Chapter Fourteen
“Why are we here, Mommy?” Matt asked, watching his mother as she knocked on the door. He wanted to go home and see Daddy, not stop and talk to Willow.
“Because, honey, I need somebody to drive my car back to the house. And Mark’s not home,” she answered for what seemed like the millionth time. She stifled a yawn behind her fist, then knocked on the door again. “Come on, Will. If I’ve gotta be up, you gotta be up.” Or maybe that’s the problem, she thought with a giggle. She had seen Mark’s car parked outside her room, and had jumped to the obvious conclusions. She didn’t feel bad about interrupting them, either. Anne and Spike had managed to scramble into some clothes when they heard the small voice on the other side of the door that morning. Matt had been ecstatic when she had pulled it open, and he saw his father sitting on the edge of the bed, looking decidedly yummy to Anne, with his sleep tousled, white locks, and just his jeans on. He had launched at his father, erupting into a fit of giggles when he, then Anne, started to tickle him. He had then started to pout when he asked if his daddy could take him to school. They’d had to remind him that Daddy couldn’t go out in the sun, but, since Mommy’s car was still at the bar, he could ride to school in Daddy’s big, black car. Matt had decided that that was cool, since Daddy’s car had the nifty blacked out windows. Anne, however, didn’t find it so nifty when she had to drive the tank to the school, her only means of seeing a small patch of glass the size of her forearm.
Once she had returned home, the day was spent with more love making. Anne was surprised that she could still walk at this point, and it was an uncomfortable chore. Then, she had picked Matt up and went to Willow’s hotel hoping to get her to drive her car home. Now that she saw Mark was there, she was going to con him into driving the DeSoto home. *If they ever answer* she thought testily, pounding on the door this time. Finally, she heard some muffled cursing, and a grin split her face. *Oh, yeah. Something was definitely up, alright*
When the door swung open, she was presented with the very surly face of her manly best friend. His long locks were in disarray, and he only had on his jeans. A quick peek around him showed that the room was empty, so she assumed that Willow was in the bathroom.
“What?” he practically growled. Anne just grinned at him.
“Hi, Unca Mark. What’re you doin here? And where’s your shirt?” Matt asked, confusion marring his brow. Anne snorted, turning it into a cough when Mark glared at her. Her eyes were dancing while she looked at him, wondering how he would answer the innocent question.
“I spilled something on it,” he answered, smiling down at the boy. Luckily he seemed to accept it. “What are you guys doing here? Come to see Spike and decided to stop by?”
“Nah, Daddy’s at home. He was there when I woke up.” Mark’s eyebrows shot up, and he gave Anne his own grin, snickering at the red staining her cheeks.
“Did he spill something on his shirt too?” Mark asked, biting his lip to keep his laugh back.
“Yeah, something like that. Want to help do car duty?” She asked, hoping to shift the conversation. Just then, Willow emerged, dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Her face was flaming, and she had that glow. Anne couldn’t have been happier for her friend. “Hi, Will.”
“Hi. What’s up?” she asked, pushing her red hair out of her face.
“Came to see who wants to help me get my car back to my house.” She looked between them expectantly. Mark sighed, and went to pull on his shirt.
“Why don’t we all go. That way, nobody’s stuck. Can you drive a stick?” He looked at Willow, ignoring the snorting Anne was doing.
“Now, that’s a loaded question,” she mumbled, delighting in the flustered face of Willow, and the glaring face of Mark. Matt stared between the three adults, wondering what his mommy was laughing at, and why Mark was putting his shirt back on if it was dirty. “We’ll just wait over here,” she said with a snicker, pulling Matt with her back to Spike’s car. Just as their door slammed, the one next to it opened, and Anne froze. There, looking for all the world like he had been on a three day bender, was Xander. They just stared at each other for a long moment, each noting the differences that were evident in the other. Xander was more muscular then she remembered, and his hair was cut shorter than he used to keep it. He was dressed in his usual blue jeans and weird shirt combo, with heavy work boots on his feet. He looked pale, save for the swollen nose, and the two sick looking black eyes. Anne felt her anger grow as she looked at him, the reason he had those bruises coming back to her.
Mark and Willow exited the room, just as the tension got to be unbearable. They had been smiling like teenagers, but almost as soon as they saw the stricken look on Anne’s face, they sobered.
“Oh, goddess,” Willow murmured, as she looked between her two friends. Matt ran over to Mark, not liking the feeling he was getting from his mommy and the stranger with the hurt face. Mark immediately handed Matt to Willow, who in turn, took the boy back into her room, whispering to him quietly.
“Xander.” Anne finally found her voice, the word coming out sharp and angry. He flinched a bit, but took a step forward. Mark just watched them both, waiting.
