Chapter 18: December 2005
“Are you sure I shouldn’t wait for you outside?” Wesley asked. “I could pull the car around. It would make it easier to load the luggage.”
Nika smiled wryly. “Then what manly man would we have to carry the luggage?” she asked. “Wesley, nain is going to love you.”
Wesley wasn’t nearly so certain. “Danika, I’ve never met her before, and she’s your only family.”
Nika shook her head, threading her hand through his elbow and looking up at him. “Cariad, she’s going to love you because you make me happy. And you and Spike are also my family.”
At the pain that swept across his face, Nika gave his arm a little shake. “No. None of that. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. It’s Christmas. Be happy.”
A reluctant smile crept across his face. “It’s a bit hard to be gloomy around you.”
“So?” Nika grinned at him, mischief in her eyes. “I’m happy. With you. It’s a win-win scenario for both of us.”
Wesley looked hesitant, and then asked, “Do you want me to stay at my apartment this Christmas Eve? I wasn’t sure where—”
“Nain is taking Spike’s bedroom, Spike is sleeping on the fold-out bed, and you will be sleeping with me,” she replied firmly.
Wesley’s eyes widened. They hadn’t quite consummated their relationship yet, though they’d come as close as two people could and retain most of their clothing. While they hadn’t discussed it, Wesley hadn’t any desire to rush things. In fact, he was rather enjoying the suspense. It was like waiting until Christmas morning to unwrap your presents. “Nika, your grandmother—”
Nika’s grin was nothing short of smug. “Trust me,nain isn’t the old prune you might think. Besides, us sleeping together means we’re working on making babies, and that will make her happy.” She caught the slightly paranoid look on Wesley’s face and sighed. “Not that we’re trying right now, Wesley.”
He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to discuss their future. The flight would be arriving any minute now. Of course, he wasn’t sure when they’d be alone again. “Danika—”
When he stopped, she leaned into him. “Tell me, Wesley. You know what I want; I’ve made it clear enough. But you haven’t told me anything about what you want yet.”
“I want to make you happy,” he replied honestly. Wesley reached out to touch her cheek. “We haven’t talked, though, and I’m not sure I can give you what you want.”
“Why?” she asked. The airport was bustling all around them, the sights and sounds of the holiday rush present everywhere. It might have well just been the two of them in their own little world, even though they were both unaware of the picture they made. The tall, thin man with his worn face, the willowy woman looking up—more than one traveler passed them with a curious gaze, wondering what it was that had lined their faces so. “Wesley, if this is about your father, or your fear of becoming a father, we can talk about it. If you don’t want—”
“No, I do,” he insisted quickly. “But—now isn’t the time to talk about this.” Wesley smiled softly. “I’d like to have you to myself for a while, though.”
Nika returned his smile. “That’s good, because I want you to myself as well.” She pulled his head down for a kiss.
Nika rather liked Wesley’s kisses. He knew how to make them last. In fact, just recently they had spent almost an entire evening simply making out—something she didn’t think either one of them had done since they were teenagers. She could still remember those days when she and Danny did nothing but kiss for fear of her nain‘s wrath, and the tentative explorations that accompanied those hours.
Her hands and Wesley’s were more experienced than in those early days, their touches more lingering. It was as though they both understood that there would only be one first time between the two of them, and they wanted to make it last. They were building a slow foundation. Nika had no doubt that when the passion finally overcame them, it would be spectacular.
She was definitely looking forward to it.
“Danika!” The voice startled her out of Wesley’s embrace, and she looked through the crowded airport to see her nain striding determinedly forward. For a small woman, she had an unmistakable presence that sent people scurrying out of her way. When she spoke, it was in Welsh, and Nika found herself suddenly homesick.
The older woman pulled her into a warm embrace, speaking quickly the whole time. “You look good—splendid.” She glanced past Nika’s shoulder at Wesley, who was standing there awkwardly. “I would think he might have something to do with that. He’s a fine one. If I were twenty years younger, I’d be giving you a run for your money, my girl.”
