Chapter 10
“To think that this meaningless thing was ever a rose,/Scentless, colourless, this!/Will it ever be thus (who knows?)/Thus with our bliss,/If we wait till the close?/Though we care not to wait for the end, there comes the end/Sooner, later, at last,/Which nothing can mar, nothing mend:/An end locked fast,/Bent we cannot re-bend.” ~Christina Rossetti, “‘Summer Is Ended'”
Wesley wasn’t paying much attention to where he was going. He’d spent all night out with Spike and Buffy, hunting for the second werewolf and finding nothing. The evening had been more enjoyable than he’d expected, mostly because Buffy didn’t seem to be going out of her way to treat him like an unwanted guest. In fact, she’d almost been—kind.
He had managed to sleep for a few hours, but had woken around noon with a need for coffee. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to have any. Since it was a nice enough day, Wesley had decided a walk wouldn’t be amiss, and he still had hours yet before his training session with Spike.
He had barely perceived that the young woman he was ambling behind was Willow when she proceeded to walk out into the street. With a sense of horror, Wesley realized that she was going to walk right in front of a car. He lunged, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her back onto the sidewalk.
The car zoomed by, but Willow barely seemed to notice. Wesley put his hands on her shoulders, searching her face, trying to figure out if she was hurt—or possibly on something. “Willow? Are you alright?”
“Wes!” Buffy’s voice called out to him, and she hurried over to his side. “Thank you. I saw her, but I was too far away.”
“It was my pleasure,” he replied, turning back to Willow. “Are you quite alright? Are you hurt?”
She seemed to focus on his face with difficulty, then looked over at Buffy. “I know who the second werewolf is.”
Buffy glanced at Wesley, then put an arm over Willow’s shoulders. “Did she come after you?”
“You knew it was a she?” Willow asked, her bottom lip beginning to tremble as tears threatened to fall.
“Just last night,” Buffy assured her. “I went to Oz, and he said he didn’t know what had happened. Spike said he’d heard that…” She trailed off as she saw the expression on Willow’s face. “Oh, God, Willow. What happened?”
“Oz said he had to lock her in with him.”
It took only a moment for the meaning to sink in, and Buffy stiffened. “Oz and…”
“Veruca. I found them. Together.”
Wesley was feeling very uncomfortable. This wasn’t the place for him. He wasn’t equipped for dealing with emergencies of this sort. A demon possibly, or if Buffy needed help hunting down the other werewolf—or Oz, as seemed likely—Wesley thought he might be of assistance in that kind of situation.
“Perhaps you had better take her home,” Wesley suggested gently. “I can let Spike know that we know who it is we’re looking for.”
Buffy hesitated, and then nodded. “That sounds fine, but Spike’s not going to be much help finding Veruca before the sun goes down.”
“Shall I meet you with the tranquilizer gun?”
Wesley watched as she weighed his offer, obviously trying to decide whether he would be a help or a hindrance. “Four-ish? My place? That should give us enough time.”
He wasn’t sure whether Buffy was referring to comforting Willow or finding Veruca, but he nodded. “I’ll talk to Spike.”
“Thanks, Wes,” Buffy said, beginning to lead Willow away.
Wesley turned, setting off for Spike’s townhouse, all thoughts of coffee forgotten. He wondered if he shouldn’t stop by Joyce’s gallery on the way, since Giles was almost certain to be there. While Wesley knew that Buffy had filled her Watcher in on the situation, at least as much as she’d known the day before, Giles might like to have word of current developments.
Wesley dismissed that thought in the next moment, deciding that there was no sense in wasting time. If he wanted to make it to Spike’s and back in time to meet the Slayer, he didn’t have time to make any other stops along the way.
~~~~~
Buffy really couldn’t believe it. This was Oz they were talking about. Buffy would have pegged him as one of the most loyal guys in the world, but now she was listening to Willow tell her how Oz had been expressing an interest in Veruca for a while now: making sure he was in attendance at the Bronze when her band was playing, sitting with her at lunch, turning Willow down when she’d tried to come onto him.
What kept getting to Buffy was the conclusion that Oz had known. He’d known that Veruca was a werewolf, even when she’d asked him if he knew anything about the other “wild dog” that had been seen on campus. Instead of telling her the truth about Veruca, Oz had let them go off on a wild goose chase, and had locked Veruca inside the cage with him.
