Spike was pacing, a deep scowl on his face, as he became more and more agitated. “Ah’.Ah’ don’t know why I can’t remember.Ah’..Need to know!”
Buffy sat quietly listening to his rampage. It had been going on for a while now. She watched how he moved. How his face showed every emotion he was feeling. Anger, frustration and helplessness all at the same time. She also noticed how his accent became more pronounced the more agitated he became. God, how she missed him.
“Spike, listen to me. You’ve been through a lot.we both have. Just give it some time,” Buffy tried to reassure. “It will happen.”
“Bollocks!” he snarled and continued pacing.
Buffy and Spike had talked for hours in Angel’s office after Lilah explained what had happen. Spike wanted to know everything about his life in Sunnydale and about his life with Buffy. She started to tell him about Dawn, Giles, Willow and Xander but the more she talked the more frustrated he had become. So, they had both agreed not to push too hard and let the memories return on their own. That was the plan but a certain blonde ex-vampire had other ideas.
There was a knock on the door. Buffy walked over and opened it. Standing there was a fuming and highly pissed off Dawn. Glancing over her shoulder to Spike, she closed the door just enough to stick her head out. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to stay at the hotel,” she whispered.
“YOU were ‘supposed’ to come back and get me,” Dawn snapped as she stood there with her arms crossed over her chest. “Forget about me? Or were you too busy suck-facing Angel,” she smirked.
“I was NOT.” pausing, she thought, not going to go there. Afraid Spike would hear them and come to investigate, she held up one finger and told Dawn to wait right there. She closed the door in her face, which made the younger sister huff and stomp her foot in frustration.
Buffy turned to Spike, who was still agitated and pacing, not even aware she had gone to the door.
“Spike?” she asked tentatively, “I need to step out for a minute.I’ll be right back.Okay?”
He stopped pacing and looked at her. His anger and frustration vanished in an instant. Here was a beautiful woman who had repeatedly said that she loved him and would wait for him and all he could do was rant and rave.
“Sure, pet,” voice soft and caring. “Take your time. I’ll be right here.” He smiled as she turned and left the room.
Buffy grabbed her sister and pulled her down the hallway.
“What are you doing?” asked Dawn, still irritated.
Without answering, Buffy continued down the hall until she found an empty office. Dragging her sister in, she closed the door, leaned against it and exhaled.
Dawn looked at her sister and asked sarcastically, “Geez.Crazy much?”
Buffy looked at Dawn and sighed. Pinching the bridge of her nose she closed her eyes. How was she going to tell Dawnie about Spike? At one time her sister had idolized the vampire and he had cared for her. Then, he had attacked Buffy and left town. After that, Dawn had completely closed herself off to him. It had taken a long time; but after he had returned from getting his soul, Spike and Dawn has started to rebuild the fragile friendship and love that they had once shared.
Sensing Buffy was obviously distressed; Dawn’s anger disappeared and in its place was concern and a little fear. “What’s wrong, Buffy?” She asked softly.
Buffy slowly raised her head and looked at her with a faint smile on her lips. “I’ve got some great news. At least it could be great. I mean it ‘is’ great..” She sighed in frustration.
“Great is good,” encouraging her, “Definitely better than ‘It’s bad, really bad’, cause I’ve had quite enough of that.”
“Sit down Dawn, we need to talk.”
Dawn looked doubtful at her sister but sat in the chair anyway. “Mom used to say that when I was in trouble. I’m not in trouble am I?”
Buffy smiled, “No, you’re not in trouble.” Nervously moistening her lips, she continued, “You remember when Spike died in the cave—”
Dawn interrupted, “Not something I’m going to forget, Buffy. What is it?”
“Well, he didn’t really die.”
Dawn’s mouth fell open and her face turned white. Buffy told her all about what had happen, how he had returned and that now he was a human; sort of.
Dawn was quiet the whole time. Barely able to comprehend what she heard. Slowly a smile spread across her face and she jumped out of the chair and shrieked, “He’s alive! Spikes’ alive! Where is he? Can I see him?”
“Oh-my-God, I can’t believe it!” Dawn sat back down with a huge grin on her face. When she realized Buffy wasn’t smiling too, she asked, “What’s wrong? He’s not crazy-guy like he was before is he?” Then her face went pale, “He’s not. gonna try and hurt you again is he?”
“No and no.but there is something.”
“What? Did he, like lose his soul or something, ’cause you know he was good even without it and stuff.”
“Dawn!” Trying to be patient she said, “He’s not crazy and he’s not.soul-missing. He’s.I mean he.doesn’t remember us.!”
“What do you mean, he doesn’t remember us? How can he not remember us?” Dawn looked ready to cry.
