Chapter 8: Beasts
The full moon was high in the sky, and Buffy felt like it was mocking her. Someone was dead, and a wolfed Oz was the main suspect. Her friends were investigating the body, Faith was on wolf duty at the library, and Buffy was out looking for other potential murderers. She sincerely hoped that, one way or another, they would be able to prove that Oz wasn’t to blame. She didn’t want to face that kind of dilemma again. And she didn’t want Willow to ever go through anything like what she had lived through with Angel.
She hadn’t mentioned the possibility to the others, but she had another suspect in mind. Spike seemed to have wicked mood shifts these days, for the little that she saw of him. Giles had mentioned that for a while after getting his soul back he had been pretty much crazy. She had a nagging suspicion that he might not be completely sane even now. And if he wasn’t, it was possible that he had slaughtered the teenager. That he was a beast.
She had gone through the woods already and found nothing. She had tried the Bronze and a couple of cemeteries where she had crossed path with Spike in the past week, but she had not found him. Now, she was on her way to the mansion. She hated the idea of returning there, but she didn’t see any other way. She needed to talk to Spike and ask him a few questions, just to be sure.
As she was about to push the door open, a shout behind her stopped her.
“Slayer! What a pleasant surprise.”
When she turned to him, the annoyed look in the vampire’s eyes denied that the surprise was anything but pleasant. And just below his left eye.
“Got yourself into trouble?” she asked, gesturing to the large bruise that marred is cheek.
He shrugged. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. Did you want something?”
Her suspicions increased tenfold. Since her return, he had been rude to her, ignored her, taunted her, refused to talk to her, but he had never asked if she wanted anything from him or offered his help.
“There seems to be a beast in the woods,” she said, observing closely his reaction. “It killed someone last night. Mauled would be more exact. Have you seen anything?”
His face remained completely blank.
“Can’t say that I have, but I’ll be sure to let you know if I do. Is that all?”
Was his impatience at having her gone suspicious? Or was it no stronger than usual?
“My mother says hi,” she said calmly.
Her mother had been more than annoyed when Buffy had refused to extend her invitation to Spike, but the vampire didn’t need to know that. Especially when his face softened ever so slightly for a second, before returning to his usual emotionless mask.
“Right. You’ll give her my regards.”
“We disinvited you from the house,” she added, trying to get another reaction from him. All she got was a nod.
“Good thing. Was actually going to suggest it.”
Her eyes widened at his admission. Could he actually be aware that he wasn’t completely safe? Was this what he was saying?
“Why?” she questioned his statement, and again he shrugged.
“I’m a vamp, shouldn’t have anything to do with the Slayer’s home. I don’t want you running to stake me if you lose your favorite pair of knickers and decide I’ve stolen them.”
The hint of a smirk on his face annoyed her. He was making fun of her. Damn vamp. Scowling at him, she walked past him without a parting word. The bruise was suspect, as was his answer to the desinvite spell, but that didn’t make him guilty. She pondered her options for a moment before deciding to keep an eye on the mansion to see if he would leave again. It was going to be a long night.
Spike waited until Buffy had disappeared down the driveway before he walked inside the mansion. He had been lucky to catch her before she entered. It might have been a little difficult to explain to her the how and why of the vampire chained to the wall. Especially since after more than a week, Spike still didn’t have the beginning of an answer to either question.
Ignoring the growls and attempted leaps at him, Spike took a container of pig’s blood out of the brown bag he was carrying. Angelus’ violent movements only increased, but Spike was confident that the chains would hold. He had thoroughly checked the strength of the securing hooks.
“If you don’t calm down,” he said evenly, “you’re not getting any food. Your choice.”
As if to prove his point, he took a couple of mouthfuls and tried not to grimace at the unpleasant taste. It was bad enough to drink animal blood, but to drink it cold was particularly revolting. He truly needed to find a way to heat it. In the meantime, he had no other choice and neither did Angelus. The brunet was calmer now, still growling but not as agitated anymore. Spike wasn’t taking any chance though. He had gotten too close the day before, and still had the bruises to show for it.
