Chapter 30: May 2006
There were three very private good-byes going on at the same time. “Will I see you later?” Spike asked quietly.
“Of course,” Buffy replied with a smile. “If you show up. You know you’re always welcome.”
“Always?” he asked with a leer.
She raised an eyebrow in reply. “Anything for the guy that braved the dangers of Lamaze class for me.”
“Dangers is right.” Spike shook his head in mock resignation. “Never thought bein’ Love’s bitch would lead me there.”
Buffy laughed, a real joy in her voice that hadn’t been there for a while. Spike had balked at the door to the class, looking a bit panicky. “Sorry, luv. I don’t think I can do this. You think Nika’d give private lessons?”
“Spike, we’re here. I’m going in, with or without you. I had hoped it would be with.” The exasperation in her tone was real. She did not want to be the only woman in there without a partner, and the vampire had promised to come. They’d even chosen a late evening class to be sure that the sun would be down so they could attend without risk of him getting singed. For Spike to back out now was uncharacteristic.
Spike swallowed. “Buffy, I don’t know anythin’. Are you sure someone else wouldn’t be better? Your sister, or Willow, or—”
“Hey, guys.” Nika walked up to them. She looked from one to the other, seeing the frantic look in Spike’s eyes and the annoyance in Buffy’s eyes. “What’s up?”
“Can’t we do private lessons?” Spike asked.
Nika laughed. “No, Spike. I don’t do private lessons. These classes are as much for support as for information. You’ll be fine. There are a lot of first time dads in there who are just as nervous as you are.”
Buffy elbowed him in the ribs. “There. See? You’ll fit right in.”
It was actually true. Buffy had noticed that Spike was dressing differently—a little more modern, a little less ’80’s punk. The hair was still bleached, but it was curly, and it suited him. He still wore dark colors most of the time, but it wasn’t monochromatic. In fact, tonight he was wearing dark brown pants and a blue shirt, and Buffy wondered when the change had taken place. Was it his own doing, or someone else’s?
She remembered that he’d been changing before he’d left Sunnydale. Perhaps this was just a natural progression, and had nothing to do with her. Either way, she definitely liked it.
He gave her a skeptical look in reply, then shrugged, defeated. “Your wish is my command, luv.”
The class itself hadn’t been too bad. Spike had stuck close and tried not to look too menacing. Being around humans almost exclusively for the last three years had humanized him a great deal, however, and Spike really did appear to be just another nervous expectant father.
Nika did her best to normalize everything they were going through, pointing out that all of them had come a long way already. Buffy felt that was never more true for any couple than it was for her and Spike. The rest of the class she had them laughing as she shared stories from her own past birthing experiences, all the while giving them the information they needed.
At the end of the hour, Buffy found herself making the acquaintance of a number of other women, while Spike got caught up with the other men. Apparently, the males as a group felt they needed to band together in the face of all that estrogen. “Wow, girl!” one of the other women commented. “Is that one yours?”
Buffy looked over at Spike, who appeared to be enjoying himself, even as he realized that he was playing to a crowd. “Yep. All mine.”
“Oh, boy,” a brunette leaned in close. “What a cutie. What did you have to do to snag that one? Or is he snagged?”
“He’s snagged,” Buffy assured her, smiling.
Another woman shook her head. “Just pray your baby gets those gorgeous eyes of his.”
Buffy hid a wince, not wanting to explain that it was impossible for a whole host of reasons. “We’ll see. He keeps saying that he hopes she looks like me.”
There was a number of “awws” from the others. “Lucky girl.”
“I am,” Buffy agreed, then extricated herself from the crowd, heading over to join Spike. “You ready to go?”
“Whenever you are, luv.” He gave a quick wave to the other men. “See you next week, mates.”
She laughed as they left. “And to think you weren’t sure you would fit in.”
Spike shrugged uncomfortably. “They’re nice enough blokes, all of them. Doesn’t hurt to chat a bit.”
“I’m glad,” Buffy insisted. “I’m glad it’s you with me.”
“Me too,” he replied. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
There had been a couple more classes since the first one, and Spike was more of a sponge than she was. Buffy found herself unbelievably grateful that Peter had turned out to be such an ass, because if he hadn’t been, who knows what would have happened?
