Part Sixteen: Eyes of China Blue
They told him that her improvement was remarkable. They told him that they had never seen anything like it. They told him that she was a certified miracle. They told him everything was going to be all right. That she was one lucky, lucky girl, and that she would be just fine.
And Spike heard none of it. What little he did pick up was of minimal comfort, for despite the glowing report of success, she was still unconscious.
Spike had absolutely no grasp on how much time had passed. He knew it couldn’t have been too long since the Scooby brigade had not yet arrived.
He wasn’t watching for them, though. He didn’t care.
There was nothing he could do but sit by Buffy’s bedside and wait. His chin rested against his wrist at the bed so that he could study her face. His other hand was curled in hers.
He’d promised her. And he’d failed. His insides ached. She’d said that she loved him. They had shared so much, and with every day, he had waited. Waited. Waited. Fucking waited. And when she’d finally told him, he’d thrown it back in her face.
But she’d saved him anyway.
The white of the room was bloody blinding. Hospitals were like that, he supposed. Bright with false light. Spike licked his lips and kissed Buffy’s forehead, his eyes falling shut. “You gotta wake up for me, sweetheart,” he whispered softly. “Please, baby. It’s time now.” There was nothing. He hadn’t been expecting anything, but it felt like a failure all the same. “I can’t do this without you, love. Wake up for me.”
He waited again, racking his memory for something that she might hear. She liked it when he sang to her—something she’d discovered one night after he’d had one too many glasses of whiskey. Spike inhaled and glanced at the door.
Couldn’t bloody hurt, could it?
“And I love you so,” he sang softly. “And people ask me how. How I’ve lived till now. I tell them I don’t know.” A poignant smile crossed his lips. “I guess they understand how lonely life has been. But life began again…the day you took my hand.”
Oh, and how he remembered that day. Standing in the foyer of Angel’s mansion. holding his hand out to her, waiting. And she’d threaded her fingers through his and life had never been the same.
“And yes, I know how lonely life can be. The shadows follow me, and the night won’t set me free.” His eyes fogged with tears. “But I don’t let the evening bring me down…now that you’re around me.”
He paused, swallowed.
“And you love me, too,” he whispered, eyes falling shut. “Your thoughts are just for me. You set my spirit free. I’m happy that you do. The book of life is brief, and once a page is read, all but love is dead. That is my belief.” A long, trembling sigh pressed through his lips. “And yes I know how loveless life can be. The shadows follow me and the night won’t set me free.” Spike willed his eyes open again, tightening his hand around hers. She didn’t look much changed, but he wanted to believe he was helping. Reaching her wherever she was, telling her what he should have yesterday. “But I don’t let the evening bring me down, now that you’re around me.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “And I love you so. People ask me how. How I’ve lived till now. I tell them I don’t know.”
The air went still again, feeling heavier than before. Still, she did not move.
“Spike?”
He started, jerking his head toward the door. “Willow,” he said. “‘Lo, pidge.”
She offered a halfhearted grin. “Hey. How goes?”
“Same old, same old.” He glanced down, bracing himself. “The others here?”
“Yeah. In the hall.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets and moved forward. “Angel said that you…” Her eyes drifted to the unconscious blonde and down again. “Anyway, Giles asked me to come in here and get you. We have stuff to talk about…and stuff.”
Spike snickered appreciatively. Stuff. Yes. He had seen this coming.
He only wondered which version of you murderous wanker he could expect first.
“Right,” he said. “But only for a minute. When Buffy wakes up, I’m the first one she sees, got it?”
Willow nodded her agreement. Willow was the one friend of Buffy’s who understood. After all, she loved a monster as well.
“How is she?” Giles demanded the second he stepped into view. And the whole merry lot was there. The Watcher, the ex-boyfriend, the wolf, and the boy.
“Bloody fantastic, from what the meds tell me,” Spike retorted. “It’s a wonder she’s not running laps.”
“Yeah,” Xander agreed. “Vampiric high. And we all stand aside in astonishment.”
Spike snickered and shifted his gaze to Angel. “You told. Can’t say I didn’t expect it, but I’m calling you a tattletale all the bloody same.”
“They deserved to know what happened,” Angel said.
