Chapter Fourteen
Cordelia Chase stood in front of the sink in the Gileses’ bathroom, thinking it odd how normal she looked. Her sleek, dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her makeup covering the evidence of two months of sleepless nights. Her slim frame was swathed in its usual designer fare, the white shorts only a little snug. The only outward sign that anything was wrong were the tears shining in her dark eyes, the ones that she refused to let fall.
Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the stick on the counter, the required three minutes having passed. Her eyes drifted closed at the confirmation of her suspicions. She couldn’t really say she was surprised. She’d known, after the first month went by, what was wrong. But she just kept telling herself it was the stress of starting her senior year, of her parents continued disapproval of her relationship with Xander that had caused her to skip a month. She even convinced herself of it, briefly. Xander had been oblivious, as guys often are about such things, and had accepted her excuses when she said nothing was wrong. But now, everything was wrong. Or right, depending on your point of view.
In between her bouts of denial, she had spent a great deal of time trying to decide what to do, if she was right. Abortion had of course, been her first thought. It didn’t take her long to decide that wasn’t for her. It wasn’t that she objected to a woman’s right to choose. It was the fact that the thought in regards to her, made her ill. That left only two other options. Adoption. She couldn’t see carrying a child for nine months, then handing it over to some other person to raise, no matter how deserving the couple might be. Especially when money was not an issue for her. Yet. That left only one option. Keeping it. Who knew how her parents would react to that. She expected the worst, and hoped for the best.
Her biggest fear was Xander’s reaction. She knew that this was how his parents had gotten together. And to say he had issues was an understatement. What if he freaked? What if he ran out on her? What if he didn’t want anything to do with it?
Cordelia lifted an elegant hand and rubbed her temple, trying to ease the headache that was forming. Sighing heavily, she looked back at her reflection. She would tell Xander first, then her parents, hopefully with him by her side.
“Cordy?!” The sound of Xander’s voice through the door made her jump. They were supposed to go watch Mark play, since the race was rained out. She quickly shoved the test back in the box, and threw it in the trash, arranging it so it couldn’t be seen.
“Coming,” she called, taking several deep breaths. Tomorrow was soon enough to tell him. Tonight would be for fun. Pasting a smile on her face, she opened the door to face her oblivious boyfriend.
“You okay?” he asked, draping an arm around her shoulder.
“Never better,” she lied, walking with him outside to join the others.
~*~*~
Rupert walked into the bathroom, opening the medicine chest in search of some aspirin. *Time to get my eyes checked,* he thought to himself. It was starting to strain his eyes to read, and he was starting to get headaches more often now. He pulled out the bottle, cursing softly about child proof caps. When he finally got it off, it slipped from his hand, and bounced off the edge of the sink to land in the trash.
“Bloody hell,” he muttered, kneeling down to hunt for it. When his hand encountered the blue and white box, he stared at it quizzically for a moment, shock widening his eyes when he realized what it was. His mind spun into overdrive at the implications, and he stumbled back, the motion causing the stick inside to fall out. “Dear lord.” He prayed, hoping he was wrong. Spike would know better, wouldn’t he? Especially after what had happened with Dru. Rosemary had taken it as a personal mission to make sure that he understood the need for birth control. How could his son be so careless?
Placing the stick gingerly into the box, he stared down at it for a long minute, trying to decide what to do. With a sigh, he stood, the forgotten bottle of aspirin still clutched in his hand. He then left the bathroom, taking the box with him, and walking to the phone. Dialing quickly, he waited for the call to be picked up.
“Hello?” Dawn’s bright, cheerful voice sang across the line.
“Dawn? This is Mr. Giles. May I speak to your mother, please?” he asked, amazed at how calm his voice sounded.
“Sure. Hold on. MOOOMM!” Rupert had to pull the phone away from his ear when she screeched. He then heard the clatter of the phone as it was put down, followed a few seconds later by the sound of it being picked up.
“Hello?”
“Joyce? It’s Rupert,” he began, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.
“Hello, Rupert. How are you?”
“Not too well, I’m afraid. Joyce, we need to talk.”