Buffy would have liked to believe that they would have found each other again, but it was hard to say. As things stood, however, they were happy, and she was getting ready for a baby shower with no men allowed.
Spike, Wesley, and Connor had agreed to vacate the premises for the duration, and all three women knew they had planned something for a guys’ night out. What had been planned was still up for debate, as not a one was sharing.
Buffy had wondered briefly if the guys on Angel’s crew should be notified, since she had invited Cordy and Fred, but had quickly discarded the notion. If Spike or Wesley wanted to invite Gunn and Angel to their party, that was their business, not hers.
She glanced over at her sister and Connor, who were laughing quietly over something. Connor had gotten his acceptance letter to UCLA the day before, and they were both excited about being able to attend school together.
Buffy could just make out Nika warning Wesley away from anything too strenuous because of his shoulder. She was riding him pretty hard about his physical therapy, and was not keen on the idea of him reinjuring himself.
Spike’s kiss brought her back to the moment. “I’ll definitely be over tonight, luv,” he promised. “Just don’t know when I’ll get in. Might be later than you like.”
“Then you can let youself in,” she said in reply.
Spike frowned. “Don’t like you leaving the door unlocked for me, Buffy. I can—”
“Let yourself in,” Buffy repeated, holding up a key on a ring, smiling at the flabbergasted look on his face. “I thought it was about time you had a key to my place.”
“You sure you have to stay here?” Spike asked. “Because I can think of a number of ways to say thanks right now.”
She grinned in response. “Then you’ll have a very good reason not to stay out too late, won’t you?”
His thoughtful smile had Buffy reconsidering the baby shower herself, but then Wesley and Connor were standing in the doorway looking at her lover impatiently. “Let’s go, Spike.” Connor was raring to go, and again Buffy wondered what the guys had planned. Even Wesley seemed like he was in a hurry to get away.
“Later, Buffy,” he said with a quick peck on the lips, and then they were gone. Fred and Cordelia showed up just a few minutes later, and the party soon got underway.
They were all sitting around eating the hors d’oeuvres that Nika had made when Cordy asked, “So you know for sure that it’s a girl, right?”
“Pretty much,” Buffy said. “The doctor said that there was always the possibility of making a mistake, but it seems pretty clear.”
“Have you thought of any names yet?” Fred asked, licking her fingers delicately. “I mean, if you’ve given any thought to it.”
Buffy smiled ruefully. “Lots of thoughts, no decisions. I do think I want her middle name to be Joyce, after my mom, though. Other than that, I don’t have a clue.”
Nika gave her a thoughtful look. “Have you asked Spike what he thinks?”
“Not yet,” Buffy said. There was a faraway look in her eyes that the other women knew well. “We just haven’t gotten around to talking about it yet.”
Dawn laughed. “That reminds me. Presents!”
“Spike reminds you of presents?”
Dawn shrugged off Buffy’s question as though it didn’t matter. “Well, this might be mostly a baby shower, but it’s also a ‘hooray that you and Spike finally worked things out’ party too.”
Buffy flushed slightly. “Have we been driving you guys crazy?”
“What, with all the drama?” Dawn teased. “Of course not. It’s not like the drama’s a surprise with either one of you guys.”
Buffy looked like she was going to make some reply, but the other women present started pulling out brightly wrapped packages. “Well, this is from both Angel and me,” Cordelia said, handing the Slayer a large box. “Also, he said to let you know that you can have the bassinet and all of that if you want. We still have Connor’s baby stuff in storage, and neither one of us is likely to need it any time soon.”
She nodded at her old rival (and friend) gratefully. “Thanks, Cordy. I really appreciate that.”
“Oh, and Angel also said to tell you that he thought he might take you up on that offer you made him. He said you would know what he was talking about.” Cordelia sounded puzzled, but Buffy laughed, knowing that Angel had just had Cordelia agree to a double date with Spike. She had a feeling that it could be either disastrous or wonderful.
“We’ll see,” Buffy said, without explanation. She pulled off the bow and the paper, finding about a half-dozen little outfits in various shades of pink and purple inside. “Oh, this is great!” she exclamined. “Thanks, Cordy. These are gorgeous.”
