Chapter 50: Not Letting Go
Another update! I hope you enjoy.
Thanks for the reviews and encouragement: pfeifferpack, magnus374, Special Squirrel, Amayuscula, DauntlessGrace, CrazyCatLady402, Meavepagan, ginar369, kimothyschma, -Carrie-Ann-, and dmf109.
Unbetaed, lemme know of any errors.
~Earlier that morning…~
It was some time a little before 6am when Buffy had woken in Spike’s arms, the need to pee dragging her from slumber. She crept from the bed and tip-toed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her for privacy should he wake up. Blinking against the brightness of the light she turned to face the mirror.
When her eyes met those of her reflection she wasn’t at all surprised by what she saw. Her hair was dishevelled, her lips still swollen from Spike’s ardent kisses, and she was fairly certain that red mark on her shoulder was a hickey. All signs of the fun she and Spike had shared.
Fun…
She met her eyes in the reflective glass and a shiver went up her spine. Is that what it was? Just a little fun?
The memories assaulted her at once, her breath coming in little pants as her body tingled with the ghost of his touch. She could smell him on her skin, and her body still had that telltale ache of a good dose of loving.
No… it was more than just a little fun to her. Last night was about comfort for Buffy, about feeling something other than worthless. About doing something she wanted to do, not something her father commanded her to. So she’d practically thrown herself at Spike, it didn’t change the fact it was something she wanted.
And it had been everything she hoped for and more. He’d been kind and gentle and loving—
“Love you! Love you so damn much, Buffy.”
Silent tears tracked down her cheeks when she remembered his confession. Spike loved her, really loved her. She knew that now. Of course the timing sucked. Literally couldn’t have been any worse. Forcing her eyes shut she fought back the tears.
She refused to cry. She wanted to take this as a happy memory, not something that brought her sorrow.
When he’d said that, when he said ‘I love you’, Buffy’s heart had nearly burst free from her chest. She loved him too, so, so much. But she’d bitten back the words. Couldn’t say them, couldn’t tell him, not with knowing that she’d have to walk away from him and his love. It had been hard enough the first time, and back then she hadn’t been sure of his feelings.
She’d wanted one last time together before her life was turned upside down. Was it selfish? Maybe… Definitely. It was stupid of her to think she could have one more night with him and there not be repercussions. Her heart was splitting in two just at the thought of walking away. Actually doing it was going to be damned near impossible.
Splashing her face with cold water she took a couple deep breaths and walked back into the bedroom.
Spike was still sound asleep, a peaceful contented smile gracing his face, and Buffy’s heart clenched at the sight. She wanted nothing more than to snuggle back under the covers with him, but if she did that there would be no letting go.
She dressed silently, casting one last longing look over her shoulder at Spike, before she fled the room in the early morning light.
~*~*~
He was alone.
The silence of an empty room had never been so deafening.
Spike hadn’t fallen asleep by himself, and he certainly hadn’t expected cold sheets for company when he’d woken. A run of his hand across the bed where she’d slept let him know it had been some time since she’d left, no trace of her warmth remained.
There weren’t words to describe how that felt, how hard her abandonment cut.
“There’s gotta be a reason,” he muttered to himself, throwing back the blankets back in his haste to get out of bed. He didn’t believe Buffy would just leave. The glaring fact she had done just that was ignored, and Spike justified that ignorance with the thought there must be a reason for her to flee.
And he was going to find out what it was.
~*~*~
There was no answer at her room. The hotel pool was also devoid her presence. He strode with purpose toward the restaurant, the only other logical place—inside the hotel—that she might be, fighting the urge to break into a run.
His eyes immediately found her, and a sigh of relief rolled off his shoulders before it was replaced with a ball of tension in the pit of his stomach. Running a hand through his hair he approached the table, only noticing as he got closer that the whole team was there.
“Hey, Spike,” J.D. greeted. When Buffy flinched at the sound of his name some of his confidence fled. That was not a good sign.
Buffy tried to remain nonchalant, tried to act as if everything were fine when it so obviously was not. She could feel Spike’s gaze boring holes into her. In a flash she went from slightly edgy to full blown anxiety.
Taking the only free seat on the table Spike tried to catch her eyes, but she steadfastly refused to lift hers from her breakfast, frustrating the hell out of him.
“Morning, lazy bones,” Beth chirped. A good look at Spike lifted her eyebrows skyward. “Whoa, you look beat. Didn’tcha get enough sleep last night?”
Spike could practically feel the tension radiating from Buffy at the other end of the table. He was silent for a moment, considering what to say, and when Buffy turned her back on him to speak with Alicia his jaw clenched.
“Not enough. Someone woke me.”
Buffy’s spoon clattered to the table with a bang.
“Hey!” Alicia protested, wiping spilt milk from Buffy’s cereal off her sleeve.
Buffy’s muttered reply was barely audible as she reached for her spoon and began shoving food in her mouth. “Sorry Leesh.”
“It’s okay.”
Beth looked from Spike’s steadfast stare—fixed unblinking on Buffy, who was sporting flaming fuchsia cheeks—and she put two and two together, her eyes widening with sudden realisation. “Oh!”
Spike had been garnering for a reaction from Buffy—since she seemed so determined to pretend he didn’t even exist. And he’d certainly gotten one, that’s for sure.
