Chapter 26: April 2017
A/N: The poem Spike quotes is Shakespeare’s Sonnet 109.
The image on the screen looked like nothing more than a shapeless blob to Spike. It was hard to believe that what he was seeing was his child.
His child.
Of course, Meg was his as well. It would be impossible to love her more than he already did. She was a miracle, as much as every child was a miracle.
It made something of a difference when it was your own flesh and blood, however.
“It looks like you’re about eight weeks along,” Dr. Cassidy commented. She smiled. “We won’t be able to tell the sex of the child for a while yet, if you’re curious.”
Spike was still watching the screen, an awed expression on his face. Buffy answered for both of them. “How does everything look?”
“Perfectly healthy.” Dr. Cassidy pushed the ultrasound machine back and handed Buffy a towel to remove the goop from her abdomen. “You said you had one other child, correct?”
Buffy nodded. “Meg is eleven. This is our first child together, though. We—this came as something of a surprise.”
Dr. Cassidy glanced at Spike, obviously amused by his awe. “A happy surprise, I take it.”
“Very happy,” Spike agreed, his voice hoarse with an unnameable emotion.
“I’ll let you get dressed, Buffy, and then we can talk about prenatal vitamins and other things. I’m sure it’ll be mostly a review for you.”
Buffy smiled. “It’s been a while, doctor, so I could probably use it.”
When the doctor had left, Buffy squeezed his hand. “You look like you’re okay with this.”
“Told you I was,” Spike replied. “Buffy, this is—”
“Pretty amazing,” she murmured. Their eyes met, and a wordless communication passed between them. “I should never have doubted you.”
He didn’t reply, instead meeting her lips with his own, sharing a kiss that seemed to go on forever. Pulling back, the words that tripped off his tongue were old ones, stolen from another, dredged from the recesses of his soul. “‘O, never say that I was false of heart, though absence seemed my flame to qualify. As easy might I from my self depart as from my soul which in thy breast doth lie. That is my home of love; if I have ranged, like him that travels I return again… for nothing this wide universe I call save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.'”
His words nearly took her breath away. “Talk like that will get you lucky, mister.”
“Meg’s at school,” he breathed.
“Then let’s get out of here,” Buffy replied, hurrying to dress.
~~~~~
Hannah took the dress out of her closet to stare at it again. Going shopping had been an experience in and of itself . Once Dawn had heard about the potential expedition, she had insisted on going while she was in town. Hannah had tried to protest that Prom was over a month away, but to no avail. Buffy, Dawn, and Nika had all gone along, exclaiming over her various choices and offering their opinions.
When she’d tried this one on, all three of them had immediately agreed that it was the one. “You look wonderful, Hannah,” Nika had said. “So very grown up.”
It was dark blue, in a fabric that clung to her curves. Dawn and Buffy had known the name of it; fashion wasn’t Hannah’s thing. The relatively high neck and the low back made her feel sexy, though, like she was pretty, like she was a woman.
Dawn’s assessment was that Sam’s eyes would pop. Buffy had smiled nostalgically. “You’re going to look absolutely fantastic, sweetie. Wesley will have to go just to beat the other boys off with a bat.”
There was a knock on the door, and Hannah quickly put the dress back in the closet. She felt strange about being caught staring at it. “Come in.”
“Hannah.” Wesley stood in the doorway. “Do you have a moment?”
“Yeah, sure,” she replied.
He stepped into her bedroom, and Hannah realized that he never really came in here. Wesley was always good about letting her have her privacy. Most of the time, she met him in his office, or in the training room.
When the silence stretched on, Hannah started to get nervous. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is just fine,” he replied, quick to reassure her. “Let’s sit.” Wesley waited until she’d settled on her bed before taking the chair. “You’re going to be eighteen soon.”
Hannah nodded slowly. “Yeah.” Dread began to settle in her stomach. She knew that it wasn’t a big deal. Even if the courts said she was on her own, there was no way Wesley and Nika would boot her. Plus, there was always Spike and Buffy, or Dawn and Connor. She had people who cared about her.
Just because the fear was irrational didn’t mean it was going to go away, though.
Wesley took a deep breath. “Nika and I have been talking for quite a while now. You know that you always have a place here, right?” He waited for her silent nod before continuing. “Both of us understand that sometimes something symbolic can help a person to realize the truth.”
“I don’t think I understand,” Hannah said cautiously.
Wesley chuckled. “Yes, well, that’s probably because I’m not explaining this very well. Hannah, I once told you that I would always be your Watcher. I hope you are aware that you are as much my child as Davey or Will or Carwen, though.” He waited until she met his eyes. “Nika and I would like to start the adoption process for you, making you legally our child. You are our ward until you turn eighteen. This would make you ours for—well, forever, I suppose.”
Hannah stared at him. “What?”
“It’s completely up to you,” Wesley was quick to assure her, mistaking Hannah’s surprise for something like reluctance. “You needn’t feel like you have to agree. We both thought it might help you feel more—secure.”
“Would I have to change my name?” she asked.
“Only if you want to.” Wesley wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but he could see the wheels turning.
“Can I change my name?”
“Of course.”
Hannah looked down at her hands, unsurprised to find them shaking. “You really mean it.”
