Chapter 5
December 2000
Buffy knocked on the door of the Giles home later that night, offering Giles a soft smile when he answered.
“Buffy,” he said with a smile. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”
“I know, Giles, I’m sorry it’s so late, but…well, it’s been kind of a rough day.”
“Come in, please,” he said, opening the door even wider. Buffy entered the cozy apartment and walked into the living room.
“I just wanted to stop by since I wasn’t sure when I would see you again.”
“Buffy, just because William is coming home is no reason to hide. You did nothing wrong.”
“I know,” she said softly. “I just…it would just be too hard, seeing him…in person, I mean. Not that it’s not hard when I see him on TV or hear one of their songs on the radio. Or here’s the real kicker- when I get to walk through the grocery store and see the picture of the little slut I caught him with, telling her story for a few quick bucks.” Buffy broke off, realizing her babbling and looked up at Giles. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean.”
“Buffy, I have no reason to defend William’s behavior. I was furious with him for hurting you, as well as not having the guts to tell you about it. You’re like a daughter to me, Buffy, and I do not condone Will’s behavior, no matter how much I love him.”
“I still love him, Giles,” she whispered. “It’s horrible…everything he did…having to deal with all of it. I just feel horrible all the time.”
Giles crossed the floor and wrapped his surrogate daughter in his arms. He let her cry against him for several minutes before she pulled away.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been doing really good with the not breaking down…but, with him coming home tomorrow.”
“No need to explain, dear.”
“Anyway, um, the reason I came is to give you your Christmas gift, since I really doubt I’ll be seeing you on Christmas Day,” she said, handing him the small box.
“Buffy, that’s so thoughtful. I have yours here as well,” he said, walking over to the festive tree in the corner of the room. Retrieving a box from beneath the tree, he turned and handed it to her. They each tore into their own gifts and let out simultaneous gasps at what they found.
“Buffy, this is too much,” he said, holding up the silver watch and examining it.
“Oh, Giles, you really shouldn’t have. This is beautiful.”
Buffy looked down at the soft leather book in her hands. It had a clasp holding the blank pages together, and her name was inscribed in the bottom right hand corner.
“Nonsense,” he said. “I know you need to get your feelings out, and sometimes a journal is the best way.”
Buffy walked over and hugged him as tears filled her eyes again.
“Buffy, Will is…well, he called…you see the thing is.”
“Giles, tell me.”
“He taped a segment today for ‘The Tonight Show’, and he called to let me know it would be airing tonight.”
Buffy gave a small smile. “And you wanted to watch it, but you were worried about me.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be okay, Giles. Go ahead and turn it on.”
She watched as he walked over to the huge entertainment center that Spike sent him for his birthday and turned on the TV.
She sat in silence, watching the first few guests go through the interviews. When the band was announced, Buffy’s eyes were riveted to her ex-boyfriend.
“He looks good,” she commented almost miserably.
Giles noticed her tone and patted her shoulder in comfort. “He’s miserable without you, Buffy. He asks about you every time he calls and wants to hear all the details. The happiest I’ve heard him in the past few months was when I told him you’d chosen photography as your major. He was pleased to know you found something you love doing.”
Buffy offered a half-hearted smile as she turned back to the screen, hearing the music begin. The song was a remake of Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses.” They had released it a month earlier. Buffy felt the tears spring to her eyes as she listened to the man she was still in love with begin to sing a song that reflected such a horrible moment in her life.
“Sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
Trying hard to capture
the moment this morning I don’t know
‘Cause a bottle of vodka
is still lodged in my head
And some blonde gave me nightmares
I think she’s still in my bed
As I dream about movies
they won’t make of me when I’m dead
With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
While we’re talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
what you mean to me
And the truth is, baby you’re all that I need
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
Well I’m so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A king’s ransom in dimes I’d given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or it’s hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I’ll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love is true
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
The hotel bar hangover whiskey’s gone dry
The barkeeper’s wig’s crooked
And she’s giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died
Now as you close your eyes
Know I’ll be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonight I won’t be alone
But you know that don’t
Mean I’m not lonely, I’ve got nothing to prove
For it’s you that I’d die to defend
I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses”
The last few notes were played as Spike leaned into the microphone once more, “I’m still in love with you, Buffy.”
Buffy felt her heart ache at the admission and wiped the tears away that were traveling down her cheeks.
“Buffy?”
She turned at the sound of Giles’s voice. Offering him a weak smile, Buffy stood, clutching her new journal, and started walking to the door.
“I need to be getting home.”
“Of course. Can I offer you a lift?”
“No, that’s okay, Giles. I think I need to walk…clear my head a little.”
“Perhaps you can stop by for lunch tomorrow? Will’s not due in until after seven.”
“That would be nice. I’ll try and make it over around noon.”
“Splendid, I’ll be expecting you.”
Buffy offered him a small wave before heading home. Her tears continued as she walked slowly to her house, clutching the leather book to her chest. She still loved him so much, and he was coming home. How would she be able to look at him, whenever she saw him? She knew it was inevitable- Sunnydale was too small to not run into him. She knew the band would be there for at least a year, on hiatus while they worked on some new material. Spike had ripped her heart out. Buffy knew that he was also keeping tabs on her through Oz whenever he talked to Willow. She just couldn’t sort out her jumbled thoughts.