Chapter 4
So, what’s this whole thing about me being a safety witness?” Willow wondered sitting on Buffy’s bed.
“It’s this guy I met at the library. Name’s Parker Abrams. Very sweet and nice.” Buffy explained a bit dreamily, walking around in circles in front of Willow.
“You met a guy? That’s great.” The redhead said enthusiastically. “But it still doesn’t explain where I fit in.” She noted.
“Well, when we were leaving, the rain was pouring outside and he offered to give a ride and-” Buffy stopped in mid sentence, frowning when she realised her best friend had her eyes closed and was mumbling something under her breath. “Willow?”
Slowly, her voice grew stronger and louder.
“Oh… God…So good… Good, Oh, God! Yes, yes, yes, YES, YES. HARDER! GOD!”
In seconds she was bouncing on the bed, making it screech and hit the wall hard, while she screamed her lungs out.
“OH, GOD. So GOOD, you’re so GOOD! Don’t stop, don’t ever stop! Oh, MY GOD! SPIKE!”
Buffy’s eyes snapped open to realise she was lying in her bed, under her warm sheets. She blinked wildly, trying to focus her gaze in the dark room while a loud thumping sound came from the wall opposite her bed. Tossing and turning for a few seconds as awareness slowly took over, her hand blindly tapped over her nightstand until she found the switch for her lamp. She turned it on and a soft glow flooded the darkened room. In the meantime, a litany of moans and groans came from Harmony’s room accompanied by loud banging and metallic screeching.
“SPIKE, you’re so BIG! Give it to me hard! Harder, HARDER, FASTER!”
Still a bit dazed, Buffy sat up in her bed and picked up the alarm clock.
“Oh, for Christ sake! It’s four thirty in the morning.” She grumbled, dropping the clock back in its place when her brain finally registered what was happening.
For the next twenty minutes Harmony’s high-pitched voice carried clearly into Buffy’s room as the momentum on the other side of the wall grew and the intervals between sequential thumps and screeches became shorter.
“So big, so good… Hard *gasp* HARDER *moan* Oh, GOD! Spike, I’m coming, God I’m- AHHHHHHHHHH!” Harmony cried out dramatically.
“Finally!” Buffy sighed in relief as she waited for the last few thumps and screeches to be heard.
But they never came. The banging sound continued, now at a slower and more even pace, but it was still there.
“What the hell?” Buffy wondered when, slowly, Harmony’s moaning voice resurfaced.
With a groan, Buffy sunk in between her sheets as the symphony continued. She twisted and turned under the covers, using her pillow to cover her ears, but it was to no avail. Ten more minutes passed and Harmony was howling out her second orgasm. Buffy dropped her pillow to the side and waited. Sure enough, three or four harder bangs were heard before a distinctly male groan sounded:
“Fuck!”
Then there was silence and Buffy inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, preparing to fall sleep once more.
Not even five minutes had passed when:
Tap…tap…tap…bang…bang…BANG, BANG.
“Again?!” It was Buffy’s turn to cry out, but her voice didn’t even come close to Harmony’s decibel range.
“God, you’re soooooo GOD!”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy glanced at her alarm clock. It read five a.m.
~+~
A moan was the first thing to escape Buffy’s dry lips when she woke up. She tried to turn sideways to check her alarm clock, only to freeze halfway through the motion when a sharp pain attacked her neck.
She stood completely still, waiting for the ache to cease. When it finally did she moved in slow-motion to check the time.
“Damn it.”
She protested when she realised she had slept in and had missed all her morning classes. She closed her eyes and groaned again when she felt a coughing fit take over her. She coughed for a solid five minutes and when it was over she reached for a nearby Kleenex and blew her nose. It was official, she was 100% in flu-mode.
She sighed and let her head drop to the pillow. She could barely move; her body was completely sore.
With a lot of effort she reached for her cell phone on her nightstand and pressed a key continuously.
“Hello?” Willow answered.
“Hey, Wills. It’s *cough* Buffy.” She was barely able to speak.
“Buffy? Are you ok?”
“I think the flu is worse.” She placed her hand on her forehead and moaned: “And I think I have a fever.”
“Do you want me to come over?” Willow offered. “I just finished classes for the day, I could swing by.”
“Thanks, Will.” Buffy replied.
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
Five minutes later the doorbell rang.
‘Oh, right. I have to open the door. I forgot.’ Buffy thought, preparing herself for the pain as she forced herself to move. She slipped her feet into her slippers and stood up, dragging her aching body across the living room.
“Hey.” She greeted half-heartedly, quickly turning around and planting herself on the couch.
“Hey. I brought you cup-a-soup and some tea.” Willow said, lifting the paper bag she carried in her hand as she entered the kitchenette. “It’s chicken.”
“The tea?” Buffy frowned, sitting sideways to be able to see her friend.