Even knowing what was likely to happen, Oz had chosen to keep Veruca with him. That was the part that Buffy just didn’t get. His choice didn’t seem to mesh with the boy Buffy knew.
Which led her to wonder if she’d ever known him. If you could ever really know anybody.
Buffy comforted Willow as best as she could, not knowing the right words to say. “I’m going to get her. She’s bad news, and when I catch up with her…” She trailed off.
Willow’s tear-drenched eyes turned imploringly at Buffy. “I don’t understand what I did wrong, Buffy. I don’t know why Oz wouldn’t want me anymore.”
“No, Willow,” Buffy replied fiercely. “This wasn’t your fault. Any of it. If anyone’s to blame here, it’s Oz and Veruca. They both knew better, and Oz is an idiot.” The knock at the door warned Buffy that she needed to get going. The sooner she hunted Veruca down, the sooner they could start fixing this mess.
If it was even something that could be fixed.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Buffy promised. She opened to door to reveal Wesley waiting for her. “Let’s get going.”
He followed her down the hall. “How is she?”
“Hanging in there,” Buffy replied. “That’s about it right now, though. Where are the tranq guns?”
“Locked in the car,” Wesley replied. “Spike let me borrow his vehicle.”
Buffy pouted. “Spike let you borrow his car? He never lets me drive it.”
“He’s seen both of us drive,” Wesley said dryly. “I think that speaks for itself.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. Wesley had parked close, so it took only a few minutes to retrieve the guns, and then they went off to find Oz. “Not that I don’t trust your tracking skills,” Buffy said. “But Oz has the nose.”
“And I don’t,” Wesley agreed. “It’s fine, Buffy. I’m just grateful to be allowed to help.”
She glanced over at him, gauging his sincerity, realizing that he meant it. “I have to say that I like the attitude change.”
He shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s more of a shift of perspective.”
Buffy smiled. “Okay, I’ll give you that one.” She looked up at Oz’s residence hall. “Why don’t you wait out here? I’ll get Oz.” Buffy squared her shoulders as she walked through the door, reminding herself that as much as she might like to beat Oz up right now, she couldn’t. He was her friend, too.
Even if she really didn’t like him at the moment.
~~~~~~
Willow thought about what Buffy had said, about it not being her fault. She still felt as though there was something she ought to have done differently, that she could have prevented all this from happening if only she had…
Well, she didn’t know what it was she ought to have done, but that didn’t make the feeling go away.
There was something she could do now, though. Willow could make sure Oz and Veruca were hurting just as badly as she was.
It wasn’t right. She knew that, of course. The best thing to do would be to stay in her room, maybe try to sleep, try to forget what had happened. Willow couldn’t forget, however, and she couldn’t rest until she had done something.
If Willow had thought about it, she probably would have realized that she understood Anya a lot better than she had before. She’d never quite understood the whole “thirst for vengeance” thing in the past, not like she did today.
It took less time than she’d expected to find the right spell, the one that would make Oz hurt. The curse that would prevent him from ever knowing happiness again—because that’s how Willow felt—as though she’d never be happy again.
She gathered the supplies she needed from the components she kept on hand and headed towards the science labs. That would probably be the safest place to work the spell. There would certainly be less chance of setting anything on fire there.
~~~~~
Oz could feel Buffy’s eyes on the back of his head as they walked, following Veruca’s scent. He knew she was close to hurting him, the way he’d hurt Willow. What she didn’t understand was that he already hurt. He had—in one impulsive act—nearly destroyed the relationship he’d built with Willow.
He knew Willow was confused, but so was he. Oz hadn’t thought himself to be that kind of man.
There was nothing else to do but to try to find Veruca before the sun went down, try to contain the damage. After the danger was over, Oz would have to decide what he wanted to do next, what he could do next.
He found it hard to believe that Willow would ever forgive him.
“I can smell her,” he stated, following the trail through the woods.
Right to the pile of clothing on the forest floor.
“Or the pile of dirty clothes she left for you to find,” Buffy suggested, scowling.
Wesley spoke up. “Would she have reason to leave them here?”
“They could be from the other night when she—turned into a werewolf,” Oz replied with some hesitation, knowing that Buffy would recognize his deception.
