Chapter 20
“My life was tinted purple by so much love,/and I veered helter-skelter like a blinded bird/till I reached your window, my friend:/you heard the murmur of a broken heart./There from the shadows I rose to your breast:/without being or knowing, I flew up the towers of wheat,/I surged to life in your hands,/I rose from the sea to your joy./No one can reckon what I owe you, Love,/what I owe you is lucid, it is like a root/from Arauco, what I owe you, Love./Clearly, it is like a star, all that I owe you,/what I owe you is like a well in a wilderness/where time watches over the wandering lightning.” ~Pablo Neruda, “Sonnet LXIV”
“So, did Joyce ask you over for Christmas Eve?” Spike asked.
Wesley raised an eyebrow. “Why do you ask?”
“Because if she didn’t ask you, I would. It’s not right to spend the holidays on your own.”
They had just left the bank and were standing outside under the bright California sun. Wesley wondered if Spike still thought about the daylight, if he still regarded it as a threat. But if there was any fear at all in the vampire, it didn’t show. Spike’s confidence appeared to be completely restored.
Wesley, perhaps better than anyone, knew differently.
Spike tapped a cigarette out of his pack and lit up, inhaling deeply. To anyone else, they would have looked like a couple of up-and-coming young businessmen in their suits and ties. They certainly looked both completely normal and completely human. “We’d better get going. We’re supposed to be meeting Cordelia in fifteen minutes, and my sense is that she wouldn’t appreciate us being late.”
“She doesn’t,” Wesley confirmed. “Although, she’s rarely on time herself.”
“One of her more charming characteristics.” Spike led the way back to the Mustang. The car had been the best vehicle to take for the early meeting with the bank trustee.
Although they had not quite cleared the cavern with the gem in it, they’d agreed that it was best to begin to process of converting it over to cash immediately. Spike had contacted Robert, their client, to find out who he used, and he’d recommended Avery. The bank was in L.A., so they’d left early that morning to make the meeting, and Spike had called Cordelia to see if she wanted to have a late lunch with them.
Wesley thought it was a pleasure not to have to worry about staying overnight or avoiding the sun. On the other hand, given what Robert had said about Avery, she would have understood.
He thought he knew why Spike was asking about his holiday plan. Wesley had seen the expression on his face when Avery had asked if they had designated beneficiaries to the trust. Spike had, of course, immediately named Buffy. Wesley had merely shrugged. “I suppose it ought to be Spike. There isn’t anyone else.”
Wesley probably could have named his parents. He might have if he thought his father would even take the money. Their last conversation had been less than pleasant, though.
“No one should have to be alone for the holidays,” Spike said, returning to their previous thread of conversation. “Besides, knowing Joyce, she already asked you.”
“She did,” Wesley admitted, sinking down into the bucket seat and loosening his tie. “I’m planning on being there.”
“You know, if you wanted to go home for the holidays, you could,” Spike suggested. “You deserve the time off if you want it.”
Wesley shook his head. “There’s no point in it.”
“You piss your dad off that badly by working for me?”
“It was more than that.” Wesley didn’t know that he wanted to say more on the issue. His relationship with his father had been strained at the best of times. He was always trying to do more and to be more, to live up to what Roger Wyndam-Pryce wanted for his only son. He’d never quite measured up.
Things were different with Spike, with the others. There was, at least, the hope of making a difference. Why Wesley would want to go home only to face his father’s disapproval and disdain was beyond him, not when he could have a very nice holiday at home.
Although, it was a bit odd to think of Sunnydale as home.
“One of those things, yeah?” Spike asked. “It’s really too bad we don’t get to choose our parents.”
Wesley couldn’t argue about that, so he changed the subject. “Do you think I ought to get gifts for anyone?”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “You asking about everybody in general? Because I’d tell you to get gifts for whoever you want to. I have a feeling that you’re referring to someone in particular, though.”
“Willow.”
Spike glanced over at him, a little surprised. “You interested in Red now?”
The other man winced. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, let me give you a hint, Wes,” Spike said patiently. “If you don’t know, you generally aren’t.”
Wesley gave Spike a dirty look. “I find her very attractive, but she just lost her boyfriend. I don’t want to be the rebound.”
Spike smirked. “You mean you really like her.”
“Forget it,” Wesley snapped. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Get her something small,” Spike advised, turning serious. “Personal. A book, something you know she’ll like. You might be the rebound guy, but that doesn’t mean anything necessarily. Look at me and Buffy.”