~*~*~
Spike and Xander, followed by the girls, walked into the Gileses’ apartment, laughing amongst themselves. There were still about two hours left before curfew, and they were going to hang out and watch a movie before Buffy had to be home. It wasn’t very often that they got to just be with each other anymore, with school, and Spike’s racing, so this was an unexpected treat. When they walked through the door, they found themselves faced with two extremely worried and angry parents, as well as a tired looking Dawn. A box sat in the middle of the coffee table. One that looked extremely familiar to Cordelia.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” Buffy asked, walking in to stand next to the couch. Her mother eyeballed the two teenagers, seeing the looks of confusion on their faces. She gingerly reached out and picked up the box, her heart squeezing. Xander’s eyes bugged out when he saw what it was, his gaze shooting to his two friends. Cordelia worried her lip between her teeth, her panicked mind trying to decide what to do.
“Dad?” Spike questioned, moving to stand next to Buffy. Dawn had a look of ‘boy, are you guys in trouble’ on her young face.
“Buffy, Spike. Your father found this in the trash in his bathroom. I want to know what it means,” Joyce demanded. Buffy and Spike looked at the EPT box like it was a snake.
“I dunno.” Spike turned to look at Buffy, trying to think of a time during the day when she could have snuck off to take it. Her eyes grew wide at the look he was giving her.
“You think it’s MINE?” she demanded of him, her voice incredulous.
“It would seem that my son has forgotten a few things that he has been taught. I assure you, that he will be responsible,” Giles assured.
“Wait a bloody minute. She hasn’t even answered yet. Let’s not jump the gun,” Spike said, glaring at his father.
“Of course it’s not MINE. We used. . .” She shut her eyes and got a look of pain on her face. It was one thing for her mother to accuse her of having sex and being pregnant. It was another to actually say it out loud.
“Buffy, we talked about this.” Joyce sounded so disappointed in her daughter right then, that Buffy’s heart nearly broke.
“Yes. We did. But you people aren’t listening to me.”
“Spike, I expected so much more form you. After Druscilla, I expected you to use better judgement,” Giles reproached, talking over the blonde girl.
“Not fair, Dad. One, Dru lied to me. Two, Buffy says it’s not hers. Why don’t you listen?” Spike snapped, glaring at his father.
“Then, who else’s could it be?” Rupert ventured, looking at his son. Cordy cleared her throat at that moment, drawing all attention to her. She looked around the room, feeling her face flame. She couldn’t bare to look at Xander as she started to speak.
“It’s mine,” she said quietly. She felt Xander’s body go rigid, and his hand gripped her’s tightly before falling slack. She stole a glance at him, seeing his wide eyes, his pale skin, and felt her heart start to break.
“Cordelia? Are you telling the truth?” Joyce asked. Buffy, overcoming her shock, glared at her mother. She couldn’t really say that she was surprised about Cordelia. She and Willow had known that something was up for a while now.
“Yes, Mrs. Summers,” Cordelia said, dropping her eyes to the floor, and hanging desperately onto her boyfriend’s hand. He continued to stare down at her, shock permeating his every nerve.
“You do realize that this says you are pregnant?” Rupert clarified. “Don’t cover for them.”
“Hello?! What’s with the not believing? I told you it’s not mine. Cordy says it’s hers. Case closed,” Buffy said, angry that they still thought the teens were lying.
“IT’S MINE. ALRIGHT? I’m pregnant!” Cordy yelled, tired of hearing the arguing. A stunned silence filled the room as it finally sunk in. Cordelia Chase, poor little rich girl, seventeen years old. Was pregnant. Xander stood stunned as she pulled from him and slammed out the door. In the space of a heartbeat, he was after her.
Spike turned and glared daggers at his father, hurt and resentment written across his sharp features. Buffy stood beside him, her expression mirroring his. The parents looked contrite, yet firm as they gazed up at them. Dawn just sat, watching it all with wide-eyed fascination. This was better than Dawson’s Creek.
“I believe we owe you an apology,” Rupert started, exchanging a look with Joyce.
“I believe you’re right,” Spike said through clenched teeth. A muscle ticked in his cheek as he tried to reign in his temper.
“No need to get flippant. You have to admit you haven’t been showing the utmost in common sense lately,” Rupert shot back. Joyce stood, sensing the argument brewing.
“Buffy, Dawn. I think it’s time we left,” she said, heading towards the door.
“What, I don’t get an apology?” Buffy asked, furious.