Cordelia shrugged. “Well, duh. This is me you’re talking to, and Angel actually has great taste in clothing.”
Buffy smiled. “Then I’m glad you both went shopping. I appreciate it.”
Next, Buffy opened Fred and Gunn’s gift, which was a box full of various baby necessities: diapers, nipples and bottles, bibs, wipes. “This is really great,” Buffy said sincerely. “I know all of it will come in handy.”
She was actually doing fairly well financially. The house had sold at a good profit, which left her with a comfortable margin. Plus, the Council’s pension was almost enough to cover the bare essentials, and her father had sent a nice hefty check. While she wasn’t sure what to think of that, Buffy wasn’t about to send it back. As Dawn had pointed out, he did owe her. He owed both his children for abandoning them. So, if he wanted to send her money to buy her off, Buffy was going to let him.
Of course, none of that meant she was at all averse to accepting any and all offers of assistance. Babies were expensive.
Dawn handed her an envelope. “Okay, so this is my present, and Connor promised he’d help too, but he doesn’t have as much experience as I do. Actually, he doesn’t have any experience.”
Frowning at her sister in confusion, she opened the envelope, finding a stack of “coupons,” each neatly lettered saying, “Good for one evening out sans kid. Free babysitting included.” Buffy laughed. “Thank you, Dawnie. This is great.”
“Well, as long as you show the proper appreciation, I think I could be persuaded to babysit pretty much whenever,” Dawn replied. “Besides, you and Spike are going to need some time to yourselves.”
“My gift,” Nika said, handing her another envelope. “Actually, it’s from both Wesley and me.”
Buffy opened the envelope and stared at its contents. “I don’t—I can’t accept this.”
“Of course you can,” Nika replied. “As you can see, it’s for anytime within the next year. Both of us have experience taking care of babies, and it will be our pleasure.”
Buffy stared at the slips. Four nights had been paid for at a bed and breakfast up in the Sierra Mountains, good for a getaway just for the Slayer and her vampire boyfriend. Nika smiled at her. “Dawn and I were talking, and we know that you and Spike still need time to get to know each other, but that becomes difficult when there’s a baby involved. We each wanted to do something for you that would help in that area.”
“This—this is great, really,” Buffy said quietly. “I can’t tell you the last time I had a real vacation.”
“Which is why Wesley and I decided it was exactly what you needed,” Nika replied. “And we’ll handle the babysitting for the duration.”
Whateve else might have been said was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Nika got up to answer it, and Willow appeared after a few moments. “Sorry I’m late!” she apologized. “Traffic was crazy.”
Willow’s gift was in two parts. The first included a number of very cute baby clothes, though she stayed away from the traditional pink and purple and instead stuck to turquoise and yellow. The second part were garments that were more typically found at a bridal shower, not a baby shower. “Actually, that’s probably more for Spike than for you,” Willow said as the other women giggled and Buffy blushed. “On the other hand, from what you’ve said in the past, he’ll make it worthwhile for you.”
Buffy held the garments up to her—by now—very pregnant belly. “It’s going to be a while before I can wear these,” she said ruefully.
Willow grinned. “Keep unwrapping.”
Giving her old friend a strange look, she did so, coming across another set of sexy lingerie. This time, however, they were made specifically for pregnant women. Willow laughed as she watched the wheels in Buffy’s head turn. “I’d say take advantage of your hormones while you can, Buf.”
Buffy laughed again. “Well, I’ll appreciate all of it, and I know Spike will too. You are staying at my place tonight, aren’t you? I mean, I didn’t even know you were coming.”
“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Cordelia explained, a smug note in her voice. “And if you’re going to be busy with Spike, maybe Willow should stay at the hotel.”
Buffy looked thoughtful. “I don’t even know what the guys are up to. Spike said he might be back in kind of late.”
Willow shrugged. “Either way, Buffy. I really don’t mind.”
“Then you can stay at my place,” Buffy replied decisively. “Who knows what the guys are going to be doing?”
~~~~~
The guys were busy enjoying themselves at one of Wesley’s favorite establishments. All three of them were doing their best to out-throw each other in a game of darts as they drank pints of beer with hot wings for chasers. In some ways, the three of them were enjoying the freedom that came pre-kids and pre-marriage. While the baby wasn’t technically Spike’s, he was going to be intimately involved, which certainly promised to change things.