“I don’t know why he doesn’t remember you and the gang.”
“But you ‘do’ know why he doesn’t remember you, right?”
“It’s complicated Dawn.”
“It always is with you two.” Standing up putting her hands on her hips; determined, she stated, “I want to see him!”
Looking at her sister, Buffy frowned,” I don’t know if that is such a good idea right now.”
“Why not?” whined Dawn.
Before they could get into an argument there was a knock on the door. Both girls turned as the door opened and Spike looked in.
“Don’t mean to intrude but is everything alright?”
He had been addressing Buffy but turned his attention to the thin young girl next to her. She sure was a cute little bird, with her wide hazel eyes and her long brown hair. Her eyes were just like Buffy’s but her skin was pale and drawn. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just tilted his head and frowned as if he was trying to place her.
Taking a guess, he asked, “Dawn?”
Dawn smiled from ear to ear then jumped up and ran into his startled arms, “I knew you would remember me! I just knew it!”
An equally startled Buffy sat there with unshed tears and a bittersweet smile on her face. Why did he remember Dawn and not her? She knew she shouldn’t be jealous but she couldn’t help it. Then she realized Spike had not said another word and was standing there uneasy and stiff in her sister’s embrace. Dawn realized it too.
She lifted her head and leaned back to look at him. “You do remember me, don’t you, Spike?”
Not wanting to hurt the young girls’ feelings, he smiled sadly and said, “I wish I could, Nibblet, but I just can’t.”
Dawn slowly released him and took a step back. “But you look the same, I mean you do look different with the new hair and clothes but you’re the same Spike.aren’t you?”
Before he could answer, she interrupted, “Oh..Oh.You called me Nibblet!” At his look of confusion, she continued, “You used to call be that all the time. See you do remember.”
“Dawn, just because he called you a pet name doesn’t mean he can remember you,” reminded Buffy.
Dawn looked dejected and tears began to form as she lowered her head and sat down. Spike looked at her and felt his beating heart break. He kneeled in front of her and gently took her hand in one of his, with the other he lifted her chin to look into her tear-filled eyes.
“Listen, Dawn, I don’t remember all the details but I do know that ‘you’ were important to me and that there’s something.” He tried hard to focus on the feelings he had. Suddenly his eyes opened wide and he smiled, “You used to come to my crypt and hang out and we broke into the Magic Box one time. Don’t remember why, but you were.uh.hurt once and I tried to save you, I think.”
Dawn and Spike held hands, both grinning from ear to ear. Spike stood up and began pacing. “I do remember you! It’s like flashes from a dream, hazy but there.”
“Hazy is okay with me as long as it’s there,” Dawn said then looked at Buffy, who was sitting very still with a forced smile on her lips. “Buffy, you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. A world of fine. It’s great, I mean it.”
Spike sensed that she really didn’t mean it and walked over and sat down beside her.
“It’s a start, luv. Everything has to start somewhere.”
Before she could answer the intercom buzzed, “Miss Summers you have a phone call.”
“Thank you, Maria, I’ll be right out.” She wanted to let Spike and Dawn catch up and besides it still hurt that he didn’t remember her. Taking one last look, she left to answer the phone.
Buffy replaced the receiver just as Angel walked up. Seeing the pained look on her face, he asked, “Bad news?”
Snapping out of her daze, she looked at him and sighed.
“That was Giles, Xander and Willow are coming here. Should be here in a couple weeks. I told Giles about Spike.
“How is he taking it?”
“Better than me, right now,” she said as she burst into tears.
Angel put his arm around her and led her into his office. He sat her on the sofa. “What has ‘prophecy boy’ done now?” he asked with a smirk.
“Nothing.” She sniffed and tried to stop crying. “He’s with Dawn. They’re.” drawing a deep breath, “He remembers her. Isn’t it great?” She couldn’t hold the tears in any longer. Sobbing she turned to Angel and buried her face in his shirt.
Angel was at a loss for words. How do you comfort someone you love when they’re upset over someone else? You just do, he thought.
“Buffy, it’s good that he remembers Dawn.”
She raised her tear-streaked face and said, “It is? I mean I know it is; it’s just.”
“How can he remember Dawn and not you?” he finished for her.
She didn’t answer except for barely nodding her head. He continued, “His memories could come back suddenly or in stages, like this.”
“Or not at all,” she sighed. No use in being all teary, she thought. Won’t solve anything. Determined, she stood and wiped the tears and mascara from under her eyes. “I guess I better go and see what those two are up to.” With resolve she turned to leave.
“I’m here if you need me, you know that.”
“Yeah, Angel, I know.” She left the office and closed the door.