“We can talk about this at home,” Joyce said, warning dripping from her voice. Buffy’s eyes narrowed, but she turned back to Spike, laying a gentle hand on his arm. He turned to look at her, face softening immediately.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she whispered, leaning up to brush a kiss across his mouth. He nodded and watched her walk out with Dawn and Joyce, before turning back to his father.
“So, what, just cause I’m racing, that somehow equals getting Buffy pregnant?” he asked, his tone venomous. Rupert rose to his feet, and stared the boy down.
“No. It does have me questioning your ability to think clearly. And after Druscilla. . .”
“Dru lied to me!” Spike roared, not happy to be delving into this again. “She lied to me. Told me she was pregnant.”
“She was,” Rupert reminded him.
“But NOT by ME!” Spike began pacing the length of the room. Giles watched him, feeling his anger drain out of him. He was being irrational, he knew. Between the racing and this scare, he was sure to be joining Rosemary in the hereafter sooner than he had anticipated.
“I’m sorry,” Giles said, shoulders slumping. Spike had been doing all he could to prove himself to his father, and here he was jumping all over him for something that wasn’t even the problem. Spike stopped pacing, and turned to stare at his father.
“Wha?”
“I said, I’m sorry. I just saw the test. . .it didn’t even occur to me that it could be Cordelia.” Giles looked up Spike, apology written all over his face. Spike tilted his head, confused. His father was giving in first? Usually it took at least an hour for Rupert to even hint that he might have been wrong.
“Yeah, well. S’alright, I suppose. Prob’ly woulda thought the same thing,” Spike acquiesced, looking down at his boots. “You think they’ll be alright?” He nodded his head towards the door, indicating Cordy and Xander. Giles sighed heavily, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. Just because it wasn’t his own son, did not make the situation any less dire for him. Xander had become his other child in the months that he had lived with them, and he felt the need to throttle him just as much as if it HAD been Spike.
“I don’t know,” he answered, putting his glasses back on. “I just don’t know.”
~*~*~
“Cordy?” Xander called softly, walking over to where she sat on the bench outside of the apartment. He could see her shoulders shaking in the light of the lamp, could hear her soft sniffles as she tried to control her crying. He slowed as he approached, at a total loss at what to do, what to say. Hell, he was at a total loss at what to feel. Everything was swirling around inside of him, making it hard to grasp, hard to comprehend. Him? A father? Ridiculous. “Cordy?” he called again.
“What?” she snapped, her voice thick with tears, and misery. This wasn’t how she wanted to tell him. Dammit, she should have taken the test with her, and thrown in out in a dumpster somewhere.
“Are. . .are you okay?” he asked, for lack of anything better. He could tell she wasn’t, just by looking at her. He felt like such an ass. Seeing her now, he could tell the differences in her appearance. She looked tired, pale, and lost. He had been so blind?
“I’m seventeen and pregnant. How do you think I am?” she returned bitterly, instantly wishing she hadn’t said it. She wasn’t mad at him. It was just as much her fault. Xander flinched, and stopped just next to the bench. He remained standing, not wanting to upset her further by touching her. Of course, how was he to know that’s just what she wanted? She wanted him to pull her into his arms and tell her it was alright, that they would be alright, and would make this work. Somehow.
“How long. . .”
“How long did I know?” She looked at him, eyes so stricken he nearly grabbed her, wanting to kiss away her pain. He restrained himself. Barely. Instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets, and nodded. “Just since this afternoon. I was going to tell you tomorrow,” she said, wiping a finger under eyes, cursing cause she just KNEW she had mascara rings.
“You didn’t have to tell me at all,” he said. She didn’t, either. She could have gone and gotten the abortion, and he would have been none the wiser. He scowled at just how selfish that sounded, and winced at the stab of shame that lanced through him. *Coward,* he scoffed at himself. He was really hating the part of himself that was wishing that she had done just that.
“No, I didn’t.” She turned her head away from him, feeling her heart shatter in her chest. He was going to run. She could see it in his eyes. “Don’t worry, Xander. I don’t want anything from you. I can take care of myself.” She continued to stare out into the night, her back rigid, and her head held high. She was Cordelia Chase. And she could handle anything.