“Unless she wanted to throw you off the scent,” Buffy said.
Oz stiffened. “Willow.” He took off running, not even bothering to see if the other two were behind him.
Buffy and Wesley both began running, moving as swiftly as the rough terrain allowed. “Buffy! Look out!” Wesley called.
She twisted just in time to miss the commando that came charging out from the underbrush. Buffy realized that Wesley actually had the tranq gun at the ready, but the man didn’t seem to be interested in either of them, disappearing back into the bushes.
“Thanks,” she said.
“Not a problem,” he gasped, slightly out of breath, gripping his rifle tighter.
They pushed forward, following the trail that Oz had forged.
~~~~~
Willow spoke the final words of the incantation, “Let this image seal his fate, not to love, only to hate.” She stared at the picture of her boyfriend and the flame, and dropped the photo onto the floor. She could hear the beakers crash against the workbenches, and she swallowed a sob.
Willow wondered if it was pathetic—loving him too much to hurt him.
“Wow. For a minute there I really thought you were going to go through with it.” She whirled to face Veruca, who was stalking into the lab, hips swinging. “Sometimes you have to kill, to keep what’s yours.” The other girl smirked. “Look at that. The sun’s almost down.”
Willow backed up, knowing that she wouldn’t have a prayer against an angry werewolf once Veruca changed. “Don’t mess with me,” she warned.
Veruca ignored the challenge. “I’m not surprised you couldn’t go through with your little hex. You don’t have the teeth.”
“You don’t know what I have,” Willow replied, her mind racing, trying to think of a spell, anything, to force Veruca back. “You haven’t seen what I have.”
“I know what you love. I have his scent on me right now.” Veruca smiled cruelly, shoving Willow back against the worktable.
“Don’t touch her again,” Oz said, his voice ringing out angrily.
Veruca turned, forgetting Willow in favor of facing Oz. “She’s what’s holding you back. She’s the reason you’re living in cages. Once she’s gone, you’ll see. You’ll know what you are.”
“You don’t want to see what I am,” Oz warned.
Veruca’s lips twisted in a snarl. “I know what you are. You’re an animal. Animals kill.”
Oz’s face was grim and set, as though carved from stone. “That’s right. We kill.”
Willow scrambled backwards, away from the fight, watching as they both began to change, their faces shifting grotesquely. They fought, snarling, and for a moment she thought either of them could win, neither stronger than the other.
Two twin pops broke through the snarls, and the two werewolves collapsed to the floor, unconscious, one wolf’s teeth sunk in the other’s throat.
Willow looked up with wide eyes to see Buffy and Wesley in the doorway, lowering the tranq guns from their shoulders. “Buffy?”
The Slayer was at her side in a moment, leaving Wesley to check on the werewolves. “Willow. Are you okay?”
Willow nodded, her face crumpling. She felt Buffy pull her into an embrace, and she sobbed out her pain and fear on the Slayer’s shoulder, unable to do anything else.
Buffy glanced back at Wesley, who had pulled the two bodies apart. He nudged the one with the reddish fur with his toe and then shook his head when he saw Buffy looking at him. Buffy just gripped Willow tighter, knowing how close it had been.
Way too close.
~~~~~
Buffy didn’t want to leave Willow, but the other girl had said she was fine, and the Slayer needed to get to the meeting she’d called. The incident with the commando in the woods was bothering her, and she wanted to discuss the matter with Giles, as well as Spike. If Wesley hadn’t been there, rifle at the ready, she wasn’t sure she would have made it in time to save her friend.
“I have to see Oz today anyway,” Willow said, looking as though she was ready to burst into tears at any moment. “You should go. You didn’t even get a chance to see Spike last night, and he’s leaving in a couple of days.”
Buffy sighed. “I’ll be back soon,” she promised. “You’re my first priority right now. Spike will understand.”
Willow waved her hand. “Go. I’m okay. Really.”
Buffy left, feeling terribly guilty about the fact that she was going to meet her boyfriend, when it looked like Willow was losing hers.
At the same time, when Spike met her at his door with a long embrace, Buffy couldn’t help but be thankful that she had him. And, unlike Oz, Spike had his demon well under control.
She clung to him for a long time, feeling Spike’s hands run soothing circles on her back. “How’s she holding up?” he murmured.
