Part Two: Winding Road
A big battle was coming up, which meant the Scoobies were spending even more time in the library.
“So it was short and kinda blue?” Buffy asked.
Granted, they weren’t exactly talking shop.
Willow frowned. “Not too short, medium. And it had this weird, sorta fringy stuff on its arms.”
The doors to the library swung open and Giles bumbled inward. “What’s that?” he asked with interest. “A demon?”
The girls exchanged a wry glance. “No,” Buffy retorted. “A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Don’t you ever get out of the Hellmouth?”
Giles offered a wan smile. The look in his eyes said more than words ever could. “I’d be delighted to. However, the day of the Mayor’s Ascension is fast approaching and we don’t know what to expect. Some things remain more important than dances, girls.”
“Not this dance,” Buffy said.
“So says those with demon dates,” Xander grumbled. “Though I better shut up before the Hypocrite Gods strike me down.” He wisely avoided her eyes, turning to Giles. “Well, what about the pages that Will stole from the Mayor’s book? Look, she put her life on the line there, pal. Don’t tell me they’re useless.”
Giles shook his head. “On the contrary, no, we, uh, we know the Ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, the living embodiment of an immortal. And Graduation Day, our Mayor Wilkins is scheduled to do just that.”
“My life wasn’t really on the line,” Willow argued. “Spike was with me.”
Xander arched an eyebrow. “And this is supposed to make me feel better, how?”
“Mutual support,” Oz suggested. “It’s a thing they’re trying nowadays.”
Buffy shot Xander a dirty look. “Hey, he did a world of good, and it’s all new to him. Give the guy a break. And he didn’t wig about Angel helping us out. Bonus in the Buffy Boyfriend Happy department.”
“Please, for the love of god, don’t use that word in context with Captain Peroxide…ever.” He shuddered. “I can take you two going out—”
“One step ahead of me,” Giles murmured under his breath.
“—I can take the cutesy looks, the kissy faces, and the handholding. But don’t call him your boyfriend. It just makes it all so…real.”
“He totally kept his cool with Faith, too,” Willow continued as though Xander hadn’t spoken. “Though I was the one who freaking told her off.”
“Go Wills,” Buffy cheered, awarding her a thumbs-up.
The library doors swung open again, this time ushering in Wesley and Cordelia.
“The trouble is,” the younger Watcher said, “regarding the Mayor, anyway, is that we do not know what sort of demon he is to become.”
“There are thousands of species,” Giles agreed.
At that, Wesley puffed out his chest with the same ridiculous look of pride and superiority Buffy was beginning to suspect he’d had trademarked. “So, it’s safe to say we shouldn’t waste any time of such trifling matters as a school dance.”
“Well, that’s too bad,” Cordelia replied, making to sit at the table. “Because I bet you would look way 007 in a tux.”
There was an uncomfortable beat as the Wesley all but slobbered over the compliment. “Except,” he continued, smiling winningly, “of course, on the actual night, I will be aiding Mr. Giles in his chaperoning duties.”
At that, Giles glanced up in horror. “What? Excuse me?” There was a beat—then a sigh of resignation. “Oh, fine, fine, fine.”
Buffy grinned and turned back to Willow. “We’ll get you a dress. You know, we should check April Fools.”
“Don’t go there!” Cordelia blurted. Then, calmer, she said, “I shop there.”
“I myself am dipping into my road trip fund to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle,” Xander added.
“And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complexion,” Giles snapped. “Can we please talk about the Ascension?”
Buffy grinned at him. There were times when he was the epitome of all work and no play. “Giles, we get it. Miles to go before we sleep. But especially if we’re all gonna vaporize or something on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommy fun. One night of glory, not too much to ask.”
Nothing could be that simple, of course. The PTB had little regard for teenage rites of passage, and things had been entirely too quiet of the recent. Detailing every night’s patrol with Giles wasn’t exactly momentous. She very much doubted her Watcher wanted a detailed account of Spike’s lips.
For all the good gossipy stuff, there was Willow. Willow, who was always interested in hearing how things were going.
“So,” the redhead said later as they made their way out of the building. “How go things in the Spike department?”
