Chapter 4: Return to Innocence
“I’m just saying, Angel. There’s no place to put Drusilla.”
Both Wesley and Cordelia had been trying to make Angel see reason for the last two hours. Now they were approaching Sunnydale, and the big vampire showed no signs of being swayed. “Listen to Wes,” Cordy urged. “He’s speaking sense. For once.”
“I beg your pardon!” Wesley said, highly offended. “I always make sense, while you on the other hand-“
“Children, please,” Angel said wearily. “Look, I know we’ll have to get creative, but I’m not leaving Dru with Spike. And besides, she’s my responsibility.”
Cordelia and Wesley exchanged looks. Angel had been extra-broody since Buffy had called earlier that day, although this time it hadn’t been the Slayer’s fault. Instead, Angel had been working himself up over what he was certain Spike was going to do to Drusilla once he got her alone.
Angel seemed to be feeling that it was his responsibility to save her from the same fate he’d previously doomed her to. Neither of his associates were convinced that Drusilla was in need of saving. As Wesley had remarked to Cordelia earlier, “Angel is simply reacting to the guilt he feels over torturing and turning her so many years ago. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.”
Natural or not, however, it didn’t create any more room in Cordy’s apartment, which was AI’s current headquarters since the office had been blown up.
“Well, she can’t stay with me, Angel,” Cordelia said firmly. “I don’t have any more space, and I don’t have time to look after crazy ex-vampires. It wasn’t in the job contract.”
“She’s one of the helpless we’re supposed to be helping,” Angel protested.
Cordelia glared at the back of his head. “She’s not a paying client, which is the only kind I would let live in my place. And don’t you think Dennis would completely freak her out?”
Angel thought about that for a minute. “Maybe, but if we explained-“
“No.” Cordelia’s tone was firm, with no wiggle room. Even Wesley knew better than to argue with her when she was like that.
Angel glanced at Wesley, who was sitting in the passenger seat by virtue of his longer legs. “Wes, maybe-“
“No,” Wesley replied immediately. “I have a very small flat, Angel, and I am not prepared to look after someone with Drusilla’s needs.”
Angel was prepared to beg. He did not want to leave Drusilla in Sunnydale within Spike’s reach. “I could stay too.”
Wesley was not ready to give up that much of his privacy. Actually, he wasn’t prepared to give up any of his privacy. He liked living alone. He enjoyed his co-workers, and he spent a great deal of time with them, but he regarded his flat as a retreat. “No, Angel,” Wesley replied. “I have to say I’m with Cordelia. I don’t blame you for wanting to make certain that Drusilla is okay, but we haven’t any place to put her.”
Angel frowned, not having expected this kind of resistance from his friends. “Just for a few days,” he said, even more persuasively. “I’ll start looking for a new place as soon as we get back to L.A.”
Wesley heaved a deeply put-upon sigh. “If we find it necessary to remove Drusilla from Sunnydale, then she can stay at my apartment. But honestly, Angel, I don’t have room for the two of you either.”
There was a small sound in the back seat from Cordy that some might have interpreted as a coughed, “Wuss,” but Wesley decided to ignore it.
“Thanks, Wes,” Angel replied sincerely. “I really appreciate it.”
Wesley stifled a moan, knowing that whether he liked it or not, he’d just gotten stuck ex-vampire-sitting.
~~~~~
After talking with Angel, Buffy had plans to go out with Willow, just the two of them because Tara had to work. Once again the Slayer found herself talking about Spike’s strange relationship with Drusilla. Willow was a much more sympathetic listener than Giles had been. “Wow, Buffy. That’s-crazy.”
“I know,” Buffy said, having just gotten done explaining the scene she’d witnessed the previous night, unbeknownst to Spike. “It’s just, he’s so attentive, Willow. And he’s nice to Mom too.”
Willow frowned thoughtfully. “Well, he was nice to me too, sorta, that night he was going to kill me.” At the Slayer’s raised eyebrow, she quickly explained, “He did try to make me feel better about Oz leaving. In a really weird way.”
Buffy sighed. “It’s annoying, because I had this idea of Spike as the annoying bleached menace, and he still is, but-“
“Now you see him as sensitive-boyfriend too,” Willow finished.
“Pretty much,” Buffy replied glumly. “I liked Spike’s box. It was comfortable…for me.”
“Boxes are never comfortable,” Willow said, speaking from past experience. “But you called Angel? And he’s coming?”
“Yeah,” Buffy said, looking around. “Do you have a watch on, Will?”
Willow looked at her watch. “It’s a little after seven.”
Buffy yelped. “Oh, crap. I’d better get back to the house and let Spike know Angel’s on his way.” The Slayer made a face. “He’s going to be pissed.”
Willow shrugged. “It’s not like you can control whether or not Angel’s coming.”
“I don’t think Spike’s going to see it that way, though,” Buffy replied.