But when he heard the surprised understanding in Beth’s voice, and saw a glint of recognition in her eyes, he knew he had to nip this in the bud quickly, before her natural curiosity took over. Beth was a gossip but not a malicious one, like Harmony. She wouldn’t be able to help herself.
“Phone call,” Spike added hastily. “From my dad. Remindin’ me he won’t be home when I get back, he’s takin’ off on business.”
The best part was it was actually true.
Beth eyed Spike curiously for a moment before accepting his words as truth. “Oh.”
Grabbing a slice of toast to keep his hands occupied Spike kept the conversation flowing. “So what’s the plan for this mornin’?”
“Well,” Beth began as the smile on her face stretched with giddy excitement. “I don’t know what you guys are doing, but the girls and I are going shopping! Buffy’s going to take us to all these cool little boutiques she knows about.”
Spike raised a brow in question. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Buffy answered, joining the conversation and finally looking in his direction. If he knew that she was busy all day maybe he’d leave her alone. Fat chance… she thought, but it was worth a try. When Spike set his mind to something it wasn’t easy to change it.
“I know some local haunts, thought the girls would appreciate the intel.” She shrugged casually, trying to keep up the cool facade.
Oh no… Spike thought. Not lettin’ you outta this one easy, love.
“Anythin’ special?” His grin turned mischievous as he looked at all the girls, though his statement was directed purely at Buffy. “Cos, if you ladies wanted a male opinion on your prospective purchases, I’m sure the lads would be happy to assist.”
“Yeah,” the guys chorused, wearing grins matching Spike’s.
Buffy’s cheeks reddened once more. “I think we can manage.”
“Offer stands.”
“No, thanks.”
Spike shrugged. “Well, I was thinkin’ ‘bout doing some shopping of my own anyhow.”
“What shopping?” Buffy scoffed, pushing her cereal away. Was he trying to piss her off? Because it was working. “More black T-shirts? Can’t you get those anywhere?”
Beth giggled once, then a second time when an idea formed. Buffy and Spike may not be a couple anymore, but she knew that they were meant to be together. And they wanted to be as well, she could just tell from the way they reacted around each other. A little nudge in the right direction couldn’t hurt, right? “His wardrobe is kinda monochromatic. Maybe he should come with,” she suggested.
“No.” Buffy’s reply was immediate.
She was trying to push him away, but Spike wasn’t going to let her. Not this time.
“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours, pet.” Flirting was familiar ground, and a sure fire way to get her to respond.
She might as well paint her cheeks red, because Buffy doubted the embarrassed blush was going to leave her anytime soon. “Nooo, thank you,” Buffy dismissed, shaking her head against the idea. “No guys allowed.”
Which she realised the second the words were out her mouth was like waving a red flag at a raging bull, probably the worst thing she could’ve said. Because now the others wanted in.
“Aww, come on Buffy.” J.D.’s whine was exaggerated.
“Count me in,” Dave insisted.
“No,” Buffy said more insistently, fixing Spike with a glare. She held him completely responsible for this, and judging by the smirk on his face he was pretty proud of himself. He shrugged at her. Shrugged at her! As if he was completely innocent and had absolutely nothing to do with the rebellion of the guys.
“But we wanna come,” Brian whined playfully, bumping shoulders with Buffy who just scowled at him in response.
“It could be kinda fun,” Beth suggested.
Alicia shrugged at Carla, who shrugged back. “Fine by us.”
“Yay!” Beth clapped her hands together. “Let’s go now!”
“Go where?”
Eight heads spun in the direction of Coach Jones, who was approaching the table swiftly.
“Shopping?” Beth supplied.
Coach shook her head. “Not now you’re not. The afternoon schedule is being pushed forward a couple hours.”
A few of them groaned, but Buffy was pleased. Saved by the bell… she sighed with relief.
“Conference room now,” Coach directed. “I want to go over the changes so you’re all prepared.”
The team got up and followed. Buffy moved quickly, not wanting to get left behind with Spike.
He of course, had other ideas.
His hand was on hers before she could pull away, tugging her back against him, and she stumbled to a halt. The way she responded, the way her body responded to his touch, spoke volumes. Confidence filled him once more. Maybe she was scared about what had happened between them last night. Maybe she was having second thoughts. Whatever the reason was for her fleeing before he woke that morning, Spike was going to try his damnedest to convince her that she had nothing to be afraid of.
Spike pressed his mouth against her ear, and she shivered in response.
Buffy couldn’t make herself move. If she were honest, she didn’t want to. When Spike’s warm breath kissed her neck she leaned back against him involuntarily, closing her eyes.
His whisper was punctuated with a squeeze on her hand. “You’re not gettin’ rid of me that easy, love.”
Buffy shuddered, inhaling a breathy gasp.
Before she could argue Spike dropped her hand and stepped away.
When Buffy opened her eyes again he was gone, walking ahead with the boys for the conference room. Realising she looked like a fool, standing in the middle of the hotel lobby like a statue, she walked quickly to catch up to the others.
Spike reached the door of their destination, shooting a look toward her before he disappeared inside. A look that meant business.
And Buffy felt herself shiver again.
With a deep breath for courage she followed.