“Buffy.” He ducked his head a bit, his dark eyes imploring her to say something. She stood rod straight, one hand braced on the hood of the DeSoto, the other fisted at her side.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say to you,” she said, tilting her head to the side, her dark hair falling over her shoulder. Her hazel eyes were snapping with hurt, and anger, her jaw set tight.
“Nothing. I don’t expect you to say anything,” he said, hazarding another step. He felt like he was in the tiger’s cage at the zoo, and he had to approach carefully or risk getting mauled. She just watched him, her stance prepared for anything.
“Then why did you come?” Xander sighed, thankful that she was going to listen to him, before she reminded him that she was the Slayer, and finished the job Spike started.
“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. So sorry for what happened,” he started.
“Sorry for what?” she bit out, cutting him off. “For telling me my child was a freak, or for attacking Spike while his back was turned?” Anger flared across his face before he could reign it back. She merely arched a brow, waiting for his excuses.
“I never told you your child was a freak,” he defended, deciding to stay away from the Spike issue for a moment.
“Didn’t you?” Her voice was mocking, and she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. “Maybe not in so many words. But, I definitely think the phrase ‘it doesn’t have to ruin your life’ could be construed that way. And that still doesn’t explain what happened with Spike,” she reminded him, not letting him off the hook.
“Look, I’m sorry for what I said about that. I just hadn’t expected you to actually WANT a child of a vampire. Especially if that vampire wasn’t Angel.” Anne shook her head, a bitter laugh escaping her.
“You never really knew me, did you?” she asked quietly, glancing over at Mark, her constant champion, and then back to Xander, her constant judge. “He gave me a life. A life I was never supposed to have. I was supposed to keep saving the world until it killed me. Most likely before I turned eighteen. And it almost did. He was there when the one I thought I could trust wasn’t.” She looked pointedly at him, glad that he hung his head in shame. “He helped me when you didn’t. And when I found out that I was pregnant, after the initial WTF wore off, I was thrilled. It didn’t matter to me what Spike was, or wasn’t. He was the father of my child, and that’s all that mattered. The world isn’t as black and white as you like to make it.”
“Oh, and you’re trying to tell me that Spike is all good now? He’s SOULLESS Buffy. He can’t be the only soulless demon walking around that doesn’t like to do evil,” Xander shot back.
“How do you know? Have you walked up and personally asked any?” He didn’t answer her, and she heaved a weary sigh. “I don’t know what makes him different than all the others, Xander. Nor do I care. I just know that he is.”
“How?” he shot back.
“Because he loves me,” she replied defiantly. When Xander laughed, she nearly launched at him.
“He can’t love, Buffy. He’s a demon. It’s only a matter of time before he remembers that you’re the Slayer and tries to kill you again. And your son.” Rage twisted her face at his words, and it almost blinded her with it’s white hot intensity.
“He’s been looking for me for FOUR AND A HALF YEARS Xander. Because he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He wants me, and his child. NOT for a snack. He’s had plenty of opportunity to kill me, and Matt, and he hasn’t. Don’t sit there and tell me things that you THINK you know.” Mark watched the exchange with a growing dislike for the man, wanting to pummel him himself.
“He’s just lulling you into a false sense of security.”
“Man, do you EVER change your tune?” Mark’s voice was dripping with disgust. Xander just glared at him, then turned his attention back to Anne,
“He’s a VAMPIRE, Buff. No sunlight, no parent-teacher meetings. No taking the kid to the park for a game of catch. What kind of father can he be after dark?” he asked her, deciding to change tactics. He could tell he had hit on something that she had worried about herself, when she shifted away from him slightly. “How do you plan to explain that to your son?”
“He already knows,” she shot back. She nearly laughed at the way Xander’s eyes bugged. Although, the busted vessels in the whites made it look grisly.
“You told him?”
“No, he guessed. We just confirmed. Want me to lie to him?” She took a step forward, keeping her arms crossed so as not to be tempted to add to the destruction of his face.
“No, but isn’t it scary for him? God, he must be terrified.” Xander’s heart contracted for the tiny child.
“You just saw him, did he look terrified? He thinks it’s cool.” She and Mark shared a smile over that one. Willow chose that moment to come out, motioning for Mark to go inside with Matt. These were her friends, and she knew their history. She felt that she should be the one moderating, and Matt was more comfortable with Mark. The tall Indian glared at Xander one last time, before slipping into the room. Willow turned to her friends, anger and guilt crossing her features. Xander now found himself faced with the two women that he loved more than anything, who were looking at him with such contempt it hurt.
“Xander, enough. You can’t make her decisions for her anymore than you an make mine. If you want even a slim chance at staying in her life, you’re just going to have to get over it. Spike is in their lives, to stay. Deal with it, or go back to Sunnydale,” Willow said, walking closer to them.
