Chapter 2
Buffy strolled through the cemetery, having completed her sweep for the night. She wasn’t sure she should do this, but it was time to face the past and move into the future. She stopped at her destination – Spike’s old crypt. She paused at the door, but somehow, going back inside seemed wrong. Instead, she clambered up on the roof and stared at the moon as she weighed the balance of scales.
Last year had been both hard and confusing. In retrospect, there had been so many mistakes she had made, but all things considered, turning to Spike had not been one of them. Their execution had been horrible, but Buffy knew, had it not been for Spike as her anchor, death would have found her before the start of 2002. Sweet’s spell, a random vamp, someone would have had their one good day if she hadn’t had Spike to turn to, to talk to and later to make her feel.
But despite his utter devotion to her, despite his adoration and support, she’d known, deep down, that their relationship was unacceptable. Her stint with Angel and their star-crossed affair had shown that unlike a corn-fed Iowa boy, a vampire for a lover would always be met with suspicion, even when he had a soul.
Ultimately, her mental musings had always come full circle last year. She was choosing between the love of an imperfect creature and the acceptance of her friends and her calling. No good Slayer would be involved with not one, but two vamps, right? Of course not. But, underlying these reflections on the past was the knowledge that there was a new factor for her to weigh that wasn’t in play the year before. Spike had earned a soul for her. The rules from before, even with regards to Angel, were now new and different. The immensity of that act still boggled her mind and humbled her, that he would do such a thing to be worthy of her.
She had been so confused after the horrible incident in the bathroom. No one deserved what she went through, but always, in the back of her mind, she’d had a nagging fear that somehow the atrocity he had forced on her was a karmic return of what she had done to him. And now, knowing how far he gone to remedy that wrong, she could only wonder if the fatal flaw in any future relationship lay with her and not him.
Her mind drifted back to the past February….