“No, dummy. The soup.” Willow giggled.
“Oh, sorry. My brain’s extremely non-functional right about now. Stupid flu.” She mumbled before blowing her nose.
“I thought you were getting better – hot date and all.” Willow questioned, starting to heat up some water.
“Not a date, Wills.” Buffy corrected her friend for the umpteenth time.
They had talked on the phone the night before and the moment Buffy had told her about her ‘coffee, non-date arrangement’ with Parker, the redhead had been become clearly excited with the perspective of her best friend returning to the dating circle.
“And speaking of it, I’m not going to be able to make it. Not like this.” Buffy said disappointed. “I have to find a way to let him know I’m sick or he’ll think I stood him up.”
“I think Riley, my TA, knows him. I could give him a call and ask him for his number.” Willow explained on her way to the living room with the warm cup of soup in her hands. “Here you go. Eat it all up.”
“Thanks, mom.” Buffy mocked taking the cup.
“Be careful, it’s hot.” Willow warned her.
Buffy nodded, blowing on the spoon before placing it in her mouth.
“If I had any taste buds working right now I’m sure I would be telling you this tastes wonderful.” Buffy assured her, taking another sip.
“How’d you end up like this?” Willow wondered, taking a seat next to her on the couch.
“The correct question is ‘Because of *who* did I end up like this?’ “
“Actually it would be ‘Because of *whom* did you end up like this?’ ” Willow corrected.
“My brain is working on a very basic level right now, Willow and grammar is definitely *not* included as an essential intellectual function.” Buffy replied promptly and Willow smiled. “And the answer to the question is the roommate from Hell.” Her eyes widened at the last word and then looked up at Willow, tilting her head. “Apparently, it’s mating season for overly chipper, bubble-gum-sweet, ex-cheerleaders.”
Willow frowned.
“I woke up at five thirty in the morning to the symphony of headboard banging and bed screeching.” Buffy explained.
“She brought someone over?” Willow asked surprised. “To have sex?”
“Yep.” Buffy popped the ‘p’. “And best of all? She’s a talker. No! Actually, no!” She quickly corrected. “She’s a screamer!”
“Ouch!” Willow replied sympathetically.
“Oh, God. Sooo good. Sooo big. Harder, harder.” Buffy mocked in a high-pitched voice. “It went on, and on, and on. It just would. Not. Stop. Ever! I had to listen to this major moan-fest for almost three hours.”
“THREE HOURS?!” Willow shouted, but quickly calmed down when her friend winced.
“Having major migraine here, Willow. Some sympathy, please.” Buffy said in a groggy voice.
“Sorry. Momentary brain spasm.” She apologised. “But three hours, huh?”
“So?” Buffy tried to seem indifferent.
“Well, it’s kinda… you know, a lot of time to be having sex. Especially of the non-stop kind.” Willow argued.
“Maybe.” Buffy admitted, shrugging and flinching a bit when the pain in her neck returned. “But the point here is that you’re supposed to commiserate with me over my three hour torture session and not be in awe of Harmony’s fantastic sex-life.”
“Sorry. Switching off pervy-Willow and starting intense commiseration mode.”
“I can’t even move my neck.” Buffy pouted.
“Poor Buffy. Do you want some more? I bought two cup-a-soups.” Willow offered, trying hard to be helpful.
“No, thanks.” Buffy smiled, placing the cup on the table and running her hands over her face. “I just want to erase that freaky voice inside my head that insists on replaying Harmony’s moans.” She explained massaging her temples and closing her eyes.
“Try listening to Britney Spears. That helps! You’ll have ‘Baby, hit me one more time’ screaming in your ears the whole day, but…”
“Still, surprisingly better than loud-roommate-sex.” Buffy completed her sentence, opening her eyes.
“That bad?”
“So big. So hard. Harder, harder. Ah! You’re sooo good!” Buffy mimicked again, thrusting her hips forward. She was about to throw her head backwards for greater impact but the pain in her neck prevented her from doing so.
“Spike?”
“Yeah. Must be Harmony’s male equivalent, IQ-wise.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Those football guys have such stupid nicknames.
“I don’t remember anyone in the football team named ‘Spike’.” Willow noted with a frown.
“Who cares? I know I *really* don’t.”
Willow smiled before starting to stand.
“Well, I better go. I told Tara I’d meet her for lunch today.”
“Ok. Thanks for coming by. You’re a sweetheart.” Buffy called after Willow’s retreating form.
“You’re welcome.” Willow stopped at the door as she remembered. “Oh, and I’ll send you Parker’s number when I get it, ok?”
“Before five.” Buffy warned.
“Ok. Bye.”
“Bye.”