“What about you? Just going to stay here and play house with the Indian? What about school? And the Hellmouth? Or are you just going to conveniently forget evil, too?” She flinched back like he had struck her, and her eyes widened.
“Don’t start that. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But you can’t expect it to be the three of us, only, forever. You fucked it up with Cordelia because you couldn’t let go. You haven’t been in a decent relationship since. All because of your fixation on Buffy. If her Watcher can get over the fact that she had a baby by a vampire, why can’t you?” She asked, huffing at the end. Anne watched the two, waiting for Xander’s reply.
“Because, Giles has gotten wrapped up in Joyce’s emotions, and all they want is Buffy back. They can’t seem to realize that what happened was just WRONG.”
“No, what’s wrong is you. You said you were my friend. You said you loved me, but apparently it comes with a price, doesn’t it? I had to stay the perfect Slayer. Fight evil, kill vampires, protect the world from evil. Certainly never fall in love with not just one, but two of the beings I’m supposed to slay. Well, tough. It happened, and I’m not going to let you, or anyone, tell me how to live my life. Or what I’m supposed to be fighting for. My son, and my family is all I care about. And if you don’t chill out, and get over this. . .prejudice, you have no place in my life,” Anne told him, closing the circle so they were all within arm’s reach of each other.
“I don’t know if I can do that,” he admitted quietly. Willow’s heart went out to him then, but she didn’t reach for him. He had to deal with this, and realize that he had been wrong.
“Then, I guess this is it. Don’t try to be something you can’t be, Xander. But don’t try to apply your way of thinking to everything I do. It’s my life, and I have been living pretty well for the last five years. I have everything I need, right here. And that includes Spike.” Anne looked at him for a long minute, then turned to go get her son. Xander stood with his head hung low, tears sliding silently down his cheeks. He jerked when Willow touched his arm, his eyes wary.
“You going to let me have it now?” he asked, miserably.
“No. I love you, Xan. But, it’s time to let go.” She squeezed his arm, then turned away to join the others in her room. Xander stood there, watching her back disappear, hurt that it seemed they didn’t need him anymore. Then again, when had anybody really needed him? Fighting back the wave of pain that threatened to cripple him, he went back to his room. He still had another bottle to finish.
~*~*~
“Daddy!” Matt ran through the door, and straight into the arms of his father. Giggling as he was spun around, he whispered into Spike’s ear when he came to a stop. “Mommy’s sad.” Spike raised his scarred brow, and turned towards the adults that were filing inside. Anne was carrying his duffle bag from the hotel, her eyes tired and just a little gloomy. Willow followed her, her face an exact replica of Anne’s. Mark took up the rear, anger clearly etched on his dark features.
“Well, did you have a party without me? Looks like I missed out on all the fun,” he quipped, setting Matt on his feet to draw Anne into his arms.
“I saw Xander” was all she said, her arms banding tight around him. She felt him go rigid, and she ran her hands down his back, trying to ease his tension.
“I didn’t like him, Daddy. He looked mean,” Matt interjected. Spike grinned down at the boy, giving him a wink.
“Smart boy we have there,” Mark grunted in agreement, dropping tiredly onto the couch. Willow curled up next to him, her head on his chest. Spike watched them, biting back his smirk. From the looks on their faces, and the smell that drifted towards him, they must have had as productive a morning as he and Anne. But, there was a child in the room, so he kept his mouth shut.
“Matt, go play for a bit, okay?” Anne said, ruffling his dark curls. He nodded and scampered off, still not liking the feelings he was getting from the adults. Spike drew Anne towards the recliner, settling his long frame into it, then pulling her into his lap. She sighed contentedly as his coolness and scent surrounded her, making her feel complete. Xander just had no idea what real love was, she decided, drinking in the feeling as it permeated the air around them.
“Was it bad?” Spike murmured into her hair. She shrugged a bit, her eyes locking with Willow’s.
“It could have been worse, I suppose. He’s still so angry,” she said, sadly.
“That’s his problem, not yours,” Mark supplied, draping his arm around Willow. She snuggled closer to him, her mind revolving around the doubt Xander had planted. What kind of a future did they have? She wondered. He lived in Arizona, and seemed very content to be here. Her life was in California. How would they make it work? She snaked an arm around his waist, holding him tight. She was halfway close to admitting that she was in love with him, how could she go back to her life without him? Too many questions with no answers.
“Tonto’s right. Can’t let the way other people think affect your judgement. It’s your life, you have to what’s right for you,” Spike said, holding her closer.
“I know. I didn’t let him influence me before, I’m not going to now. I just feel so sorry for him,” she answered with a sigh. Nobody said anything to that, because really, there was nothing to say. They stayed like that, wrapped around each other, until Matt returned wanting to watch tv. Then, they spent the remainder of the day each lost in their own thoughts, while Matt happily chattered away.