Nika laughed, remembering how much fun her grandmother could be. Pulling back, she said in English, “Nain, this is Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Wesley, this is Enid Rhys.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Wesley said in flawless Welsh, holding out his hand. Enid bypassed the hand and pulled him in for a hug. Nika could see the astonishment on his face.
Enid drew back to get a better look at him, and she nodded in satisfaction. He was tall, and whipcord thin, but with a quiet strength that was obvious in his eyes and the set of his mouth. When her granddaughter had first mentioned him, she had suspected something between them, and had wondered who it was that had brought the hint of joy back into Nika’s letters. “So it’s an Englishman who can speak Welsh, is it?” she asked, a twinkle in her eye. “That’s a rare one.”
Wesley wasn’t sure how to reply to that, but Nika rescued him. “Nain, don’t tease the man. He’s nervous enough about meeting you as it is.”
Enid smiled. “Forgive me. I won’t tease. But where is this Spike you’ve told me so much about?”
“We weren’t sure we could get a parking space in the covered garage,” Nika explained. “He should be home when we get there.”
Enid nodded. “Da. I’m looking forward to meeting this vampire.” She took the arm that Wesley gallantly held out and gave him an approving look. “I’m sure it shall prove an interesting trip.”
~~~~~
Wesley wasn’t quite sure what to make of Enid. He liked her, of course. After only a short time in her company it became obvious why Danika had turned out the way she had, though he couldn’t have said which one reminded him more of the other.
It wasn’t so much who she was, as what she represented. If the truth were to be told, Wesley was never quite sure what to make of authority figures, especially of parents or grandparents. While he thought of his mother with fondness, she had always been something of a phantom on the edges of his world—ineffectual, and not attached to anything real in his life. He only remembered one grandmother, and that was from his distant childhood, before he’d been old enough for his father to take an interest in him.
Fred’s parents were nice; he remembered that much. They were like the parents one saw on those sitcoms, the kind he’d always wished for and never had. Enid, despite her rather unconventional worldview, struck him as the kind of grandmother anyone might want. She started fussing as soon as she walked through the front door of the house, informing Nika that she was planning on cooking dinner, and not taking no for an answer. “I haven’t been able to cook for company in ages,” she said. “And that lad of yours could use some feeding.”
“I’ve tried,” Nika responded good-naturedly. “He just won’t keep on any weight.”
Wesley wondered if he should be insulted, but decided to let it go. It wasn’t as if they meant it as a slight, and Nika was right. She’d been trying to get him to gain a few pounds for months, and he still hadn’t put on any weight. He supposed you could accredit the hazards of demon-fighting; he burned off more calories than he consumed most days.
“Nika’s grandmum get here alright?” Spike asked, coming out of the bathroom. Wesley could smell the fumes of cleaning fluid, and smiled. He didn’t think he’d ever quite get used to seeing Spike so completely domesticated, even up to offering his room and giving it a good cleaning. He saw Spike’s fingers twitch, and he knew the vampire was craving a cigarette. With a smile, Wesley realized the vampire was as nervous as he’d been about meeting the older woman.
“She arrived on time.” Wesley stowed the luggage in the bedroom. “You coming upstairs?”
Spike hesitated, running his hand through already disheveled hair. “‘m never this nervous,” he muttered.
“It’s Nika’s grandmother,” Wesley said, as though that explained everything. “You might as well get it over with, you know. It’s not like you can avoid her for the duration of her stay.”
Spike shrugged his agreement and preceded Wesley up the stairs. From behind, the ex-Watcher took a moment to notice that Spike was dressed in trousers and a button-down shirt, something a little more formal than his usual clothing. He bit back a comment as he remembered his own struggle trying to figure out what to wear.
Wesley could both hear and feel the moment’s stillness as Spike entered the kitchen. He shut the door gently behind him and then watched the byplay between Enid and Spike. The older woman was regarding him with a steady gaze that would have felled a weaker creature than the vampire. “I hear you saved Nika’s life.”
