Chapter 7: Something to Someone
“‘Cuz I just wanna be something/I just wanna be someone/Someone who stands out in the crowd/Mother would be proud/Something to someone/These days gettin’ shorter by the year/Tickin’ like a time bomb loud and clear/Faster and faster the whole situation/Fallin’ apart, straight from the heart/Then I sing my song/And I’ll prove them wrong…” ~Lit, “Something to Someone”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Giles said, watching Spike stock shelves. “I very much appreciate your help, William. But have you taken a break recently?”
Spike turned to look at him, blue eyes shadowed. “A break?”
Giles sighed. “You’ve been training with me, patrolling with Buffy, helping me get the Magic Box ready, working at the gallery-when have you had time to sleep?”
Spike turned back to his stocking, not replying, but the dark circles under his eyes were answer enough for the ex-Watcher. “Spike-“
“‘m fine, Rupert,” Spike said quickly, interrupting the other man. “I understand that you’re concerned, an’ Buffy’s already talked to me about it. ‘s just-getting split in two like that didn’t do a whole lot for my peace of mind.”
He nodded, knowing that Spike needed to work it out in his own time and in his own way. As much as Giles might like to wave a magic wand to remove the burden of Spike’s past, he couldn’t. Indeed, even if he could, he wasn’t certain that he would. The ex-vampire had managed to reach at least a tentative balance between his persona both old and new. Giles had every reason to believe he would be able to do it once again.
Besides, it was sometimes the darkest parts of the soul that gave one necessary strength.
“I do understand, Spike,” Giles said, and he really did. “But you do need to take care of yourself.”
Spike shrugged. “If I still can’t sleep after a while, I’ll get Tara to mix somethin’ up for me. That girl knows what she’s doin’.”
“Very well.” Giles went back to his inventory list. They worked in silence for a while until Spike spoke up.
“I wanted to ask your advice.”
“Alright. What on?”
Spike hesitated, then came over to lean on the counter next to Giles. “It’s not that I don’t like workin’ with Joyce, but it might be time to start thinkin’ about the future.”
Giles nodded slowly. “I see. What brought this on?”
“Nothin’. Well, nothin’ important. ‘s just, you never know how much time you have. I don’t want to drift anymore.” Spike wasn’t sure his explanation made much sense, but Giles was nodding as though he understood.
“I can see how you might feel that way. Do you know what you want?”
“What I want is for what I do to mean somethin’, to be important.” Spike sighed. “I don’t want to be a hero, Rupert. The world has the Slayer for that, an’ Peaches. I’m just a sidekick, but I want a day-job.”
Giles regarded him seriously. “You are not ‘just’ anything, Spike. I don’t think you’ve fully realized that yet. What do you enjoy doing?”
“I don’t know,” Spike said impatiently. “Anything I knew how to do died with me a long time ago. ‘ve got a lot of knowledge, but Buffy has a Watcher, and knowin’ how to kill a demon doesn’t pay the bills.”
“You enjoy being with Dawn,” Giles pointed out. “And I know you’re quite good with tutoring her. Have you thought about teaching?”
Spike looked at him incredulously. “Teaching? Don’t you mean herding?”
Giles shrugged. “It was just a thought. But that’s where I would start-with what you enjoy doing. Figure that out, and you may stumble across something that suits.” He watched Spike carefully for the rest of the afternoon as they finished putting the training room together. Xander showed up later to help them complete the remaining tasks, and he and Spike joked like the oldest of friends.
Even in the midst of the good-natured ribbing, however, the thoughtful look never left Spike’s eyes. Giles recalled a conversation he’d had with Joyce not long before, centering on the other man. She had been saying how good he was with Dawn, how patient he was in helping the younger girl with her homework. He was even making both English Literature and History interesting. While Dawn did enjoy school, she had told Joyce that Spike made everything seem both exciting and exceptionally clear. “I don’t know why our teachers can’t explain things the way Spike does.”
