Chapter 13
She led the way until they reached the one place he didn’t want to be with her. The bittersweet memories that had replayed over and over in his mind rushed back as she sat on the bench where he had placed the crown on her head so many months ago.
He started to back away, but stopped at her words.
“Spike, I need you to come home with me.”
He turned and watched her face, knowing he needed to reassure her of his tenuous grip on sanity and then get away before he did something foolish.
“Love, no. Buffy, I’ll be fine, you needn’t worry about me. I can keep it together down there enough that I can still be useful when you need me.”
“What if I need you all of the time?”
Buffy looked at him, hazel eyes wide. Spike was taken aback.
“Buffy, you don’t need me all the time, just when you’re fighting demons and whatnot.”
“Oh no, Spike, I do need you more than that.”
She rose from the seat and stopped directly in front of him, close but not quite in his personal space.
“I need to tell you something. Spike, I need your forgiveness. Will your soul allow you to forgive me? I know I hurt you last year. It wasn’t what I meant to do, it wasn’t a big scheme, but that weekend we spent together wasn’t just about a tumble and a few moments pleasure. It was real and you were right, I did feel something. I think I first realized I was falling in love with you that weekend. But I freaked when I saw Riley’s perfect life and our unconventional relationship and I screwed up.”
He stared down at her, wondering if this was some sort of hallucination, because he thought she’d just said she was falling in love with him. But she kept going.
“Spike, I’m working on forgiving you for what happened between us. I know that you regret it now, and I know you won’t do it again. It hurts, because despite what I said that night, I honestly did trust you, at least, I trusted you would never hurt me. But every day I see you, every time we talk, I regain my trust a little more. You were a good man, by all accounts, you were always honest, even with the demon unfettered, and I know you’re top of my list of souled vamps. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to try to make things right, if you’re still willing.”
Spike could only stare down at her for a long minute. He was sure now she was some hallucination that would disappear like a mirage before his eyes. He blinked, but she remained before him. Her face was open, but he could tell that the longer he hesitated, the more frightened she looked. Suddenly, he felt his soul sing for the first time and his face lit up as he fully realized what she was offering – a true chance to love her and to be loved in return. And suddenly, the madness, the struggle seemed to recede as his soul gained control and quieted the torment.
“Buffy, I forgive you. It’s in the past and I’m happy for you to put it behind you. I know you were confused last year and I should never have tried to drag you into the darkness, or force you to love me when you weren’t ready.”
Slowly, he drew her hands into his. She felt slightly dizzy at the joy on his face as he looked down at her, overwhelmed that he was so willing to offer his forgiveness and grant her the chance at love.
“I love you with all my heart, pet. I know we can’t be what we were before, but maybe we can be something better. We just need to take things slowly this time.”
He kissed her hand, then turned her palms over, planting a kiss in each, then curling her hands into fists. He paused and smiled the William smile at her.
“Right then, take me home.”