“That’s different,” Wesley replied stubbornly. “Spike, I’m more than ten years her senior.” When Spike started laughing, he grimaced. “Fine, age doesn’t matter. But you’re in a slightly different situation.”
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m never going to age,” Spike replied. “Wes, if you like the girl, go for it. She could use somebody who’ll stick around.”
Wesley looked over at him. “Is that what we’re going to do? Spike, this thing—”
“We’ll make it through this.” Spike smiled. “After all, I promised Buffy I would stay.”
~~~~~
“Spike!”
He knew that Cordelia was doing much better immediately. Her grin split her face, and she laughed delightedly when she saw him. Spike returned her hug with real affection, pulling back to look at her. “You’re looking good, pet.”
“Thanks!” Cordelia replied. “And you! Sunlight agrees with you.” She turned to look at Wesley. “Hey, Wes.” Her embrace was affectionate. “So what gives? You two are all dressed up.”
“We had a meeting with the bankers,” Spike replied. “They like you to wear a tie for some reason.” His was still in the car, although he’d kept the suit jacket on, and he was glad now. Cordelia looked stunning, and he hated to be underdressed.
Actually, he didn’t care, but the restaurant wouldn’t let him through the door without a jacket.
“Bankers, huh?” Cordelia asked, tucking a hand through each of their arms. “I’m not going to complain. I’ll be the envy of every woman in there.”
Spike had to hide a smirk at Wesley’s smug grin. “I think we’ll be the envy of every man,” Spike said gallantly. He gave his name to the maitre d’ and turned back to Cordelia. “So how’d seeing Lorne work out for you?”
Cordelia glared at him and swatted him on the arm. “You could have warned me it was a demon bar!” she hissed, not wanting anyone to overhear her. “And he was great, of course.” She smacked him again. “You could have told me I’d have to sing, too.”
“Why would I want to do that?” Spike asked, grinning. “You lose all the fun there.”
Wesley frowned. “What is this place?”
“You haven’t made Wesley sing yet?” Cordelia demanded.
“Wesley knows what he’s doing.” Spike shrugged. “It’s a karaoke bar,” he explained. “Lorne’s an anagogic demon, and he reads you when you sing.”
“I think I’ll pass,” Wesley said.
Spike smiled. “We’ll go sometime. It’s an interesting joint.” Their conversation was interrupted when the maitre d’ announced that their table was ready, and they followed him back. “What was the outcome?”
Cordelia smiled. “Well…” She was enjoying drawing the story out. “There was this party I wasn’t going to go to, mostly because I didn’t have anything to wear.” She didn’t mention that she’d been about ready to throw in the towel at that point. She had even started looking for jobs in retail, which was so not her calling. “Lorne said that I should go, and I should make sure I stayed near the punch bowl.”
“And?” Wesley said impatiently.
She rolled her eyes at him. “Come on, Wes. It’s a story. Anyway, there was an agent there, and he saw me, and he said he had absolutely the spot for me. They needed someone to play a cheerleader in a movie. It wasn’t a big part, but I had a couple lines. He asked if I had a problem playing a bitch, and of course I said no.” Cordelia grinned. “And that was that.”
Spike and Wesley looked at each other. “What do you mean ‘that was that?'” Wesley demanded. “That’s all?”
“No, of course not!” Cordelia exclaimed. “But after I got the part in the movie, I got a tanning commercial, and after that I got another part in a movie, and I had more lines. The point is that I actually found a decent apartment. Oh! And I have a ghost.”
Spike hadn’t been expecting that. “A ghost?”
“His name is Dennis,” Cordelia explained. “Lorne knew my old place was pretty bad, and he knew a guy who knew Doyle, who heard that this place was really cheap. And then Lorne and Doyle helped put the ghost to rest.”
Spike’s eyes narrowed. “This Doyle someone I need to meet?”
Cordelia tossed her hair. “He’s just a friend. It’s no big deal.” Spike wasn’t buying it, but he decided to let it go in the interests of peace. “Oh, and Harmony says to say hello.”
Wesley frowned. “Harmony? Isn’t she—”
“I got her out,” Spike muttered.
Cordelia looked from one to the other. “Oh. I didn’t know…”
“It’s fine,” Wesley said quickly. “How is she?”