Buffy couldn’t keep from smiling if she tried. “What? Does my general bubbly persona not give it away?”
“A girl wants details. Details!”
“Things are…” Buffy trailed off, the dopey smile that had become somewhat permanent over the last few weeks firmly in place. It was such a one-eighty from the gloom and doom of not too far back—a cheerful Buffy still managed to take people by surprise. “Things are perfect. He’s just so… God, Wills.”
“That good, eh?”
“Oh yeah.” Then her expression hardened. “And I’m not just talking about the—”
“Hot and dirty sex?”
Her cheeks went hot. “There’s really not much to say. We patrolled last night and he walked me home.”
“You patrolled. That’s it?”
“Well, there were smoochies.”
“Aha! I knew you were keeping something from me.”
“But no hot and dirty anything.”
“Aw, poor Buff. That’s what…three days in a row?”
“Hey, I would if I could. Believe me. I think there’s something addictive about Spike’s…well…”
“Buffy!”
She smirked. “You asked for it.”
Willow heaved a sigh. “I did. I really did. But still. Line. Crossing. Pay attention to the flashing red lights. They’re there for a reason.”
“For my amusement,” Buffy confirmed with a nod.
Willow shook her head, though her eyes glimmered with delight. “And he’s even a go for the prom? The tux, the flowers, the limo, the spending? Check double for the spending.”
A giddy grin spread across Buffy’s lips, and she nodded her enthusiasm. “He’s even assured me that the spending will be of the legal nature.”
“Wow! Now, there’s commitment.”
Buffy shrugged. “Well, considering my boyfriend has the morals of a politician during election year without the Religious Right on his tail, I say go him. He’s been crime-free ever since we…you know…got together.”
“Go, Buff,” Willow cheered, waving her fist in moral support. “The reformer of all things vampy.”
“Not all things. Just one.”
“Not counting Angel?”
“Angel was already reformed.” Then she frowned. “Actually, our relationship deformed him. Turned him all evil-like. No wonder that was doomed.”
Willow nodded. “How is he? Have you heard from him?”
“Not since the last oh-so-pleasant Faith encounter. And even then, we didn’t speak much.”
“But he’s all right?”
“I think so. I mean, he’s not dancing in the streets or anything.” A sigh tumbled from Buffy’s lips as she skipped a step on the sidewalk. “I don’t like seeing him all…I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“He knows that. I’m sure he does.”
She shrugged. “Well, and even if he doesn’t…there’s really not much I can do, is there? I’ve already established the basics. I love him, but not like that anymore. There are feelings of the love-nature for Angel that are…I dunno…more…”
“Sisterly?”
She made a face. “Ew. Incestuous much?”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Not like that, and you know it.”
“Well, not girlfriend-love and not sister-love. Is there somewhere in the middle?”
“Sympathy love?”
“I don’t like calling it that.”
“And yet?”
Buffy sighed. “Stop it with the insightful. He’s leaving town when graduation is over, and pending any potential apocalypses, that’ll be the end of that.” A frown tugged at her lips. “Spike was right all along. We really can’t be friends.”
“And that’s…a bad?”
“I don’t know. There is no in the middle with me and Angel. It’s one extreme or the other.” She exhaled, shaking her head. “I…we’ve been through so much together. I’d like to give the friend-thing a go, but I just don’t see it happening, especially with all we’ve dealt with. There’s serious badness there that we need to work out before anything vaguely resembling the friend-nature can ever be considered.”
Willow frowned. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault. Not even Spike’s fault.”
“Buff, it’s not yours, either.”
“I’m the cheater. I’m Cheaty McCheats-Alot.”
“A lot? You plan on doing more of that?”
A beat, then Buffy’s eyes went wide. “No. No! I would never… It’s different now. I’d never do that to Spike. It’s…we’re different.”
Willow cracked a smile at that. “She denies that she loves him,” she said in a radio-announcer voice. “And yet, the idea of cheating on him makes her extend her claws. When will Buffy overcome her denial? Find out next time on My Life as a Slayer.”
“Ha ha.”
“Well, come on. Angel was the big-love-of, and yet you boinked another vamp when only out of his reach for what? A few hours?”
