A Pirate's Life For Me by Addie Logan

ReviewsRating: NC-17

Summary: Post Blood Ties. As the Slayer, Buffy Summers is certain she hates the vampire Spike. But when an enchanted book pulls her into a world where she's Lady Elizabeth Summers, trapped on the ship of famed pirate William the Bloody, things start to look a little different…

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Chapter 2

Spike knew he should be more concerned about the fact that he'd been sucked into what was apparently some sort of alternate dimension—especially since he'd first appeared in sunlight and had not consequently burst into flames. But as soon as he figured out he was captain of a pirate ship, any possible worries went out the proverbial window. That chip had restricted him from getting his evil on back in Sunnydale, but he was sure there was all kinds of mayhem he could cause as a pirate captain.

The Slayer, on the other hand, seemed less than thrilled.  She was sitting on a cot with her face buried in her hands. Spike wanted to just leave her there, go back on to the deck and exercise his newfound captain powers. Instead, he walked over to her, sitting beside Buffy on the cot and putting his hand on her shoulder.  "You all right?" he asked.

"No she's not bloody all right!" Giles yelled.  "You attacked her ship and kidnapped her, you, you brigand!"

Spike shrugged. He certainly didn't remember doing that, but being a pirate now, he figured it was something he would do. Buffy, on the other hand, looked up sharply. "When did that happen?"

"Oh dear. You must've gotten a blow to the head. It's despicable the way you and your men would treat a lady."

Spike glanced between Giles and Buffy. Buffy seemed to be the same Buffy he'd always known, while Giles was different. "Who are you?" Spike asked Giles.

"I am Lord Rupert Giles," he replied, puffing his chest up. "You seemed fully aware of that when you illegally boarded my ship, pillaging it and taking both my ward and me hostage."

"I'm your what?" Buffy asked.

Giles looked stricken. "Lady Elizabeth, do you remember anything?"

"I…things are fuzzy," Buffy replied. After all, that was partly true.

Spike pulled Buffy up by her arm.  "Need to talk to you for a moment."

"You are not taking her from my sight!" Giles yelled.

"Oi—pirate captain here. I'll do what I want!" Spike brought Buffy back on to the deck, shutting the cabin door behind him and leaning on it so Giles couldn't get out, despite his constant banging. "Any clue to what's going on here, Slayer?"

"This sounds a bit insane, but I think we're in that novel."

"Insane is the norm on the Hellmouth, pet. Any theories on why Giles doesn't seem as, um, aware as we do?"

Buffy frowned. "Not unless…not unless it isn't actually Giles."

"Who would it be then? Pod Giles? Clone Giles?"

"No." Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. "We were the only two in the shop when this happened. So maybe we're the only two people who are actually here."

"Then why does he look like Giles? And call himself Rupert Giles for that matter?"

"I don't know! It's all…" Buffy stopped. "You're in the sunlight."

"Yep. Neat, huh? I think my heart's beating, too."

"So you're human?" Buffy asked.

"I suppose. I tried making myself all fangy, but it didn't work."

"Do you have a soul?" Buffy asked quickly.

"Well, no great desire to brood. Still want to cause chaos and destruction. Nope, I'm thinking I'm soulless." He gave Buffy a wide grin.

"This has got to all be superficial," Buffy said. "Something generated by magic."

"Gee, you think."

"Uh, captain, why is the lady outside of the cabin?"

Buffy and Spike turned around to see a dark-haired man with an eye patch. "We were having a discussion…Xander?" Spike replied, recognizing the pirate.

"William, as your first mate, I think I should tell ye—some of the others are a bit concerned to see ya talkin' to the lady so nicely. Not good for the reputation of William the Bloody."

Spike frowned. "Hmm. Good point." He turned back to Buffy. "We'll have to finish this at some other time, luv. I have important pirate duties and whatnot." He grabbed her by the arm again, throwing her back into the cabin. Once he had secured the chain on the door, he turned back to Xander. "That better?"


"So, we planning some big pillage somewhere?" Spike asked, rubbing his hands together.

"We were going to hold the lady for ransom," Xander replied, giving Spike a puzzled look.

"Right. Um, why are we doing that again?"

"Because her fiancé is an admiral in the Royal Navy, and you hate the Royal Navy. Have ye been out in the sun too long, Will?"

