Things That Go Bump in the Night by Slaymesoftly

ReviewsRating: NC-17

Summary: Set several years post NFA, Buffy has moved on, is no longer in mourning for her two dead vampires. Then Dawn calls her for some help and she finds something she never expected to.

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Chapter 30

“Bloody hell, it’s cold out there!” He rubbed his arms as he continued frowning at the refrigerator and the broken door. He was pushing the fridge back into place when he heard Buffy’s gasp and whirled to face her.

“Not a dream, then,” he whispered as he drank her in, then louder, “Hello, love. Did you miss me?”

“You’re naked,” she replied, unable to come up with anything more coherent.

“Huh!” He looked down at himself. “Yeah, noticed that. I wonder why my clothes didn’t come back this time?”

Had she know it, Buffy’s face bore almost the exact awed and unbelieving expression as Spike’s had so long ago. He was just beginning to wonder about her strange reception when Riley’s voice came down the hall.

“Buffy? Are you all right? Do you need my help with anything?”

“No!” Her reply wasn’t quick enough to keep Spike’s eyes from narrowing in a familiar fashion.

“Who is that?”

Before she could respond, Riley appeared in the doorway, taking in the naked man standing in the kitchen.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Spike growled, simultaneously with Riley’s, “Why didn’t you call me? I’ll get this pervert out of--”

Buffy stepped in front of Riley, putting out a hand to halt his forward progress. She turned to acknowledge Spike’s question, keeping one hand on Riley just in case.

“He kinda… sorta… invited himself to dinner tonight. I was just--”

“Dinner?” Spike looked around the kitchen again, finally taking in the new appliances, Buffy’s bewildered expression and the length of her hair. Horrified understanding crossed his face. “How…how long have I been gone…this time?”

Buffy left Riley standing by the doorway and took Spike’s hands in hers. “One hundred and forty-seven days,” she whispered.

“One hund—“ He fell against the counter with a thud. “No wonder you’re staring at me like you’ve seen a…”

“A ghost?”

He gave a snort of agreement. “Point, pet. Funny thing though, I don’t feel all that ghostly right now.”

Buffy’s brain finally registered what her eyes and hands had been trying to tell her. She touched his face, warm in spite of the outside chill still lingering on his skin; she slid her hand down to let it rest against the heart she could feel thumping inside his chest. Raising her eyes to his, she could see he had just reached the same conclusion.

“I don’t think you’re a ghost anymore,” she whispered.

He nodded and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in front of her. “Don’t think I’m much of a vamp anymore, either,” he managed to get out before sliding down the counter to the floor. He sat there, oblivious of Riley, staring at his pale, but clearly blood filled body. He turned his hands this way and that in front of his face, flexing the fingers and making fists with them; he pinched his thigh experimentally, watching with interest the way the skin reddened immediately.

“Buffy?” he said tentatively. “I think I might be a real boy again.”

“You’re alive,” she breathed in agreement, dropping down beside him and rubbing his bicep. “You’re human.”

Still ignoring Riley who was slowly beginning to understand who the naked man was, Spike asked, “What happened to the door? And why was there a refrigerator in front of it?”

Buffy’s eyes flew to Riley and she gestured with her head for him to leave the kitchen. He nodded and reluctantly retreated to the living room, sinking into a chair and trying to put his mind around what sort of supernatural event might have turned the long-missing ghost of a deadly vampire into the small, shivering, and unimpressive looking man sitting on the floor of Buffy’s kitchen.

Buffy quickly explained that Riley had thought there was something wrong and had kicked in the door in a fit of misguided chivalry.

Spike studied her face for a minute. “You said he invited himself for dinner. Are you seeing him again?”

“No!” The unspoken, but very clear, rest of the answer brought a quick apology.

“I’m sorry, love. Seems like being human again might have turned me back into the insecure wanker I was the first time around.”

Buffy bit her tongue, leaving the discussion of how insecure he’d been as a vampire and ghost for another time.

“I was just in the middle of trying to explain to him that a few miserable months wasn’t long enough for me to start thinking about seeing another--”

He glared at her. “Was there going to be a part of that conversation that included ‘and if I do, it wouldn’t be you’?”