Xander stared at the rigid line of her back, willing himself to say something, anything. Each time he tried to open his mouth, something would stop him. She sat, waiting, for what he didn’t know. Silent tears tracked down her cheeks as she heard the shift of his feet on the ground when he turned. She didn’t allow herself to look after him, knowing if she did she would make a fool out of herself, begging him not to walk away. Like he was doing. She clamped a hand over her mouth, not allowing the scream of anguish to escape.
~*~*~
Xander walked aimlessly down the deserted street, hands shoved deep in his pockets, head hung low. All thoughts had ceased, save one, and it kept careening around in his mind like a ball at a tennis match.
Cordelia was pregnant.
He thought they had been so careful. Except for that first time. A bitter laugh exploded from his throat as he thought of his ninth grade Health teacher, with her stern face, and grey hair shaking her finger at him. ‘See, told you it only takes once.’ He laughed again, the sound coming out more like a sob. He blinked rapidly, desperately trying to stall the tears that threatened.
God, they were so young. He had turned 18 over the summer, and Cordy’s birthday wasn’t until December, so she was just seventeen. What did they know about raising a kid? They were still kids themselves. Not to mention the stellar examples that their parents gave them. The child would probably be in therapy as soon as it could talk.
Suddenly, bright, explicit images of his life passed before his eyes. Tony Harris, hovering over him as he cowered in the corner. Big and drunk, eyes full of hate for his son.
“You never should have been born,” he’d told him, the statement being followed by the snap of a belt against tender flesh. His mother would always disappear, tears of hopelessness staining her cheeks as she left her son helpless to his father.
With hideous clarity, Xander watched with his mind’s eye as his father’s features shifted and melted into his. The child he once was turning into the child that could be his. Instead of Tony wielding the belt, it was him, terrorizing his child while the stink of beer and sweat filled the air.
With a cry, Xander took off in a blind run, desperately trying to outrun the images in his head. He ran until his lungs burned, and his stomach heaved, finally stumbling to a stop inside the park. He fell onto his knees, slumping over onto his hands, his shoulders shaking as the torrent of emotion swirling around inside of him broke free. Anybody who was listening would have felt their heart break at the sound of his desperate, tormented wails.
~*~*~
“Have you heard from Xander?” Buffy asked Willow, as they sat in the stands waiting for the race to start. The redhead shook her head, a frown of concern marring her features.
“No. I’m kinda worried. It’s been a week. Where would he have gone?” she asked. That night, after Spike and Giles had gone to bed, hoping to give the brunette couple time to talk, Xander had come in, packed a bag, and left. He’d left a note, saying he would call, he just had some thinking he had to do, and if Cordy called, she was to hear that he loved her. They had let him be, not going to look for him, allowing him to do his soul searching. But Willow and Buffy were starting to have a hard time feeling sympathy for him. Cordy was a wreck, only talking to them. She hadn’t told her parents yet, knowing they would try to force her to have an abortion, and do God knew what to Xander. She hadn’t been out of the house except to go to school since the night he left, keeping up appearances on the outside.
“I don’t know, but if he isn’t back soon, I’m going to go Terminator on his ass for doing this to Cordy.” Willow grunted in agreement, smiling and waving down at Mark. He had taken Xander’s place tonight, since the boy had gone missing, and the band had a rare weekend off. He waved back, sent her a wicked grin and jogged to the pits. The girls stopped talking once the flag dropped, and sat forward in their seats, screaming for Spike as he quickly took second place.
Buffy couldn’t really tell what had her heart sputtering more than usual this day. Or why exactly she just knew when it was going to happen. But inconceivably, on lap twenty five, in the corner of turn two, she knew. Her heart leapt into her throat as the wheels of the car seemed to go one way, while the car kept steadily going straight. When he careened into the wall, and shot straight back across the track, most of the other drivers missed him. One didn’t. With a loud crunch of metal, he was hit with such a force that the car flipped, once, twice, finally landing on the roof on the third tumble. She watched with terror, her hand gripping Willow’s painfully, for any sign that he was okay. Seconds passed by like hours as she waited. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she felt a scream of grief rising in her chest as the EMT’s made their way to the car. Almost as soon as they reached it, movement could be made out from within. When Spike climbed out of the car, and removed his helmet, exposing his blood stained face, the crowd erupted into cheers, the sound near deafening. Willow joined with them, not seeing her friend sink lifelessly to the bleacher, head in her hands as relief nearly crippled her.