Chapter 20: Drawing
The sun had set a few minutes before, and Angel had left. Sitting on her bed, Buffy was turning between her hands a closed envelope. She had many things to do still. Talk to Dawn, get some kind of dinner ready, go patrol, check on Spike maybe. And yet there she was, in her room, staring at a thin envelope with her name on it.
He had asked her not to open it until he was gone. Now she wasn’t sure whether she would ever open it. All had been said, there really was nothing to add.
With a sigh, she finally tore it open and pulled out a single sheep of paper. As she unfolded it, her eyes filled with tears at what she discovered, just as a smile bloomed on her lips. So that was what she looked like with the game face.
On the thin paper were two pencil drawings of her. One, her face as she remembered it from long ago. Human, smiling, filled with complete happiness. When had she last been that happy ? The other was familiar too, though in a different way. The usual ridges and bumps of a vampire distorting a face that was quite clearly hers. If the first portrait radiated joy, the second one had an idea of power about it. Force. And also, a quiet light of mischief in the unhuman eyes.
When she was able to stop detailing the features she would never see in a mirror, her gaze found the few words scribbled at the bottom of the page.
He was right about one thing. His Childe is truly beautiful.
Instantly, her smile disappeared, replaced by a worried frown. Dawn’s words came back to her mind, her shout to go ask Spike why she was mad at Angel. Also, Angel’s words earlier, about Angelus being close to the surface. And now this. The quiet revelation that he knew she was Spike’s Childe, and that he had been there when she saw the vampire a few days before. When she saw him last.
Her hand clutched the drawing as she rushed out of her room and down the steps, an absolute certainty filling her. Angel had done something to Spike. Something bad enough to prevent him from looking out after her. Spike was hurt. Or worse.
She had to know. She had to see him. Now !
And she did, just as soon as she opened the front door.
Approaching the house together were Dawn and Spike. A very sulky Dawn and a strangely frail looking Spike. Without a second thought, she ran to him and threw herself into his arms.
“Oh thank God ! I thought he had killed you !”
The simple feel of his hand rubbing her back gently sent shivers down to her toes.
“He almost did kill him,” Dawn announced, the anger in her voice barely contained. “And I am not going anywhere with that jerk !”
Buffy managed to pull herself out of the sweet embrace and looked at Dawn kindly. “We are not moving, Dawnie. I don’t want to either. He is gone.”
Then, the rest of what the teen had said penetrated her mind. Her eyes ran over Spike’s form. He looked ill, which was a stupid thought because vampires didn’t get ill.
“What happened ?” she asked quietly.
He shook his head slowly, a faint smile playing on his lips. “It doesn’t matter, pet. I’ll live, so to speak.”
Frowning, Buffy turned to Dawn. “You know what happened. Tell me.”
The teen gave a quick look toward Spike before crossing her arms decidedly. “I can’t. I promised.”
Annoyed, Buffy turned her back to them and returned to the house, knowing they would follow. She needed to feed. When she had hugged him, she had had to restrain herself not to take advantage of her ‘permanent invitation’ right then and there. Feeding might make things easier. Thoughtlessly, she readied two mugs, warming them in the microwave.
As she expected, Dawn and Spike entered the house and joined her in the kitchen. Spike just leaned against the wall, a thoughtful frown on his face as he watched Dawn raid the fridge.
“You could have cooked dinner at least,” the teen grumbled.
“I was going to,” Buffy started, then stopped as she realized something. “What the hell where you doing outside after sunset ?!”
The teen froze, throwing a quick glance toward Spike before answering. “It’s not like I was in any danger. Spike was with me.”
Getting more suspicious by the minute, Buffy planted her hands on her hips. “Either you were with him before sunset, or you were alone in the dark at least for a while. Which one ?”
“I went to his crypt,” Dawn admitted between clenched teeth. “I couldn’t stay one minute more in the same house as that big idiot.”
“So you ran away,” Buffy said flatly.
“Slayer, it’s not.”
Buffy shot a nasty look at Spike and he quieted instantly.
“She ran away, there’s no other word for it. And she’ll have to deal with the consequences.”
Her attention returned to the teen who looked even more sullen than before. “You’re grounded for a month. And you can’t go see Spike until further notice. Now go to your room.”
Dawn looked at Spike pleadingly, but he just shook his head. With a sigh, she left the kitchen. Irritated by both of them, Buffy retrieved the two mugs from the microwave. She put one on the table and busied herself with the other. After a few seconds, seeing how he was just looking at her without noticing the mug that was his, she gestured to it with her own.
“You don’t expect me to bring it to you on a silver tray, do you ?”
He blinked several times and his eyes shifted briefly to the table before coming back to her.
“I missed you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Her irritation disappeared instantly and she couldn’t help smiling. “Me too.”