In spite of the fact that Spike was asking him for advice, Giles knew that the ex-vampire would have to make the decision on his own, and that planting a seed was really the only thing he could do. Giles didn’t get another chance to talk to him about it, however, as Anya and Tara soon showed up to help with the finishing touches to the training room in back, among other things.
A couple hours later, the bell above the door jangled and Willow and Buffy came breezing in. “Hey, Giles. Spike.” Buffy came over to give him a proper greeting, and Spike met her kiss with enthusiasm.
“How were classes today, luv?”
“Good,” Buffy said. “Willow and I actually had a discussion, like, an academic one.”
“‘Course you did,” Spike replied easily. “You’re not only tough, you’re also smart as a whip. ‘s one of the things I love about you.”
“Will all of you excuse me while I gag?” Xander asked, emerging from the back. “Do you two ever give it a rest?”
“Do you and the ex-demon ever stop shaggin’?” Spike asked, his tone almost sweet.
Buffy snorted with laughter, and there were suspicious laughing-type noises coming from Giles and Willow too. “Sometimes we refrain from sex,” Anya said quite seriously. “We do other things, like-“
Whatever Anya had been about to say was muffled by Xander’s hand. “Let’s just forget about that, shall we?” Whispering loudly, he said, “Ahn, remember what we talked about? The stuff that’s not okay to say in front of my friends?”
Willow and Tara sat down at the table, catching up with each other in low voices. Spike tugged on the Slayer’s hand. “Come help me in the back?” he suggested. “There’s a couple heavy items we lowly mortals could use your help with.”
Buffy laughed. “As if you manly men aren’t completely capable.” She followed anyway, glad that he seemed to be in a good mood. Spike had been so moody lately, so prone to staring off into space and looking glum. Not that she’d ever accuse him of such a thing. The one time she’d suggested he was brooding he’d gotten very affronted and told her never to compare him to Angel again. Buffy hadn’t even realized that she was making the comparison.
Spike held open the door for her gallantly, sharing a look with Giles and Xander who were close behind her. “Oh my,” Buffy breathed as she got a good look at the new training room. “This is-incredible! Did you guys do this?”
“We all helped,” Xander said, pointing at the dummy. “That, I made.”
She stared at Spike, who shrugged. “I might have been involved,” he admitted.
“Giles! This is great!” Buffy grinned at him. “It’s wonderful.”
“Well, you needed a space to train,” Giles replied. “I’m sure we’ll put it to good use. You and Spike both really.”
“We could train together!” Buffy said rather enthusiastically. While she knew she’d have to pull her punches, the idea of working out with a sweaty, shirtless Spike was enough to make her mouth dry and her palms sweaty.
Spike looked a bit bashful. “We could. ‘f I’m not too far below your level.”
Buffy shook her head. “Are you kidding? You’ve still got the moves, Spike. I’ve seen you working out with Giles a few times. You might not be a vampire anymore, but you could still probably give me a run for my money.”
Her compliment had the unexpected bonus of making Spike turn a bright red. “If you like, Slayer.”
“Oh, I like,” she replied, the heat in her eyes adding double meaning. “I definitely like.”
~~~~~
Spike set up his laptop in the office. It was early, too early to be in to work, really, but he hadn’t been able to lie in bed any longer. After their training session and a round of the cemeteries, Buffy had reluctantly gone back to her dorm, explaining that she really did have to get some homework done before she went to bed. His girlfriend couldn’t be with him every night, and being alone in his big bed seemed to make sleep even more elusive.
While he knew very well that Buffy would spend every night with him if she knew the truth, he wasn’t about to tell her. He hated to think she thought of him as frail.
Opening up the word processor, Spike started typing, just letting the words flow as they would. He couldn’t have predicted how quickly his typing skills would come along in just a few weeks, but he’d found putting words to screen therapeutic. Where he’d once composed reams of poetry, Spike now found himself drawn towards the crafting of a story.
He was absorbed in the movement of characters, some of whom bore a passing resemblance to people he’d known in the past. There was truth in the guise of fiction, and Spike lost himself in his own tale.