Yeah. I’m sure that conversation was well-rounded and fair from all angles,” he replied. “None of you have a bloody idea what happened tonight, so don’t go preaching about something you can’t possibly understand.”
“Trust me, Spike,” Giles retorted coolly. “My imagination is not as limited as you believe.”
“Yeah. I’m just surprised you had the guts to stick around as long as you did,” Xander snapped. “After all, shouldn’t you be out hunting your fourth? Hey! Here’s an idea—attack Faith while she’s out of the game. You can be the only vampire in history to wipe out two slayers in twenty-four hours.”
Spike glared at him but managed to hold his tongue. As much as it smarted his pride, he deserved whatever they gave him.
“What happened to Wesley?” Willow asked, drawing his attention back to her. “I thought he was watching you.”
“I dunno where he went,” Spike replied. “He wasn’t there when I…I didn’t see him.”
“Sure you didn’t inadvertently eat him on your way out?” Xander asked. “You know? Wash down a little slayer with watcher blood?”
Oz offered a non-committal shrug. “Accidents happen.”
Holding his tongue apparently was an easier said than done thing. Spike rolled his eyes. “And I had the nerve to think the lot of you would overreact.”
“Overreact?” Xander yelled, practically vibrating with energy. “Buffy trusted you. She wanted us to trust you. And here’s the funny part—we did! We let you into our lives and went along with it. And the first thing you do when the chips are down and things look grim is feed off the girl who loves you to save your own ass!” He shook his head. “I would stake you right now, but I wouldn’t want to deny her that pleasure.”
“Stop it!” Willow screamed. “Just stop it, Xan, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I think I can read patient charts, Will. Can you?”
“I am so bloody tired of being on the outs with you people.” Spike released an emphatic sigh and shook his head. “Look, I’m going back in there to wait with my lady, all right? You all can piss off.”
“No,” Giles said softly. “You better go. We’ll watch over her.”
Spike stopped and glared at him. “Like. Hell.”
“The sun will be up soon.”
“Then thank god they invented indoor hospitals. You’re off your rocker if you think I’m leaving her.”
“What?” Xander asked. “This your perverse way of paying pilgrimage to her?”
Everyone stopped and stared at him.
Giles cocked an eyebrow. “Errr, pilgrimage?”
“It’s a new age trade, consisting of monetary compensation through the sale of fifteenth-century separatists,” Oz offered without batting an eye. “Very favorable if you know the right people.”
Willow grinned and pecked the wolf’s cheek, then turned to Giles. “Look, I know tempers are running high, but I also know that Buffy wants him here.” She snapped her gaze to Xander. “She wants him here. With how she was talking before she went over to Angel’s and…” A frown stole her fire, her brow furrowing. “How exactly did that happen again? The last I knew, Spike was supposed to drink Faith’s blood and Angel would die. That’s sort’ve what we…” She caught herself three seconds too late, looking worriedly to the older vampire. “Whups.”
All eyes fell on Angel, and he shuffled uncomfortably.
“Well,” Willow added belatedly. “It’s not like she wanted him to die. She just…well…”
“Spike came by with Faith’s blood,” Oz told her. “Cordelia and I didn’t know he was sick. Which raises an interesting question…” He turned to Spike. “If you were poisoned, then—”
“It wasn’t easy,” Spike replied. “Had to make like I wasn’t. I told Wes I’d rip him apart if he didn’t get me over to the mansion. He was too daft and running scared to know better. I pulled all I had together and shoved it down dear ole pappy’s throat.” He leveled a glare at Angel. “Was gonna let him live and everything.”
“It’s funny how these details didn’t make it into the explanation we were given earlier,” Giles muttered, turning to give Angel a glare of his own.
Angel had the bloody gall to shrug. “I didn’t think it was important. Buffy’s hurt—are you really asking me for specifics on things that happened three hours ago?”
“Would help,” Giles said.
“And that would explain why Buffy wanted Spike to drink from her,” Willow said.
Spike’s throat tightened. As much as he liked this turn of events, nothing would change the fact that his fangs had landed the woman he loved in the hospital, fighting for her life. “Don’t try to help me, Red. I nearly killed her.”