Connor and Wesley both were also becoming more settled with their respective significant others, and Connor was going to be starting at the university in a few short months. Change was inevitable, of course, and these particular changes were exciting ones for all involved, but there was a certain nostalgia that surrounded the three of them.
“Been a while since we’ve been able to do this,” Spike commented to Wesley as they watched Connor have his turn. The boy was good, placing all but one in the high scoring areas.
“I suppose it has been,” Wesley agreed. “Circumstances may change, but this won’t.”
Spike nodded, knowing what the other man was talking about. The bonds between them went deeper than blood; there was nothing that could change that. “No, that’s for certain.”
Wesley grabbed the darts, taking his turn. “Spike?” Connor asked.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
“You’re family, lad,” Spike replied. “Much as I hate to admit it, Angel an’ me are related.”
Connor nodded, watching as Wesley hit the bull’s eye twice and sent the third dart just to the right of the red circle. “You know, I never used to think family was all that important. It was just me and my father—Holtz, you know?—for a long time. It’s different here.”
Spike nodded, knowing what he was saying. It had been just he and Dru for a century, and then he and Buffy had been caught up in their own little world. It helped to have others that you could rely on, people that would stick with you, even through the worst of times.
He could honestly say that even if the worst were to happen and he lost Buffy, he would have good reasons to go on with his unlife. It would hurt, but Buffy wasn’t his entire world any longer. It was that truth which had really freed him to take a chance on the Slayer again, knowing that he would survive her leaving.
“‘s important,” Spike agreed. “You can’t make one person your world, Connor, no matter how much you might want to. I learned that the hard way.” The vampire gave Wesley a knowing look and then took the darts that were offered to him. With a practiced flick of his wrist, Spike sent all three darts flying, each landing with a solid thunk in a high-scoring box. “What say we get out of here?”
“My place?” Wesley suggested. “I believe there might be a football game on.”
~~~~~
Fred and Cordelia had left once all the gossip had been disseminated. Now that Buffy had finally come to accept that her relationship with Angel was over, she found his girlfriend much easier to put up with. She didn’t think they would ever be fast friends—their personalities were just too strong—but they could be civil and enjoy each other’s company in small doses.
Dawn was curled up on the couch next to Willow, talking quietly to the witch about something, and Buffy was watching as Nika put things away. As it was her party, she wasn’t being allowed to help. “That really was a great gift,” Buffy said again. “I never expected—”
Nika smiled. “I’m glad you liked it. I have a feeling that there will be quite a few people around to spoil your daughter, but sometimes the mother needs a little pampering as well.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Buffy replied, her hand over her rather noticeable stomach. “It’s good to know that both of us can count on you guys. It’s—different.”
Coming over to sit across from her at the table, Nika’s raised eyebrow asked the silent question. “It’s like having—family, not just friends, you know? I’ve always been the oldest…” Buffy trailed off and chuckled. “Well, all I can remember is being the oldest, but I guess I was an only child too. Without my mom here, though, and Dad being no help at all, it felt like I was going to have to do this whole thing on my own.”
“But you know that isn’t true, don’t you?” Nika asked gently. “I believe I speak for Wesley as well when I say that you are welcome to call on us whenever you need help. I do know a bit more about babies than just birthing them, and Wesley had experience with Connor.”
“I know that,” Buffy replied quickly. “Actually, that’s what’s so great. I don’t feel like I’m alone in this. And with Spike…”
Nika could see the emotion in the other woman’s eyes. “You feel as though you have finally found your place?” she suggested. “We all stand alone, Buffy. You know this. Yet we all need the comfort of others; I think you know this too. It’s a great paradox.”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah. When I first found out I was pregnant, and with Peter’s reaction, all I could think about was the fact that I was alone. I wanted my mom so badly, but the first person who came into mind was Spike. I wanted him just as much.”
“Remember that,” Nika advised. “Remember the feeling of wanting him so badly your heart ached, because you will fight again. You’ll say things to regret, as will he. If you remember why it was you wanted him in the first place though, it will be easier to forgive and to say you’re sorry.”