Of course, just as he was finding his rhythm, the cell phone rang. Half-snarling, Spike picked it up, thinking to check the caller id and then let it go. He frowned when he realized the caller was “Joyce” and answered quickly. “‘lo?”
“Spike?” Dawn’s voice sounded breathless.
“Niblet? What’s up?”
There was a sound that was close to a sob, and his chest tightened. “It’s mom. She just-fainted. I didn’t know what to do.” There was a pause. “She’s waking up.”
“You both sit tight,” he ordered. “I’ll be there in a mo.” Spike hit the save button and shut the lid to the laptop before grabbing his keys and heading out, locking up behind him. He probably should have put a sign up saying that they weren’t going to be open, but he was in too much of a hurry.
By the time he arrived at the Summers’ residence, Joyce was seated on the couch, calmly sipping tea. “I’m fine, Spike,” she said when he asked.
He glared at her. “You didn’t go see the doc, did you?”
“Spike-“
“No,” Spike interrupted. “This isn’t somethin’ to just brush off. ‘m takin’ you to the hospital.” He turned to face Dawn, who was looking relieved that someone else was taking charge. “Niblet, call your sister. If she’s not in her dorm room, leave a message an’ tell her to meet us at there.”
~~~~~
Buffy came rushing into the hospital emergency room, immediately seeing Spike sitting next to Dawn, and talking to a young man in scrubs. “Spike!”
He looked up, smiling in reassurance. “We’re fine, Buffy. I was just talkin’ to Ben here, tryin’ to figure out what’s up.”
“What is up?” Buffy asked quickly. “Is mom-“
“She’s fine,” the man Spike had referred to as Ben said. “They’re just running some tests on her right now. As I’ve been explaining to your fiancé, there’s no indication of what caused her collapse. It could be anything from a dizzy spell to a virus to low blood sugar.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy watched as Spike snagged a restless Dawn around the waist, pulling her close in to his chest and eliciting a giggle. With a small smile, Buffy watched as her little sister snuggled up to him like a cat, and Spike rested his chin against the top of her head. She caught Spike’s eye and mouthed, “Fiancé?” but he just shrugged in response.
“Do you know when they’ll be done? Will mom be able to come home afterwards?” Buffy asked quickly.
Ben smiled reassuringly. “I don’t know when they’ll be done for sure. I can go check for you, though. I’m sure the doctors will let her go as soon as they’re done.”
When the intern went off to get the necessary information, Buffy turned to look at Spike with a raised eyebrow, which he met with one of his own. “Was the only way they’d treat me like a member of the family,” he explained nonchalantly. “Now that you’re here, you can correct that idea if you like.”
“Who said I wanted to correct that idea?” Buffy asked. She held up her left hand and wriggled the appropriate finger. “I’m wearing your ring, aren’t I?”
Spike smiled, and Buffy could see him relaxing imperceptibly. “Well, long as you’re okay with it, pet.”
“Totally okay.” She smiled at him. “Besides, you really are a member of the family, with or without the ring.”
~~~~~
Spike handed Joyce a cup of tea. “An’ that’s a proper cuppa, mum. None of that nasty bagged stuff you Americans seem to favor.”
She smiled at him, long used to the tirades against American-made tea from both him and Giles. “Thank you, William.”
“Not a problem,” he assured her. “You know I’ll look after the gallery for as long as you need, yeah? You do as little or as much as you want.”
Joyce patted his hand. “There’s really no need to worry, Spike. I’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
He shook his head. “Maybe so, but if you’re feelin’ poorly, it’s my job to look after you. ‘s like a sacred duty.”
“You do too much,” Joyce said quietly, noting the dark circles under his eyes. “You shouldn’t take so much on.”
Spike shrugged uncomfortably. “‘s not too much if it’s on a voluntary basis. An’ someone has to look after the gallery if you’re not feelin’ well.”
“Just like someone has to help Rupert out with the Magic Box and someone has to help Buffy patrol and help Dawn with her homework?” Joyce patted his cheek fondly. “I worry about you.”