“Move back,” he instructed.
He hadn’t been sure in the first few days if the other vampire had understood what he was saying, but experimenting had proved that he did. Spike was sure that it was only a matter of time before his guest started talking again. It promised to be a lot of fun.
Angelus retreated toward the wall, and Spike nodded as he placed the container on the floor. As soon as it was down, Angelus jumped forward; but Spike had anticipated the move and had already stepped back. From what he could tell, his grand-sire was currently ruled by the baser instincts of the demon. But the fact that he understood when Spike talked to him meant that he hadn’t completely lost his mind.
Taking a second container from the bag, Spike went to sit with his back to the wall facing Angelus. He hadn’t even started feeding before the chained vampire had already finished. Judging by the way that he flung the empty container across the room, it hadn’t been enough to satisfy his hunger. There was more in Spike’s bag, but they would need it for the next night. On the other hand, a hungry Angelus probably wouldn’t let Spike get any rest at all. With a sigh, he threw the still closed container to his grand-sire, who easily caught it and emptied it as quickly as he had the first one. The brunet then cast a scowling look at Spike, before curling up on the floor. He wrapped himself in his blanket, and before long, he was asleep.
Long into the night, Spike remained there, watching the broken vampire moan and shiver. What nightmares haunted Angelus’ nights? Would they still affect Angel once they restored his soul? What did Spike even hope would come out of this? Would it be worth it?
He finally retreated to his room a little before sunrise. Despite being unable to find sleep, he didn’t hear the Slayer enter the mansion at dawn. But when he came out of his room to check on Angelus in the middle of the afternoon, her scent still lingered in the main room.
Her peer-turned-beast struck back, punching her hard in the face, and Buffy had the fleeting thought that this day was getting worse and worse. Hard to believe it was even possible after the calamitous events she had lived through in the past eighteen hours or so.
It had started out with a long night without sleep. She had been so sure Spike would leave again that by morning she had decided to reassure herself he hadn’t slipped out through another exit. As silently as she could, she had walked into the mansion. She had found a vampire there, but it wasn’t the one she had been expecting. For a few too fast heartbeats, she had stared at the man curled on the floor by the fireplace, chains pooling around him. Torn between going to him and touching him to be assured of his presence or running away, she had finally done the latter. He had stirred in his sleep, startling her, and she had fled, unable to confront whatever was going on there. Afraid to know whether it was Angel or Angelus.
She had run all the way back to her home, slipped into her bed, and muffled her sobs against her pillow. Just when she had thought she was getting better, opening herself to the counselor at school, beginning to build something with Scott, the simple glimpse of a man she had once loved brought everything crashing down around her again.
School time had come fast, and she had gone despite the exhaustion of a too long night and her nerves-wrecking discovery. Trying not to appear suspicious, she had looked for a book about Acathla and demon dimensions, struggling to find an excuse when Giles had asked what she was doing. She had lied to him, and wasn’t proud of it, but she needed answers before she was ready to share with anyone that Spike had a guest.
She had been distracted during lunchtime and thought she might have been rude to Scott. She had not meant to, but everything was so difficult. even more so when she went to talk to the school counselor again. Discovering him dead at least had cleared Oz, Spike, and Angel from the murder, since it had happened during the day.
After that, she had been too numb to do much more than follow the flow. Questioning Debbie, finding Pete, rushing to Oz’s help and securing the werewolf had been mindless duties when all she could think of was the vampire lying on the mansion’s floor. Even now, as she fought with Pete, or rather his Mr. Hyde side, her mind still wasn’t in it, which might be why she had so much trouble stopping him. Why, also, she didn’t notice the vampire approaching until he was right there.
“Slayer, we need to talk,” Spike said, completely ignoring the fact that she was fighting for her life.
“I’m a bit busy,” she pointed out sarcastically between ducking Pete’s fist and replying with a blow of her own.
“It’s important,” the vampire insisted.
