Chapter 3
Buffy got them settled at the apartment she had rented.
“Dawn can sleep with me and Willow, you can have her room. Sorry Xander that leaves the couch for you.”
“Hey, after months of dozens of teenage girls under foot, I’m just glad for just you three.”
The door opened and an excited Dawn and a less excited Spike walked in. Dawn went to hug Willow and Xander while Spike stood self-consciously at the door. Buffy took his hand and made the introductions. For once Xander didn’t make any jokes. They spent the next few minutes making awkward small talk. Then Willow said, “I like the hair. Way better than before.” Catching herself she added, “Not that white wasn’t a good color on you.”
Spike laughed, “It wasn’t bad considering I couldn’t look in a mirror.”
“I always wondered how you shaved?” asked Xander.
“Hey, you remember that time you kidnapped me and Xander.” Willow stopped herself and blushed. “Maybe not so much kidnap as.uh.asked for our help!” she added quickly with a nervous grin.
“Uh, Will, maybe Spike here needs to just let things flow without our help,” encouraged Xander.
“I’ve tried to remember you blokes but.nothing. Dawn tells me we were all best friends and you really relied on my help,” he said mischievously. He knew this wasn’t true but something made him want to tease the redhead. Willow grinned nervously then noticed the teasing grin and laughed as she punched him in the arm.
With the ice broken they all relaxed, then the girls decided to go shopping and later drop off Dawn to spend the evening with Fred. They agreed to get together later and go to a club. Spike even offered to come back and pick up Xander.
The club was dark and noisy with the lighting bright enough to see but low enough to be cozy. The two couples sat at a table near the dance floor enjoying the band. When the song, ‘Sugar Water’ started playing Xander took Buffy’s hand and said, “I believe they’re playing our song. Come on and show me you still have the moves.”
She laughed and followed him to the dance floor leaving Willow and Spike alone at the table. They watched the couple dance for a few minutes in silence, each not knowing what to say.
Finally Willow asked, “So, what’s it like not to know people that are all knowing of you?”
“Strange.” He looked up as in thought and continued, “It’s like I’m reading a book that everyone else has read and they’re waiting for me to finish ’cause they know the ending. I’m trying to read as fast as I can and I’m just not gettin’ it.”
“Did Buffy tell you I do magic? I could do a memory spell and.help you get to the ending faster,” she offered.
He smiled, “No thanks, luv. I think I’ve had all the supernatural I can take for awhile.”
Willow frowned in disappointment. “Nobody wants me to do magic. A few bad spells and cabluey, no confidence. Hello! Goddess now!”
He just smiled, not knowing what she was taking about when Xander and Buffy came back to the table.
“Nice moves, luv. Can I have a go?” Spike asked as he tilted his head suggestively.
She smiled and held out her hand. “See if you can keep up,” she teased.
They stepped onto the dance floor and easily went into each other’s arms. The music was slow and seductive. Their movements were perfectly matched, as if they had danced together for years.
“You know you want to dance,” he leaned down and whispered in her ear.
She pulled her head back to look in his translucent blue eyes. “What.did you say?” she asked softly.
He shook his head as if he was in a daze. “I meant, you like to dance. Right?” he corrected. Something about their dancing. What was it? It just wouldn’t come.
She let it go and laid her head on his chest. If he didn’t remember soon she was going to die from frustration.
The song ended and they returned to the table. They all had another drink then left the club.
They were walking back to the car when three slimy green Zornod demons appeared in the alley next to the parking lot. Willow and Xander hung back while Spike and Buffy assumed attack position.
“Thought I would get a break from slayage for awhile, but it looks like it found me.”
“It’s ‘kay, pet. I got your back.”
Just as she turned to smile at Spike the first demon charged. She dodged the attack and turned to prepare for the next attack when the second demon attacked from the side.
Spike was busy fighting the third demon when he noticed Buffy was being attacked from both sides. He let out a roar and quickly snapped the demons’ neck. In the mean time Buffy had knocked one demon out cold and had the second on the ground. She was sitting on him, hitting him repeatedly in the head.