Buffy cupped his cheek, pausing to savor the warmth, and replied, “I’d like to think I’m not that girl anymore. The one who would throw someone’s…affection back in his face.”

He nodded, just a trace of a pout in his voice. “Of course you aren’t, pet. Let him down easy – that’s the ticket…” He straightened his shoulders and rose to his feet. “Right then, we’ll go explain things to him. He’ll understand or I’ll kick his arse out into the street.”


“Yes, love?”

“Did I mention that you’re naked?”

“I can fight naked.”

He began striding towards the front of the house. “Now where’s the wanker that kicked my door in and thinks he’s going to date my girl?”

“He’s right here.”

Riley’s voice was cold and his eyes were wary. He visibly relaxed as he ran his eyes over the other man’s much smaller form, noting the wiry frame and visible muscles, but also noting the very big difference in their size. Smiling confidently, he said, “I’m actually glad you’re here, Spike. It will be easier to help Buffy understand how unnatural and artificial your hold on her is if you’re around to make mistakes like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like referring to her as “your girl”, as if she was your property. Or,” he added, running his eyes up and down Spike’s naked body dismissively, “like thinking you can throw me out.”

All of Riley’s psychological and military training told him that nudity was the great leveler. Stripping prisoners was one of the quickest ways to destroy their confidence and put them at a disadvantage. Unfortunately for Riley, Spike had not studied psychology or the military, and he appeared as comfortable with his nudity as he always had -- standing, balanced on the balls of his feet and ready to follow through on his threat to throw Riley out.

Buffy edged her way past Spike and got between the two glaring men.

“Okay, I don’t know what kind of testosterone poisoning is going on here, but you two need to back off. Both of you,” she added as Spike continued to move into the room.

Riley drew himself up to his full six foot, four inches. “You’re human, now, Spike. Just like me, only six inches shorter and sixty pounds lighter. And I’m a trained fighter.”

“Do you think being human means I’ve forgotten everything I ever learned, you stupid git?”

“I think you’re being a little optimistic about how much knowing how to fight is going to help you against somebody my size.” Riley spoke confidently, but remained where he was, hoping that the impulsive vampire would make a move that would prove his point.

“That’s enough!” she said through gritted teeth. “You,” she pointed to Riley. “I don’t know where you get off telling me you’re going to help me ‘get over’ a perfectly legitimate grief over losing the man I love. Didn’t you listen to a word I said earlier?”

“And, you!” She turned to glare at Spike. “You’ve been back, what, ten whole minutes? And you already want to start a fight and wreck my house?”

“Right,” he said, ignoring the immediate flash of shocked regret in her eyes and the way she reached out in a vain attempt to stop his outraged exit from the room. “Just tell me where you put the clothes you packed up and I’ll get dressed and out of your house.”

“Spike…” She watched him stomp off towards the kitchen, and hoped he had enough sense not to go outside naked. She turned back to Riley, whose face wore a self-satisfied smirk.

“You see? Not as interesting to him now that he’s not a vampire, are you? It was just an obsession with you because you were a slayer. And, I think you’ll find that you aren’t as--”

“Get out.” Her quiet command was all the more chilling for the calm manner in which it was said. “Now.”

In front of him was no longer the pretty woman he had hoped to begin seeing again, but an experienced fighter who’d spent much of her life slaying beings much more powerful and larger than he – often with her bare hands. Correctly assuming that a strategic retreat was the order of the day, he nodded and sidled past her to the front door.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, as he let himself out into the night. “I’ll just give you some time to--” The door slammed behind him, locking with a loud “click”.

Buffy flew down the hall to the kitchen, skidding to a stop when she saw Spike standing uncertainly by the broken door.

“It’s cold out there,” she whispered.

“Bit chilly in here, too,” he replied, not looking at her.

They stood where they were, Buffy clutching the doorframe, Spike standing, still naked, with his back to her. His muscles stood out in sharp relief, the tension in them plain to see.

“Don’t leave,” she said, the plea all the more powerful for the calmness with which she made it. “Please.”

He shrugged and gave her a sheepish look from the corners of his eyes. “Don’t know where to find my clothes, anyway. Did you throw them away already?”

She moved towards him, careful not to appear to be trying to trap him.

