Chapter 7: Ice Cream and Blood Baths
Grateful for short shifts, Buffy was walking home from work. It had been 8 to 12, today. How people could eat burgers and fries for breakfast, she had no idea. She had actually no idea how anyone could eat anything coming from the fast food’s so-called kitchen.
Another thing the Slayer was grateful for was the lack of difficulty of her job. She had been able to work 4 hours without thinking once about what she was doing. Instead, her mind had been focused on vampires. On one vampire. She was in shock that he had actually left again. Left her again. And she could not understand why. What had she done to make him flee? It couldn’t be the fight. He had asked for the fight. So why? And where to? Since he had taken his belongings, it must have been for good.
Why?
Arriving home, Buffy was surprised to find Giles there. He quickly explained that Willow was not feeling well, their usual code word for ‘refusing to get out of bed’. Although she herself felt like crawling in her own bed and wait for the next apocalypse, she promised the Watcher to take care of Willow. He left for the shop; the grand reopening was scheduled for the following Saturday, only two days later.
After a quick shower, Buffy managed to cajole Willow into getting up and out of her room. The room where Tara had died. More importantly for Willow, the room where they had spent their last happy moments together. The red-hair had finally agreed to a Disney Marathon, though Buffy was sure her friend was more interested in stopping her pleading than in watching any movie. Some days were better than others. This was a bad day. Even worse so since Buffy herself wasn’t quite in the mood for cheering her up.
Carefully choosing through Dawn’s collection, Buffy picked movies that had nothing to do with magic. Even good fairies were not a safe subject right now. Sugarcoated cartoons and happy endings, on the other hand, were all good. Both for Willow’s sake and her own.
They started with the Aristocats, followed by the Lion King. When Dawn arrived, having briefly stopped by the Magic Box after school, the Jungle Book was coming to an end.
The teen proudly presented Buffy and Willow with an ice-cream bucket each. Double chocolate for Buffy, strawberries for Willow, and chocolate vanilla combo for herself.
“What’s up with the ice-cream?” Buffy asked suspiciously, digging in her own bucket as she watched Willow take a spoonful half-heartedly.
“We’re celebrating!” Dawn exclaimed joyfully. “I got a A on my French test. It’s the first time, ever, that I get better than a D in French!”
Buffy made appropriate noises of amazement, and even Willow congratulated the teen.
“It’s all thanks to Spike! He so has to help me again! I’m sure with him I can actually pass this class. I told my friends about him, and some of them might want some tutoring too. You think he’d do it? He could earn some money like that.”
Buffy half-choked at her sister’s words, and fought back the tears that she felt coming to her eyes.
“I think it won’t. He’s gone, Dawnie. His crypt is empty. Spike is gone.”
Her heart broke as her sister stared at her incredulously and asked: “What did you do? He wouldn’t have left again unless you made him. What did you say to him to make him leave?!”
“Nothing! I did nothing, I swear. I don’t know why he.”
With a wordless shout, Dawn threw the ice-cream bucket to the floor and ran up to her room, the door banging loudly.
“So that’s why you needed a Disney marathon too,” Willow said softly, a sad smile playing on her lips.
Buffy returned the smile hesitantly.
“Do you love him?”
Again, tears were threatening to spill. “I guess I wouldn’t be so upset if I didn’t love him at least a little,” she answered shyly.
Putting her ice cream aside, Willow hugged her, completely surprising Buffy.
“I’ll go see if I can talk to her,” the red-hair girl suggested.
Buffy nodded, thankful that her friend was choosing this very moment to shake herself out of her torpor.
After cleaning the mess on the floor and storing the remaining ice cream in the freezer, Buffy went upstairs. Dawn’s door was closed, but she could hear the two girls talking inside the room. With a sigh, she entered her own bedroom. Fetching a few light blue paper sheets from under her pillow, she read them again. The elegant handwriting told of regrets and apologies, memories and love. Nowhere was there a hint that the writer was on the point of leaving. After reading the letter over and over, Buffy finally fell asleep, clutching the papers in her hands.
Later that evening, Willow was cooking dinner when someone knocked on the front door. Well, she had been trying to cook. OK. She had been standing in front of the open fridge for a good ten minutes, wondering what the Summers sisters would like to eat. She didn’t feel like having anything herself, hence the difficulty of choosing a menu.
She went to open the door, and stared at the peroxided vampire who was smiling at her uncertainly.
“Hey Red. Feeling better today?”
“Spike?! I thought you had left!”
It was his turn to stare. “Uh, Red, I came back, remember? You saw me a few days ago. ‘Gave you a flower?”
She nodded impatiently. It was becoming annoying. Everybody was talking to her as if she was crazy. She wasn’t crazy. She was just a mass of nerves, who didn’t know what to do with herself since she had tried to destroy the world, and most of the time she just wanted to curl on the floor until it all ended. Not crazy at all.
“Buffy said you left again,” she explained patiently, insisting on the last word.