~~~~~
Spike had stopped at the crypt only briefly to collect a few personal belongings, including some clothing and all his cash. Then, he’d taken Drusilla to the Sunnydale Inn by the highway. It was the cheapest motel in town, and seemed like the best option since they couldn’t very well stay at his place. Not if he was going to turn her. Not if Angel was on his way into town.
Once he turned Drusilla, things would be fine, but right now all he could think about was what would happen if he couldn’t do it.
If he didn’t turn her. That option had crossed his mind.
There were places in South America that would be safe, where he could find a way to rent a cheap villa and hire a girl to look after Dru and do the shopping and such. All that required money, however, and money wasn’t something that was quite as easy to get his hands on now that he had the chip in his head.
So he had to turn Dru. There wasn’t any other choice.
Spike knew he was trying to convince himself.
She was sitting on the single bed, regarding him with a kind of watchfulness he found unsettling. Drusilla, sane, was more formidable than he’d ever dared imagine. “Look, Dru-“
“You want me to join you,” she said softly, and there was a sadness in her voice that frightened him, even though the Big Bad wasn’t supposed to be scared of anything or anyone.
Spike blinked, and then came to sit next to her on the bed. “You’d be free of the guilt, Dru. We could go off together again, just us. The whole world could be ours, or even one small corner. I’d settle for that with you.”
“But that isn’t your destiny, William,” Drusilla replied. “It isn’t me you love anymore.”
Spike wanted to pass it off as madness, except that she didn’t sound crazy. In fact, she sounded completely normal, and he found himself near tears. Over the last 48 hours of having her by his side, Spike had allowed himself to dream of what a future with Drusilla might look like. It would be just like the last couple years had never happened. They could rebuild from the ruins of what Angelus had left to them.
And as hard as Spike fought against the knowledge, he knew that Drusilla was right. He did still love her, but not as he once had. “I’d stay with you forever, luv,” he whispered. “I could make you mine.”
There were tears welling up in Drusilla’s eyes, and Spike suddenly knew that the time for turning her had long passed. Her innocence tore at his undead heart. He loved this woman in all her incarnations-she had saved him from a life of mediocrity.
Drusilla had given him a purpose and a mission, had given him life when she’d killed him. How could he repay her by killing her now, when to do so would destroy all she’d regained?
“Would you damn me as well, my Spike?” she asked quietly. “I remember-remember their bodies. He killed them all and then he came after me. I loved them.”
She had loved them when she was crazy and evil too, Spike remembered. “I know you did, pet.”
“I didn’t want this, my Spike,” she said. “I wanted to die, to join Mummy and the rest. I didn’t want to wet my hands with blood.”
Spike took her hands in his. “Don’t know much ’bout that sort of thing, luv. ‘m not a philosopher. Wasn’t even a very good poet, but it wasn’t your fault. Place the blame at Angelus’ door, where it belongs.” He smiled slyly. “Wanker could probably use another load of guilt anyway.”
Drusilla matched his smile with one of her own. “He is overwhelmed by the weight of it all,” she agreed. Her fingers traced his cheekbone. “I can see it now,” she murmured. “You’ll save them all, my love. They do not see your vision or your imagination.”
“You’re the only one who ever did,” Spike replied, closing his eyes as he relinquished all dreams for the future with Drusilla. He couldn’t turn her; if not because he loved her, then because he refused to be as great of a bastard as his grandsire.
Drusilla drew him to her, and she found that her mind was clear as it hadn’t been in centuries. What the obsessive hatred of one vampire had done, the love of another vampire had undone. It had a curious symmetry. With Spike’s head on her breast, she murmured words of love, of hope. She told him his future, what she had seen of it, careful not to give too much away.
She called him her brave knight and promised that the future was always brighter than the present. Spike found himself in the arms of his Sire, her embrace and words everything he might have dreamt of, everything he had ever wanted.
And Spike knew it was all slipping through his fingers.
~~~~~
Buffy returned to an empty house. It was apparent that her mom hadn’t gotten back from the gallery yet, and Angel wasn’t due for another couple hours. When she searched the house, the Slayer found Spike and Drusilla gone, the spare room bed made, and no sign they’d been there at all.
Buffy pursed her lips, certain that this was not a good thing. Although, since Drusilla was human, Spike couldn’t hurt her. Angel wasn’t going to be happy, however, and Giles was supposed to meet her here very shortly to talk with the ex-vampire. Buffy had no idea how she was supposed to find Spike and his girlfriend while waiting for her Watcher and another vampire.
As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and Buffy opened the door to find Giles standing there. “Buffy,” he greeted her, coming in after her silent welcome. “Did you and Willow have a pleasant afternoon?”
“It was good,” Buffy replied. “I think we might have a problem, though.”
Giles pulled off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me guess. Spike and Drusilla aren’t here.” He sighed. “I’m not sure you should have left them here by themselves.”