"No. It's just…been a long day." Spike started walking off with Xander, ignoring Buffy's yelling from inside the cabin. Sure, they'd figure out a way to get back sooner or later, but right now there were just too many opportunities for fun. "So you think we could work a bit of pillaging into the schedule?" Spike asked. "I want to burn something."

*** *** ***

Buffy sat on her cot in the cabin, cursing Spike every way she could think of. Lord Rupert had informed her that she was not behaving as a lady should, but the look she'd given him had put an end to that. She had tried numerous times to break the door, but hadn't had any luck. It appeared that her Slayer strength had gone the way of Spike's vampirism. Just what she needed to make this day even better.

Eventually, the door opened and Buffy stood, ready to give Spike a piece of her mind. She frowned when she realized it wasn't him, but a young man who looked strangely familiar, although this one Buffy couldn't quite place.  "Where's Spike?" Buffy asked.

The man blinked. "Excuse me? Spike? I don't have any Spikes." He held up a tray. "Just dinner for you and the old man."

"I am not old," Giles scoffed from the corner.

"Captain William," Buffy clarified, rolling her eyes.

"He's dining with the others," the man replied. "Last I saw, they were getting drunk, like filthy men. Er, which I am one of, of course. I am a filthy man who loves to get drunk."

Buffy frowned. This was a very strange person. And the familiar thing was still niggling at her mind. "Do you have a name?"


"Well, Jenkins , could you tell the captain that I wish to see him as soon as possible?"

"He said you'd tell me that," Jenkins replied. "Said you'd be whining about your 'accommodations.' He also told me to tell you to 'hold your soddin' horses, and he'll deal with it later.'" Jenkins smiled at the end of the recitation of the message, complete with an imitation of Spike's accent.

"Well, you can tell the captain that if he doesn't come and talk to me soon, I'm going to break his nose—for starters."

"The captain won't like that. I've seen the cruel things he can do, even to pretty women like you."

"I don't care about that, or his stupid reputation," Buffy replied, her hands on her hips. "I just want to get out of here!"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Jenkins said with a smile. "You're going to get out of here just as soon as Admiral Finn pays the ransom money. Unless the captain decides to just kill you, that is. Which is a very real possibility. He's killed lots of people."

Buffy's eyes grew wide as she realized something for the first time. Spike could kill her. She didn't have her powers. There was a good chance he wasn't affected by the chip. And even if he was, he had a whole crew who would be willing to string her up, or make her walk the plank, or whatever else Spike could think of. She was at the mercy of someone who had wanted to kill her for the better part of three years. For the first time in a long time, Buffy felt helpless—and at the mercy of Spike, no less. She sat back on the cot.

Jenkins held the tray in front of her. "Don't you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry. Give it to Giles."

Jenkins shrugged and complied, bring the tray of food over to Lord Rupert, setting it in his lap. Then, with a smile, the pirate left the cabin, the sound of chains rattling outside letting Buffy know that they were indeed being locked back in.

Giles walked over to Buffy, tray in hand. "You should eat, you know. I understand that it must be difficult with this trying ordeal, but it will not be any easier if you starve yourself."

Buffy looked up into the face that was so similar to the one of her Watcher. Despite the comfort of familiarity, she knew it wasn't her Giles, and it just made this all the worse. Sure, this whole thing may be fun to Spike, but she just wanted to go home. She was stuck in a strange place, at the mercy of a vampire she hated, and the corset she was wearing was really starting to pinch.

Lord Rupert sat the tray down between them, patting Buffy on the shoulder awkwardly. "I won't allow him to hurt you, Elizabeth. I promised your mother on her deathbed that I would see to it that no harm came to you, and I plan to uphold that promise."

Hearing Giles refer to her mother as being dead made Buffy's heart clench. After coming so close to losing her in her own reality, the thought of Joyce being gone in another one scared her. She wanted nothing more than to be home right now, curled up on the couch with her mother and sister. But instead she was trapped on a stupid pirate ship, cold, tired, and wondering if Spike was going to throw her to the bottom of Davy Jones' Locker.

She sighed as she picked up some food from the tray.

*** *** ***

When Spike finally made his way back to the cabin late that night, Buffy and Giles were both asleep—her on the cot, and him in a chair in the far corner. He knelt beside Buffy, shaking her until her eyes opened. "Spike!" she hissed. "It's about time you showed up."