~+~
The rest of the day was spent vegetating on the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen as she mindlessly surfed through the various channels. She had taken a few minutes of the afternoon to call Parker and reschedule their ‘non-date agreement’. He had been very sweet about it and had told her that they could have coffee on Friday. After that she returned to her television watching. Occasionally, she would doze off; her eyelids becoming increasingly heavy until their burden seemed unbearable and she had to close them. Her mind was lost in some strange, distant reverie when small, annoying sounds started to filter in and began pulling her back to awareness. She fought them, closing her eyes tighter and turning to burry her face in the back of the couch.
“Shhh! She’s sleeping.” Harmony’s pathetic attempt at a whisper reached Buffy’s ears.
By her calculations the ex-cheerleader was probably standing somewhere between the kitchenette and the couch.
‘I can’t believe she actually remembered to be quiet.’ Buffy thought.
“This your roommate?”
It was a distinctly male voice; a male voice with a British accent. Buffy guessed that he was standing behind the couch and was leaning in to glance at her. She was sure of it when she felt the material of the sofa shift as some pressure was applied to it.
“Yeah.” Harmony replied. She was till in the kitchenette and by the muffled sound of her voice, she was eating.
“Kinda small, isn’t she?”
Buffy’s first instinct was to frown in protest, but she repressed the urge just in the nick of time and remained still, her face still partially buried in the back of the couch.
“What?” Harmony’s question was barely comprehensible.
‘God, has she ever heard you’re not supposed to talk when you eat. Just one more thing to add to the ‘very annoying things Harmony does’ list.’ Buffy noted mentally.
“Spike, are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”
‘Oh, so this is the boinking-machine that kept me awake last night?’
An almost immediate dislike for the faceless man standing near her started to grow inside of her.
“Nah. Not hungry, luv.”
He sounded like he was closer, hovering over her and she had to fight not to jump away.
“Spike, what are you doing?” Harmony’s voice closed in on them until Buffy was sure she was standing next to the boinking-machine.
“Nothing.” He replied. “Just go change and let’s go.”
“Ok, give me a minute.”
Ever bubbly, she walked across the living room and into her bedroom. Buffy heard the sound of a door closing.
She remained perfectly still, trying to assess where the stranger was. She had heard a few footsteps but she couldn’t pinpoint his exact location.
A few seconds filtered by without a sound. She was about to move, sure that he had followed Harmony into the bedroom when she sensed the leather of the sofa shift right next to where she lay her head, at the arm of the couch.
Her heart skipped a beat when she felt a hand brush lightly over her hair, pushing it back to reveal her face. The intense scent of cigarettes and alcohol broke through her stuffed nose and she immediately realised that he was kneeling near the arm of the couch, leaning in.
‘Please go away. Please go away.’ Buffy chanted the mantra mentally. ‘If he touches me again I swear I’ll scream.’ She promised herself. ‘Why does Harmony have to take so long dressing?’
“Oh, Spikey…”
‘Speak of the devil’s annoying little minion…’
“Could you come here for a second?”
There was a moment of stillness, as if he was pondering his answer but then she felt the pressure on the leather ease up and footsteps walking away from her. A door opened and closed and there was completely silence that lasted for about twenty seconds.
“Oh, yes, Spike. You’re so good.”
‘Oh, not again.’ Buffy rolled her eyes inwardly.
She was trapped. If she moved from the couch they would know she hadn’t been sleeping or at least had woken up and heard them and she really didn’t want to discuss the event taking place. She had no choice but to sit tight and wait it out.
‘Great, just great.’
Twenty minutes later, Buffy was laying on the couch, hands crossed over her chest, mindlessly tapping her fingers to the beat of the banging coming from Harmony’s room.
“Yes, yes, yes… Oh, God! YES! Ahhhhh!” Harmony came with a loud cry.
Three or four more thumps and:
“Ahhhhh!”
The boinking-machine seemed to be done too.
Quickly, Buffy turned to her side, resuming her position, facing the back of the couch, her hands nestled under her head.
It took only two minutes for the sound of a door being open was heard and footsteps into the living room followed.
“See, I told you. She sleeps like a rock. She didn’t hear anything.” Harmony’s giddy voice sounded.
‘Didn’t hear a thing, my ass.’ Buffy thought and this time she couldn’t help the angry frown from settle over her eyebrows. Thankfully, the couple seemed too busy getting dressed to notice her – the distinct metallic sound of a zipper was heard.
“We better go.” Harmony announced.
“Right.” The boinking-machine said with a groggy voice.
The moment she heard the front door being closed, she opened her eyes and sat up only to immediately fall back down when the door reopened.
Buffy winced inwardly as she banged her head on the arm of the couch. Heeled-footsteps were heard around the room before the door closed again.
This time, Buffy waited a few seconds until she was sure they wouldn’t come back.
“Finally!” She sighed in relief, sitting up. “I hate my life.” She mumbled, standing up and dragging her feet to her room.