This time, she was going to dust him. He needed to be dusted for sheer stupidity. No more delaying. Or at least, no more delaying after she managed to subdue her attacker and that would be easier to do once she pried his hands off her neck.
“That wanker’s human,” Spike commented thoughtfully a few steps behind Pete. “You gonna stake me if I lay a finger on him?”
“Just don’t kill him and I won’t kill you,” she replied breathlessly as she finally freed herself and pushed Pete away from her – directly toward Spike. She didn’t know what she had expected the vampire to do, but it certainly wasn’t wrapping an arm around Pete’s neck and squeezing until the human stopped thrashing and passed out from lack of oxygen. The most surprising thing came when the vampire carefully eased the unconscious boy to the ground and gingerly checked his pulse point, all the while muttering something that sounded like ‘not dead, not dead, didn’t kill, no more killing’.
p>It felt strange to hurt a human again when the memories of so many humans I had killed haunted me constantly. The soul almost wouldn’t let me do it. But I fought it off, pointing out to myself that the Slayer was there and she was OK with it; so there really was no reason not to help her out as long as there was no lasting harm. Yeah, I was at the point where I was having conversations with myself. Not sure that’s considered a sane thing to do, but it helped. Somewhat.
At that moment, his humanity only mattered as far as my reluctance or inability to hurt him. But when her gang caught up with us and started talking about it all, it dawned on me. The kid was human; there was no demon inside him. Only what he had done to himself. He was human, he had a soul, and he still had killed two people savagely. It was simply proof that having a soul wasn’t a guarantee of goodness. At the time, it didn’t mean much, but the revelation came in handy later on.
As long as the Scoobies were around, the Slayer didn’t say a word to me nor did I speak to her. But the dark looks she was giving me were not exactly reassuring. She knew about Angelus and wasn’t happy about it. I had no clue why she hadn’t dusted him or me, but I intended to beg my way out of both stakings. When she finally announced to her gang that she was going to do a final sweep with me, I wondered what she had in mind. Especially when Faith said she’d tag along, and Buffy talked her out of it. It became clearer when she directed our steps toward the mansion.
“You wanted to talk to me about something important,” she said, emotionless.
That was why I had hunted her down as soon as the sun had set, but my carefully planned explanation had disappeared in the middle of too much agitation. I didn’t know where to start. She finally did.
“How did Angel come back?”
Her voice was full of hope. Mine was bleak.
“It’s not Angel.”
Instantly, she stopped walking, and I’ll always remember the pain and shock on her face. Her eyes remained closed for a few seconds while she took a few deep breaths, and then she asked:
“Why didn’t you stake him yet?”
Why. It’s still a question even today. I never found the answer. I don’t think I ever will, beyond blaming it on the soul.
I pleaded with her, spoke of souls and curses, suggested having Red do her witchy spell on him. I carefully avoided saying anything about needing someone who knew what I was going through. She didn’t react to any of it. Not right then. Just started walking once more and we returned to the mansion together to face the vampire that held such an important role in both our pasts. He struggled against the chains when we came in, trying to lunge at us. She wasn’t afraid, that much was clear. She should have been. For the first time, he spoke, hissing the word ‘Slayer’ when she tried to get closer. I pulled her back, warned her again that it wasn’t her Angel.
Then she surprised me. Said she wasn’t sure a soul would do anything for him, that he was too far gone. Asked me not to tell anyone else about him, to give her time to think. She didn’t say what she needed time to think about, but I thought I understood. She wanted to get back to the emotional state where she would be able to stake him herself. She has admitted to me since then that I was right, and that she wanted closure by killing him herself rather than asking someone from her gang or me to do it. At the time she wasn’t ready, and I’m not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing.
I followed her wishes and didn’t tell her gang. But I did ask Willow if she might be able to modify the curse and get rid of the loophole, making it sound like I wanted her to re-curse me. She seemed excited by the idea. Of course, anything that had to do with magic excited her. Too much. But it would be a long time before we knew we should have been worried about it.