Chapter 5: New Life
Night was growing old on Sunnydale when the vampire knocked at the Summers’ door. Joyce opened, holding Lisa in her arms, and Spike’s face just split in a huge grin when he saw his daughter.
Hell, she’s grown so much ! And her hair is all curly now !
“‘Evening, Joyce. “
“Spike. What a surprise. “
Captivated as he was by the sight of Lisa, he still noticed that Joyce took a step back when she first saw him. He raised his arm tentatively, and his hand was stopped by the invisible barrier.
“I see I’m not quite welcome here, am I ?” he said with a smirk.
Her face flushed a little.
“Buffy made me promise not to invite you in. She said you could be dangerous.”
“Yeah, I guess she would think that. “
The smile dropped from his face. He had not expected to be received with open arms, but it still hurt.
“Is she in ? “
“No, she’s out patrolling. “
He shook his head. “Couldn’t they find someone else to do that ? She’s a mom now. Patrols are too dangerous ! “
“That’s what we’ve all been telling her ! Especially now ! But you know how stubborn she can be ! “
“Yeah, I know. “
They shared a knowing smile. His eyes were drawn back to the baby, who was now looking at him, her arms stretched toward him.
“She’s even more beautiful than I remembered. “
Joyce was observing him, trying to see this dangerous thing her daughter said he was now. She could only see a man, a father aching to hold his daughter after long months of separation. Hoping she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life, she walked past the threshold, and handed Lisa to him. His face went from surprise to gratitude.
“Thank you,” he murmured.
They sat together on the front steps, and she watched him, watching his daughter.
“Shouldn’t she be in bed by now ?” he worried.
“She should be if she wasn’t a night owl. It takes forever to make her fall asleep at night. And if we let her, she sleeps all day long.”
Spike’s chuckle startled Joyce.
“Just like her father,” he said simply.
Holding Lisa against his chest, he closed his eyes and sang for her under his non-existent breath. After a couple of minutes, she was purring, asleep.
“I’ve never heard her doing that,” Joyce said, mesmerized by the way the child seemed to have recognized the vampire.
“At least I know someone missed me,” he said a bit bitterly.
Joyce shook her head. Buffy had asked her many times not to try and find out what had happened. She just did not want to talk about it. But she knew her daughter, Buffy was hurting. Too often, she heard her cry herself to sleep at night.
“Do you love her ? “
Immediately, he understood she wasn’t talking about the infant. He briefly hesitated, wondering what exactly the woman knew. He opted for honest truth. Joyce had always been kind to him. Except the time she had hit him with an axe, but then she had cause.
“I could say I love her more than my life,” he said softly, “but it wouldn’t mean much coming from a vampire, would it ?”
“You need to tell her. “
He cocked his head. “‘Don’t know. She ran away from me. “
He looked in the woman’s eyes, and whatever he saw in them decided him to tell more.
“She lived with me, laughed with me, slept with me, but she never said she loved me. And then she left. She took my daughter and she left ! “
He realized that anger was piercing in his voice, and he saw he was frightening her. He gently put his hand on her arm.
“Joyce, you have to know I would never harm her or anyone she cares about.”
She looked at him gravely, and said: “I know. I’m sure you wouldn’t.”
It was her turn to wonder how much she should tell him.
“If you don’t plan to tell her. Why did you come back ?” she asked carefully.
“I just needed to see her. See them. Fill the void in the middle of my chest.”
God, I have to do something. They are both hurting for nothing ! Stubborn, both of them. But if I tell him she was waiting for him he won’t trust me. He has to see it by himself. And she has to see how much he cares. These children are going to kill me.
Not once did she realize that the peroxided child in front of her could have been her great great great grand father.
“Would you like something to drink ?” she said suddenly. “We have blood in the fridge, I can warm some for you.”
Bait.
“No thanks. I guess I just should be going now.”
He gave her the sleeping child after brushing his lips on her forehead, and started walking away. He stopped suddenly and turned back to her, a deep frown on his face.
Caught.
“Does Lisa drink blood again, Joyce ? She had stopped before. Buffy left.”
“No, it’s not for her. We’ve had a guest in the house for a couple of weeks. “
Let him do the math. He’s clever, it won’t take long.
She read on his face the exact second when he understood who was the guest she was talking about.
“Bloody hell, I’m going to dust him !”
Before she could say a word, he was gone.
Don’t kill him, she thought, he’s not worth the trouble she would give you for it. But hopefully you will hurt him enough to show her how much you care, and he will hurt you enough to let her see how much she cares, if she doesn’t know it yet.
Cursing Sunnyhell and its seemingly hundreds of cemeteries, Spike approached its fifth one. Immediately, he saw familiar forms, their backs to him. A tall, broad shouldered man, and a petite, seemingly so fragile woman. They were walking in silence, only a few inches from each other. Listening only to his rage, he rushed toward them.
Angel’s acute hearing made him turn first, but he already knew who was running to them. He could feel his Childe. What he didn’t expect was the hatred in his eyes, and the punch to his stomach.
“They are mine !” Spike shouted.
They had fought before, and always Angel had dominated. But something was different, and Angel began thinking he might not survive that fight. For a few minutes, they exchanged blows, feinted, counter-attacked.
Neither of them was hearing Buffy, who was pleading for them to stop. However, when she stepped between them, a stake in each hand, they both froze.
“It ends now or I swear I will dust both of you!” she yelled.
Turning to Spike, she winced at the bloody mess that was his face. And could not find a word to say.
He watched her intently, noticing all at once that she had cut her hair, finally gained some weight, wore his duster, still smelled of vanilla.
“Hello, luv. I see you’re well. And back to the big poof. Didn’t take long.”
Shock and incomprehension mixed on her face.
