Personal Attention by Jaesha

ReviewsRating: NC-17

Summary: After Spike Giles' wife leaves him for another man he falls into despair. Will Buffy be able to save him before he destroys himself?

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Chapter 8: The Absence of Gray

At the sound of Oliver’s voice, Spike broke away from Buffy, panting heavily. Of all the bloody times to interrupt…

“Yeah, we’re in here,” Spike called out, his eyes never leaving Buffy.

God, she was gorgeous. All flushed and tousled, her lips bee-stung from their fervent snogging. Her beautiful green eyes were glazed over with passionate need and Spike wanted nothing more than to finish what they started. But he could hear Oliver’s fast footsteps getting closer to the kitchen, so he would just have to wait.

“Hey, we thought you two had gotten lost in here,” Oliver said with a grin as he sauntered into the kitchen.

“Nah, just talkin’ is all,” Spike replied, leaning up against the counter.

Oliver gave him one of his patented you’re-full-of-shit glares and folded his tanned arms over his chest. “Ah, I see. Well, I think we’re about ready to wrap it up. So, we’ll just let ourselves out, yeah?”

“N-No, don’t leave,” Buffy suddenly stuttered out.

Turning to look at her, Spike realized that at some point in the ten seconds that had separated their make-out session and the small conversation with Oliver, Buffy had regained her ability to think. Shit! That did not bode well for all of the activities he had been planning for later than evening.

Nope, she was all serious-Buffy now and he was not looking forward to the conversation or perhaps lack thereof that would follow.

“Nah, sweets. It’s been a long day and I think we all need to hit the road,” Oliver said, taking the few steps to stand in front of her. He picked up her hand and gave it a kiss that had Spike seeing red. “Thanks for the lunch. See you soon, lovey.”

“I’ll be right back, Buffy,” Spike told her as he followed Oliver out to the studio.

Running up behind him, Spike gave a hard push to Oliver’s back and watched as his friend tumbled down on the grass.

“You bloody arse!”

Oliver responded by laughing so hard his face began to turn red. “I knew it! You’ve got a thing for that girl, don‘t you?”

“I…”

“Don’t tell me you just want to shag her. I know you too well, Will,” Oliver told him, standing up and brushing the grass off of his black jeans.

Spike pouted at that. “What the hell do you know? I’m not lookin’ for anything serious, she’s just a…”

“Just a what?” Oliver rolled his eyes. “You can’t play that story on me, mate. You’ve never been the kind to hit and run. And I suspect that hasn’t changed one bit.”

“It’s wrong though,” Spike replied softly.

Shrugging, Oliver linked his arm through Spike’s and led him over to a bench. “Why’s it wrong?”

“Shouldn’t I be jus’ wanting the no strings deal? Go out and shag a few brainless chits and go about my merry way.”

Oliver raised an eyebrow. “Well, geez, Will. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re just not built that way.”

“Why the hell not? Why can’t I be-”

“More like me?” Oliver supplied.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“No offense, mate, but I am nothing to be aspiring to so I hope you’re not holding me up on a bleedin’ pedestal.”

“Why shouldn’t I? You’ve got it all, Olie,” Spike confessed.

Oliver chuckled and shook his head. “Is that so? Well, let me enlighten you. There is more to life that fame, fortune, and pussy and unfortunately, your good buddy here, the one you think has such a great life, doesn’t have much more than that.”

“Doesn’t sound like such a raw deal t’ me,” Spike retorted.

“No? Seems a bit empty from my perspective.”

This wasn’t an argument Spike would ever win, he knew that. First of all, he was well aware that Oliver did live a kind of marshmallow existence. All fluff and sweets, but no substance. But it seemed to work out well for him despite the fact that Oliver seemed to just be floating through life without any real ties to anything solid other than the Dingoes.

“Question is, what are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean?” Spike asked, his brows furrowed.

“About the girl? You care for her?”

Spike gave him a dumb look. “That’s a bloody stupid question. You know I do or we wouldn’t be talkin’ about it.”

But it had raised an interesting point. What was he going to do now? He didn’t really know where he stood with Buffy other than they both seemed to have an insatiable lust for each other. Did he want a relationship with her?

Well, being that they were halfway there already, it didn’t seem like that much of a stretch to envision more. And he did want more.

“I think you should talk to her,” Oliver suggested with a smile.

“Yeah, talk. Easier said than done.”



******



Scrubbing at the same spot on the counter, Buffy tried hard to clean her thoughts away.