“It’s mutual,” he replied, taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze.
Buffy, Willow, and Dawn came into the room a few minutes later. “Okay, Mom,” Buffy said. “You need to rest. Spike and I have to patrol, but I called Giles, and he said he was coming over to check on you and keep you company in a little while. And Willow will be around until he gets here.”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” Joyce protested.
Willow looked alarmed. “I’m not a babysitter! I’m here to help Dawnie with her math homework. I promised, since Spike already went over the history and English.”
Joyce looked skeptical, but she decided to take their explanations at face value. Besides, she hadn’t missed the look of relief on her youngest daughter’s face when Willow said she was going to be staying. Her collapse earlier had scared the girl quite a bit.
“Well then,” Joyce replied. “You two be careful.”
~~~~~
“She’ll be fine, luv,” Spike said, both for his own benefit as well as the Slayer’s.
“Will she?” Buffy replied quietly. “I don’t know, Spike. It’s so weird to see her sick like this. I mean, Mom’s always the one that takes care of us when we’re sick. I don’t remember her even having a cold in forever.”
Spike wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The evening had been quiet for the most part, and while they were both keeping an eye out for danger, they were also simply enjoying each other’s company and the balmy night air. “It might take some time, luv, but the docs’ll figure out what’s going on, and then they’ll fix it.”
“I wish they could fix you,” she murmured, then felt him stiffen. His arm fell away from her shoulders, and Buffy bit back a sigh. “And that’s not how I meant it, and you know it, Spike. You haven’t been sleeping. You’re hardly even standing still for two minutes at a time these days.”
“I was born with too much energy,” he replied. “I’m fine.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothin’.” Spike frowned. “Actually, you can help me stake those losers over there.”
Buffy was startled by how quickly Spike took off, tearing across the graveyard towards three vampires who had their backs to the Slayer. She shook her head, sighing again. Really, she did love Spike, but he could be just as stubborn as she was at times.
Of course, that was one of the reasons she loved him so much.
Buffy watched Spike take one of the vampires down with a flying kick to the back, landing on the fallen body and putting a stake through its back. He whirled, gracefully, putting the stake through the heart of the vampire coming up behind him.
There was only one more left, and Buffy sent her own stake flying with a flick of her wrist, sending the wood right through the heart while the vampire was still a couple of feet away from her boyfriend. “I wondered when you were goin’ to get off your Slayer-arse and help me fulfill your sacred duty,” he said with a smirk.
Buffy glared at him, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. “Tell you what, Big Bad. I promise that I will make sure you go to bed so tired tonight that you sleep like the dead.”
“Sounds like a plan.” The look in his eyes was grateful, and Buffy stepped closer to pull his head down for a kiss. So many nights she found his beauty startling.
Buffy found herself wanting to take care of this man, and she knew that part of her desire came from the fact that she knew he would care for her in turn.
It was a perfect match.
~~~~~
“You know, if I drink any more tea I will most likely float away,” Joyce said with a smile, watching as Giles paused in the act of handing her another cup.
He paused. “Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t even-“
“It’s fine, Rupert,” she assured him. “I know by now that British men say they love you with tea.”
He chuckled. “I suppose that’s true.” Both of them froze at the implications of that statement. “You know-“
“I know. It’s mutual.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I must confess that I have been most unlucky in love.”
“So have I,” Joyce replied softly.
Giles settled in next to her on the couch, drawing her over so that her head rested on his shoulder. With gentle fingers, he began to massage her temples. “And, of course, this is terribly bad timing on my part, as you are feeling under the weather.”
“It’s probably better to take it slow anyway,” Joyce said, a nostalgic smile tilting up the corners of her lips. “We definitely rushed into things the last time.”
“True.”
“Of course, now I know what exactly I have to look forward to.” Joyce gave him a purely feminine smile. “And I am very much looking forward to it.”
Giles bit back a groan, thinking that it was going to be a rather long wait. He sighed. “Your grand opening is tomorrow, isn’t it? I’m sorry I’m going to miss it.”