“Not great.” Buffy pulled back, not wanting to let go of him. “I’ve never seen her like this, Spike.”
“Oz was her first, wasn’t he?” Spike asked in reply. “Losing your first isn’t something you get over in a hurry.”
“No,” she agreed. “Is anyone else here yet?”
“Giles and Wes are in the kitchen,” Spike replied. “We were just waiting for you.”
Buffy grimaced. “Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to leave her, but—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Spike soothed. “We’re fully capable of keeping ourselves occupied.”
Buffy might have made a crack about that comment, but she wasn’t in the mood. She was too worried about Willow. “Hey, guys.”
Wesley and Giles both echoed her greeting. Giles asked, “How is she?”
“Not great.” Buffy shook her head. “It’s like it hurts too much to form words.”
Giles sighed. “You’ll let us know if we can do anything?”
“I’ll let you know,” Buffy promised.
“You wanted to talk about something else, though,” Giles stated.
Buffy told them about the commando in the woods, describing as best she could with the short glimpse she’d gotten of him. “Wesley might have seen more than I did.”
“I don’t think so,” he said regretfully. “His weaponry was military-issue, however. You won’t find an ordinary hunter carrying that sort of armament. Much like the ones I saw on Halloween.”
Buffy frowned. “So this isn’t an isolated incident?”
“Doesn’t sound that way,” Spike said quietly. “My informants told me that there’ve been a lot of disappearances around the campus area. Mostly demons, but I figured it could be more than that.”
Giles frowned. “You’re suggesting some sort of military force bent on taking out demons?”
Spike shook his head. “Could be paramilitary,” he replied. “I’ve run into a few independent demon-hunters in my time.”
Buffy hesitated. “If they’re taking out demons, is that a bad thing?” she asked. “I mean, I know the commando we almost ran into could have prevented us from getting to Willow in time, but—”
Spike shook his head. “Not that simple, I’m afraid. There are plenty of demons around Sunnydale that are harmless. They wouldn’t hurt anybody. It’s not just the dangerous ones who are disappearing, and that’s what makes me nervous. Someone who isn’t discriminating might decide that a Slayer isn’t human enough for their tastes.”
“Or that a vampire who isn’t hurting anybody isn’t safe,” Wesley added. “Spike has a good point.”
Buffy looked over at Giles, who appeared doubtful. “There’s no real evidence either way,” he pointed out. “We would have to know a great deal more before we can decide whether they’re friend or foe.”
The Slayer nodded. “But I think you need to be especially careful if you’re coming around campus,” she said, looking at Spike. “I don’t want them thinking they can come after you.”
“I would rather avoid the attention myself.” Spike grimaced. “I’ll be careful.”
Giles stood. “I don’t think there’s much more we can do right now.”
“I’ll check my contacts before we leave town,” Spike said. “They might have heard something else. Wes? You want to meet me here tomorrow night?”
“Of course,” Wesley replied. He looked at Spike and Buffy. “Call if you need me before then.”
Giles and Wesley quickly left, leaving them alone. Buffy sighed regretfully. “I should leave soon, get back to Willow. She’s going to need me.”
“I understand,” Spike replied. “You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do?”
Buffy nodded, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. “You know, I think I’ve got some time before I have to leave.”
Spike met her eyes before he gave her a hungry kiss. “You know I’d never leave you, right?” he asked, pulling back to allow Buffy to breathe.
“I know,” Buffy replied. “Show me.”
“My pleasure, luv.”
~~~~~
She hugged her pillow, her sobs tearing through her until she felt as if she was going to fall to pieces. It wasn’t as if Willow had known that she would be able to forgive Oz, or that they would be able to work things out, but she had been willing to give it a chance.
Willow had wanted to give them a chance.
Instead, Oz had left, taking the decision out of her hands. He’d gone, saying that it was the best decision for him—for her. How could he know what she needed? Didn’t Oz know that she needed him? Didn’t he want to figure it out together?
Couldn’t they have figured it out together?
She understood what a broken heart felt like now, understood why Buffy had grieved so after Angel was gone. Understood why it had taken Buffy so long to fall in love again.
Willow felt as though she would never be able to love again. How could she entrust her heart to anyone, knowing what it felt to have it broken?
As the sun set, she cried, wishing that Buffy hadn’t been in time to save her.