“But you didn’t.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Technicalities.” A long beat settled through the hall. “Look…there are things going on, right? Lemme stay with the Slayer. I swear on whatever it is you lot need me to swear on, I won’t let anything happen to her. Leave Will if it makes you feel better, but Buffy’ll want to get to business when she wakes up, and she’ll be brassed if everyone’s unprepared.”
“As much as I hate to admit it,” Giles said finally. “Spike raises a good point.”
“I do? Erm…I do.”
Xander arched an eyebrow. “Spike makes points?”
Angel rolled his eyes. “Oh, stop already. With as much as I am already not Spike’s number one fan, you’re really beginning to bug me.”
Spike snickered. “Now you’ve gone and done it. Daddy’s very angry.”
“Oh yeah,” Harris said, “really making with the points. We’re all very impressed.”
And for whatever reason, that sent Angel over the bloody edge. His eyes flashed yellow and a growl tore at his throat. “What, Xander?” he spat. “Did you stop to think that if Spike wanted her dead, he would’ve killed her when he had the chance? She gave herself over willingly, and no one was there to tell him to stop. Could you have? Hell, could I?” He shook his head and barked a laugh. “You know what slayer blood is to vampires, boy? The most powerful stuff we’ll ever taste and you gave it to us when we were dying. Like water in the goddamned desert. And this is twice, mind you, twice that he’s gotten a taste and deliberately chosen not to kill her. So maybe you should take a breather and start respecting your elders before we take offense.”
Spike couldn’t have been more stunned if Angel had popped the bloody question. And from the looks of the others, he wasn’t the only one.
But Angel wasn’t done, apparently. “I know Buffy. I know her well. What happened was stupid, yes, and could’ve gotten her killed. Guess what? It didn’t. She’s alive, and the doctors have reassured all of us that she’s going to be fine. And everyone here knows that once she gets an idea into her head, the last thing she does is let it go until it’s done. She saved Spike last night. Spike got her here. End of story. You’re standing with the only two vampires in the world who would die for her, so stuff it.”
It was a moment before the yellow faded from Angel’s eyes, but longer before Spike could shake off his shock. Tonight had been the night for a whirlwind of emotions. Granted, he wasn’t daft enough to let whatever Angel said get to his head. After all, the git had insulted him just recently, as well as brought the cavalry along for the ride. But the sentiment was appreciated nonetheless.
“It’s a good thing he doesn’t need to breathe,” Oz finally said.
Giles smiled grimly. “Touché. Now, with that said…” He turned to Willow. “I want you to stay here with Spike and Buffy. It will most likely be early morning when she awakes, and Spike will need your assistance in leaving without burning up.”
“Thanks, mate.”
The Watcher ignored him, glancing instead to Angel. “You can either return to the mansion and collect your strength,” he said, “or adjourn with Xander, Oz, and myself to the library for the final preparations.”
Angel shrugged. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s make sure she is, too.”
“I thought so.” At last, Giles turned to Spike, his eyes serious but oddly warm. “Buffy will need you when she awakes,” he said simply. “She will need to know that you are all right, and she will depend on you for strength.”
Spike scoffed at that. “Slayer doesn’t depend on anything—”
“She depends on you. And us. All of us.” Giles nodded mutely. “And, though I am ignorant of the extent to last night’s events—and wish to remain so indefinitely—I feel safe to gamble that what she did for you should prove at least that much.” A long breath slipped through his lips. “I want you to call us on the hour with reports until she awakes.”
Spike nodded, still somewhat thunderstruck.
“We will,” Willow said.
“Good. I am going to pop over to tell Joyce what has happened. Not everything,” Giles added, holding up a hand. “But what she needs to know so that she does not worry. I also know that Buffy would want me to persuade her to leave town, in case things go awry.”
“‘In case things go awry,'” Xander echoed. “Is it just me, or is he way too casual about that?”
“We’re on the plan formation team, then,” Angel said.
Giles nodded. “It’s counting down to the crucial hour.” Another long beat, then he jutted his head in the direction of the front and addressed Xander, Oz, and Angel. “The three of you better get going. I will be along shortly.”
The wolf hugged Willow goodbye, and Angel favored Spike with a significant look, but no words were shared.