“Don’t be stupid. Your clothes are where you left them. In their drawers in the bedroom.”

“You didn’t change my bedroom?”

“I sleep in our bedroom,” she corrected. “Why would I change it?”

He shrugged again. “Time passes, people move on…”

“It’s been less than five months, Spike. Do you really think I could forget what we had that fast?”

“Bein’ an arse, again, aren’t I?” Without waiting for a reply he sighed, rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and continued, “Told you human me was a wanker. ‘s no wonder you don’t want me around…”

“I never said that! I said I didn’t want you to break things! And, yeah, all right, I said ‘my’ things. But I was afraid you were going to start a fight with Riley and get yourself hurt. I didn’t have time to worry about semantics.”

She closed the distance between them and slid her arms around him from the back, leaning her cheek against the still-tense muscles there.

“Come downstairs and get some clothes,” she coaxed. “Or, better yet…”

She pulled away and began tugging him towards the door to the bedroom. Spike allowed himself to be pulled to the door, where he peered down the stairs and grumbled, “Can’t see a bloody thing down there.”

Buffy’s giggle floated back to him as she clicked the light on and preceded him down the stairs. “Now you know how I felt all the time, with you wandering around in the dark and laughing at me.”

“Never laughed at you, love,” he argued, following behind her so closely that she could feel his breath on her neck. “I just enjoyed my advantages – had so few of them…”

She turned around so quickly that he ran into her, automatically putting his arms around her to help them keep their balance. She slipped her hands around his waist and laid her head on his chest briefly, then glanced up at him.

“Do you…are you…” She stopped and huffed at herself, then began again. “Are you going to be an ass now because you don’t have superpowers? ‘Cause if you are, tell me now so I know if I have to worry about saying or doing anything to damage your fragile little ego.”

“Let’s just see how fragile I turn out to be, alright?” he purred, pulling her in tighter and allowing her to feel how her nearness was affecting him. “If I recall, when I left, you were wanting to come inside and make love to me until you couldn’t do it any longer. Don’t suppose that offer still stands?”

With a guilty start, Buffy realized that the joy she’d felt simmering through her every second since he’d appeared had not been apparent from her behavior.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, going up on her toes to brush her lips across his. “I’ve been so busy being surprised and happy that I forgot to let you know that I am. Happy, I mean. Very happy.”

“Can start showing me any time now,” he responded, backing her up until her knees hit the bed. He turned and fell backwards, pulling her with him and enjoying the way her breath quickened.

“I’m naked and you aren’t – what’s wrong with this picture?” he murmured, slipping his hands into the waistband of her jeans.

“There’s nothing wrong with it from my point of view,” she giggled, remembering when their roles had been reversed. She pushed his hands away and leaned back to look him up and down. “I want to make sure that all your parts came back in all the right places…and in working order.”

With a grin, he put his hands behind his head, leaving himself open to her visual and tactile examination.

“You’ll let me know if you find anything missin’, then, won’t you?”

She nodded, beginning at his face and tracing the familiar planes of his cheeks and chin, then trailing down to his neck. He shivered when she lightly rested her fingers on his now pounding pulse, and she made a mental note that even human Spike seemed to be sensitive to touches on his throat. She moved her hands down his torso, sliding them over his nipples and smiling when they hardened against her palms.

With exaggerated care, she counted every rib, stroked every abdominal ripple, and then centered her gaze on the object waving in front of her.

“Looks like it’s working,” she mused. “But you never know…” She leaned down and ran her tongue up his cock, swirling it around the head. His encouraging gasp and the way his hips rose towards her mouth made her giggle.

“Yep, seems to be in working order. What do you think?”

“I think,” he panted, cursing the human need for regular air, “you need to do more checking. Make sure it’s all functional like…”

With a nod, she bent her head and took him into her mouth, beginning to work him as he’d taught her so many years ago. His moans, whimpers and eventual shouts of encouragement brought tears to her eyes as the complete reality finally hit home. This wasn’t a dream; he was really here, hands tangling in her hair, muttered obscenities and endearments tumbling from his lips. When he arched up and spurted his release into her throat, she swallowed quickly, reluctant to waste a drop of the warm fluid filling her mouth.