"Sorry, pet. Got a bit caught up. This whole pirate thing is just as bloody great as I thought it would be."

"Glad you're having a good time," Buffy said sarcastically as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. "I hate it."

"Jenkins said you were a bit feisty when she brought you your dinner."

"Well, yeah, I…wait, did you say she? I thought Jenkins was a boy."

Spike tisked. "Not recognizing your own friends? Now that's bloody pathetic. Jenkins is Anya. I'm guessing she just dressed like a man to get on the ship."

Buffy frowned. Now that she thought about it, Jenkins was the last name Anya had made for herself once she became human. And it did explain that 'filthy men' comment earlier. "Have you seen anyone else around that we know?"

"There's a quiet pirate, was playing music earlier. Think he might be that dog boy Red was into for a while. Other than that, no. Oh, and you're engaged to some admiral. Could be Captain Cardboard."

"An—Jenkins called him Admiral Finn, so I'd suppose so. This is weird."

"Tell me about it."

"So how are we going to get back?" Buffy asked.

"Get back? What makes you think I want to rush back to Sunnydale? I can be evil here." Spike grinned.

"But I hate it here! I'm locked up, this dress is torture, and I don't have my powers!" Buffy clamped her hand over her mouth when she realized what she'd admitted to Spike.

To her surprise, he didn't gloat about how she'd be so much easier to kill now. "Yeah, I'm sort of missing my vamp strength. I forgot how bloody heavy things can be. Oh, and the speed, too. But I also seem not to have the chip, so it's a tradeoff. Although I suppose for you, things are just bad all around."

"I can't even break that lousy wooden door," Buffy replied with a pout.

"Don't worry about it too much, Slayer. You got a fearsome pirate lookin' out for you, after all."

Buffy blinked. "You're looking out for me?"

"Well, yeah. What else would I do?"

"I sort of thought you'd kill me, seeing as you can and all."

Spike shook his head. "We're in this together. Could end up bad for me if you were dead. Besides, if I ever were to kill you, I'd want it to be the right way—vampire versus Slayer."

"Gee, how sweet."

"Look, there's nothing to be worried about. We'll get home soon enough. Just let me have a bit of fun first."

Buffy crossed her arms in front of her. "But what about me? Spike, I need to be back in Sunnydale. What if Glory finds Dawn while we're here? I should be protecting her!"

Spike frowned. He hadn't thought of that. And as much as he hated to admit it, he cared. "Balls," he muttered under his breath. "Fine, we'll find a way out of here. But you owe me, Slayer."

"I owe you ? Hey, if anything you owe me for not dusting your sorry ass the moment you showed up on the doorstep."

"Oi! Be nice. You're the damsel in distress here, remember?"

Buffy shifted uncomfortably. She did remember. And she hated it. "Let's just get out of here."

"Any plans?"

Buffy frowned, thinking for a moment. "The book! Did you have the book when you showed up here?"

"No," Spike replied, shaking his head. "And I haven't seen one around either."

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

"Bloody hell, woman, I told you I'd help you get out of here! I'm not gonna go withholding information."

"Fine. No book. Maybe we could just jump off the side of the boat. It might bring us back to reality or something."

"Or it could leave us in possibly shark-infested water. I'm not comfortable with that chance, Slayer."

"But it could…"

"You can't help Dawn if you're eaten by sharks, Buffy."

"You know, I really hate it when you make sense." Buffy pouted, resting her chin on her fists. "This sucks. We have no plan."

"We could look around the ship," Spike said. "Most of the crew is asleep. Well, passed out drunk is more like it. Maybe we could find some way back."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, some sort of swirly vortex or something. I'm not really an interdimensional travel expert, you know."

Buffy stood. It was as good a plan as any. "All right. Let's go exploring."

*** *** ***

Giles walked around the Magic Box, frowning as he spotted no sign of Buffy. He thought she may be in the training room, but he couldn't find her there either. He went behind the counter and picked up the phone, calling Buffy's house, only to find she hadn't made it home.

Fear gripping him, Giles hurried out of the shop in hopes of finding his Slayer, not noticing as he kicked a small paperback book under the counter in his haste.


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