“Good,” Cordelia replied, still looking uncertain. “She was staying with me, but then she was worried about the temptation, so she found her own place. She even has a job.”
Spike nodded. “That’s good. Glad she’s alright.”
The rest of their lunch passed pleasantly enough. Cordelia was full of tales of Hollywood, people she’d met and mishaps on set. Although neither man had much interest, they listened attentively anyway. Doyle came up more than once, usually in the guise of an irritant, but Spike had his own theories about that. He made a mental note to be sure to meet this Doyle the next time he was in town.
It was several hours later before they could leave for Sunnydale again. Spike was hoping that Wesley would have forgotten about Cordelia’s slip, but the man had a mind like a steel trap.
It could be rather annoying at times.
“Harmony?”
Spike sighed. At least Wesley had done him the courtesy of waiting to grill him. “She was inside the lab with me, Wes. I couldn’t leave her there.”
“No, of course not,” Wesley replied. “Still, she bit Willow.”
“She left Sunnydale, didn’t she?” Spike asked. “I told her to quit eating people and sent her to Lorne. You weren’t there, Wesley. You don’t know what it was like.”
“No, I don’t,” he readily admitted. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t have acted as you did, Spike. It’s just—you didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t think anyone would understand.”
“Perhaps we wouldn’t have understood completely, but I think we would have accepted that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances,” Wesley said. “I won’t say anything about it.”
Spike sighed. “Don’t worry about it. If it comes up, I’ll tell Buffy. It just hasn’t come up before.”
Wesley was quiet for a long moment. “Spike?”
“Yeah.”
“Does the gem help?”
“Some.” Spike’s eyes went distant. “Not enough.”
Wesley nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
~~~~~
Willow was dithering, and she knew it. She’d promised herself that if she didn’t hear from Oz by the time finals were over, she would take the plunge. Not that it was a big deal, because it really wasn’t. Not a big deal at all. It was just a present for a friend. She was getting something for everyone else, even Anya, and Willow didn’t know if anyone would think to get Wesley a gift. She didn’t want him to feel left out.
But she was a little concerned that he would see it as meaning more than it did. Because it was just because they were friends.
And he’d said he was attracted to her.
Very attracted.
“Can I help you find something?”
Willow jumped, and then winced, knowing that Giles would ask her what was wrong when she didn’t want to explain it. “No, it’s okay. I was just looking for a gift.”
Giles nodded. He was supposed to be meeting Joyce shortly, and Willow was the last one in his shop. “For anyone in particular?”
“What do Watchers like?” Willow asked, thinking that maybe Giles could help her decide.
Giles blinked. “Pardon me?”
Willow realized how that sounded. She wanted to get a gift for a friend, that was all, and this was going to blow it out of all proportion. “Never mind. I’ll come back later.”
Giles knew he was going to regret asking, but he was really a glutton for punishment sometimes. “Were you looking for a gift for Wesley?” It was the logical question, since she’d never given him a Christmas gift, and he didn’t think that she would start now. Nor would she be asking him if she were.
“I just didn’t want him to feel left out,” Willow explained, hoping that she wasn’t lying, because she really couldn’t lie to save her life.
Giles considered that for a moment. He hadn’t really thought about it like that. “I’m sure he would appreciate that,” he said carefully. “What were you thinking?”
“A book or something?” Willow asked. “I don’t know. I know he likes books, but the ones I was thinking of are a little out of my price range.”
Giles shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t be of much help, Willow. You might want to ask Spike.”
“Yeah, but Spike’s going to tease,” Willow stated. She sighed. “Okay. Thanks, Giles.”
He glanced outside. “Are you certain you don’t want a ride home? It’s dark, and I was just about to lock up if you don’t mind waiting.”
Willow shook her head. “I don’t mind.” She browsed the shelves, racking her brain. She didn’t want to ask Spike, because he would give her a hard time. Not in a mean way, of course, but that was just how he was.
She actually hadn’t seen Wesley in days now; he’d been busy with the treasure trove. Willow was feeling lonely again. Now that Buffy was home for break, and with her parents gone, there wasn’t anyone around. Her house was empty, and while last year had marked the beginning of her reconciliation with Oz, this year the hole left by his absence was even bigger.
The bell over the door rang, startling her out of her thoughts, and she turned to see who had entered just as Giles called from the back, “We’re closing in just a minute!”
“It’s me,” Wesley called back. “I just thought I’d stop in and see how you were.” He looked at Willow, and she thought he might be blushing. “Willow. How nice to see you.”