Buffy thought about the constant dull ache that had been her constant companion, how she had written it off as anything but missing the vampire. She remembered the sense of being torn in two, knowing that their relationship could end over a stupid fight and an impulsive action. It was going to be difficult, she knew. As she’d told him, no one could make her quite as miserable as Spike, say the things that stung quite as badly. Maybe the worst was over, but there was plenty of room for mistakes in the future; it would be exceptionally easy to fall into their old patterns.
Then she remembered the light in his eyes when she had asked him to go to Lamaze class with her, when she’d asked him to stay—forever. Things between them could be so good, and this time she would embrace all the possibilities.
~~~~~
“I’d better call Angel an’ let him know his kid’s here,” Spike said quietly. Connor was stretched out on the couch, snoring lightly. The boy might have had a vampire’s constitution, but too much beer had put him out like a light, and he was in no shape to be driving home.
Wesley raised an eyebrow. “Are you certain you don’t want me to call?”
Spike shrugged. “No, we’re good. Peaches knows ‘m with the Slayer an’ that I’m not completely evil anymore.”
“He also knows you’ll take care of his son,” Wesley added.
Spike shifted uncomfortably. “He’s a good kid, even if he is spendin’ the night with the Niblet occasionally.”
“How did you find that out?” Wesley asked, thinking the vampire had been snooping unnecessarily.
Spike rolled his eyes. “Called her dorm one mornin’ an’ Hell-Boy over there answered. Wasn’t too hard to figure out. I told him I didn’t want to know, but if she ever came to me cryin’ over him, I wouldn’t be responsible for the consequences.”
Wesley chuckled. “I think that goes for both of us. I’m quite fond of Dawn myself.”
“She grows on you,” Spike agreed. “Always thought she had spunk.”
“That she does.” Wesley watched as Spike dialed Angel’s number, apparently getting the vampire right away.
“It’s me, Peaches,” Spike said, grinning at Wesley as the older vampire said something derogatory. “Oh, stuff it. Just thought I’d let you know Connor’s sleepin’ on Wesley’s couch tonight, safe an’ sound.” Spike shrugged, even though Angel couldn’t see it and replied, “If you like.”
Wesley took the phone Spike offered. “Angel?”
Angel sounded concerned on the other end. “Is Connor okay?”
“He’s fine,” Wesley quickly reassured him. “We were just watching some TV, and he had a couple of beers. Nothing to be concerned about.”
“You got my son drunk?”
Wesley didn’t roll his eyes, even though he thought about it. “No, Angel. Connor had approximately four beers and dropped off on my couch. He’s not drunk, but it’s probably not safe for him to drive. We thought we’d let you know so you didn’t worry.”
“Oh.” Wesley heard him sigh. “Sorry, Wes. I just—”
“Connor is a friend, Angel,” Wesley said quietly. He didn’t add that he took care of his friends, as he wasn’t certain that the vampire would agree with that assessment.
“I know you’ll take care of him,” Angel quickly replied. “It’s just—hard to let go sometimes. Look, come by the hotel sometime, will you? It’d be nice to catch up.”
Wesley wasn’t so sure how nice it would be, but he didn’t care to argue. “Sure, Angel. Soon.” He hung up the phone and looked over at Spike, an idea taking shape. “You want to go over to Angel’s with me?”
Spike met the other man’s eyes, and then laughed. “So I can needle him?”
“Actually, I’d rather like to hear the story of why you call him Peaches.”
Spike’s broad grin was all the answer Wesley needed. He and Angel might have decided to be friends, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get some of his own back.
~~~~~
Spike let himself into Buffy’s townhome as silently as possible. He immediately sensed the presence of another heartbeat, and quickly recognized it as Red’s by the scent. Hesitating briefly by the stairs, Spike momentarily thought about going back to his place. He wasn’t sure he wanted to face the witch’s knowing looks in the morning. On the other hand, now that Buffy was actually enjoying his presence, Spike hated to sleep alone. It was always nicer to wake up with the Slayer wrapped tightly around him.
Letting himself into her bedroom, he quickly undressed, putting the bag with his own baby shower present down by the door. Well, it wasn’t actually a gift for a baby. It was more for Buffy. He just hoped she understood it.