“Angel was the teen drama that every normal girl should have.” She paused, frowned, and turned to thwap her friend across the arm. “And—hey!”
Willow barely flinched. “But not the big-love-of? You’ve—”
“Will, I was sixteen when I met him.”
“Yeah. I was kinda there, remember? Trauma, smoochies, nailed-puppies.”
A wry smile played across her lips. “Yeah. All that and a bag of very stale chips. At least with Spike, there’s no hidden motive. I know if he’s on the prowl, it’s for one of two things—sometimes both simultaneously—violence and sex.”
“Simultaneously?”
“Well, you know. Stakage, then massive happy.”
“Oh. So he never…”
Buffy frowned in confusion, then stopped dead. “Wills!”
“What?”
“How can you—”
“Sorry, sorry. But lest we not forget, he is evil, you know!”
Buffy shook her head. “He wouldn’t hurt me,” she said firmly, voice ringing with conviction. “Ever. God, every time I even get scraped on patrol, he has to search me to make sure I’m not bleeding internally or something. He is the most over-protective-in-a-sweet-way vampire I have ever met. He’s worse than Giles, for Pete’s sake! You think he’d—”
Willow held up a hand. “Okay, okay. With the chilling and all.”
“Sorry. I’m just…”
“Protective?”
Buffy paused. “You could say that. Anyway, enough. We still on for prom-dress shoppage?”
“Oh, you know it. I wanna get your opinion on the outfit I mentioned.” Willow glanced down, cheeks tinting. “I’m not really good at this stuff, as you know. I don’t think I would’ve survived homecoming if…”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Homecoming? Oh, you mean that thing where you pulled votes for Cordelia?”
“I was hoping you would’ve done that thing where you forgot that part.”
“No such luck.”
“How many times can a girl say she’s sorry?”
And then, for no reason whatsoever, except that it was a day that ended with y, Buffy found her mind had taken her back to Spike. Thinking about how they grew closer every day. It was frightening in that way. So much time had passed before she and Angel had gotten to the point she was at now, and for whatever reason, that made things with Spike seem even more right. The casual intimacy they shared was like nothing she had ever had the pleasure to experience. With every beat, her heart swelled more. But she wasn’t ready to call it love just yet.
“You went off again, didn’t you?”
Buffy blinked. Twice. “Huh?”
“To the land of cherries and bleached blonds. No big.” Willow shrugged, a devious look crossing her features. “I never thought I’d say it, but, you two are cute together. As in really, sickening, I-can’t-believe-it’s-possible cute together. It’s hard to imagine him as the same guy that tried to kill us god-knows-how-many-times.”
“But he is.”
“He is.”
“And I can never forget that.” A sigh rattled through her. “It doesn’t change anything… He’s so different. But…he’s the real deal. And it’s never been like this before. Never.”
“Somebody’s in looooove,” Willow singsonged.
“I am not!”
“Oh, come on.”
“You can’t make me confess anything.”
“Spike and Buffy sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “God. Third grade, much?”
“Much,” Willow agreed. “You need to wake up and smell the ciggies, girl. I haven’t seen you this happy since…well, pre-Angelus-datage. And even then: run, money. Look into it.”
She shrugged. “He makes me happy.”
“He gives you happies.”
No sense in denying it. “Well, that too.”
The girls had stopped on the sidewalk outside Buffy’s house.
“Shoppage,” Willow said with a nod. “Tonight? I have some calculus to get through.”
Buffy offered a very unladylike snort. “Calculus.”
“And then shoppage, then helping with the algebra?”
“I should patrol, too.”
“Ah.” A grin tickled Willow’s lips. “Of course. Spike time.”
“He wanted to help me with my homework.”
“Suuuure he did.”
Buffy chuckled and shook her head, making her way slowly up the walk. “Later. About an hour?”
“Sounds good.”
Yes, it sounded good. It sounded perfect. Everything right now sounded perfect.
That alone was enough to sound warning bells. Whenever things got perfect, they fell apart. And she knew she was close to dancing off the edge.
It scared her, how easy it would be to fall.
If she wasn’t there already.