizabeth squealed, holding onto his body tight and peppering kisses across his cheeks and brow. Halfway up the stairs, he dropped her back down to her feet, and she let out a little moan of complaint that they were no longer rubbing intimately together.
He immediately apologized with another of those long, lazy kisses that made her toes curl. “Sorry, luv, but you’re heavy.”
She scowled at him. “I thought you were complaining that I was too skinny,” she countered.
“Din’t say too heavy,” he pointed out, hands slipping down her waist to cup the small cheeks of her ass. He held her firmly in place while he ground his hardness against her.
She moaned and gasped in delight, hands fisting into the fabric of his black tee.
“See?” he countered with a chuckle. “Got myself some nice flesh to hold onto.”
Another scowl. “Are you saying my ass is fat?” she demanded.
He let out an annoyed snort. “No, ‘m saying you’re bloody perfect, if you’d just listen to a word I’m saying!” he exclaimed.
“Then can’t you come up with a way of saying it that doesn’t involve my weight?!” she shot back.
“God, you’re so—”
“—Stubborn—”
“—Pig-headed—”
“—Impossible!”
“—Impossible!” Spike exclaimed at the same moment.
The looked at each other, and then their lips smashed back together with renewed intensity. “God, I love you.” “Love you so much.” “Missed you, my love.” “Can never get enough of you, baby.” The sweet murmurs of affection followed them up the stairs and, amazingly, despite their weak-kneed staggers in between lust-filled kisses, they finally fell backwards together onto Spike’s bed.
“Finally!” Elizabeth breathed an exasperated sigh of relief before pinning his shoulders down and proceeding to kiss every inch of skin that was exposed to her.
Spike’s hands ran up and down her sides, slipping beneath the soft fabric of her blouse. “Too. Many. Clothes,” he managed to articulate, his words punctuated by soft kisses to her throat.
“Agreed.” She slipped back off of him and quickly disrobed, tossing clothing aside carelessly in her haste.
It took him a second to catch his breath before he pulled his shirt over his head as well. “God, I’m easy,” he couldn’t help but tease.
Elizabeth shot him a grin and kicked her panties to one side. “Part of why I love you,” she said with a coy smile before tackling him back onto the bed.
“I haven’t—” he began to protest but was cut off by her demanding lips.
Her hands answered his concern, however, finding the button of his jeans and unfastening it. The sound of the zipper slowly being lowered sounded above their gasps for air, causing them both to moan more loudly in anticipation.
He hissed in ecstasy when her tiny hand reached in and pulled him out, her fist pumping up and down on his hard length. One hand slipped between her bare thighs in response, stroking her pleasure out of her, while the other came up to cup one of her small breasts, kneading it tenderly between thumb and fingers.
“Think,” she gasped, “maybe it’s been a bit too long.”
“Yeah,” he couldn’t help but agree, already feeling the pleasure start to build within him to insurmountable levels.
“Should make this slow,” she decided, trailing kisses along his strong jaw line, “draw it out, make it memorable…”
“First time back together and all,” he agreed, slipping one finger inside her.
Twinges of ecstasy ripped through her body as he unerringly stroked the sensitive spot deep within her. “OK, that’s it! Want you now. Slow and sweet later,” she announced.
“Couldn’t agree with you more, luv.” He gasped when her thumb traced the slit of his rock-hard erection and then caught her about the waist, rolling them over.
She squirmed beneath him, thighs spreading even as she tried to regain control once more. “Won’t win that easily…”
“I so deserve to drive after all ‘ve been through,” he retorted, kicking his jeans down his legs and off.
She smiled up at him and caught the soft hairs at the nape of his neck with one hand, drawing him in to another languorous kiss. She could feel his head pressing at the entrance to her womb now, damp with the evidence of their combined desire.
“Wait, luv,” he paused when her legs slipped around his waist to try to draw him in. “You still safe?”
“Stayed that way the whole time,” she assured him softly, thumb tracing the razor edge of one cheekbone. “Kept myself ready for you all along, couldn’t bear…not…” Her eyes squeezed shut tight as he pushed his way into her slick channel, her walls stretching and expanding to accommodate his impressive girth.
“Keep talkin’,” he requested, his voice ragged against her ear as he fought for breath.
“Always waiting for you,” she whispered against him, “waiting for this. Wanted to be with you, wanted to be close just…like…this…”
Her words turned to scattered gasps as he began moving inside of her, slowly at first but with an ever-building crescendo.
“Never stopped loving you,” he murmured into her hair as his hips pistoned deep into her body, striking her very core with each thrust, “never stopped hoping…”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she gasped, her arms and legs tightening about him, capturing him in their vise. “Never meant to hurt you, never wanted it to be like that for you, my love. God, my love, my sweet, sweet love…”
“’Lizabeth,” he whimpered, the dampness of his tear wetting her cheek.
“Shh, Spike, shh…” she soothed, her body fully enclosing him, taking him deep inside and flat out refusing to let go. “I’ve got you, my love. I’ve always got you. I love you too much to let go. Never again…”
His body tensed at her admission, her words sending him over the precipice. He babbled incoherent endearments into her hair as he spurted his pleasure inside her.
She cried out as well, sparks firing throughout her nerves as she climaxed. With her last bit of conscious will, she turned Spike’s chin so that she could look right into those beautiful blue eyes of his and she whispered those magic words once more. “I love you…”
“Love you…” he whispered back before his body collapsed from release and exhaustion. He barely managed to roll off of her before they both fell asleep, each clutching at the other tightly as pleasant dreams of their time together welcomed them…