“Spike ? what in hell are you talking about ?”
Angel was right beside her now, and he too seemed puzzled.
“He lives with you, doesn’t he ? Are you already teaching the nibblet to call him dad ?”
Anger filled him, and when he looked at Angel his fists closed in painful knots.
“I told you they were mine. You can’t have them. Neither of them ! I let you take Dru but I won’t make the same mistake twice. I will kill you or die trying !”
Buffy had found her voice back. This was ridiculous. She often dreamed Spike would come back. Sometimes, the dreams turned to nightmares. But this was plain ridiculous.
“He’s living in the basement because the mansion was destroyed two weeks ago, you bloody idiot !”
“Sure, but why didn’t he go back to LA ? Why did he stay here ? To steal you from me that’s why !”
“And why weren’t you here, if I’m yours ?”
They were both shouting, oblivious to Angel who was trying to calm them down.
“You ARE mine. And you are the one who bloody left, if I may remind you !”
“You didn’t come after me !”
“Was I supposed to ? How the hell was I supposed to know what you wanted?”
“Didn’t you know I loved you, damn you ?”
“How would I have known you never said it !”
“I was ready to, and then you said you were having the chip taken out !”
“It is out now, and I’m still me, and if you loved me before you should still love me now. ‘Cause I sure still bloody love you !”
She stared at him, and he wondered whether she had been silenced by the revelation that he was chip-free or that he still loved her.
“There is no way I’m letting you and lil’ bit with Peaches. So stake me now, Slayer, or.”
“Spike, close your fucking mouth and LISTEN !”
Flinching by pure reflex, Spike did as he was told. This was a voice he had learned to recognize a long time ago, a voice Angelus used when he was really pissed off, ready to kill someone on the spot. A voice a Childe, even the favorite Childe, knew better than to challenge.
So Spike listened, but Angel did not talk. Neither did Buffy. All he could hear was two heartbeats and the wind blowing in the trees.
Two heartbeats ?
His eyes widened as he looked at Buffy carefully. She was holding the duster closed around her, but now he could see, or rather guess, what was hiding under the leather. He pivoted toward Angel, and shot his fist through his Sire’s face. Caught by surprise, the older Vampire fell to the ground.
“That’s for letting her patrol !” Spike growled.
A bit stunned, Angel only nodded, as if accepting the reproach. Spike turned back to Buffy.
“How could you ?” he asked, his voice not as hard as he wished it to be. “How could you leave me? How could you keep patrolling ?”
He saw she was biting her lips, saw the tears forming in her eyes. Cursing himself, he stepped closer and held her tight, repressing a sigh of relief when she hugged him back. For a few minutes, they clung to each other in silence.
“You scared me,” she whispered finally. “You said you wanted the chip out, and all I could think was I would have to kill you. I would have to kill the man I loved. Again. And I knew this time I couldn’t do it, not if my own life depended on it. Not if the world depended on it.”
“Oh Buffy, I am not him. I don’t have a soul to lose.”
He heard Angel moving, heard his steps going away.
“The chip was not a soul,” he continued. “It just stopped me from hurting people. And I can do that by myself if I want.”
She pulled away from him very slightly, enough to be able to see his face.
“Do you want to ?”
He gave her his best smirk. “I’ve been chip free for 3 months, luv. ‘Haven’t killed a human yet. Don’t plan to. Don’t want to.”
She buried her face against his chest, breathing his scent, happy that he was there and still the same man she had fallen in love with.
“I didn’t know when I left that I was pregnant.”
Her whisper released a knot in his neck he hadn’t been aware of. He let go his embrace and pulled her to a bench nearby.
“I’m sorry for shouting at you. Seeing you with the poof just made me crazy.”
In his mind, he thanked Joyce, realizing she had pushed him very cleverly.
“And I’m sorry I left like I did. My only excuse is that you really, really scared me. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He laughed lightly. “Yeah, not thinking straight, but you still took my duster. Can I have it back now ?”
She hugged the leather to herself.
“On my dead body.”
He bit his bottom lip at that, not wanting to remind her he had gotten the thing off a dead Slayer. She had not liked that story much when he had told her.
His arm was wrapped against her shoulder, and her cheek was resting on his. They kept quiet for a few moments, savoring each other’s presence.
“Oh by the way, luv, did you, hmm, find anything ? In the pocket of the duster ?”
She turned her face to his, her traits clear under the light of the almost full moon. She looked hesitant. She pulled a chain from under her clothing, and removed it from her neck. She pressed in his hand the ring that had been dangling on the chain.
She had first found it at the airport, on her way to the flight that would take her back to the US. She had been emptying her pockets to go through the metal detector, and had found a small velvet-covered jewelry box. She hadn’t been able to open it until she arrived in Sunnydale. When seeing the elegant ring, with both their names engraved on the inside, she had cried even harder. She hadn’t worn it, not knowing if he still wanted her to have it. But she had been carrying the thing around her neck, a constant reminder that he had loved her that much. Maybe, still did, if she hadn’t broken his heart by running away, and if the removal of the chip had not returned him to his Big Bad self.
“You know,” he said very low, playing with the ring, “I am still a vampire. Not killing humans doesn’t change who I am.”
“I know. But it’s what you are, not who you are.”
He seemed to consider her words for an instant.
“Do you think you could spend your life with a vampire ?”
“Yes. If this vampire was you.”
Another silence.
“I’m not asking you to marry me now. I’m not quite ready for that yet.”
“Good, I’m not either. “
Long pause.
“Are you mine ? “
“We are yours. All three of us. “
He moved off the bench and put one knee to the ground, watching the beaming smile on her face. Taking her left hand, he slid the ring on her delicate finger, the diamond catching a ray of moonlight.