“Oh, it probably won’t be that exciting,” Giles replied dismissively. “With any luck, it will simply include quite a lot of people going in and out and buying things. Hardly anything to worry about missing.”
Joyce’s fingers were making rather dangerous patterns on his leg. “I still thought I might make it over my lunch break. Wouldn’t it be fun to christen the supply closet with-what does Spike call it?-a good snog?”
Giles laughed. “A welcome image, my dear, but I’m afraid Xander and Anya have already managed it.” There was a moment of silence. “I’ve meant to tell you that I spoke with Spike the other day about career opportunities. I don’t know if you knew-“
“A mother always knows,” she said enigmatically. “What is he thinking of doing?”
“I encouraged him to think about teaching,” Giles replied.
Her brow furrowed thoughtfully. “I hadn’t actually thought about that, but it’s not a bad idea. He’d make a wonderful teacher. He’s really good with Dawn. It probably shouldn’t be a surprise, but…”
“Well, he did take care of Drusilla for over a century,” Giles pointed out pragmatically. “For that alone I’d have to say that Spike has the patience of a saint.”
~~~~~
Dawn wished her sister would hurry up and get home, mostly because she was hoping that Buffy would have Spike in tow. He’d half-promised to come back to say goodnight to her.
Thinking about Spike, Dawn was confused about how she felt about him. He was so cool-everything about him just screamed coolness. Plus, the way he always looked after her, like he enjoyed spending time with her. He’d even said he liked hanging out with her; Dawn had heard him tell Buffy that one day when her sister had complained about Dawn being around so much.
She’d wanted to burst in on them and say, “Take that!” Since it was eavesdropping, she’d kept her mouth shut.
It was like he was her older brother, but even better, since he didn’t treat her like a pest the way Buffy always did. Maybe Spike was cooler because they weren’t actually related.
And he was way smarter than Buffy. He’d totally known what the symbolism in The Great Gatsby was all about. No one else even had a clue.
Dawn frowned, and began to write:
Buffy better figure out how important I am. I know Spike gets it. He was so great today at the hospital. I felt totally safe with him, like he’d make everything okay. Plus, he said he’d take care of Mom, and I believe him.
I love him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him. I mean, he’s practically my brother. But I still love him, and I feel good when he’s around, like everything is going to be okay. No one else makes me feel like that, not even Buffy. Like today, with Mom passing out and everything, what she said right before, “Who are you?” It was so freaky, and then Spike was just there. He made me feel okay again.
~~~~~
Buffy ran her fingers through Spike’s hair. The roots were showing again, and he’d let it get longer. She had the feeling that he didn’t quite know what to do with it. “Your hair’s getting long again.”
“I know,” he replied, voice muffled by her shoulder. “Bleaching it all the time hurts like the devil.”
“You could grow it out,” she suggested thoughtfully. “It would look good.”
“Maybe.”
Buffy knew he was nearly asleep, and she glanced over at the clock. It was late. Or early, depending on how you looked at it. Buffy knew she needed to get going. They both had busy days coming up, and she needed to get back to her mom’s so she could help out in the morning. Spike had promised to stick around too, but he had to be at the gallery all day, especially since it was unlikely Joyce would be up to it.
It seemed that she had kept her promise though. After another couple hours of patrol, and then a nice-very nice-period of lovemaking, Spike was perfectly relaxed and almost asleep.
Buffy edged her way out from under him. “Leaving?” he mumbled, his tone verging on a whine.
“I have to get back,” she whispered. “Think you’ll sleep?”
“Like the dead.” He roused himself enough to give her a satisfactory goodbye kiss. “See you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be at Giles’ opening. If you can get away-“
“I’ll see you at lunch-time then,” he replied, smiling sleepily. “An’ I’ll cook tomorrow night. ‘ve been practicing.”
Buffy laughed. “Good thing one of us has. I still burn water.” She touched his cheek in a tender gesture. “Good night, Spike.”
She watched his eyes close and stayed until she could hear the steady rhythm of his breathing.