Once they were gone, Giles turned back to Spike, his expression soft. “You didn’t mean to do it?” he asked softly.
Spike cleared his throat, and everything came crashing back down without warning. “I’d never hurt her. It kills me to think…she… I told her I wouldn’t, Rupert. Wouldn’t drink from her. I knew the risks. I knew what…I just knew. She’s my everything. To think that I—”
“I know, Spike.” The words were so soft he thought he’d imagined them until he read the sincerity behind the Watcher’s eyes. “It’s taken me a long time to trust you,” Giles continued. “I’m still not certain that I do, to be honest…but… She gave you something that you didn’t want, and when you could have, you didn’t kill her. You—”
“I’d never—”
“Oh yes, you would. You nearly did several times last year.”
There was nothing to say to that.
“I didn’t want to believe that a vampire could experience the feelings you claim to possess,” Giles went on. “I still don’t. This goes against everything Watchers have known and trusted for years. But tonight…you proved yourself otherwise. You put her above your own needs and you did it with no thought of yourself.”
Spike snorted. “That’s where you’re wrong, mate,” he replied. “I did it all for me. I didn’t want to become her regret. I didn’t want her letting Angel die just to resent me…and—”
“She wouldn’t!” Willow protested.
“Red—”
“Oh, good grief, Spike! The girl loves you. She told me so. She told me that she told you so. And in case you didn’t notice, Buffy’s not the kinda person to say that unless she means it.”
Giles offered a grim snicker. “Well, I believe I will leave you two to it,” he said. “I want my phone to ring every hour.”
He didn’t even wait for acknowledgment. He was gone the next second.
Spike sighed, turned to Willow fully. “Look, I—”
“She loves you. I mean, how dumb, deaf, and blind do you have to be to not see it?” Willow shook her head. “You really hurt her feelings, you know? It took her this long to finally realize that, yes, she loves you, and you…what? Degrade it to some bedside confessional? You’re a heartless son of a bitch.”
“I figured it myself, pidge. You’re right.”
“I am? I mean, I am. I so am.” She straightened her shoulders and jutted her chin in the air. “So…tell her when she wakes up that you’re sorry and you love her and all that other stuff.”
“Just one of many things I plan on telling her.” Spike paused. “So…Willow?”
“Hmmm?”
“The wolf finally popped your cherry, did he?”
Willow froze, her eyes widening. Spike just grinned and pointed at his nose.
“Vampires suck,” she muttered. “You’re lucky Buffy loves you.”
Spike offered a small smile at that, something in his chest twisting. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
*~*~*
Someone was squeezing her hand. The air was cold and smelled of antiseptic. Like a hospital. Ugh. She hated hospitals.
“Come on, sweetheart. That’s it.”
But god, she loved that voice. She’d heard him singing, but that was the past. This was now.
“Buffy… Buffy, please wake up for me.”
Buffy slowly opened her eyes and was instantly engulfed in the warmest shade of blue she had ever known. An ecstatic smile burst across his face and he cupped her cheeks to press his lips to hers.
“I love you,” he whispered before breaking from her mouth to pepper her face with kisses. “You beautiful, bloody idiot.”
“Spike.”
Her voice sounded raw, but she didn’t care. And from looks, neither did he.
“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I…”
His arms were around her the next minute, drawing her into his chest. She saw Willow asleep in the chair over his shoulder, but she was slowly coming to. But then Spike had pulled back and was again peppering her face with soft kisses. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I’m so sorry.”
Buffy smiled weakly. “You believe me.”
He nodded through muffled half-sobs. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured against her lips. “I shoulda believed you right off. You never say anything you don’t mean.”
“You believe me now,” Buffy replied, caressing his face and wiping away his tears. “That’s all I need.”
He smiled at her, and she smiled back because she meant it.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too.”
“I know, love. I know.”
Buffy grinned. “Good. And…I’m good.” She glanced at Willow, who started squealing and jumped out of her chair. “Hey Will.”
“Buffy! You’re awake!”
“I am.” She glanced back at Spike. “And I have a plan.”
“A…plan?”
Buffy nodded. “Once we bust outta here and get to the others, I’ll tell you.”
Her dreams had told her everything. Everything and then some.
This apocalypse was so in the bag.