While Spike lay limply, gazing at her through half-lidded eyes, she stood up and quickly stripped out of her clothes. By the time he had recovered enough to speak, she was draped over him reveling in the feeling of his arms holding her against his body and the warm flesh under her. She nuzzled his chest, laughing with delight as another realization hit.

“I can smell you!” she crowed, burrowing her nose in his neck.

“Tellin’ me I stink?”

“No, you moron. I’m telling you that you smell like Spike again!” When he raised a quizzical eyebrow she elaborated. “Remember when you were a ghost? You had no scent. I could hear you and feel you, but I couldn’t smell you – or taste you, either. I missed that so much,” she added, taking a mouthful of loose flesh and beginning to suck on it making little humming noises as she did. His reaction to having the skin of his throat pulled into her mouth gave her more encouragement. When she finally released the skin with a plop, she pulled back to admire the unintentional results of her work.

“That’s a first class hickey if I say so myself,” she said with satisfaction.

He chuckled, pulling her back down and nuzzling her neck in his turn. “Marking me with a love bite? Are we fourteen, then?”

Suddenly serious, she raised her head and looked him in the eye. “I never told you…when you were a ghost…how much I missed the way you taste and smell. I…when you were gone…I slept with your coat, but it didn’t smell like your coat. Not like the one you wore in Sunnydale. I…it was hard. I wanted so much for something here to smell like you and nothing did, and I…” She lost her ability to speak, and he quickly tightened his arms around her.

“I’m so sorry, love. Never would have left you like that if I…

“No,” she shook her head vigorously. “No apologies. You couldn’t help it; and now you’re back and you’re human and I’ll never cry again.”

“Ah, Buffy, if only we could be sure of that,” he soothed. “Would give a limb to know that I’d never give you a reason to cry again. But I can’t promise you that, can I? Can only promise to do my best to see that I don’t.”

For long minutes they lay together, their quaking bodies tightly wound around each other, held close with powerful arms. Gradually, the flood of emotion subsided enough for Spike’s body to be aware of the naked woman clinging to him and he shifted his hips to rub against Buffy’s bare thigh.

She quickly moved to straddle him, but he gently turned them over, running a hand down to tease until he was sure she was ready. When she was pushing into his hand and whimpering with need, he covered her, nudging his way in slowly until he was filling her as no one else ever had. Her arms and legs moved of their own volition, wrapping around him and pulling him even closer.

Leaning on his elbows, he began to move slowly, never taking his eyes off hers as they fell into the familiar rhythms that she’d been missing. Buffy’s arms and legs remained around him, tightening as sensation built in her until she came with a cry. Without breaking his rhythm, he continued to move inside her, quickly bringing her to another whimpering, clutching attack upon his body. This time, when he felt her shuddering around him, he allowed his own orgasm to join hers. His hips continued to pump long after he’d emptied himself inside her.

“I love you,” she gasped, incapable of real speech for the moment.

“Love you, too, Buffy. More than you can imagine,” he replied hoarsely.

He remained in place, confident that she could and would push him off if he became too heavy. As their heart rates went back to normal and their breathing evened out, they shared their first real kiss since his return. While the familiar lips and tongue began to work their magic, Buffy marveled that it taken until just that minute for them to indulge in one of their favorite occupations. They played, using their lips and tongues, nipped with their teeth, and alternated between light, joyful kisses and deep, soulful expressions of the emotions still running high between them.

She felt Spike growing within her again, and murmured appreciatively as she squeezed around him. His answering twitch and equally appreciative groan at the sensation almost caused her to cry again. Sensing her distress, he tore his mouth away from hers.


“It’s okay, really. I just missed you so much, and now you’re here, and you’re alive and you feel so good and I’m just so h…h…happy…” she sniffled.

“Nice to know I haven’t lost my touch,” he said with a smile. “I missed you, too, love. Was beginning to think I’d dreamed the whole thing until I found myself dumped in the garden and freezing my bare arse off.”

“Why do – did you think you’d just been away again? Where were you?”

“Don’t really know, do I? It was quiet, and peaceful – and boring as all hell. I know I tried to get back for awhile; almost thought I’d made it once--”



“On Christmas Day, I thought I felt you but Willow and Emily said it was just a passing spirit attracted to the warmth and people.”

He wrinkled his brow.