“It’s good to see you, too,” she replied. “It’s been a while.” Wesley was wearing a suit, his tie loosened. It was a little incongruous with the leather jacket he wore over the top. “You’re all dressed up.”
“I had a meeting with the bank trustees this morning in L.A.,” Wesley explained. “I, uh, didn’t have a chance to change yet.”
Willow nodded. “You look nice.”
He was definitely blushing. “Thank you.”
Giles came out of the back just then. “Wesley. How did the meeting go this morning?”
“Good, I think,” Wesley replied. “We got all the papers filled out at least. I wanted to let you know that Spike and I decided to do as we discussed.”
Giles nodded. “That’s fine. We’ll hope that my services aren’t needed.”
“What kind of services?” Willow asked curiously.
“Power of attorney,” Wesley replied. “We both thought that should something happen, it could easily be to both of us at once. Someone needed to have the power to make decisions. It—it’s sometimes best not to have someone so closely involved required to make those decisions immediately.”
Willow’s eyes widened as she realized what Wesley was saying. “Nothing’s going to happen to you guys!” she protested.
“Of course not,” Wesley said quickly. “It’s merely a formality.”
“I should be meeting Joyce,” Giles said. “I hope we’ll see you in a few days, Wesley.”
“Certainly.” He hesitated. “Willow? Would you like a ride home?”
“Sure. Giles is probably already late,” Willow said, thinking that it was a nice excuse to go with Wesley instead. Not that she minded spending time with Giles at all, but Wesley had the motorcycle.
Giles didn’t correct her even though he raised an eyebrow. “Good. I’ll see both of you soon.”
They took his cue and left the store just ahead of him, walking over to Wesley’s bike. Willow realized that this would be the first time she rode with him knowing that he probably enjoyed it as much as she did.
Wesley handed her the second helmet without a word. “You’re staying at your parents’ house?”
“Yeah,” Willow replied. “Do you know where it is?”
“You’d better give me directions now.”
Willow was glad to have something else to concentrate on. She could see the wheels in Wesley’s head turn as he processed her directions. They didn’t say any more than that, and Willow climbed on, wanting to give Wesley something more. Some encouragement. Except that she didn’t know what she wanted, not really.
She was hyper-aware of him, even more so than the first time she’d ridden with him. The ride was too short, really, because they pulled up in her driveway in no time at all. Willow waited until he cut the engine before climbing off and handing back the helmet. “Do you want to come inside?”
Wesley took off his own helmet. “Did you need something?”
“I need to not be alone right now,” Willow confessed.
Wesley nodded. “I can do that.”
~~~~~
Joyce watched as Buffy put the phone down. “Was that Spike?”
Buffy nodded. “He just got back in.”
“Are you going to meet him?”
“Do you mind?” Buffy asked. “I know you were planning on having dinner with Giles.”
Joyce didn’t mind, although she felt a pang of regret. They both had their own lives now. It was no longer a mother and her daughter against the world. Most days, that was better, but Joyce still felt some regret for the loss of that closeness. “Of course not.” She looked at her daughter. “Is everything okay between the two of you?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said quickly. “It’s fine.” She stopped. “It’s better than it was,” she admitted slowly, thinking that her mom might understand. “Right after, Spike was really distant, but he’s been better lately. It’s just that I feel like things aren’t the way they were, Mom.”
Joyce sighed. “Change doesn’t necessarily mean things are worse, Buffy.”
“I know,” Buffy said quickly. “We’re not as close, though. I think—I think he’s going to try to do something about the soldiers, and that scares me.”
Her mother might not know a lot about what went on in Buffy’s world. She kept her ears open, however, and Giles talked to her—probably more than he realized. She knew that Giles had contacted some of his friends in the Council, those he still kept in touch with. She also knew that they hadn’t come up with much yet, and that in itself worried him.
Joyce, with a mother’s wisdom, had seen Spike’s eyes. He looked haunted again, and while she couldn’t quite put her finger on why, it troubled her.
As a mother, Buffy’s uncertainty concerned her.
“Spike loves you,” Joyce said. “I don’t doubt that one bit. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to tell you everything, or even that he’ll be able to do so. Give him time, Buffy.”
“I know,” she repeated. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Once we know more, things will be fine.”
Buffy left then, and Joyce frowned. She couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t time for her to intervene.