Spike shrugged, shuffling his feet a bit shyly. It was odd, but the vampire seemed so human in that moment. He was—quite suddenly—a diffident young man meeting a close friend’s relative. And not at all sure of his welcome. “Not as such,” he said when it seemed a response was required. “No more’n she’s done for me.”
The vampire seemed to dredge up his manners from somewhere, and he held out his hand for her to shake. Enid looked at him for a moment, and then smiled, pulling the vampire into a hug much as she’d done to Wesley. “You think Danika hasn’t told me the whole story, William?” she asked. “It wasn’t quite the wake-up call I would have wanted for her, but it did the trick.”
After that, the tension completely dissolved. In fact, after an excellent dinner, Spike went out to the living room with Enid. They were sharing a bottle of good scotch with a great deal of camaraderie, and Wesley peeked out there to see how they were getting on. Spike was entertaining the older woman with some cock-and-bull story of rollicking adventure, and had obviously turned the charm on full blast.
Wesley shook his head, half in admiration, half in exasperation. Spike and the ladies. “What are you thinking of?” Nika asked, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Just watching Spike and his way with the ladies,” Wesley replied, feeling her shake against him as she chuckled.
“He’d better watch out. Nain‘s got a bit of a reputation with the men herself. When I was 16, there were at least three gentlemen out to catch her heart,” Nika said.
“And did any of them manage?” Wesley asked.
“No, but I learned a bit about flirtation from her.” He could feel her hesitate, the hitch in her breath, before she asked her question. “Wesley, you’re not upset with me, are you?”
He turned in her embrace to face her. “No, sweetheart. What gave you that idea?”
“I just—” When she paused again, Wesley took her hand and drew her back into the kitchen, well away from the others. “I’ve just assumed that you wanted the same things I did, cariad. I don’t want to be selfish, or force you to do something you don’t want.”
There was a spark of uncertainty in her eyes, something he’d never expected of her. Nika seemed to carry such a strength, such a dignity, that he had forgotten she had fears and weaknesses just as any other woman had. “I told you, darling. I want you to be happy.”
“If you don’t want children—” she began. When Wesley looked as though he were about to interrupt, she continued. “I know it’s too early to even be talking about this, Wesley. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he commanded gently, tracing the line of her jaw with his hand. He had known this woman for two years now, almost three, and he knew there was nothing temporary about their relationship. “You are not the kind of woman a man engages lightly, Danika. I did know what I was getting into.”
“But—”
“I want you to be happy,” he said softly. “And I know how much you desire children. I’m not sure why you think I would make any kind of father, but I’m willing to try for your sake.”
Nika shook her head. “I want you to try for yours, cariad annwyl.” She sighed. “If I’m not the kind of woman a man engages lightly, then what kind of woman am I?”
“The kind he turns his whole world upside down for, and is grateful for the honor.” Wesley’s eyes—tonight a darker blue than usual—told her he spoke the truth. She felt tears sting her eyes. She didn’t want him to change; Nika happened to like Wesley just the way he was. But still…
“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she replied, laying her head down on his chest. “And I think you will make a wonderful father. I just—can we talk about when, sometime? It’s—you know…”
“You waited until you felt as though you’d never have the opportunity,” Wesley said quietly. He understood people better than he let on at times. He knew that her husband’s insistence on waiting to have a child had hurt her somehow, especially after his death, when she thought the chance lost to her. To ask her to wait too long again would be unfair, especially as both of them were no longer quite so young. “A year? Can you give me a year?”
She pulled away to look in his face. “You mean it? You’d want—”
“We could get married in a year,” he suggested recklessly. After all, in for a penny, in for a pound. “Then we could start trying.” Wesley realized he’d just proposed marriage, and it wasn’t nearly as romantic as he would have liked. And it was fast. Too fast? He searched her face for the answer.
