Chapter 7
Buffy hung up the phone as she finished reporting Spike’s comments to Giles. Why did he have to interrupt her perfect evening? Why couldn’t he just disappear from her life, forever? The last think she needed was yet another annoyingly attractive vampire wandering around town. She froze. Attractive? Where did that come from? Spike wasn’t attractive, he was, well, he was Spike. All Billy Idolish and punked-out. And what was with the coat? Please. That whole bad boy look was just a little overdone.
Right, Buffy, like he doesn’t occasionally end up in your dreams at night. Like a few weeks ago? Who do you think you’re kidding? She blushed furiously as she remembered that dream, then shook her head. Okay, maybe he wasn’t that hard on the eyes, but they were just dreams, just attempts to forget Angel, replace him with someone different. Yeah, but it only works when you dream about Spike, doesn’t it? She shushed her internal monologue as she reentered the party.
Suddenly Parker was in front of her again and she focused her attentions on mending that fence, trying to recapture the mood from before their interruption. The song seemed to mirror her need for something to hold on to and she swayed against him, willing herself to let go and make something of this night, vampires be damned. As the soft kisses increased in urgency, she agreed to his suggestion to leave the party and followed him back to his room.
~*~*~*~*~
“A single, that’s nice.”
“Yeah, it’s good to have the privacy, it’s quiet for studying and stuff.” He smiled down at her and pulled her to him, gazing at her with his soulful brown eyes. Not like Angel’s, not like Angel’s not like Angel’s, she chanted to herself as she responded to his kisses.
As items of clothing slowly began to fall away, she tried to relax, throw herself completely into the experience. Mental pep talk as he deftly began to unlace her shirt. Ok, Buffy, this is good, this is nice, it’s okay to be a little nervous, haven’t done this in a while, Angelus was lying, you aren’t bad in bed, you really aren’t. You can make this work.
She turned to him with more enthusiasm than she felt and returned his kisses. As his fingers began to caress her, she focused hard on the touch, the feel of his fingers, the tightness that slowly began to grow as her nipples pebbled from his light strokes. She slid her fingers to his waistband and unbuttoned his pants, reaching inside and tentatively touching him. He felt…different, maybe not as large, though she’d never really had the chance to explore Angel the way she’d wanted to. Bet Spike’s bigger too. Whoa, where had that thought come from? She shook it off. Probably a vamp thing, extra endowment, came with the package or something. But this was Parker, non-blood-sucking, soulful human.
She tilted her head back as he pressed kisses along her neck and tried to make encouraging noises, little moans and enthusiastic mmmms. She wasn’t quite as turned-on as she’d hoped, but she was slowly getting there. The last remnants of clothing fell away, and they tumbled to the bed. Buffy arched off the sheet as he slowly slid one finger inside her, stoking her lightly. Now they were getting somewhere. If he’d only, maybe, over just a little. He seemed a little haphazard in his approach, but she wasn’t sure how to tell him. Maybe if she took the initiative….
Just as she started to reach for him, he rolled to the side and opened his nightstand drawer. Oh right, condoms. She mentally thwapped herself. Safe sex, oh so important, she remembered all those lectures from Mrs. Davis’ health class. Yet another non-consideration when sleeping with the undead. She was a little surprised when Parker immediately unwrapped the small sheath and rolled it into place. He moved back over her and settled between her legs.
She gazed up at him as he slowly kissed her again. “You are so beautiful, Buffy, I love being with you like this. It’s like really touching who someone is, really knowing who they are.”
She nodded and he slowly began to move, sliding inside her as she instinctively parted her legs and wrapped them around him. “You are so wet, I love how ready you are for me.” Buffy nodded again, not quite sure how to respond.
It didn’t hurt. She supposed he was right, she was ready, but she felt unfulfilled, itchy, something wasn’t connecting. It wasn’t like the first time at all, aching need, the touch of cool skin, the feeling of falling from a place she could never go back to. This was a little … mechanical? Like there was a blueprint or something, but no emotion. She tried to focus, tried to stare into his eyes to recapture some of that feeling from earlier in the night when she’d told he she wanted to make a choice. But his eyes were shut and all she could see was the grimace as he continued to move over her.