He frowned. “Why would.”
He was cut off by a merry shout coming from the stairs. Willow just had the time to get out of the way as Dawn threw herself at Spike, hugging him.
“Spike! You’re back!”
The vampire’s lips twitched with a smirk as he smoothed the teen’s hair.
“I didn’t leave to begin with, so I’m not really back. But if that’s the kind of welcome I get, I’ll have to leave more often!”
He laughed as Dawn pulled away from him and punched him playfully. Well, maybe not that playfully.
“‘Been taking lessons with big sis, Nibblet? How to beat vampires 101?”
Dawn’s joyous cry woke Buffy. The next thing she heard was his laugh. Jumping out of bed, Buffy went to the stairs, hoping with all her heart this wasn’t a dream.
“Spike? You’re back.”
Before she knew it, she was down the steps, in front of him, and he was arching an amused eyebrow at her.
“I don’t know why you all keep saying that. I didn’t.”
Without thinking, she slapped him. Hard. And was about to do it again when he caught her wrist.
“I can’t say I don’t deserve this, and even more, Slayer. But care to explain what’s going on exactly?”
She tried to pull her hand free, and after a moment he let it go.
“I went by your crypt,” she said dryly. “All empty.”
He tilted his head, looking at her intently. He almost seemed. happy?
“You found the crypt empty, figured out I had left town, and that’s what got you girls all upset? My, if it wasn’t for the hits, I would almost feel loved.”
He chuckled, passing a hand through his bleached lock.
“I just moved, pet. Forgot to mention it when you came by yesterday. Planned to tell you tonight. I didn’t think you’d stop by the crypt and jump to conclusions.”
Buffy felt her cheeks grow hot as she listened to him. Mumbling something about dressing for patrol, she left the three of them standing by the entrance and went back to her room, banging the door behind her as Dawn had earlier. She was feeling so stupid.
Striding alongside the Slayer, Spike was doing his best to hide a smile. She had actually been upset when she thought he had left. Unlife was getting interesting. Daring to glance at her face, he repressed a laugh. She still looked mortified.
“Come on, pet, you said yourself I should find a real home,” he teased. “Will you miss the crypt that much?”
She scowled at him. “You just could have told me.”
“I said I forgot. I wasn’t that well yesterday and…”
He forced his mouth shut, not wanting to think about his brief depression.
After he had returned, she had asked if he felt guilty for his century of killing, and he had truthfully said no. At the time, all he could think about was his guilt concerning her. But since she seemed to forgive him, unwanted memories kept resurfacing.
He still didn’t regret killing for blood, and he doubted he ever would. This was what he was. What he had been. He hadn’t had a choice then.
However, he hadn’t killed only for blood. Every now and then, during his long years, there had been what he now would have called slips. A few times when anger, frustration, pain, confusion, had caused him to completely snap and just kill for the sake of killing. And usually create a big bloody mess of it. He had done so right after being turned, hunting every last guest of that damned party where he had been so painfully rejected. He had done it after Angelus had been taken from them. He had done it in Prague, after his Dark Princess had been hurt. Again in Brazil, after she left him. And a few other times, though he couldn’t quite remember why.
These unnecessary killings, he regretted. He was now glad that the Slayer had offered him a chance to make up for them. He knew he wouldn’t forget, wouldn’t erase the memories even if he wanted to. But every time he dusted one of his brethren, it was one less chance of another blood bath happening. And the thought was strangely comforting.
He realized Buffy had been talking to him as she snapped her fingers in front of his face.
“Hey, are you turning all broody on me?”
“Not if I can help it, Slayer. You were saying?”
“I was saying, when do we get to see your new home?”
The Nibblet and Red had asked him the same thing earlier. He repeated what he had told them.
“If you want, tomorrow afternoon. Give me time to finish cleaning up. Come with Dawn and Willow, they want to see my humble apartment too. I gave them the address.”
He could see her surprise when she stopped and turned to him.
“You actually have an apartment? How do you pay for it?”
Laughing, he motioned for her to keep walking. This was their third graveyard for the evening, only two fledgings so far. It was time to call it a night.
“I don’t pay for it, that’s how.”
At her confused look, he continued. “I kind of. well. helped the owner of an apartments complex the other night. ‘Was having a bit of trouble with some vamps.”
Again, she stopped, and he took her arm gently to keep her moving. “You saved him?”
“What’s so surprising about it? I’m a good vamp now, remember? With the whole redemption thing?”
She nodded shortly, and he kept talking. “So I helped the guy, and he offered me to live there for free if I protect the other tenants from things that go bump in the night. It’s not a big home, and it needs some repairs, but it’s a step up from the crypt. And it’s free.”
He waited for her reaction. He wasn’t doing this for her, really. He just needed something to do after their patrols. It was just a hobby. It meant nothing…
“Cool.” was all she said, and he couldn’t help smiling at her approval.
Bloody soul.