She had just practically screwed Spike against the refrigerator door. Of all the stupid, idiotic, brainless things to do! What the heck was wrong with her?

But god, it had felt so good. She couldn’t recall how long it had been since she’d had sex or even had the opportunity to have it. Dru had taken up every spare minute of her time and there was no room left for romance, much less sex.

This was bad though, no matter how great it had felt to be kissed by him.

“Buffy?”

She spun around so fast that the sponge she was cleaning with flew out of her hand and slapped against the wall.

“Spike?” Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Are you okay, luv?” He asked with genuine concern.

Gah! How could she shoot him down when he looked at her like that? All cute with his tilted head and pouty lip.

No! Stop thinking about him like that! She had to stay strong and resist his charms. Mmm…charms.

“I’m fine,” she said quickly, turning her attention back to the counter.

“C’mon, Buffy, don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

She heard his sigh of frustration and wished she could just bypass the whole thing. The last thing she felt like doing was hurting him again, but there wasn’t an alternative. Whatever was going on between them needed to be killed before it got out of hand. Well, further out of hand, anyway.

“Ignore what happened. We kissed, luv. That’s not something you can just pretend didn’t happen,” he replied, a desperate tone to his voice.

Oh, this was going to hurt. “Oh, really? ‘Cause that was just what I was planning on doing.”

There was silence for a moment and Buffy wondered if he had left the room. But suddenly, two strong hands grasped her shoulders and twisted her around.

His expression was fierce with a tight jaw and dark eyes. “You are bloody infuriating, you know that?”

Yeah, she was starting to piss herself off, so she kind of knew where he was coming from.

“Whatever, Spike. Can we just drop it?”

“No! We can’t!”

Well, that was new. Take Charge Spike complete with aggressive behavior and unwavering determination.

“I’m tired of just droppin’ the stuff we don’t want to discuss because it’s too painful or too uncomfortable. We shared something and we need to talk about it,” he told her, his gaze intensifying.

“We don’t need to talk about anything because nothing happened,” she replied.

He threw up his arms and paced away from her. “The hell it didn’t, Buffy! You felt something, I know you did.”

“So what if I did? Nothing can come of it, so why even bother discussing it?”

“Why not?”

The reasons why not could fill a book. “Because you are just getting out of your relationship with Dru and I-”

Shaking his head, he repeated the word no over and over again. “This has nothin’ to do with her. You’re all I think about now. Not her.”

“Spike, you can’t just end a five year marriage and have it all be okay. You are still hurting, I can see it,” Buffy replied.

He stopped pacing and stared at her. “But I don’t want t’ hurt anymore. I just want t’ move on with my life and I need you to help me. I can’t do it alone, Buffy. I need you with me.”

Her heart ached for him and she desperately wanted to be what he thought he needed. But in the end, it would only hurt him more and almost certainly hurt her as well.

Walking to him, she wrapped her arm around his waist and held him tight. He was so fragile, his soul still bruised from heartache and she knew he had be handled with kid gloves.

“I am here with you, Spike. But we can’t be together,” she said softly, her fingertips brushing against his cheek. “I don’t have any excuses for what happened earlier. All I can offer you right now is my friendship.”

A tear slid down his cheek and he quickly swiped it away. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, then that’s the way it’ll be.”

Spike’s emotions were a roller coaster and not one of the fun kinds either. No, he was up and down, depressed and angry, black and white. It was either or with him and nothing in the middle.

“Spike, please don’t be like that.”

His eyes turned sad. “You’re not givin’ me a choice, luv. This is it.”

“Why can’t we be like we were before? Why does it have to change?” She asked.

“Before? You mean with me followin’ you around like a lost puppy while you knocked me down every chance you got? No, Buffy. I can’t do it.”

“If I’ve been so horrible to you, why do you even want me around?” She shot back defensively.

“Because you are the only thing holdin’ me together!” He shouted at her, his fists clenched not in anger but in frustration.

It wasn’t often she was rendered speechless, but this could be chalked up to being one of those times. Just when she thought she knew what was going on inside his head, he came out with something like this and completely floored her.

“Spike-”

“Please don’t leave me, Buffy. God, I’ll do whatever you want, be whatever you want. Just don’t go,” he begged, his hand latching onto hers and holding on for dear life.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, Spike. I’m here.”






Ahh, yes, the angst. It was bound to rear is ugly little head eventually, but never fear, the tour is coming up soon and I predict small, confined spaces will do more than just heat tempers. Much love ~Jae

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