“I’m thinking that myself right about now,” Buffy snapped back. “But that doesn’t do us a whole lot of good. Besides, how was I to know they’d take off? Spike seemed pretty intent on staying put last night.”
Giles decided it wasn’t worth it to argue the point. His Slayer was right in that it didn’t do them any good to argue about it. “You’re right. Where would they have gone?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Buffy asked. “Best guess? Probably his crypt. I don’t know where else Spike would go unless he decided to skip town.”
From what Buffy had told him, Giles highly doubted that Spike would leave town with Drusilla in tow, no matter how devoted he was. Without help, the vampire would find it most difficult to care for the now-human woman. “The crypt is most likely our best choice,” Giles said. “When do you anticipate Angel arriving?”
Buffy thought for a minute, quickly doing the math in her head. “I don’t know. If Angel drives, it’s going to be at least another hour. Of course, if he had someone else to do the driving, they could be here any minute.”
Slayer and Watcher regarded one another for a minute in silence before Giles went to sit down on the sofa. “I imagine Spike can take care of himself for a while then,” he stated. “We can try to find the both of them when Angel arrives.”
~~~~~
They didn’t have to wait long, as Angel had, indeed, asked Wesley to drive the first leg of the journey while the sun was still in the sky. After it was safe, he’d emerged from his blanket and taken the wheel himself.
By the time Angel reached the Summers’ front door, he’d worked himself into a state, imagining all the things Spike could have done to Dru in the time since Buffy had called him. He was in such a tizzy that when Buffy opened the door at his knock that he demanded, “Where are they?”
“Hello to you too, Angel,” Buffy replied sarcastically. “And it’s so nice to see you.”
Angel scowled, thinking that the Slayer really wasn’t taking this seriously. “Where are Spike and Dru, Buffy? It’s important.”
The Slayer rolled her eyes. “Of course it’s important, Angel. It always is. They’re not here.” She looked past the vampire to see Cordelia and Wesley standing on her porch. She was so irritated at Angel right now that she was almost happy to see her ex-Watcher and ex-nemesis. “Hey guys.”
“Hey, Buffy,” Cordelia replied, brushing past Angel to enter the house. “I’m sorry, but Angel’s been workinghimself up ever since we left L.A.”
“I think I can take care of Spike, Angel,” Buffy said, sounding disgusted. “I mean, it’s not as if I haven’t been dealing with him for years now.”
Wesley cleared his throat. “I believe Angel fears that Spike may find a way to turn Drusilla.”
“He has a chip,” Giles said. “It won’t allow him to hurt humans.”
“There are other ways,” Angel replied impatiently. “I know if I-” He broke that sentence off, knowing that it could easily get him into trouble. “We need to find them.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “They’re probably at Spike’s crypt,” she said. “Come on.”
~~~~~
They weren’t at Spike’s crypt. There were a few signs of hasty packing, but nothing conclusive. Buffy heard Angel growl deep in his throat. The Slayer had suggested that just she and Angel go, but the others had insisted on tagging along-Giles probably because he wanted to talk with Drusilla when they found her. Buffy had no idea what the others’ motives were, but both Wesley and Cordelia seemed well in-tune with the drill.
Buffy had to wonder what the heck had happened to change the two of them so drastically, because she really was liking them a lot more than their boss at this point.
“Angel, why would it be such a big deal if Spike did leave town with Drusilla?” Buffy asked, feeling a little twinge. It wasn’t that she would miss Spike if he left town, precisely. It was that he made things more interesting.
Who else could she beat up for information, anyway?
Angel was pacing restlessly. “Buffy, you don’t know Spike like I do. He’ll turn Dru, and then you’ll have to worry about both of them.”
The Slayer was torn as to how much she’d have to worry. On the one hand, Angel was correct. Spike and Dru together were a formidable team. At the same time, however, Spike would still be chipped, and he, at least, could be trusted not to go after her mother and friends. Not like some vampires she could name.
“Okay, turning Drusilla, bad,” Buffy agreed. “But what if he just got lost? Angel, just because you’re feeling guilty doesn’t make Drusilla your responsibility.”
“That’s what we’ve been telling him all day,” Cordelia broke in. “Look, Angel, I’m sure Buffy has things under control. She’s the Slayer. Can we go home now?”
Angel ignored all of them, stepping out of the crypt to sniff at the night air. His eyes narrowed. “They went this way.”
Buffy and the others watched him lope off, and both she and Cordelia wrinkled their noses in disgust. “Was it just me, or was that gross?” Cordelia asked.
“No, that was gross,” Buffy agreed. The two women exchanged looks of female solidarity. The Slayer sighed. “We’d better follow. If Angel finds Spike, he’ll probably stake first and ask questions later.”
Only Wesley heard Giles mutter under his breath as they followed. “And yet I fail to see why that would be a bad thing.”