“I’d love to tell you it was me, pet, but truthfully? I don’t know. Was just the one time that I felt like I’d almost made it back, but I don’t remember anything about it except feeling a little better about not being able to see you. Didn’t last, though,” he added, pushing a little farther into her and groaning again when she squeezed him hard. “Oh god, Buffy. Don’t stop…”

She wriggled against him, adding her own whimper to his groan when he touched the place only he could find. “I won’t if you don’t,” she urged, closing her eyes and falling into the sheer joy of feeling him again.

“Couldn’t if I wanted to.”

His hips began moving and they were soon rocking together to another mutually satisfying conclusion. This time, he rolled to the side, pulling her with him so that they faced each other.

“That never gets old,” he said with a satisfied yawn. “I’m pretty sure we’re better together than anyone else in the whole world.”

She yawned back. “I don’t think another man could even come close to you,” she agreed. “I can’t even imagine doing this with a huma…”

Her voice trailed off as she realized what she’d been about to say. She mentally reviewed their activities over the last hour and remembered that she’d responded to him just as she always had – with no allowances for his newly human state.

“Spike? Did I hurt you?”

“Did you what? Only in the very best of ways, love.” He stared at her troubled face, asking more seriously, “What’s wrong?

“I didn’t hurt you,” she explained, waiting for him to understand.

He frowned. “This is a problem for you? I didn’t know you were still into that.”

“Think about it,” she said, clutching his arm and squeezing it hard. “I forgot that you were human. I didn’t try to go easy on you or to be careful how hard I squeezed. Why aren’t your ribs broken?”

“Ah. Good question.” He sighed and reluctantly pulled away from her, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. After a minute of silence he rolled onto his stomach and held up one arm. “Let’s arm wrestle, Slayer. Winner gets to shag the loser. What do you say?”

“I say you’re crazy – and avoiding the question.”

“Humor me, love.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy shifted around until she was also lying on her stomach and facing him. They locked hands and she sighed.

“Ready?” he asked seriously.

She shrugged and nodded. Before she could think, her wrist was flat against the mattress and Spike was smirking.

“I wasn’t ready!”

“Said you were,” he said smugly.

“Fine, now I’m ready,” she growled, pressing against his hand in preparation for pinning it.

Five minutes later, they were both grunting and panting, their hands still locked in an upright position, the muscles in their arms quivering with strain.

“On a count of three?” Spike asked. Buffy glared her agreement. “On three.”

“One, two, three!” They simultaneously released and sat up panting.

“That’s why you weren’t worried about fighting Riley,” she said accusingly. “You knew you could beat him.”

Spike shook his head.

“Not really. Not then, I didn’t. Just knew I didn’t feel like the milquetoast I’d been when I was human the first time. Was too busy being happy when we were shagging to notice that you weren’t crushing me – but I knew you weren’t holdin’ back. Wasn’t until you turned those special slayer muscles on me that I was sure, though.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and licked his lips.

“You’re not human, then.” She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“I’m as human as you are,” he countered. “Jus’ with the same perks, I reckon.”

“So,” she said, flopping down on the bed and squirming around to lie on it normally. “The Powers That Be decided I still need a champion, huh?”

He shrugged and joined her, automatically putting his arms around her as she curled into him.

“Could be,” he said. “All I know is I bitched and complained about being bored and missing my girl and then I was lying in the dirt and shivering. Didn’t know anybody was actually listening. Didn’t seem like I’d been gone that long, either. I thought I’d only been there a week or two, three at the most.”

“Time passes differently in Heaven,” Buffy said. “It seemed longer to me – but then, I was enjoying it. Not trying to get myself kicked out.”

“Wasn’t trying to get kicked out of anywhere,” he argued. “If I’d had any idea that was an option, I would have made a real nuisance of myself and been here months ago. I was just sitting around complaining and asking what I was supposed to do for amusement.”

“Well, I guess you got your answer,” she giggled, dropping a kiss on his chest. “You got thrown back into the battle.”

“No place I’d rather be, love,” he responded. “Long as I’m fighting by your side…”

“Hmmmm,” Buffy nodded, her eyes closing as the evening’s events and emotions took their toll.