“Yes.” Wesley was nearly floored when Hannah nearly flung herself at him, burying her face in his shoulder. He thought of the moment when he realized that Nika really did want him, when he knew that she was carrying his child, when Spike had openly declared his friendship.
Although his Slayer might never know it, Wesley understood what it was to be lost. Sometimes it took a while to realize that you’d been found.
For Hannah, it meant never having to leave. It meant that being there wasn’t about a grand destiny or her being the Slayer or Wesley winning the Watcher-lottery. It meant that they wanted her —Hannah. Just for her.
She suddenly understood what people meant when they said they were so happy their heart felt like it could burst.
“Sorry,” she said, pulling back and drawing a shaky breath.
Wesley pulled out a handkerchief. “Don’t be sorry. Believe it or not, I do understand.”
Their eyes met, and for the first time, Hannah understood him as an adult, not just as her Watcher or her father-figure. “I believe it.”
“Then it’s settled,” Wesley said, standing. “It’s not a terribly difficult process from what I understand.”
She nodded shakily. “That’s good. I—how—”
“Perhaps a few weeks,” Wesley replied. “There won’t be any obstacles.”
Hannah nodded, knowing that he was referring to the fact that neither of her parents were in the picture. “Okay.”
“Come on. Nika should be home soon. We can tell her the good news.” Wesley put a friendly arm around her shoulders, remembering that the first time he’d done this she had been uncomfortable with his affection. Now, she leaned into him comfortably.
If his failures had brought him to this moment, then Wesley didn’t think he could have any regrets.
None at all.
~~~~~
It was simple, as simple as their wedding had been. Spike wore a suit, but no tie. Buffy wore a dress she’d found on the sale rack that looked pretty damn good, if she did say so herself. There were actually more people at the vow renewal than there had been at the wedding, but that was only to be expected. Their group of friends and family had expanded over the last ten years.
That was as it should be.
There was food, and plenty of alcohol, and Willow officiated, even though the state of California didn’t have anything to do with this ceremony.
Spike still felt a little awed that Buffy had agreed with his request. In retrospect, it seemed a lot to ask of her. Or rather, it reflected a silly insecurity on his part. He knew Buffy loved him.
Standing there, in front of everyone, all of whom knew about the changes he’d made in the last year, he was grateful for the chance. Whatever anyone might think about about his reasoning.
Wesley stood next to him, a solid presence that Spike was grateful for. Nika came up the aisle first. Although Buffy had asked Dawn to stand up with her, Dawn had said she wasn’t up to standing anywhere for very long. Nika was the obvious alternative.
Buffy was older, of course, but in Spike’s eyes she was the same girl he’d fallen for so many years ago. Just as stubborn and infuriating and lovely and wonderful. And Spike—Spike still felt like he was the luckiest bloke in the world.
Maybe Buffy wasn’t so wrong to insist that he wasn’t that different.
Giles hadn’t been able to make it, so she walked herself up the aisle this time around, but he didn’t think Buffy minded too much. She’d made the wry comment that if the wedding had been for her, this was more for him.
To show the world that she loved him then, now, and always.
The words they spoke were their own this time, rather than the traditional vows they had spoken at their wedding.
Willow ‘s voice was steady and strong, the streaks of white running through her red hair lending her a gravity that seemed at odds with her still-youthful face. “Spike and Buffy have asked you all here as witnesses to their vow renewal. They have embarked on a new stage in their journey together, and even though their commitment to one another has been sorely tested over this last year, they stand together.”
“Spike, I love you. No one has ever held my heart as you have.” Buffy smiled at him. “I am in awe of your strength, and I am so proud of you for taking this journey, in spite of the dangers. I wouldn’t want anyone else at my side.”
Spike took a deep breath to steady himself . “Buffy, I love you. I wanted to change for myself, so that I could stay with you in all things. I couldn’t stand the thought that you would go somewhere I couldn’t follow. What we have now is something I never dared imagine. Thank you for taking this journey with me.”
From beside him, Wesley began to recite, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
As they kissed, and the short ceremony closed, Spike knew that they had a love as strong as death. It was more than he’d ever thought to have.
~~~~~
It wasn’t really a honeymoon. Meg was staying with Wesley and Nika for the weekend, and so they were definitely getting some time to themselves, but it didn’t feel the same.
Truthfully, Spike thought it felt better.
They’d spent the night making love. Spike figured that it was probably a good thing that he wasn’t quite human. Buffy might be getting older, but she was still the Slayer, and he needed every ounce of his stamina to keep up with her.
“What do you want to do today?” she asked idly.
“Dunno. You got any requests?”
“Maybe we could go to the beach,” she suggested. “We haven’t really been able to do that since you got back, you know. I have this fantasy with suntan lotion, you, and a sandy beach.”
Spike grinned lazily. “Yeah, that sounds alright. More than alright.”
The silence stretched between them, a comforting weight, so different than things had been recently. “Did you ever think we’d be here?”
“Never in my wildest dreams,” he admitted. “Wouldn’t have known to wish for this.”
“Me neither.”
Spike slipped his hand in her hair, pulling her in for a kiss. “This is better.”
“No kidding.”
It was quite a while before they managed to make it to the beach.