He would have given the world for one of her smiles, if the world had been his to give. He would have stopped feeding off humans, if the chip wasn’t preventing him from it anyway. He would have done just about anything she asked. Just for another smile.
Finally listening to his demon who was raging both at the scent of blood and at the proximity of his Childe, he moved to the table and sat down in front of the mug she had prepared for him. He would have preferred to remain standing, but he didn’t feel that steady. His hand was slightly shaking as he drained the warm liquid in one long swallow. It calmed the demon, just a little.
“What did he do to you ?” Buffy asked softly.
Tilting his head, he observed her, considering whether to tell her or not that the poof had quite simply taken every drop of blood from his body. It wasn’t something that could kill a vampire. But it was enough to have weakened him so much it was the first time he was out of the crypt in days. And he would need time before being back to his normal self. The message had been clear, however. Spike’s blood was not for his Childe, or so did the poof think. But now he was gone, and so were his threats.
It had surprised Spike when Angel didn’t use his Sire voice to order him to stay away from Buffy. After thinking about it for a while, he had understood why. By leaving to Spike the choice to obey or not, Angel had kept the possibility to punish him again if he had chosen to transgress. He would have enjoyed it, probably hoped for it. And Spike would have given him his wish in a few more days. Not that he was suicidal, he just couldn’t have helped himself.
But now the poof was gone. And Buffy didn’t need to know any details.
“I pissed him off, pet.” He said with a smirk. “So he punished me. It’s no big deal.”
She didn’t say a word, but her eyes shouted a thousand. Not wanting to give in and blabber like a kid, like he had spilled to the Nibblet when she came visit him, he looked away from her, his gaze falling on a crumbled sheet of paper on the table. Picking it up curiously, he smoothed the wrinkles out, unable to repress a smile at what he saw.
“One sure thing about the master of broodiness, he can use a pencil.”
His grin widened when he saw the few words at the bottom. He would have to find a way to keep that paper. When she wouldn’t be looking, he would make it disappear into one of his pockets. He just had to have it.
“Keep it. If you want it.”
His eyes shot back to her in surprise. He was sure she was joking. But no, she seemed serious. And again, she was giving him the light of her smile.
“Thanks luv. I always wanted a written admission from the poof that I was right about something.”
She arched an eyebrow, and her smile became mocking. “Yeah right. Next you’re going to say you don’t care about seeing me.”
Folding the drawing carefully, he slipped it in the inside pocket of his coat as he rose to his feet. He felt a bit better now, still tired but less wobbly. He walked to her until her body was trapped between the sink and him.
“I do care about seeing you,” he said in a low and hoarse voice. “I thought I had made that clear long ago, luv. “
He ran a finger on her lips, wiping off traces of blood.
“Tss. Someone here needs to learn how to feed neatly.”
He saw her eyes follow his movements as he brought the finger to his mouth and licked the blood off. At the same moment, her tongue darted out and ran over her lips. He knew that look. Bloodlust. She probably wasn’t hungry since she had just fed, but the demon needed more than blood. It needed the bite. And unless the poof had seen the light, which Spike doubted very much, she had taken no bite in quite a few days. Spike felt still somewhat weak, but he couldn’t deny her what he knew she craved. He understood all too well.
“Go ahead, luv,” he said gently. “I know you need it.”
To his amazement, she shook her head slightly. “You’re not well. I don’t want to.”
He placed a finger across her lips to silence her. He wouldn’t have thought she had enough control to refuse to herself what her demon must have been screaming for.
“It’s ok Buffy. As long as you don’t take too much I’ll be just fine.”
Lightly, she traced the scars on his neck. Hers, and Angel’s.
“So that’s what he did to you ?” she whispered. “He took too much ?”
“Yes luv,” he answered just as quietly.
“He did it because of me. Because I bit you.”
“No. He did it because I reminded him that even with a soul you still need to feed. And so does he, even if he’d rather forget it.”
Her eyes left his neck to meet his gaze. “What about you ?”
He nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Same for me.”
“So, all this time, you knew I was the only human you could hurt, the only one you could bite and feed from. All this time the demon inside you was yelling to get my blood. And you never did. Even when I was too far gone to care. Why ?”
“Do you really need to ask, luv ?”
He could give her a few reasons, really, just from the top of his head. For one thing, he had wanted to be there for her, to make her ‘feel’, as she said; his own comfort wasn’t part of the deal. Also, she wouldn’t have understood, not knowing what it was like to battle a demon. She called him a monster often enough, he hadn’t wanted to give her more reasons. He knew she didn’t want her chums to know, and a bite mark would have made them twitch. On and on, the list went. But the main reason was simply that he loved her too much to take something she wasn’t offering first.
Slowly, she shook her head. “I know,” she just said.
And then she did something he hadn’t expected, hadn’t dared hope for. She offered.