Spike turned to help her when he froze. The sight of Buffy sitting on the demon swinging away brought flashes of memory. He stumbled to the ground as the flashes increased. Flashes of:
__Buffy dancing in the Bronze the first time he ever saw her
__Fighting her in the school hallway
__Hating her
__Wanting her
__Falling in love with her
__Her revulsion
__Devastation when she died
__The miracle when she came back
__Amazement and love when the house fell down
__Hurt and pain by her rejection
__The balcony at the Bronze
__Buffy ending the affair
__Attack in the bathroom
__Getting his soul
__His insanity
__The First and the cave
__Holding and watching her sleep
__Buffy kissing Angel
__Buffy saying “I love you”
The memories flashed in seconds. Spike’s face showed everything: hurt, pain, regret. Tears filled his eyes. It was too much to bear. He staggered to his feet, took one last look at Buffy, turned and ran down the alley.
Willow and Xander stood frozen, unsure what had happened and what to do.
Buffy finished with the last demon and looked up to smile at Spike when she noticed that he was gone.
“Where did Spike go?”
“He just went all statue-y then ran off,” said Xander.
“Buffy.the look on his face.” added Willow gently.
“Oh God!” She dropped to her knees, face drawn in pain. “He remembered and he.left.” She broke down in sobs.
Her friends knelt beside her and tried to comfort her. After a few minutes the sobs slowed. She raised her tear-streaked face and looked at her friends, “We’ve got to find him! I’ve got to explain!”
“I can do a locator spell,” Willow offered.
“We’ll find him, Buff,” Xander reassured.
The bar was dark and smoky. Xander squinted his eyes and searched the crowd. Willow’s locator spell had showed that the ex-vampire was here, somewhere. He finally spotted Spike in a corner nursing a drink. He didn’t look like he wanted company. Xander took a deep breath and headed toward the booth.
“So, any whiskey left?”
“Piss-off, Harris!”
“Aha, so you remember.” Xander shrugged and sat down across from Spike, who scowled at him but said nothing. Xander waited a few minutes in silence, not knowing what to say. Just because Spike wasn’t a vampire anymore didn’t mean he couldn’t be dangerous if crossed.
“Uh, Spike, ‘ya kinda ran off in a hurry. Just wondering.”
Spikes looked up and glared with his steel-cold blue eyes.
“Okay.not so much with the wondering, but.if you want to talk.”
Spike sighed, his face filled with pain, “I remember.everything.” He took a gulp of whiskey then continued, “I remember the hate, the fighting, the shagging, how ‘I’ felt, but most of all, I remember the hurt.” He hung his head and didn’t continue.
Xander waited a minute then remarked, “Ya know I never liked you.”
Spike looked up and cocked his eyebrows.
“It was the whole undead, evil vampire thing.”
Spike smirked.
“But the one thing you were, was loyal,” he continued.
“How’s that?”
“Well, you did stay with psycho-bitch for 100 years. You stayed with Buffy even when she didn’t love you; even when she died, you stayed.”
“Humph, lot of good it’s done me.”
“You know I never wanted you and Buffy together, especially after what you did.”
Spike’s face fell. There it was, the guilt and pain.
Xander continued, “But, I gotta tell ya, I don’t think I could go through what you did. What you had to do to get your soul and the whole world saving. Hard to top that.”
“I did it for her,” he whispered.
Xander quietly said, “She never meant to hurt you, Spike.”
He raised his head and frowned, “You think I’m upset because Buffy hurt me?”
“Well, yeah. Aren’t you?”
Exasperated Spike said, “Harris, I was evil! Just because I loved.” he paused. “She didn’t want to love me, she fought it and I just kept pushing.trying to bring her to my level. And I did, for awhile, but it wasn’t right.for her. I just didn’t get that till after the soul.”
He motioned to the waitress for another round. Xander sat there speechless.
“I hurt her Harris, I tried to make her love me when she couldn’t.she can’t.”
“But, she does love you. She might not have wanted to but she’s been in love with you for a long time.”
“Are you off your nut? She just said that ’cause I was going to die.”
“And now? Why does she say she loves you now?”
“Don’t know. Feels sorry for me is all, I guess,” Spike said deflated.
“Spike, I know her. She wouldn’t say it if she didn’t mean it.”
Spike looked hopeful.
“Go on.go to her,” Xander encouraged.
He hesitated for a second then grabbed his coat and ran out the door.
“Oh great, leave me with the check,” groaned Xander.