Spike closed his own eyes and was drifting off when a sudden thought sent him sitting up abruptly. “What?” Buffy said, quickly sitting up and looking around. “What’s wrong?”

“Remember when I said I’m just as human as you are?”

She nodded.

“Means all my body parts are working again. All of them, Buffy…”

“So? You know where the bathroom-- Oh! Those body parts. They’re alive too?”

“Got to figure so, love.”

“Okay,” she said, yawning again. “I’ll go on the pill as soon as I can get a prescription filled.”

“Alright,’ he agreed. “Just thought I’d best mention it before we…”

“It’s okay. I get it. I’ll take care of it as soon as I can.”

He nodded, stroking her hair as she relaxed into him again.

“Not saying you have to, mind,” he ventured, his hand never breaking its gentle rhythm.

She stilled, her thumb, which had been idly running up and down his other arm, ceased its movement.

“What are you saying, exactly? ‘Cause, you know, that was sort of the message I thought I was getting…”

He gave his head a quick shake. “Not what I meant to say, pet. I just figure you’ll want some time to get used to having human me around before you make any decisions about the long haul.”

“You’re not my long-haul guy anymore?”

His hand stopped stroking and both arms tightened around her.

“Always,” he whispered, pulling her against his body. “That’ll never change. Just don’t want to trap you into something you might not want anymore.”

She struggled against his embrace, finally loosening it enough to sit up and glare at him.

“Were you really this insecure as a human? Cause I’ve got to tell you – it could get old really fast.”

While he blinked hurt eyes at her, she pinned him to the bed and straddled him, sitting on his stomach and glaring down at his puzzled face.

“Listen up, ex-vampire. I loved you when you were unsouled and still thinking you were evil. Hell, I thought you were hot even when you were evil…I loved you after you got your soul and weren’t evil. I loved you when I thought you were dead and gone and all I would ever have were memories of my vampire. I loved you when you were a ghost, and I loved you when you moved on to Heaven and left me here all by myself. Why the hell would you think I’d stop loving you just because you’re human?”

She took his shoulders and shook him up and down several times to emphasize her words. “I. Love. You. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I don’t ever want to have this stupid conversation again! Is. That. Clear?” She finished with a shove so hard that they both bounced a little.

By the time she had finished, his grin extended from one side of his face to the other. He reached up and pulled her into an extended kiss, pausing only when they both needed more air than they were getting.

“That’s settled, then?”

“It’s settled, love.”

“Good. Then let’s get some sleep.”


It was sometime later that a strange sensation woke Spike up. He raised his head to meet blue eyes almost as striking as his own. Buffy stirred and asked sleepily, “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a poker chip on our bed, and it’s licking me.”

Buffy giggled and squirmed around until she could see the kitten, which had gone back to licking the sweat off Spike’s body.

“That’s Noelle. You’re in her place on the bed.” When he made a noise very similar to a growl, she sighed and sat up. “Here,” she said, pulling up the bedding. “Just get under the covers and she’ll stop licking. But she’s probably going to stay on the bed.”

“I don’t like cats.”

“She’s not an ordinary cat,” Buffy said indignantly. “And she lives here, so get used to it.”

“Huh! I guess that honeymoon’s over already,” he complained, even as he sank bank onto the pillow and pulled the quilt up to his chin. Buffy ignored his grumbling, snuggling up to his warmth and yawning again. They were soon back asleep, the purring kitten curled up next to Buffy.

The End

AN: I want to thank all those readers who have stayed with this story - even through the Spikeless chapters - and who have reviewed and commented so faithfully. It’s been a lot of fun to write – even if I am a bit surprised to find my intended three or four chapter fluffy, Spuffy haunted house fic has turned into a thirty-chapter story with angst, plot twists and other unexpected surprises. And, again, I want to remind everyone that I owe a great debt to my hard-working and wonderful regular beta, Always_jbj; my British expert and newly adopted beta, Just Sue; to Rahirah, who bullied me into helped me decide to explore issues and characters that I might otherwise not have, and who graciously agreed to jump ahead in the story to read one of the chapters and tell me if it was too much; and to Eowyn315 who is my sounding board when I’m muttering to myself about what to do and how to do it. Many thanks to all of you ladies. You’ve all contributed to making this story what it is.


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