The wheels were turning in Nika’s head, and she spoke as though she’d read his mind. “We could get married next Christmas time. We’d have been together for a year, so it wouldn’t be that fast. Though,” she added, “we’ve known each other for quite a while, so it’s not like we’re strangers.”
“No,” Wesley agreed. “Not strangers. Do we tell anyone?”
“Tell anyone what?” Spike asked from the doorway, Enid close behind him. The two of them had identical expressions of intense curiosity, and Wesley despaired of keeping their plans a secret, even if he’d wanted to.
He and Nika exchanged looks. “We were talking about getting married next winter,” Nika finally said matter-of-factly.
“It was a bit spur of the moment,” Wesley admitted.
Enid gave a satisfied little nod. “Yes, well, the truth will come out at those times.” She grabbed Wesley’s arm and pulled him out into the living room. “This calls for more Scotch,” she stated. “And you’re going to tell me all about yourself.”
Spike looked at Nika with a little smirk on his lips. “Weddin’ bells? Already?”
“It’s not like we don’t know what we’re doing,” she said, feeling slightly irritated with that look on his face, and it was rare that she got angry with Spike.
“‘course you know what you’re doin’.” He moved closer and pulled her into a hug. Whatever sexual tension there had been in their relationship had long dissolved under the weight of a relationship almost fraternal in nature. “Happy for you, Nika-luv. I am.”
“Now if you and Buffy could just pull your shit together, everyone would be happy,” she teased, feeling him tense then relax in a resigned chuckle.
“Prob’ly not gonna happen, pet,” he replied. “Buffy an’ I, we’ve got years of history between us, an’ most of it isn’t good. Don’t reckon we’ll ever get it sorted.”
Nika looked up at him. “That wasn’t the girl I saw here a few days ago, Spike. Speaking as a woman, she wasn’t looking at you as an old friend.”
Spike shook his head. “Nothin’ good lies down that road.”
“That’s what I might have said about Wesley and me,” Nika reminded him. “We take scary chances sometimes, Spike. Sometimes the risks are so bad we think the fear might crush us. But what if the pay-off is worth it?”
Longing flashed across Spike’s face, but in the next instant he looked resolute again. “That’s as it might be, but ‘m not leavin’ L.A.,” he insisted. “My family is here.”
“Then I hope for both your sakes that Buffy realizes her family is here too,” Nika said softly. Spike shook his head and dropped a kiss on her forehead before following her out into the living room. He wasn’t sure he could afford that kind of hope. It seemed he’d gone bankrupt a long time ago.
~~~~~
Buffy couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous while waiting for Giles and Willow’s flight to come in. It wasn’t so much seeing them again for the first time since discovering her pregnancy. It had everything to do with the fact that Xander had gotten back into town the previous day, and Buffy had wanted to wait on everyone’s arrival to reveal Spike’s re-entry into her life. If she was going to be forced to defend her actions, she only wanted to do it once.
Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. There was always the possibility that her friends would say, “Buffy, we trust you to make the right choices. You should do what makes you happy.”
Yeah, right.
She might be able to believe it if it weren’t for her friends’ reactions to her pregnancy. The questions, the implications, the silences…it all added up to the idea that they weren’t at all surprised that Buffy had once again screwed up her life by her choice of boyfriends.
Buffy laughed. And if she’d kept Spike around, she wouldn’t have had to worry about getting pregnant in the first place.
With that thought, she put one hand protectively over her abdomen. She might not have wanted to have a child, but she wanted thischild. It was hers. And if one more person suggested she’d be better off without the baby, Buffy wouldn’t be responsible for the consequences.
Catching sight of her Watcher and the witch through the holiday crowds, Buffy stood on tiptoe and waved. Dawn had offered to come with her, and Buffy probably could have used her sister’s height, but this was going to be a private meeting, with just the Scooby core. Joy.
Xander came to stand next to her. He’d gone off to use the facilities, and came back just in time to catch sight of the travelers. “Willow!” he called, rushing over and catching her up in a bear hug. “Willow! You’re back!”