Okay, c’mon Buffy, don’t just lay there. React. She began to meet his thrusts, searching for some kind of friction against the aching center he’d only briefly teased. His breathing grew harsher as he moved faster and Buffy tried to respond, throwing out a few more moans and ahhhs and oh yes’s as he shuddered to a climax.
He rolled away, discarding the condom, then pulled her against him and dropped a casual kiss on her cheek. “That was great, Buffy.” She nodded silently and waited until his breathing evened out before rolling away, feeling twitchy and unsatisfied. Way to fake your orgasm there Buffster…might should have mentioned that you didn’t quite get there.
The sticky sweat of his body made her cringe. She delicately sniffed herself. Okay, so not much better. What was wrong here? She’d done it, she’d finally broken thought the barriers or whatever psychological mumbo-jumbo Willow had spouted and moved on, done the deed, put Angel behind her.
And it had sucked, big time. She had tried, she really had. Of course, despite the various how-to articles in Cosmo, which really didn’t give you much in the way of actually how-to, and a few racy movies, she wasn’t really sure if she had been doing it right. Maybe she should have moved differently, or touched him more or something. That first time, Angel had taken the lead and she’d followed and it was really all a blur now, seemed so far away. That had been all about reaction, instinct, pure emotion, love, something special. So special that it had been a once in a lifetime event, no seconds.
This. Not so much with the special, not so much with the emotion. Not so much with the anything really. She pressed her face into the pillow to muffle her groan. Of course, Parker hadn’t seemed unhappy. In fact he’d clearly gotten his happy. Was it just her then? Did other girls get there more quickly? Maybe she was frigid? Maybe she really was a vamp ho? Maybe real men didn’t get her hot? She rolled over and stared at the ceiling in frustration. At least here, unlike with Angel, she got a second chance. She eyed the slightly snoring Parker before rolling away and watching the numbers change on the digital clock as the night ticked away.
~*~*~*~*~
Spike sat up and grabbed his shirt. His brief dalliance with Harmony had been a release of tension, but then she’d begun whining again. He had to get rid of that girl. Spike looked at his crotch. No more giving in, you hear? Don’t care what she offers or suggests, it’s not worth it. He doubted his cock cared about Harmony’s blathering, but he was sick and tired of hearing about sodding France. He might as well get to work on the drilling.
~*~*~*~*~
Buffy rolled back over. Maybe, if she tried again, it’d be better. A couple of hours had passed as she’d mulled the problem over in her head. Surely he’d be up for a second round by now. She reached into the nightstand and removed another condom, then began to determinedly stroke Parker’s rather limp penis. He slowly fluttered awake.
“Hey there, what’s this?”
She gave him a coquettish smile, “I just wondered if you might be up for seconds?”
Parker’s eyes widened. She’d seemed pretty inexperienced, but apparently had quite an appetite. “Well, sure, Buffy, I think you’re being pretty convincing.”
As he slowly hardened, she fumbled a bit but managed to secure the condom as she straddled him. “So you want to be on top?”
Buffy nodded. “Do you mind?”
Parker shrugged, “Okay by me.”
She slowly lowered herself, realizing she wasn’t quite as lubricated as before. She eased back and made a second, and then third attempt, before she managed to slide him inside her. “Oh, that’s good, Buffy.”
She drew a breath, great, he seemed to like this. She experimentally slid back up and then down, gradually increasing the motion. Okay, lean forward a little, oh there, that was good. She felt her breath start to hitch as she finally began to feel the tingles and sensation of an impending orgasm as she rocked herself hard against him. She slid her hands up his arms, then clutched his shoulders. Oh, she was so close, she could almost, almost… And then she felt him shudder and moan and felt the limpness between her legs.
“Oh, wow, that was something else, Buff.” She sighed and rolled off as he removed the second condom and discarded it. “Do you work out? You’re really . . . strong.”
“Um, yeah, sometimes, it’s a, a hobby.”
She grimaced as she realized she’d faintly bruised his shoulder in her vain attempts to find some satisfaction, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it, so she rolled away as Parker murmured sleepily and drifted off. Finally, exhausted with the effort of overthinking everything, she fell asleep, frustrated and angry with herself.