Spike was just about ready to slip under the covers when the bedside lamp was flipped on, and Buffy sat up to watch him. “Hey there.”
“Hey, luv,” he replied, feeling strangely awkward. Spike had thought she was asleep, and suddenly being confronted by an alert Buffy startled him. “Thought you were sleepin’.”
“I was dozing,” she replied. “But I was actually kinda waiting for you.” Buffy’s sharp eyes lit on the bag. “Whatcha got?”
Spike smiled slightly. “Well, it was your present. Thought I was goin’ to wait till tomorrow to give it to you.”
Buffy was now very awake. “We don’t have to wait.”
Feeling slightly sheepish, Spike grabbed the bag and went over to the bed, handing it over and sliding under the covers. He watched intently as Buffy snapped the string holding it shut and then pulled out his old duster. “This is supposed to be one of those gifts that’s really heavy with the symbolism, huh?”
“Somethin’ like that,” Spike said.
“You gave the coat to Dawn, though.”
“I loaned it to her,” he corrected gently. “When I left, I gave it to her with the understandin’ that I’d be back for it. Was like a promise she could touch, yeah?”
Buffy worked the leather with her fingers. “So she gave it back.”
“I asked for it,” Spike admitted. “Didn’t want to take it when she offered it to me back a few months ago. It smelled like you, like your house. I couldn’t—” He stopped. “I don’t know if you knew it, but I took that coat off the second Slayer I killed.”
Buffy hadn’t quite realized, and she wondered what it said about her that it didn’t bother her nearly as much as it probably should have. “I didn’t.”
“‘m not sorry for my past, luv,” Spike said softly. “There are some things you need a soul for, I guess, an’ maybe that’s one of them. Both the Slayers I faced, I faced ’em fairly, an’ it could have gone either way, easy. They both left me somethin’—the scar, the coat.”
Buffy watched as he touched the scar over his eyebrow and then the leather almost reverently. “I left the coat with Dawn so she knew I was comin’ for it, that I wouldn’t forget her. ‘m givin’ it to you now for the same reason—’cept I won’t be goin’ anywhere. It’s—I guess it’s tellin’ you I won’t leave, but that there’s a part of myself ‘m givin’ up—for you, and for other reasons that are for me. It’s—”
“A symbol,” Buffy said quietly, petting the supple fabric. It was old and worn and scarred, and even though it had been in her sister’s possession for years now, Buffy fancied she could still smell Spike’s unique scent. Even though he hadn’t said it, the Slayer also knew that Spike was saying that he’d outgrown the old image he’d projected. He had changed.
So had she.
“I wish I had something to give you that was just as meaningful,” Buffy admitted. “I don’t know if you’ll even want the only thing I have to offer. Which, ironically enough, is my firstborn. I feel selfish for it, though, because I know it’ll be more work than anything else. I’m asking too much of you, but—”
Spike’s hand on her belly stopped her words mid-flow. “Luv, it’s another Summers girl. What else could I do but love her? Even if you hadn’t asked, it still would have been true.”
Buffy let out a shaky laugh. “You’re always doing that,” she protested. “You say the sweetest things, and then I don’t have a clue as to how to reply.”
“Just—tell me I’m yours, Buffy, an’ I’ll believe it,” Spike said. “Figure it’s poetic justice that I’d end up belongin’ to a Slayer.”
“No, Spike,” Buffy replied. “I won’t say you’re mine.” At the look on his face, she hastened on. “But I’ll say that I’m yours.”
It was a surrender of the deepest sort, and it meant more to Spike than all the flowery speeches in the world. Her words, set so closely on the heels of her near-offer of blood, were close to the equivalent of a marriage proposal. They were a negative echo of that alley where she’d told him she would never be “his girl.”
Where once Buffy would have denied all his claims, now she eagerly accepted them.
“Oh.” Spike stared at her, his heart in his eyes. “That’s—”
He was silenced by Buffy’s lips, by her hands, telling him what she had no words for. They were learning a different dance, she seemed to be telling him. They were learning a new way of being, a new way of knowing each other. With the joining of their bodies, they celebrated a joining of their futures.
And the future seemed bright indeed.