“Looks like,” she agreed with a goofy grin. Buffy thought the red-head looked more stable, more centered than she had before. There was an air of maturity around her, and Buffy wondered what her friend had been through to bring that about. From personal experience, she figured it was probably painful.
“Buffy, you look well,” Giles said, pulling her into a hug of his own. Buffy returned the hug gratefully, trying to quell the feeling of being a prodigal daughter, the one who gets knocked up by a major loser and then dumped.
She managed a smile. “Thanks. I’m good.” She turned to hug Willow as Xander and Giles shook hands.
“We’ll talk later,” Willow whispered in her ear before pulling away. Buffy wondered how much Willow knew, how much she was aware of.
“So, are you guys hungry?” Buffy asked cheerfully. “Because I thought we might go out for lunch, if that’s okay.”
~~~~~
It was just like old times for a while. They talked about what was going on in their lives, about shared memories and old friends, new acquaintances and events. Buffy was well aware that she wasn’t contributing nearly as much as she usually did to the conversation.
“So, Buffy,” Giles began, turning to look at her. “What’s been going on?”
Buffy took a deep breath. She’d promised. She’d promised Spike that things wouldn’t change between them just because the gang was back in town. She’d told Dawn the same thing. They’d had a great sister-talk about all kinds of things: sex, love, and the difference between the two, the nature of vampires and why Spike was different, Connor and his better qualities. What came out of their conversation was a renewed understanding of each other and a strengthened determination not to let their bond fray again.
What had also come out of that time together was the truth of what had happened in Buffy and Spike’s relationship—if you could call it that—and as much of the truth as Buffy herself knew about her present feelings for the vampire. Dawn had also confessed that she’d hated her sister for a long while after Spike had left. “He was my friend,” Dawn said simply. “Him leaving was at least part of the reason I made that wish—you know, the birthday party that wouldn’t end.”
In the end, Dawn had pledged her unequivocal support and reminded Buffy of her own strength. “You’re the Slayer, Buffy. They might not have liked it, but everybody dealt with you and Angel. They dealt with Riley and him being in the Initiative. In my mind, at least, Spike’s got a better grip on morality now than either of them ever did.”
Really, it didn’t matter about Riley or Angel. Or anyone else, when you got right down to it. This was about—and between—her and Spike. Buffy had sworn to herself that this time she was going to ride out their relationship to the bitter end, instead of chasing Spike away out of fear.
Of course, she was hoping the end would be anything but bitter.
“Not much,” she replied, deliberately keeping things light for as long as possible. “Just the usual. Work, fight demons, sleep, more work.”
“And how is that going for you?” Xander asked, trying to make a joke out of the matter. “Now that you’re eating for two.”
Several eyebrows went up around the table at Xander’s rather tasteless comment. “I’m fine. I mean, there’s a little bit of morning sickness, but other than that it’s good. I signed the papers the other day, so Peter is well and truly out of the picture.”
“It’s probably for the best, Buffy,” Willow said. “He was a jerk, and this way you’ll be able to make your own decisions and choices about the baby without having to worry about getting his input. I mean, it could be better, if you want to look at it that way. You know, looking at the brighter side of things.”
Buffy smiled, thankful for Willow’s encouragement, but she was wondering just how supportive Willow was going to be when she revealed who was coming for New Year’s. “Thanks, Will. I think it was the right thing to do.”
Giles put his anger at Buffy’s ex-boyfriend aside, and turned to look at Buffy with concern. “I think I have some good news that might help out your future situation, Buffy.”
“That’s good,” Buffy replied, courage faltering. She knew if she didn’t get this out soon, there would be no big reveal. Or, there would, but it would be a couple weeks away at New Year’s. She had a feeling that it wouldn’t go over well. “There’s actually something else.”
“Something else?” Xander asked, jokingly. “Wait, don’t tell me. Peter was actually a demon, and now you’re having quadruplets”
Buffy smiled tightly, almost wishing that were it. Then, she could blame everything on Peter. “It’s about Spike. I found out he’s in L.A.”
“He got the chip out, didn’t he?” Xander asked, horror written all over his expressive face. “Did Angel let you know? Is he going to come after you now?”
No one knew the truth. Buffy hadn’t seen the need to fill them in on the details after Spike had left town, and as time passed, there wasn’t much point. Spike was gone, and everybody except for Dawn either was happy or relieved or indifferent. Giles knew they’d slept together, since she’d had the “spill all the beans” talk with him when he’d come to help stop Willow from ending the world. Other than that, no one else had a clue.
“Are you guys dating?” Willow asked calmly, as though the thought didn’t bother her a bit.
Buffy’s eyes widened. “Huh? No! I mean, no, we’re not. Though he did come down to help me with Peter, and I had dinner with him. He’s happy in L.A.” Hoping it would placate Giles, she added, “Spike is working with Wesley now. They’re, like, demon-fighting partners or something like that.”
“Spike and Wesley?” Giles asked, sounding incredulous. “I thought Wesley was working with Angel.”
Buffy was surprised that communications had broken down so completely between L.A. and London. “He was working with Angel,” Buffy said. “They had a falling out, and now he’s working with Spike. Spike and Wesley are actually getting paid to do the same kinds of things I do for free.”
“But Spike doesn’t have the chip out?” Xander asked. “He’s got a soul now, or something, right?”
“Why would he have a soul, Xander?” Buffy replied, puzzled.
Xander looked at her as though she’d just said something really stupid. “Because he’s fighting demons.”
“Spike is fighting demons because he likes to,” Buffy replied. “Working with Wesley is the excuse he uses. And the chip is gone.”
There was a long silence. “Forgive me, Buffy,” Giles said stiffly, not sounding sorry at all, “but how do you know that Spike isn’t hunting again? You haven’t seen him for quite some time. He might be lulling you into a false sense of complacency—”
“Before he kills me?” Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow. Up to this point, no one had raised any objections that she hadn’t expected. “First of all, Spike got the chip out three years ago, right after he left, and he’s been corresponding with Dawn the entire time. Second, Spike wasn’t looking for me, I asked Dawn how to find him. Third, he’s living in the basement of a house with a human as his landlord.”
They seemed to be fairly cogent points, as Giles sat back in his chair looking thoughtful. Willow’s expression didn’t change, and Buffy was terribly curious as to what her friend was thinking. Xander, as always, didn’t keep her in the dark. “You aren’t going to tell us he’s moving back to Sunnydale, are you?” he demanded. “He’s not going to take up where he left off with that sick obsession, is he?”
“Spike isn’t moving back to Sunnydale,” Buffy replied, hanging on to the shreds of her patience. “Like I said, he’s happy in L.A. I did invite him up for New Year’s, though.”
Xander looked as though he might have protested, but instead let out a yelp which was probably someone’s foot connecting with his shin under the table. “Well, I think it will be good to see Spike again,” Willow said, sounding determinedly cheerful. “Kind of like old times.”
Xander muttered something unintelligible, and Giles added his own thoughts. “I wouldn’t mind having a talk with Spike,” Giles said. “If what you’ve said is true, it would be quite a remarkable transformation—that Spike could go back to feeding on humans but would choose not to.”
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. If Giles was into his research mode, then he wasn’t going to give her too hard of a time about Spike. At least, not right now while Spike posed no threat to her, and she wasn’t showing a romantic interest. Xander was going to prove difficult, but that wasn’t anything new. He’d always resented her boyfriends, human or vampire, even if he’d come to accept and like Riley after a while.
“Then you guys aren’t going to make a big fuss when he’s here?” Buffy asked. “Because he promised Dawn he’d give Connor a ride up.”
“No fuss, Buffy,” Willow promised. “Like I said, it’ll be just like old times.”
~~~~~
Giles had opted to stay in a hotel for the duration of his visit, and Xander went back to his apartment for the night. So Willow, Dawn and Buffy pulled out the ice cream, put on their pajamas, and settled down to catch up on the gossip.
“So, Buffy,” Willow started out. “What’s going on between you and Spike?”
“Why would anything be going on?” Buffy asked defensively. “There’s nothing going on.”
Willow and Dawn exchanged glances. “You asked him to come with you to sign those papers,” the witch pointed out. “That has to mean something.”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Buffy said, then sighed. “Okay, so it means something. But, honestly, I don’t know what it means. I have no clue where we’re going with things, except that Spike’s told me about three times now that he isn’t coming back to Sunnydale. I’m not sure where that leaves us, other than just friends.”
“Do you still have a thing for him?” Willow asked knowingly, smiling when Buffy stared at her in disbelief.
“How—”
Willow shook her head. “Buffy, after Spike left, you threw yourself into that relationship with Richard, then there was Steve, and after that it was Peter. It was like you were trying to prove something. I know I wasn’t Miss Supportive-Friend, but I noticed that at least.”
Slowly, Buffy explained exactly what had happened to lead up to Spike’s departure. She hadn’t even told Giles about that night in the alley, though Dawn knew because she’d seen Spike afterward. Buffy had told her Watcher that they’d had a fight and Spike left; she hadn’t said anything about beating him to a bloody pulp. “That’s the thing, Willow,” Buffy said slowly. “Spike has been great, sweet even, but he hasn’t said anything about forgiving me, even though I’ve apologized.”
Dawn hesitated, and then said slowly, “I really think he still has feelings for you, Buffy.”
“What good does that do either one of us?” Buffy demanded, sounding dangerously close to tears. “So what if we have feelings for each other? We live two different places, I’m about to be a mother, and Spike has a successful business with Wesley of all people.”
A flicker of sadness crossed Willow’s face, and she said quietly, “Love isn’t something to just let go of, Buffy. Even if it seems impossible, you have to fight for it.” Willow reached over and grabbed her hand. “Forget about Xander, and forget about everyone else. If Spike is the guy that’s going to make you happy, then you need to do whatever it takes.”
“When did you get so smart?” Buffy asked, taking another bite of Chunky Monkey.
Willow shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot from the coven this past couple months. There were some rituals—tests, really—that I had to go through to confirm my place. The point is to make you more yourself, sort of affirm your power with your personality.”
“Wow,” Dawn murmured. “That sounds—painful.”
“It was,” Willow agreed. “In fact, you could say that it sucked, but it was important that I do it. The coven thinks I’m ready to start my own group here, to watch over the Hellmouth. So I’m going to be Sunnydale High computer sciences teacher by day, and witch by night. In any case, I got a little different view on things. Spike’s choices and his actions mean more than what he is, Buffy. I get that now.”
“Thanks, Will.” She reached over and gave her friend a hug. “And I’m glad you’re going to be around more. It’ll be nice to have you close again. Was that part of what Giles wanted to talk to me about? You helping to watch over the Hellmouth?” They hadn’t gotten the chance to sit down and talk details. Her Watcher had been jet-lagged, and Buffy was willing to wait.
“Part of it,” Willow affirmed. “I’ll let him tell you the rest.” She turned to Dawn. “So, Dawnie, tell me about Connor. Is he really Angel’s son?”
Part IV: Realizations
“Changes come/Turn my world around/I have my father’s hand/I have my mother’s tongue/I look for redemption in everyone/I wanna wear your ring/I have a song to sing/It ain’t over babe/In fact it’s just begun/Changes come/Turn my world around/Changes come/Bring the whole thing down/I wanna have our baby/Somedays I think that maybe/ This ol’ world’s too f—ed up for any first born son/There is all this untouched beauty/The light, the dark both running through me/Is there still redemption for anyone?…” ~Over the Rhine, “Changes Come”